


Don't Sing Little Birdy

by Val_Creative



Series: New Fate [2]
Category: Teen Titans (Animated Series)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Blood, Character Death, Comfort/Angst, Domestic Violence, Early Work, Established Relationship, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Gore, Graphic Description, Implied/Referenced Abortion, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Marriage Proposal, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Past Child Abuse, Post-Loss, Pregnancy, Romance, Sexual Content, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-07-20 00:16:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 86,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7383286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Val_Creative/pseuds/Val_Creative
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All he wants is for her to say three little words. All she wants...is to stay alive long enough to say them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (WARNING: THIS IS ANOTHER OLD ASS FIC back from 2006. Anyway, it's riddled with mistakes, I'm sure - but I archive everything on AO3 from my other writing platforms. Hopefully I see some FFN fans wandering around and maybe a few people will be interested reading!! ♥ And I saw some for "Darker Edges" so thank you guys! Please enjoy it for what it is!)

*

**Prologue**

*

 

_Ice in her veins._

_Her body was so cold. She couldn't figure out why the heat of summer, still clinging to the dipping sun in the horizon, missed her on purpose. Why the rooftop became her permanent sanctuary, or why h_ _er room used to symbolize the safety and consolation she so longed for._

_Gloom, her enemy._

_Fresh air, her savior._

_She tucked her legs beneath her and clutched the flapping cloak around her, tightly in her hand, and allowed her hood to fall back from the balmy breeze that felt cool to her._

_He sat down beside her, maybe a few inches away._

_At first she noticed no one but eventually, she quietly glanced at his subdue features, his jaw unclenched, eyebrows relaxed, and a mask set firmly on his eyes. His face appearing to evenly gaze out at the basketball courts, volleyball benches, and gigantic landing pad in front of them on the roof._

_How badly she wanted to seek comfort and warmth from him, even as her independence told that she didn't need this man's strong arms - she did._

_Too many things happened._

_All of them too fast. She wanted to know if he was feeling just as confused and shaken up. Somewhere inside her she began to doubt._

_"I don't know what to say to you." He didn't turn to her as his voice added, dulled, "You want me to say something to make you feel better. I can't do it."_

_She swallowed the lump in her throat._

_"I understand."_

_"You don't." A lthin ine replaced his lips as he finally faced to her. "If you did, Raven, why would you be keeping secrets? Am I that cruel... what made you believe that I would hate you?"_

_"I don't... I was scared. I was feeling confused about everything that was going on... My mother... my people..."_

_"I was there with you the entire time. You could have talked to me. Isn't that what people in a relationship do? Communicate? Even we can't do that."_

_His eyebrows creased, stress lines returning._

_"Can you blame me?" Tears sprang to her eyes. She wiped them away, frustrated with the weakness. "I've been taught to keep everyone out and now I have this opportunity to go back on my life teachings. I can stop being afraid of my own shadow. It's like learning everything backwards. I want to believe it is easy..."_

_He shook his head, gritting his teeth, saying, "This is the same bullshit again and again. It's been three years with you."_

_"I'm sorry... I didn't realize there was a deadline to this." Her sarcasm ran deep as she snapped at him, "What about all the things you keep from me? I don't know what your needs are or what you truly think of me. I don't know what your dreams are. How do I know if they are to include me?"_

_Her shoulders shook violently and he muttered, "This is unbelievable."_

_"Now that's something we can agree on," she whispered back._

_"Two times." He held up his index and middle finger. "Two times and you didn't say a word. Beast Boy knew before me, and he wasn't the one who proposed to you."_

_"_ How DARE you talk like that to me after this! _"_

_They both rose to their feet at the same time. The anger around them crackled powerfully. He said faintly, "How dare you talk about him at all."_

_After a moment of taking in each other's words, she slapped him across the face._

_"Damn you."_

_He rubbed the stinging red on his cheek, internally the most startled he's ever felt._

_"... Why weren't you strong enough, Raven?"_

_Her hands sparked._

_Suddenly, all hell broke loose._

_Before she could act first, he tackled her to the ground, pinning her down as she tried to push him off without her powers. In their fury, they forgot their advantages over one another. During their brawl, she unconsciously transported them a level below the rooftop, into an low lit, extra storage room. They fought with strength beside stacks of fresh hospital sheets and boxes of equipment._

_He pinned her for a second time, his domino mask sliding off on one side._

_She said on the floor, gasping for air between shallow, angry sobs, "I hate you._ Gods _, do I hate you."_

_His hands slid slowly up her forearms, feather-light, releasing her. His fingertips brushed away her slipping tears. The soothing contact of his warm skin made her whimper. The tension coming from them for the moment filled with something other than anger._

_He murmured softly, "Maybe I do too."_

_Cupping her face, he closed the limited amount of space they already had. Kisses wet and persistent. She returned them with lust, arching her back to press against him more fervently. Arms over her head. Fingers tangled in silky black hair. Drawing moans from him. Rapid breathing. Irresistible warmth. Her body no longer cold although stripped. Their clothes torn off. The boxes moved telepathically. The sheets thrown in their lovemaking nest._

_Blurry. Warm. When she came, her nails dug into the flesh of his upper arms, drawing blood._

_Several minutes passed. Their blood cooled and pleasure waned. With her eyes half open, she felt him pull away and press his sweaty forehead against hers. He said something, but missed it completely._ _The next thing she remembered was waking up in her room bathed in morning, dark blankets covering her up._

_He was gone._

_She showered. She dressed. She kept to herself in her room undisturbed, noticing the oddest and most tedious little things._

_Her two-faced statue was the exact replica of the head of one of the guardians in Nevermore._

_Her herbal tea had no calories._

_Her left foot was slightly bigger then her right._

_Her faintly glowing bluish skin itched._

_..end flashback.._

 

 

 

 

Raven discovered Robin left the team soon after. Mixed feelings to this discovery. Above everything she wanted, the top of her list was going back to being seventeen again. Emotionless, sardonic, and ignorant to what had transpired between them.

Ignorant _believing_ she was whole, needing no one to make her happy, needing only her own reliance. The pain would go away then.

_Of course._

There was always that feeling of solitude. That forever lingered in the corners of her mind and her reality.

Alone in the sense that she was hollow; isolation was darkness, and darkness was the hideous monster that ate whatever was left in her, leaving her with just a shell of what was once strong person. What did that word mean to her anymore? To be _strong_?

Sometimes it was hardest to only open her eyes in the morning. Hours would elapse. She remained passive, curled on her sheets, eyes staring straight ahead. Her hunger would get the best of her, eventually needing find something edible to eat in the Tower.

 _Alone_.

The Teen Titans were no more.

Morning flaunted false promises of new beginnings which she bitterly grumbled at. The sleepy empath cursed obscenities in her native tongue as sunlight stabbed her sensitive vision. She shuffled out her bedroom into the empty corridor, down the empty staircase, and into the empty operations center.

Starfire parked herself cozily on the kitchen counter, mixing a bowl of gray mass. Beast Boy and Cyborg hollered obnoxiously at each other by the couch as they tried to win a ninja game. Robin sat on his favorite bar-stool, concealed behind his newspaper. He lowered the paper and raised his face to level hers, a slow, deliberate smile plucking the corners of his mouth.

(They weren't there.)

It was just ghosts. Ghosts of the past, of coveted memory.

Raven stared at the empty counter as she settled herself onto a spare stool. Weeks of dust hid the true color of the breakfast nook.

' _Mm... got a little lazy.'_

Her elbows leaned on the hardwood of the countertop; her face fell into her smooth palms. Her mane of long hair tickled the backs of her arms. The ends reached the small of her back now. Why cut it? What point to the procedure? Maybe after her cleaning binge; if she was in the mood, she would cut it at a reasonable length.

What time was it?

_BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEEEEEEEP-_

What was that awful noise?

It took her fifteen seconds for realization to kick in. Raven's head jerked up and she hurried over to the giant screen in the living room, tapping the transmission button with her pinky finger. The screen came to life, filling with loud static, and then illustrating a scenic landscape.

A dark, handsome face materialized in the foreground.

"Pinewood University to Dark Girl? Yo, Rae!"

A neglected smile touched her mouth.

"Hello, Vic."

An older Cyborg grinned warmly down on her. "There you are! What's going on, little lady-" His mechanical and ebony eye cut over to the operations center and went wide, " _Hooo-lee..._ crap... what happened in here? I didn't know Halloween was all year round now." He gestured to some glittering cobwebs hanging above their heads.

She shook her head.

"I'll get it later. How's college?"

"Uh... yeah, football's great. It's going great. So is working with Titans East in Steel City. How's Jump?"

"Normal. Same Mad Mod, same Control Freak. Same villains?"

"Few. The newer ones were easier to take care of - oh geez, hold on." Cyborg held out his hand to block the screen, his attention directed at someone out of her view. He removed his hand after a minute or two, rolling his human eye. "Aqualad says hi."

She replied patiently, "Tell him I said hi back."

"Raven says hi!"

" _Hey, Raven!"_ came a female voice. _  
_

"Tell Bumblebee I said the same."

"Shut up, y'all," Cyborg said, glowering over his shoulder. "I'm trying to talk! I'm not your fricken' messenger!" The background abruptly zoomed to another. The inside of a high tech vehicle. He groaned. "Sorry. I'm alright."

"Hope so. It looked like you were going to bite off a couple of heads back there."

"You're chatty, that's not something I see everyday," he commented, slightly amused.

Raven shrugged, her enthusiasm plummeting. "I don't talk to a lot of people these days," she admitted, openly. Uncomfortable silence teemed the transmittal.

Cyborg blurted out, "I like your pjs, Rae."

She picked at the pink hearts on her bottoms, lowering her head to stare at them.

" _Yeah_. I got lazy with the laundry. They were... Kori's."

His human eye dulled. "I miss her."

"Me too."

More silence.

Raven sighed, kneading her fingers together in her lap. "I'd better go clean this place up."

"Good luck on that, I thought I just heard a dust bunny growl in the corner," he said with a small wink.

Another smile worked on one of her unmovable expressions.

"I'll make sure to be extra careful."

She was about to tap the blue transmission button again when his face zoomed closer to her, the humor in his tone switched to graveness, "Hey... take care of yourself, you hear, Rae? I don't want to have to come over there to check up on you again."

Cue the classic Raven angry eye narrowing.

"Promise," she said curtly, turning off the giant monitor to quickly end the conversation. Her mind wandering as her eyes dropped.

Cyborg - _Victor_ \- worried about her. Not like she could help it.

A year or two after the team split up, Raven experienced some difficulty to change. The responsibility of controlling an entire city. So many lives to watch.

What made it worse, causing a breakdown, was a separate factor.

 _Guilt_.

Horrible, uncontrollable feelings of remorse. To top it off, the anniversary of two worst days of her life peaked that year.

The stress and Raven's grief compelled her to take on a challenge that exhausted her physically, though mentally she was already dried up. After thankfully winning the battle and letting the criminal get taken in, Raven limped on home, ready to pass out onto the oatmeal-colored carpet of the South hallway.

Waiting for her was Cyborg, surprising her with an unexpected visit, and with a bundle of roses in his left hand. Without him, she would have never recovered as quickly as she had. He called her every week since, expecting her to pick up or the next time they spoke he gave her stern looks.

He truly was like her long lost big brother.

In due time, the calls lessened to every three months, because of his busy schedule.

Because of her lack of effort, especially.

Contact was lost with Starfire. She left Earth. Not because of Robin (who Raven attempted to find and did not succeed), but because of Blackfire.

Since them, she had been stirring up trouble in Tamaran. The conflict ended with Blackfire's execution that was decided by her people. Starfire didn't make it time to stop it from happening. That was the last bit of information Raven got.

 _Before_...

Five years.

Five years since a reign of terror cut short. Following twenty-five, she didn't find that age in her life to be as special as she thought it might be.

Raven headed for the first floor bathroom on the right-hand side, ignoring her rumbling stomach, and locked the door on instinct. Her hands placed themselves on the sides of the only mirror that hadn't been broken in the Tower. Her reflection _hated_. It didn't even look like her.

Willowy fingers flexed.

Ivory white in color.

They tugged at waves of hair swirling around her chin.

Black-brown hair.

Those strange fingers ran across fluttering, closed lashes. Underneath.

Turquoise eyes.

Gone was the purple, gone was the sallow gray.

She looked... human. Attractive. Unnatural.

Human.

Raven traced invisible lines over her reflection's angled jaw. Over icy glass.

' _The Ultimate Release…'_

One good and perhaps selfish thing came from this unearthly transformation, she supposed. Her face had color.

So did her lips. A peach-rose shade.

The fairytale lips of those princesses in the storybooks. Had her Fairy Godmother granted a secret wish? What magic potion had she taken? Raven grazed them against her fingertips. She wasn't vain by any means. Just honest in what she knew.

She didn't care about kissable lips.

Raven hated her reflection and that's all there was to it.

Before her balled-up fist hit the mirror, the red warning sirens went off, catching her off guard. Raven's fist slammed into the rock-solid wall instead.

She swore under her breath, rubbing tender knuckles. Raven unlocked the bathroom door, stepping out to seek the object of her interruption. Two clicks of the keyboard satisfied her query.

*

" _Ahahahahaa!"_

That laugh. Triumphant and insane.

The greasy-haired escapee leered as she landed calmly on the other side of the road. The fear he might have harbored of her long faded off.

"Look who it is." Johnny Rancid gave another feral laugh. " _Bird-Girl_. This is great - did you all miss me? Where are the other Kiddy Titans? Too afraid to fight me?"

No sound passed her lips.

"Can't think of a comeback this time? Too bad. I heard around you're still the freak of the town. Still sucking people's blood after dark?"

Only the rustling of her cloak.

"Aww… did I hurt Bird-Girl's feelings?"

The indigo hood of her cloak fluttered over her obscured face. "Freed yourself from death row, Rancid?" she asked. "While you were busy appreciating the taste of human flesh, things have changed in this city. Let me fill you in. It won't work out with me here."

" _Ooh_ , you got guts. Think you can take me, Birdy?" Johnny Rancid gnashed his showy, pointy teeth.

Raven quickly took a moment to take in the dire situation.

Three power outages. Two hostages. One seriously crazed baddie.

On the street they stood on, _Statesville Rd_ , the residents scurried from an oncoming showdown, crouching and praying for a miracle from impending destruction to befall them. The hostages were tied down to a fallen street lamp. A younger girl and an older woman who struggled unsuccessfully to release themselves from their restraints.

Johnny snickered as the empath straightened up, tilting her head. Like the situation was somehow comical to him.

With a white hand, she ripped away her hood. Dark waves spilled out of the opening, blowing away from her face. The cannibal eyed her appearance, something imperceptible burning in his beady eyes. His tongue flashing over his lips.

A glop of dirty, black oil oozed over her right shoulder.

Carefully, Raven glanced at the developing stain with a quick cut of her eyes. A menacing aura behind her. She acted swiftly by hovering several feet above the ground, creating a lightning fast bolt of energy and tossing it at the mechanical monster. It exploded into pieces before she could distinguish what shape his handiwork had taken this time.

Before Johnny could realize what happened, she did the same only to the constraints on the hostages.

"... _You bitch!_ "

The greasy-haired thug attacked her purely out of rage. And that was his mistake.

She blindsided him. Raven took her palm and snapped it up, thrusting the heel at his face. A reassuring snap of bone. Bright red spraying onto his grimy tee shirt.

*

Metal banging against ceramic.

Once fierce turquoise eyes from earlier, now stared glazed and unfocused as she twirled her fork in her bowl of macaroni. Several hours she sat silently, her half-finished dinner cold and inedible. The events of the yesterday's victory aloof. The bright modernized kitchen lights shined its synthetic mocking of sunshine in her face.

Just like morning all over again.

Brown-black waves of hair cut chin-length.

The dust and cobwebs removed. She had to crush a few spiders, but it was an easy task. Laundry dried. She could go back to wearing her normal clothes. Seldom did she wear her uniform except for the occurrences of combat, but seldom did she wear a blouse and khakis. Not even a dress. The experiences are far too aggravating to relive again.

What Raven did wear between the hours of three and four am was a crimson and black windbreaker and dark red jeans.

The bowl went into the sink.

She turned off the lights in Titans Tower, creeping out into the bay, and taking a boat she owned to Jump City.

When she was in her normal clothes, flying didn't feel right.

The early-bird citizens walking around nodded in her direction with content faces other than terrified expressions shown yesterday. Kids enjoying their last few weeks of summer left by causing as much vandalism and mischief they could in the morning hours where they _thought_ they couldn't get caught.

Raven stopped a few graffiti artists on her way beyond the highway. As the streetlights dimmed off, she pushed an unbolted gate aside.

Tombstones decorated with fresh roses and marigolds, tulips and carnations, pink, orange, white, red, purple. They brought the only signs of life to a very grim place. Maywood Cemetery was ancient, the grass dry and yellow, the trees twisted. Never had she seen a leaf on the graveyard trees at any season.

Death clung to everything, except the flowers.

The cemetery went on for at least a good mile and a half on the outskirts of the city. That's about where Raven stopped.

She dropped her knees in front of the tribute.

The residents of Jump had been very kind. They honored it with presents and whatever else they could think of: photos, magazine articles, bouquets, touching letters, and sometimes she would see a nobody, drunk or high or lonely, singing a sorrowful song to the headstone.

Her hand clasped the speckled marble, gently.

' _Why wasn't I strong enough?'_

*


	2. Chapter 2

*

**FIVE YEARS AGO**

*

_Stepping from the darkness, the bright light of the chandeliers blinded her momentarily._

_She stood in the middle of spinning figures going round so fast. Useless blurs of color. She remembered these marble walls. They belonged to Bruce Wayne's estate. She remembered seeing these walls when she was younger. The moments that seemed almost like a fairytale to her. It was so very different from the traditional celebrations she attended long ago._

_The blurs stopped spinning and they turned into formally dressed men and women with haggard and bored faces. These people moved past her, barely noticing she existed._

_Her eyes followed their path, but a well-known mask caught her attention instead. The owner_

\- my, mine -

_of the mask gestured. Dick looked about eighteen, the exact age he was when they attended this party. An elder gentleman passed her, and suddenly Dick appeared behind him, extending his hand to her._

_She took it with no hesitation._

_Couples around them danced to the music vibrating like whining violins, a sound that made her jaw tremble with sympathy to the melody. They waltzed together, stepping nimbly in a circle._

_With his sturdy arms wrapped around her, she felt as if nothing else in this world could make her this happy. They spun past a mirror and she glimpsed at it, a slight smile forming on her mouth. She and Dick wore matching robes. Long, blue ones that swallowed up their arms and came to the floor. She looked at him, openly smiling and he smiled in return,_

\- full of resentment -

_Robin drew her closer still. And still. He urgently pressed himself to her. She tensed up, flinching. The seed of doubt planted into her mind. She couldn't trust him anymore. Not anymore. There was a sensation of being watched, like their solitude was being invaded._

_The billionaire_

\- bastard -

_Bruce Wayne glared at them from across the ballroom. He pushed through the crowds of dancers. When he touched them, they dissolved into piles of ashes. He meant to kill her._

_She grabbed Dick's hand and tried to pull him towards the double doors, but he pulled her right back, smiling an eerie smile. She tried again but he wouldn't budge. Dick snatched her shoulders roughly and painfully squeezed his fingernails into her skin. Surprisingly sharp. She yelped and thrust a fist at his face, his other hand caught it effortlessly. His smile grew more twisted and disturbing._

_Without thinking, she grabbed the back of his head and ripped his mask off his face. Staring back at her was two empty eye sockets_

\- no he was blind no no -

_with nothing to look back at but darkness._

_She let out a high-pitched scream and launched herself onto the floor to escape him._

_Bruce rammed his shoulder into Robin's, but he remained standing while the man he knew as Father turned to dust before them. As Robin stood over her with sneering lips and sightless holes, she scrambled on her knees on the floor, heart pounding erratically. He ripped the back of her robe off_

\- what you have concealed you shall become -

_so that two separate pieces fell to the floor. She sat on the ground in red and green and yellow spandex. Staring at green gloves over her hands and steel-toed boots on her feet._

_Something fell over her eyes and a lump of panic throbbed in her throat. She ran her fingers over the Robin mask secured over her eyes and groped for the knot._

_There was none._

_Her fingers scrabbled for the edges of the mask. There was none._

_Dick stood before her, dressed in Slade's armor, still smiling eerily. Smiling so eerily. She got one last terrifying look at his face before Slade's mask was fixed onto his face. A desperate bubble built up in her stomach. She couldn't call to him. A whirring sound_

\- thermal blaster -

_echoed in the stone-silent ballroom._

_She suddenly lay on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. Robin pointed the blaster into her right eye. Would she die like this? By his hand?_

-questions questions-

_The light of the chandeliers swelled brighter and brighter. Hot white before exploding, and a siren went on in her head…_

*

There wasn't a siren, just a scream. It faded into the noiseless gasping.

Awaken on the indigo-colored carpet, twisted in her blanket, Raven gasped. A minute passed, during that time she grayed out from the terror that refused to let up. When she became conscious again, sweat slicking her body, her dream was half forgotten in detail. Only seconds ago she could pick it out.

The memory loss didn't stop her from recalling how she felt. Horror pulsed through her veins.

_'What's happening to me?'_

Something on the carpet poked her shoulder.

Wincing, Raven pulled a Bird-A-Rang out from under her, and grimly examined her shoulder that had suffered from the fall on it. It was just a little cut under her leotard, not visible. Nothing to worry about. Warily, she got to her feet with trembling legs, untangling herself from the blanket. She sat on the edge of her bed. She could smell the morning, the scent of warm sun rays and cooked breakfast food. There was no need to get out of her room to tell.

The familiar, dark atmosphere of her bedroom comforted her racing heartbeat.

Sheets on her bed rustled. Black, spiky hair peeked above the embroidered edge. Masked eyes came into view, meeting her semi-terrified ones. "Morning?"

" _Uh-huh_."

He groaned sleepily, attempting to bury himself deeper into the mattress.

Despite herself, she felt a smirk rising. "Oh no, you don't. It's time to wake up, fearless leader. Your team needs to see you bright and early."

"Can't we sleep in for once?"

"No." Raven yanked the sheet away, exposing his fully clothed but very ruffled form. She said, silence returning to her mind, "I thought I'd never see the day where you would suggest sleeping in."

"I'm _tired_ ," he complained, softly. "You don't remember the Hive infiltrating the city, nearly getting exterminated, saving the world, and having to do it in 49 straight hours?"

"I do." Raven rolled her eyes. "But I am also aware of the fact that you enjoy making excuses to annoy me." Instead of scowling as Raven usually would at his complaining, she gave him a halfhearted smile that obliged him to pull her down under the blankets. She squirmed as Robin pinned her underneath him.

"You're well aware as the alternative to me hurting you... I could just scream 'help' and let you get your butt kicked by Cyborg and Beast Boy...?"

He murmured in her ear hotly, enjoying the feeling of her body beneath his, " _Yeah_... but you'd be moaning the entire time, so that kind of ruins your plans there."

Raven let out an indignant noise and kicked him off her before summoning a pillow to smack him repeatedly over the head.

Robin said with a cocky tone as the beatings lessened, " _Besides_ , you're not a weakling. You and I would be duking it out. But, of course, I'd win."

"You think so, Boy Wonder?"

"I know so, babe."

"Don't call me that." She frowned. "It's degrading."

He saw the change in attitude, and said sincerely, "Sorry. I didn't know it bothered you."

Raven looked at him for a long time before gently inquiring, "Could you…?" Her hand ghost over his face, and he got it after a moment.

With a quick flick of the wrist, his eyemask hung between his index and middle finger. Only she. _Only she_. Raven brought her face to his, but didn't kiss him, just stared into his eyes as he stared a little cross-eyed back at her. She let out a shaky breath. "You have very beautiful eyes, did you know this?"

"That pick up line usually only works on girls, but I'll accept it this time." He retied his mask and bumped his nose against her, affectionately. She folded her arms around his waist.

"I should be sorry. I've been ill-tempered lately."

Wonders never ceased... Raven snuggling and apologizing.

He returned the embrace, feeling the top of her head tickle the space underneath his chin. Robin breathed next to her ear, "Forget about it. Up for breakfast?" She followed him gladly into Titans Tower's kitchen where the rest of the Teen Titans were eating. They all seemed cheery enough talking amongst themselves.

Starfire saw the other two Titans enter first and jumped up, her chair falling over onto the floor in her rush. She said in a weird, squeaky voice, "Morning, dear Friends!" and hugged them both, forcefully. The lovely Tamaranean stopped when their faces changed to a bluish hue. Raven rubbed her bruised ribs.

"Uh, morning to you, too." She became more at ease when her boyfriend kept his arm close around her.

Beast Boy eyed their disheveled appearances from his regular seat and crowed, "You two have fun last night?"

Raven bristled.

_'Little toad.'_

He held up his hands when narrowed violet eyes and a mask glared at him.

"C'mon, I'm just funning with you!"

Cyborg spoke up over the low hum of the oven, "Careful, BB... your mouth might just get you into big trouble one day."

He looked honestly confused.

"... It hasn't already?"

That broke the tension and everyone laughed aloud when Beast Boy cracked his jokester grin.

Raven went to her tea brewer as Robin switched on his coffee machine. They exchanged a quick glance and went to go get this morning's mealtime choice. Cyborg declared over Beast Boy's whines, "Today we'll be havin' none of that tofu _shhiiittt_... BB, it is shit because it tastes like shit... and having a real breakfast with pancakes and nutritious, _delicious_ STEAKS!"

As Beast Boy glowered openly at everyone, Raven said, seriously, "You know tofu's not that bad."

Cyborg dropped his spatula with a rather exaggerated _clang_ and a pair of hopeful green eyes peered over at her.

"Really, Raven?"

She answered mildly, pouring her tea, "Naturally," but smiling evilly before sipping, "When you drown out the taste with bacon."

The tin-man and Robin hooted. Beast Boy smacked his forehead against the table with a groan. Pleased to be in the company of her friends, Raven looked over at Starfire who inattentively shot mustard onto her slab of steak.

_'You'd think after putting mustard on everything for three years, you'd get sick of it eventually...'_

"Starfire, why did you become quiet? Something wrong?"

She didn't expect to have something thrown back at her. Literally.

The Tamaranean's plate soared at her head. With fast reflexes, Raven built a force field in time for the china to ricochet and shatter against the cupboard nearby, but the mustard-splattered meat hit its target.

Everybody rose to their feet as Starfire shrieked with wide eyes, _"I wish to be alone now, please!"_ and hurried as quickly out of the room as she could. With all eyes fell on a gaping Raven, she looked down at the yellow mess on her costume, opening then closing her mouth and then opening it again.

"... ... I don't know what I did."

Cyborg said, gravely, "We'll check on Starfire." He nodded at Beast Boy who followed after him out of sight.

Robin went to her side as she peeled the steak off her front, "You okay?"

"I don't understand what I did to offend her. I just asked if she was alright."

He handed her washcloth from the countertop. "You know Starfire, she can be a little... high strung. I'm sure... she didn't do it on purpose?" Robin ended, lamely.

Raven took it from him.

"Did you notice anything the matter with her yesterday?"

He shrugged, bending down to pick up bits of broken plate. Before Robin could touch them, a blue glow encased them and floated into the garbage can nearby. "I had it, Raven."

"It's fine," she said dismissively. "One less opportunity to get cut."

Robin turned to her. "Don't baby me." His tone was emotionless but the aura she perceived coming from him made her outwardly wince.

Raven muttered under her breath, "I'm going to shower," and left him to finish his steak and coffee alone.

Up in the third level of the Tower, she shut the bathroom door and twisted the shower handles, waiting for the water to get hot. Amethyst-colored eyes met the oval mirror above the sink, coldly. Why did he have to act like a big _macho_ man? She was helping out. She couldn't help that she _cared_ about his sorry ass.

With a sigh, Raven ran a hand through her straight, violet hair, combing out the specks of mustard. She decided to grow out her hair a while ago, putting it in a braid, but soon realized what a pain-in-the-ass it was when her enemies could sneak up behind her and yank her scalp excruciatingly. So it was cut back to her normal, short style.

Raven stripped herself of her stained leotard and let the stream of hot water completely soak her.

Aging three years didn't do much to her. Her face became more defined if anything.

Titans Tower was the same. The city still had crime. Her friends didn't change much, same old uniforms, same old looks. Although, Beast Boy grew a foot and buffed out. Boy, was he happy when he looked in the mirror that morning. He now towered over her and constantly picked on her for being the shortest member of the team. Calling her names like 'Shorty', 'Squirt', and his personal favorite 'Widdle Rae-Rae'.

In the end, Raven got bored of finding new ways to torture Beast Boy. Quite an achievement.

Cyborg received more powerful circuits. Raven had always thought she and Cyborg had a certain protective sibling relationship.

Starfire grew more accustomed to Earth, but her speech still needed some work. Raven found her to be less irritating and actually held a good conversation when she was interested. Starfire never had the one-track mind she gave the impression she had.

After fifteen minutes, she stepped out and wrapped herself in a towel. Raven stared back into her reflection, and after making sure no one would be barging in on her, she cheered herself up by sticking her tongue out and crossing her violet eyes.

' _Oh no, Beast Boy was rubbing off on her_.'

Raven allowed herself a small chuckle at this.

Her powers were now hers to control. Her favorite color replaced black for her magic. Her cold pretense melted around the edges, but the only person who could truly get around it she showed actual affection to. Speaking of, Robin still was working on growing out of his awkward stage, but the most part he was an adult. Appearance-wise, he was taller with some lean muscles. Being situated in a deep relationship, he was able to show his feelings and she could as well without destroying something... for the most part. There was those occasional 'accidents'.

Bigger obstacles were yet to be jumped.

The twenty-year-old noticed the cut on her shoulder was beginning to ooze discharge and went rummaging through the medicine cabinet, fishing out some medicated cream and a Band-Aid. There wasn't a need to waste her healing powers.

Just as she finished placing it on, an image of her pale shoulder streaked with bloody lines surfaced onto the mirror. Raven bit back a scream.

It was gone in a flash.

Panting, she struggled to control her breathing and gripped the sides of the porcelain sink.

_'Don't do this to yourself. It was a stupid nightmare, just a stupid nightmare.'_

But now it chose to return to her in the full. She blinked against them swimming in her thoughts. With a furious jerk, Raven slammed her palm on the mirror, glass wavering unsteadily on impact.

_'Quit it. You have more important things to worry about.'_

Like Starfire. She wasn't known to go into a freak-out mode displayed this morning. Mostly it was Raven who could pull that off. She would have to have a talk with the alien once her head cleared up. A knock brought her thoughts out of a stupor. She called out, "It's occupied!"

Beast Boy threw open the door regardless, grinning. "When has that ever stopped me?" He snatched his mint green loofa over the rack on the wall.

She scowled, "Beast Boy, what if I had been naked?"

"We're like brother and sister. It wouldn't matter."

"It's nevertheless disgusting." She kept a firm hand on her towel.

He laughed quietly, "True," and with one hand shielding his eyes, he pretended to grope thin air, saying, "Just tell me when I'm near the doorknob." That earned him a grumble from her and Beast Boy smiled at her. Red lights blared and his green face changed from happy to serious concern. It was amazing to her how easily his expressions could do that.

Raven said, promptly, "I'll be there in a minute." Beast Boy nodded in her direction as he dashed out of the bathroom.

She raced into her room to throw on a uniform, relieved that the images in her head gradually began to fade. The sirens shut down when the rest of the Titans assembled in the operations center.

"What's the emergency?" she asked, settling between Beast Boy and Starfire. Robin opened his mouth to speak.

Noisily, the furnace hatch dropped inches away from her skull. She whipped around in time to be taken prisoner by long, slimy tentacles along with Beast Boy. He shape-shifted into a venomous snake, sinking his poisonous fangs into one of his captor's many arms, and escaped with no troubles. This left Raven to fend on her own.

" _Azarath Metrion_ **Zinthos**!"

An unearthly screech came from above the furnace opening. She broke free from the remaining jelly of tentacles still clutching her, landing with _oomph!_ right into Cyborg's outstretched arms. He put her down and Raven declared, brushing herself off, "I'm guessing we have an enormous mutant on our hands?"

"And it is using the vents to navigate throughout our home." Starfire stared up at the ceiling.

Robin pulled out his Bo-Staff.

"Not for long. Titans, move!"

They chased the intruder up to the seventh level of the Titans Tower. Cyborg's sonic cannon shot nothing but holes in the ventilation system. He scratched his head. "Damn, this thing's fast."

"Someone has to get up there and corner it."

Robin glanced at deliberately wandering eyes and Raven closed hers, transporting into her soul self and disappearing into the darkness of the shafts.

"... Okay then."

She changed back inside the surprisingly spacious vent and crawled into a wider breach. They called her name and she pounded on the siding, signaling where she was.

With hope that they listened well enough, Raven trekked forward, following the goo trail. Pushing past years of filth built up, sticking to her once relatively dry cloak, she heard the creature making its way back down the Tower. A crash sounded when she went back around. Raven approached her room.

She leaped out of the housetop onto the floor, crouched in fighting stance. The gurgling monster sat at the foot of her bed, glistening in the dark. Tentacles grazed her like a lover's clumsy digits, and she hit it as hard as she could in the center. With one blow, it exploded all over her sheets.

Runny, silvery goo clung to her hands and hair. She grimaced.

" _Wonderful..._ my bed is going to smell like dead extraterrestrial for weeks." Raven picked up her soiled blankets and wiped her cheek with the clean edge. She bundled them up along with the chunky cadaver and draped the bundle over her shoulder. On her way out, something near the door hit her foot.

"Huh?" Frowning pointedly, she picked up her old meditation mirror.

_'What is this doing out? Who has been in my room?'_

Her fingers instantly clenched.

No one, under _any_ circumstances, was allowed in there without her consent.

Raven let her hand trace the sharp horns jutting from the top and flipped the mirror. Her violet eyes drifting over the message scrawled on the front.

Her legs shaking as she walked out.

*

 


	3. Chapter 3

*

" ' _Forget about fighting - it won't save you._ ' ... dude, what does that even mean?"

Beast Boy turned the mirror over in his hands and Raven grabbed it from him, speaking with a chilly monotone, "It means someone broke into my room and is trying to scare me."

"Who?"

At this, Raven ignored the question, fruitlessly trying to wipe the stubborn words off the glass. Robin spoke up when she tossed it down, "We didn't see anyone. We were following you the entire time until you went back."

"They distracted us with the monster while w _hoever_ this person was came into my room to get my mirror."

"But who would go through the trouble of doing this?"

She glanced at Cyborg, eyes narrowed. "I wish I knew," she muttered darkly. "Why don't you check your cameras?"

"I _already_ have, Raven. Someone circuited them out. I don't know how but they did."

Beast Boy interrupted the beginnings of a confrontation by counting off with his fingers, "Well, who can we think of that's a bad guy and wants revenge on Raven? . . . .there's Doctor Light; she scared him pretty bad - I think he's still in that mental institution, though. . . Mumbo picks on her a lot. . . Jinx seems to really hate Raven, but she doesn't count. . . . . Actually, a lot of villains don't like Raven -"

"Thanks for your useless input. But I can think of one person."

Starfire protested, clasping her hands together, "But you were victorious in battle and destroyed him."

"When has destroying Slade ever stopped him?" Raven growled, not really meaning to direct her hostility to her. Starfire was not an empath, but even she could feel the anger rolling off her friend and stepped back meekly. Cyborg came to Starfire's defense.

"Raven, we understand the whole deal with Slade hurt you... some of us more then others." He stared at Robin who crossed his arms defensively. "But could you be more considerate to other people's feelings? No one else here wants to say anything, but you need to chill out, little lady."

Raven's upper lip twitched.

"...You have _no idea_ _w_ hat it feels like to have a vision that gives you a near heart attack, and have this disgusting slop explode all you... or to find out some _psycho_ has been messing with your things and raiding your room doing _Azar_ knows what else! Right now, I can't comprehend the meaning of ' _CHILL OUT'!"_ Blue power surrounded her body like flames and her eyes glowed all black. The Titans stepped back.

As if she could see what she looked like, Raven buried her face into her hands. She quickly spun around, pressing her head against the wall.

_'Get a hold of yourself...'_

After a moment, a pair of hands touched her shoulders. Hands connected to gentle fingertips. She removed her face from her hands.

"I didn't mean to lose control like that."

"It's fine," Cyborg said understandingly. Robin had already stepped away from her as she looked backed at them, fixing her gaze on Starfire.

' _I didn't mean it.'_

Beast Boy whistled lowly. "Great... it looks like we've got two PMS-ing girls this week." He was promptly elbowed in the gut. Robin cleared his throat.

"Maybe we should-" His communicator buzzed and he flipped it open. "-nevermind. Overload is loose. We better deal with this." As the rest of the Titans exited the hallway, he looked back at Raven.

She answered his look, automatically, "I'm going to wash this stuff off. One of you will give me the play-by-play of how you kicked butt."

A hint of a smile curled on his mouth.

"Yeah... I can smell you from here."

"You won't smell _anything_ when I curse your nose off."

He left laughing and she shook her head, also smiling. What on _Azarath_ did she see in him? She'd never know. Still, Raven felt shame for that outburst. Her friends didn't deserve it, no matter what was going on.

But how could she make it up?

After she showered for the third time and threw out the rest of her ruined blankets, her eyes wandered over pots and pans scattered from the breakfast feast. Violet eyes gleamed a little brighter.

*

Four figures slowly made their way to the island out in the California bay. One was carrying their leader; the green changeling shifted back to human and limped slightly as the other man hunkered down, examining a broken weapon. Just as they descended, the last two of their team appeared beside them. Starfire gingerly patted her red hair that stood up on its roots, and occasionally, a feeble electrical current stunned her. The metal man and Robin looked otherwise unharmed.

Beast Boy winced, clutching his hip. "Is it... _ahhh..._ just me or is the villains becoming more villainous?"

Robin supported him by wrapping an arm around his waist and holding him under the armpit. "Who knows," he commented. "Need help back?"

"Unfortunately, dude."

The Teen Titans made their way through the garage entrance and boarded one of the elevators to Titans Tower. Robin offered to his friend, "Maybe Raven will heal you when we get upstairs."

Cyborg snorted, murmuring so softly that he almost didn't hear it, " _Don't count on it._ "

Robin peered over his shoulder to glare at him. The latter didn't look miffed at the least. "I know she's your girlfriend. We're all happy for you, man, but sometimes I have this urge to knock her upside her moody little head. Raven thinks we don't accept her and still keeps her distance, a _very_ long distance I might add, away from us. Even when she has her emotions. Rob, I don't get her. Does she _want_ to be a part of this-?"

"-There are things we must earn over time. One of which we have obtained from Raven is her trust. If there is something she wishes to speak of to us, then she will. Her business is her own and we are her friends that need to be supportive. That is all that matters." Starfire smoothed her frizzy hair absently and left the elevator first.

The boys left with her words washing over them.

"I thought she'd be the last person to defend Raven after she yelled at her."

Robin handed Beast Boy over to Cyborg, giving them both a stern look. He followed after the alien woman and found her staring confused at the top of the staircase in the operations center.

"Starfire... what-?"

He saw why she stopped.

Lumps of food residue wadded on the stairs mixed in with tossed spoons and forks. The kitchen tabletop covered with unsealed leftovers and waffle batter dripped from the ceiling above where the empath stood. Raven glanced up at them, embarrassed. "Oh... you're back. Uh, I tried-" She sidestepped an overturned sofa. "I tried to cook something... to make up for shouting - I, uh, gave up after the microwave volcanoed." She saw Beast Boy and Cyborg behind the first approaches. "I ordered Chinese. It will cost a few extra for getting here, but I'll pay for it."

Robin and Starfire gazed at Cyborg with _what-do-you-say-now_ expressions and they chuckled sheepishly.

"That was nice of you, Raven. You didn't have to do that." Robin jumped nimbly over the mess and rested leaning on the back of the arched sofa, propped up by his elbows.

"I'm not the finest cook." Raven made an effort to look apologetic. "I figured after making this disaster, I should at least pay more," she replied

Beast Boy asked, "Did you order the vegetarian dinner for me?"

She nodded, raising an eyebrow. "Yes..."

"Then _I'll_ clean it up."

He accidentally stepped into one of the unnamed lumps- " _Eww! Gross_!" -and hobbled backwards, almost sliding onto the floor. The wall caught his fall.

Raven walked to where he strained to stay on his feet. "How are you holding up?" she asked.

Beast Boy forced a laugh, slapping his leg, "It's nothing I can't hand - _OW_!" She placed her hands over his injury, the tingling of her healing powers working immediately as he flexed his muscle. Beast Boy planted his fists on his hips and puffed out his chest, valiantly.

"Beast _MAN_ lives on!"

Raven then positioned a finger on his chest and zapped him. Beast Boy stumbled back and she said dryly, "And now... you're just getting on my nerves." Ordinarily whenever she did this to him, he would look offended. But an eccentric smile crept up his face. One that Raven didn't like so much.

Little did she know that someone had put a finger to their lips and prepared to spring.

Beast Boy shouted, running out of the way, " _Do it_! Tackle her!"

She didn't have time to react. Somebody seized her from behind, tackling her onto her back. Sitting on top of her was an exceedingly smug Robin. The laughter of her teammates distant. Raven was only interested in the fact that he had seated between her legs and holding her arms down.

"Thrash all you want... you're not getting off this floor."

"Is this how you get your kicks, Boy Wonder? Trapping innocent girls under 165 pounds of muscle?" She said low as only he could hear her, "... Remember our conversation this morning?"

He loosened his grip.

"You wouldn't..."

Raven drew in a big breath and he concealed her mouth with both of his hands. Robin realized his mistake when he was staring up to her smirking face above his. "The tables have _turned_. Are you going to stop roughhousing or am I going to have to get mean with you?"

Robin happened to have lots of upper body strength. He only needed to hold it for a few minutes.

She felt his tongue brush against her lips, lightly. A knot of heat rising in her stomach as he rendered her powerless with just a trail of wet kisses behind her ear. Raven fought for as long as she could against her desire, but eventually gave in. They sat up, still moaning between kisses.

Beast Boy chucked his tofu-flavored popcorn at the wall.

"Hey, not _fairrrr!_ He used lips! I wanted to see some action, but _not_ this!"

They pulled away from each other. Raven put a hand over her flushing cheek, avoiding Robin's hungry stare. Cyborg managed to pull himself together after seeing that show of PDA and called out, "If y'all still feel like eating - _hard to say_ \- the food's arrived. Raven, you got the money?"

"Hmmm?.... oh, right."

She blundered over her cloak and left to pay. To her disgust, the delivery man attempted to flirt with a mildly bewildered Starfire who unfortunately got to the door first. Raven didn't like the way he was eyeing at her stammering friend. Her good mood dampened and she gently pushed the other woman aside, throwing the wad of cash in his free hand, "You got the food?"

The hefty guy leered with nicotine-stained teeth and held the bag over her head, clearly out of reach, "Come'en and get it from ole Bill, babe."

' _This is why I don't want Dick calling me that.'_

Raven gestured tiresome with a blue-glowing finger. "Isn't that your boat going out to sea?"

With a dumb grunt, he turned around to see his way-out also glowing and slowly drifting from the wharf. 'Ole Bill' dropped the bag and ran.

Starfire asked as Raven grasped up their dinner, "Will that man get his boat back?"

"Eventually."

"They will not let us order the take-out anymore, will they?"

"Probably not."

Both woman smiled.

*

 


	4. Chapter 4

*

Somehow, it seemed colder.

The radical temperature drop in California already delightfully baffled its residents (the Christmas season full well in its way). Inside one bedroom, it felt a blizzard trapped within four walls with an air conditioner on full blast.

Raven shifted anxiously. She was _freezing_. Her joints shook under the thick blankets she borrowed from Starfire but dampness formed on her neckline and face.

Sure, the cold was irritating... but that dream, the memory returned to her when the shadows of night crept into the corners of her bedroom. She didn't fear the dark anymore - Robin had given her every reason not to, but she didn't like the way evening reminded her of waking up on the floor, screaming without air.

Predicted by herself only a few minutes ago, she got out of bed and wandered out into the Tower.

Her plan was to find something warm. Preferably a nice embrace by a certain leader of hers, but something accosted her on the way to the staircase. Something with icy cold hands.

She instinctively cast her arms out to her attacker, pegging and forcing the body plummeting into the wall with her energy.

Robin struggled, in the face of having no control over the situation.

"Raven, it's me. Let me go!" he shouted.

She complied and said dully as he got up from falling onto the ground, "You have cold gloves." His mask gave an impression that his eyebrow was arched.

" _Yeah_. It's a little cold in my room... what are you doing out here?"

"I could ask you the same question but I'm more interested to know why you jumped me. You have a habit for that, don't you?" she said, keenly.

"I asked you first, rules go in my favor."

"Screw your imaginary rules."

Robin laughed with no amusement. "What's eating you? Bad dreams?" That struck a chord. She puckered her forehead and remained silent. He rubbed the back of his neck. "Something you want to talk about? I remember you said something about a vision earlier."

_'I should just stop talking... right now...'_

Raven said, casually, "No... actually... I'm vision-free lately."

Robin knew she was lying. Being as observant as he was, he noticed the signs she gave off. They were little insensible behaviors like her right eyebrow lowering and the licking of her lips. He touched his chin mock-inquisitively. "That so? But if a vision came to you... something important..."

"Don't even bother to play mind games with me. It wasn't a big deal."

 _Oh_ , he had her now.

"So first, you said you didn't have one, but now you're saying you did-"

How could she have been so careless? That was a big slip up on her part. She pursed her lips and Robin touched her shoulders tenderly, his way of showing he cared.

"I'm not the enemy here. You can talk to me, Raven."

"I _can't_."

He didn't look as if he understood. "Can't what? I don't-" he said.

"I can't talk about it. Drop it."

"Why?"

Her voice picked up a hysterical pitch, her expression changing to desperation, "Dick, I _can't_ because you were in the dream and it scared me. I just want it to go away and it _won't_!" Raven let out a long, shuddering breath. She never used his real name unless there was something really wrong. He really hated to see her upset. Afraid.

Robin cradled her head against his chest, absently massaging her scalp.

"Hey, hey, it's alright..." He whispered into her ear, "How about we get some of your tea and go sit down...?"

He took her silence as agreement and they took the stairs to enter a moon-lit center. Robin retrieved some hot beverages and sat motionlessly next to her, mutely drinking. He had an ungloved hand through her violet hair and looked her in the eyes. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but why are you afraid? It was only a dream, right?"

She leaned into his touch, the heat of his fingers against her head being her only source of warmth besides the cup in her hand.

"The things that happened in it scared me, and... _maybe..._ maybe I'm scared to think that meditating won't make it go away. Usually it does."

He sounded curious, not nosy. "Do you always get rid of things you don't want to remember by meditating?"

"It's never happened where I couldn't make it go away even for a little bit," she answered.

"It sounds more like you're afraid of not being in control."

He placed down the cup he drained and she raised her eyebrows at his right-on statement. Robin took her teacup out of her hand, setting beside his. He pulled her so that she was lying on him with the full length of her body, confessing warmly into her neck, " _So am I_."

Raven stretched underneath him comfortably. "For the most part, I thought you were fearless."

"I'm human, aren't I? Just don't spread that around, I still have an image to keep."

She murmured some sort of retort under her breath and they laid there quietly for a few moments. Their chests falling and rising, slowly in matching rhythm.

"Robin?"

"Yeah."

"Did Cyborg ever find out how that thing got in here?"

"No."

"... Robin?"

"Yeah."

"Could that species of alien learn how to write English?"

"No. Whoever it was that touched your mirror was human."

"So there's nothing that suggested a break-in?"

"It's clean. There's no other strange visitors hiding in any other part of the Tower. Cyborg and I checked already."

She wasn't sure why but she started snickering and he looked slightly put-out, "What did I say?"

Raven said before bursting into peals of laughter, "The look on your face... when I pinned you..." She made an bad imitation of him frightened before laughing again. He retaliated by tickling her under her leg. Even Beast Boy couldn't figure that one out. That sent her into hysterics and Robin manically attacked her, fingers wriggling over her stomach and underarms.

They thumped onto the carpet and rolled around, now forgetting it was the middle of the night and laughing loudly.

The drowsy shrill of Cyborg came from somewhere in the hallway, " _Some of us are trying to sleep, y'all! SHUT UP and go to bed!"_

Raven forced back the last of her giggles and shoved his shoulder. Robin shoved her back, gently. "What was that for?" he asked, curiously.

She said with a sarcastic tone, "You make too much noise, Jerk Wonder." Raven rose to her feet and walked to the doorway before stopping with one foot on the other side, and asked smirking, "Are you going to sleep there all night then?" He joined her quickly.

Robin asked solemnly, as they locked hands, "You aren't going to tell me about that dream, are you?"

Silence.

"One day."

*


	5. Chapter 5

*

She watched them from the corner of the room, stirring her spoon and deaf to their cries.

"Ohhhh! I'm gonna win!" Beast Boy grinned in building victory.

Cyborg said as he pounded the buttons on his GameStation controller viciously, " _Hell no_! I'm gonna wipe the floor with you, grass stain!" They battled fiercely with fast fingers and wide eyes. She noticed her female teammate glaring at them from the far end of the couch. She imagined that Friend Raven would be plotting their immediate doom if either of them attempted to speak to her.

On the giant screen in front of them, there was an image of a racetrack with two cars speeding beside each other. Suddenly, the blue car went into turbo and left the green and purple-striped one in its dust. The scene froze and big red letters spelled out: **CYBORG WINS! BEAST BOY IS A LOSER!**

The metal man threw down his controller and did a victory dance. "Whoo! _Booya!_ "

Beast Boy demanded noisily, "Alright, that's it! I challenge you to three rounds of Extreme Stankball! You're going down!" He turned to a reading Raven, yelling loud enough for her to hear, "Hey, do you want to play too? You could be on my team."

Starfire stopped stirring and observed the empath as she looked up from her magazine she was secretly reading hidden in the Book of Azar.

"You both are idiots. You should know better than to ask me to play mindless juvenile games." Raven rose to her feet and tucked her book under her arm.

As Cyborg glared, Beast Boy glanced back at him.

"Stop looking at her like she's some kind of heartless old witch, dude. She doesn't have to play if she doesn't want to."

"Man, I don't get it. She treated you like crap before and you never used to take it. What changed?"

Beast Boy smiled. "I know whatever insult she throws at me, it means nothing cause she still cares about me. Ain't that right, Shorty?"

"Now that you know my secret, you must be destroyed." Raven came up behind Cyborg with two basketball-sized Stankballs hovering. "I'm not old or heartless, but I do know a little magic now and then." She let them drop on his head and Beast Boy turned into a donkey, braying annoyingly. Raven hit him in the face with a particularly stinky one. A  small, amused smile played on Cyborg's lips.

She spoke up softly as they unraveled themselves from particularly foul-smelling, cotton feet-wear, "... I always cared. Showing it was the hard part."

Beast Boy wiggled his eyebrows. "Not when it comes to certain people, huh, Widdle Rae-Rae?" he said boastfully.

Her own smile disappeared.

" _You're pushing it, Beast Boy._ "

The left side double doors to the operations center slid open and Robin came down the stairs, absorbed with the files in his hands. He barely noticed Starfire standing nearby. Cyborg muttered, elbowing BB, "Speak of the devil." They cracked up but they couldn't laugh with a mouthful of sweatsocks via airmail _Raven Express_.

Robin narrowed his mask at the three of them.

"What are you all doing?"

Raven simply replied, "Playing," and Cyborg spat a clod of socks at the back of her head.

" _Right_ … well, back to business, the Hive members have been transported to a higher security prison base north of Gotham. Since Brother Blood was killed in battle, we can rest a little easier." Cyborg cracked his metal knuckles; even dead, that villain had a way of provoking him.

"But that doesn't mean we should slack off," Robin added. "An alert can come in at any given time and we could be facing a new criminal-"

Beast Boy yawned. "Didn't you tell us this speech already?"

"I'm being serious."

"When aren't you?"

If they could see through his mask, they would find his right eye twitching with frustration.

Raven said, monotonously, "Basically what you're saying is to keep on our toes when nothing could happen."

"Basically."

"Shall I make a suggestion?" Starfire decided to speak up, wearing a cheery smile that made them believe she could do no wrong. Robin looked at her interested.

"What's on your mind, Star?"

The Tamaranean floated several feet off the ground, gleefully. "Might we take 'time off' for an evening of bonding time? Today we may explore the city and have free time to ourselves?"

Robin's interest seemed to shrink at the idea. "I don't know..." he mumbled.

Cyborg broke him off, "Yo, I think it's a great idea! We all need a day off from fighting bad guys every so often!"

"Second it, I second it!" Beast Boy raised his hand. Robin glanced at the empath.

"What do you think?"

"-We must also dress for casual recreation!" Starfire squealed, "In the hanging out clothes!"

"One problem. We don't have any." Her spirits were not discouraged by Raven's negativity on the subject.

"That is why we must visit the Mall of Shopping to first obtain some new clothing!" Starfire begged, "Will you not come with us, Friend Raven? Or do you desire alone time?"

Raven rubbed her temples. _Damn_.

"... It can't hurt."

The three Titans cheered at their success to win over the unmovable Raven, but Robin otherwise didn't look convinced. It took Starfire pouting, Cyborg's suggestion of tying him down, and Beast Boy turning into a sad puppy with whining included. It wore him out to have to listen to that.

He sighed, finally giving in. "Fine... as long as we keep our communicators on us."

Starfire clapped her hands. "Splendid! To our destination!"

*

"Raven, are you ever coming out of there?"

Another rack of brightly colored garments were tossed over the door.

"I'm not wearing these."

Beast Boy shook his head. "Then ask someone else to help you because I'm sick of putting stuff back." He walked out to the front of the store where Cyborg met with him. On Cy's large ring finger was a gold band. The ring that transformed him into 'Stone'. He flexed his ripped bicep.

"Well alright! I'm liking this!" Cyborg wore a muscle shirt and comfortable gym pants. He eyed the shorter boy. "Nice hat."

Beast Boy pushed a black beanie over his pointed ears and slid on a pair of stylish sunglasses. "Dude. I look so awesome." A loose-fitting shirt with black and green pants hung over his frame. His best friend shook his head as Beast Boy lowered his glasses and winked at a passing girl, who waved back uncertainly. He grinned. "She totally digs me."

Cyborg snorted, " _right_ ," and went back to pay for the purchases.

"Who is digging whom?"

Starfire floated over from the cashier, dressed in a pink glittery top, and semi-short skirt that was white. The white thigh high boots looked similar to the purple ones she owned back home. Beast Boy removed his sunglasses, gaping slightly, "Whoa, you look... _great_."

She beamed at him, no one else catching the red going up her cheekbones.

After a period of intense silence, Beast Boy cried out impatiently, "Where's Robin? What's taking _him_ so long?"

"I'm right here, Beast Boy."

Robin tapped his shoulder and scared the boy right out of his sneakers. Beast Boy shivered. " _Don't do that_!" He squealed, "I don't want to die young and good-looking!"

"I'm going to check on Raven." Robin said dismissively, "How about we all meet up somewhere tonight? Um-?"

"Don't even think of saying _Sato_ \- I am so sick of that place!"

"It's the closest one so we're going."

The alien woman gasped ecstatic. "Glorious!" She clapped her hands despite Beast Boy's groan.

"Then it's agreed, team. We'll meet around ten. Keep your communicators on-"

But his friends were long gone, running off in all directions.

 _"Some help?"_ Raven's voice drifted from the dressing room.

He stuck his head in.

"It's just us two, what do you need?" Her gray hand appeared over her dressing door, clasping several articles of clothing.

"Put these somewhere. I'll be out in a minute."

Robin set them on a bench but cautiously inspected a ruffle schoolgirl skirt and a shirt with the phrase **NEED FOOD** in bright green. He guessed Beast Boy had something to do with that one. His ears picked the background music in the store's speakers. As a hip hop song overpowered the customer's faint voices, the small door swung open to revealing an untroubled Raven who was obviously happy with her wardrobe choice. A tight, long-sleeved shirt in blue and slim, black corduroys.

As they stepped out of the store, she looked at his somber jeans and hoodie without concern but stepped closer, her fingers playfully jiggling the metal chain hanging from his pocket. "Tough guy?"

"Mind doing that again, it was hot."

She was about to say something equally crafty but hesitated, staring fixatedly at his mask. "Why are you still wearing that?"

Robin asked, "What do you mean?"

"We're not on duty. _Incognito_."

"I'm not taking my mask off."

"Just for today, don't be a baby about it," Raven said as she reached for it.

His hand roughly seized hers.

Robin said quietly, "I'd like to see you try to take it from me." There was no anger in his voice, just a cool, semi-playfulchallenge.

Her violet eyes narrowed slowly. They faced each other off, hands still clenching - before anything else could happen -

"There he is girls! _OMGOMGOMGOMG_!"

Just past Sally's Beauty Centre, a horde of teenage girls were screaming and holding cardboard signs decorated with red, yellow, and green.

"ROBBIE-POO! ROBBIE-POO! _-_!"

Raven let go and turned around to stare. "Fan girls? Oh he-..."

" _-Run!_ "

He grabbed her arm and yanked her past Chambers Toy Shop, the quivering mass of hormones right at their heels. Somewhere between the food court and the escalators, the girls lost sight of their beloved teen-hero and glumly began searching the food court. A swirling blue hole formed on the wall and Raven poked her head out, then flung her boyfriend onto the floor. As he got up, she said pointedly, "Now are you going to listen? No one can recognize you without your mask."

"You know what, you got me." He huffily removed it-

 _sightlessthelightsglowing_ -

and tucked it in his pocket, "Satisfied?"

Her face flashed to semi-horror and then resumed its emotionless state.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing." She pulled on a pair of sunglasses from a rack and shouted to the group in the distance, "Hey! Over here!"

He panicked, flailing his arms. "Raven... are you-!"

Raven shoved him behind her, adopted a high squeaky voice, and pointed in the direction of a sports store, "He went in there, don't let him get away!" As the hormonal girls vanished, she took them off smugly. "My job is done." Raven set them back on their rack. "So, where are you thinking of taking me?"

He frowned, still trying to figure out what happened, and she added deliberately, "Our date you're taking me on. Lead the way, _Robbie-Poo_."

"I guess I owe you."

"You did make me talk to them." Raven shrugged with a small smile. "It will only cost you spending the day alone with me."

Robin lifted her chin with his hand, bringing his face closer. "That's well worth it." The empath smiled against his shaven cheek and he pulled away. "I know a place not too far away. It's nice to eat at."

When they got there, the no-particular-theme restaurant was already packed with screeching children and old couples.

Raven commented, attempting to find some bland humor in the situation, "Well, it looks like everyone else got the very same idea." He rolled his eyes and grasped the elbow of a nearby hostess.

"Excuse me, can we get a table?"

The blonde woman looked him up and down, greedily lingering over him, "Of course, Sir. For you and your sister." She led them to a slightly quieter, nonsmoking part of the diner and smiled dazzlingly at Robin. "I'll find you a waitress. Don't go anywhere, cutie."

"I don't think that will be a problem."

The hostess giggled, leaving. Raven crossed her arms over her chest. "Do I look like your _sister_?"

He smiled in her direction.

"You're an idiot," said Raven, stiffly.

"You're jealous, aren't you?" Robin started laughing. She gave him a look that could freeze an 80 watt lamp, if it really wanted to, and his leg hooked hers. He touched her hand under the table. "You know I don't like blondes. I have better chemistry with the purple-haired type." He squeezed her hand once with another smile. Raven's face couldn't help but melt into a similar smile.

"You're still on thin ice, buddy."

Her skin tingled.

With pure intuition, Raven turned her head to the next table. The waitress stumbling in her chunky heels took a terrible spill onto the ground, her tray of dirty dishes soaring out of her hands. A blue glow encased every falling plate and they set themselves neatly into a pile on the floating tray.

The waitress ogled bug-eyed at Raven as she gave the tray over to her.

"Here. You might want to try that next time without the shoes."

"Oh Lordy- Ma'm- you just saved my job." The waitress put a hand over her heart. Her eyes traveled over Raven's unusual features. "H-Hey-Aren't you that scary chick from Teen Titans?"

' _Here comes the questions...'_

The empath settled her hand under her chin, speaking monotonously.

"Yes, I'm that scary chick."

The waitress snapped her fingers. "Oh, it's _Raven_. Sorry. Hey, I thought you'd be going out with a superhero- not some ordinary guy." She looked at Robin, "Mister...?"

He politely held out his hand. "Dick. Dick Grayson."

She began shaking it, excitedly.

"Hold up, _Dick Grayson_? Dick Grayson, the adopted son of the famous billionaire Bruce Wayne residing in Gotham City?" He exchanged a glance with Raven who one-arm shrugged, uninterested.

"I have an uncle who works in Wayne Enterprises, no kidding," the waitress said, grinning. "Wow. I get to meet _two_ famous people in one day."

"Must be your lucky day," remarked Raven, dryly. The waitress pulled out a pad of paper.

"I will totally take your order for you." She turned to Raven as a pen was fished out of a apron pocket. "... Is it true, by the way, that Robin is breaking up with Starfire?"

Robin blurted out, "I heard they already did."

" _Really_? I thought they were so cute together. That's such a shame. I mean... better for me now that he's on the market..."

He secretly winked at Raven. "I thought Robin would be more interested in the mysterious girls. You know, like a puzzle you can't solve and can't get out of your head."

"Strange and infuriating?" Raven responded with a furtive smirk.

"At times, but it makes the mystery worth figuring out."

The waitress didn't quite spot their flirting and cleared her throat.

"What'll you have?" she asked.

Robin said without ever looking at a menu, "The grilled cheeses would be good. And two Cokes."

She jotted it down, saying absentmindedly, "Of course, any girl would be _lucky_ to date Robin. He is so fine."

"I'll be sure to let him know," Raven announced.

The waitress blushed. "Oh, please, don't..." she said embarrassed.

"I think it would boost his ego a few points; don't you think so, Dick?" Raven glanced at Robin who had been keeping a straight face the entire time. The waitress weakly smiled.

"I'll be right back with your food. Sorry I was too talkative."

Robin said as she turned away, "It's no trouble."

A moment of silence passed between them and Raven began chuckling. "To think, we could have gone somewhere else for lunch." He chuckled as well.

It didn't take long for the food to come to their table. After a few minutes, the children in the diner began a massive food fight. Chaos ensued and the only people free of speeding kiddy meals were eating and talking lightly in a force field of pulsing and radiant blue.

*

Robin asked as cold night air hit their faces, "What's in the bag?" He peered down at the brown sack hanging limply in her right hand.

"I heard you talking about dancing later. I bought something for the occasion," she said.

His forehead creased, hilarity fully noted.

"Alright... where's the real Raven? What have you done with her?"

She said in all seriousness, gazing at a clock in a shop window, "I left her in Nevermore where she belongs." His smile faded and Raven stopped walking. "... sorry. It's complicated."

"Make it not complicated."

Her violet eyes hardened.

"When I started knowing-"

' _-I loved you-'_

"-I cared for you in a different way than I thought I had previously, something changed in me. It might have helped that I was free from my Father's influence, but it feels like I've left a part of me behind. A part that shielded me from the world... I haven't entirely gotten use to be bared."

Robin said, honestly, "I'm glad you had the chance."

"But my emotions... they are still dangerous, but only to me... and I can't... I can't get over it, there's still..."

Her head bowed defeated and her voice shook a little. She was about to run her sleeve over her dry eyes when Robin boldly hugged her against him and kissed the side of her face. She dropped her bag in mild surprise. This man was not known to be affectionate on a public street corner.

He said gently, letting his palm cup her cheek, "Forget about your emotions. I know you hate talking about them. This was one of the greatest days I could be having.The thing that _made_ it great was that I spent the day away from my responsibilities and enjoyed it with you. How many guys get the opportunity to be in the company of the most beautiful girl in Jump City?"

Raven smiled at this, not only flattered and happy, but also laughing on the inside. He was such a liar. They both knew Robin wouldn't trade his duty for anything. He loved fighting for justice, especially the fighting part, and it would always feel like it was his sacred calling.

 _Secretly_... she felt the same.

She glanced back at the clocks. "We have a half an hour to kill," Raven observed. "How are we getting to the club?"

"Walk?" he said "It's only three-fourths of a mile and if you get tired, I can give you a piggy back ride."

Raven snorted softly.

"I think I'll pass."

He said considerately, "... Or I can do _this-_ " With his amazing reflexes, he picked her up around the waist and sling her over his shoulder. Raven beat her fists against his back, not wanting to use her magic to hurt him. Though it was very tempting.

"Put me down this instant! Don't make me knock you over!"

Cackling a bit manically, he pulled out his concealed Grappling Hook. A yellow cord wrapped itself high above a building.

" _Dick!_ Don't even-"

Despite her death threats, Robin did the unthinkable and swung off his feet. Soon, they were zooming through the air, Raven screaming at the top of her lungs. Her energy inched up the cord, breaking it in half. They took a tumble onto the road.

She landed ungracefully near the curb and looked up as an oncoming car veered into Robin's path where the bottom half of his body would most likely be crushed. Raven clutched the back of his hood and wretched him out of the way seconds before the Corvette passed, blaring its horn at them.

He took a moment to catch his breath before yelling, "Are you _deranged_ or something?"

" _Me?_ I'm not the one who decided to take up flying on an unstable wire!"

"It was unstable when you snapped it in _two_!"

Blue eyes and violet eyes glared.

They rose from the sidewalk. Robin ran his hands through his spiky hair and said more evenly, "I got overexcited. Someone could have gotten hurt."

Raven nodded, "You're right," and took a hold of his arm fiercely, eyes glowing, " _Now_ it's my turn."

His bright blue eyes widened. She shot straight up into the air, dragging him through air currents and evading clouds, then pitched through the night sky, settling a few feet from _Sato_ 's entrance. Raven said loathingly, "How did you like that, Boy Wonder? Not so fun when you're the victim?"

He just stared at her, a windswept mess. She sighed as if this one-sided conversation was boring.

Raven went for the entrance. When she saw that he wasn't moving, Raven pushed him inside with irritation. The techno beat pounded into their skulls and she disappeared into the women's restroom. After some blank moments, the first signs of anger took his thoughts. What the hell was her problem? He was sorry for scaring her, but did she _have_ to be-?

All remnants of anger replaced by hot desire when Raven came back, bright lights from the ceiling flashing in her face.

Substituting the casual look was a petite scarlet dress. But not any ordinary dress. It had tiny clean slashes in the front, coming from the neck to the stomach, exposing a bit of skin and suggesting the curve of a breast. Raven liked the gleaming in his eyes and twirled around, the back had black stripes on the shoulders diagonally crossing each other.

"That's what you bought at the mall?"

"Uh-huh."

"To... dance in?"

"Uh-huh."

"You also chose this because you thought... I'd like it?"

"It certainly isn't for Starfire's attention." Raven put her hands on her well-rounded hips, giving him a knowing look.

Robin threw up his arms ridiculously, and said, clearly thrilled, "Titans dance!"

' _On second thought, maybe this wasn't such a good idea..."_

It didn't matter. A new song picked up and they were swept up in the rhythm, losing all conscious thoughts. People all around them- get away -bumping, grinding- " _so block out the sun"_ -twisting, turning- where was everyone else -when the song ended and the crowd divided, Raven thought she saw the top of Cyborg's head somewhere in the back.

Robin wrapped his arms around her waist, bringing her back to reality, and slow danced with her. All of his concentration on her. No matter how many times he gazed at her with those big blues, her heart would thump a little faster and her cheeks would glow a little redder. She was use to him looking at her through a mask but when it was his affectionate gaze, she felt restless yet intoxicated.

Raven swallowed, thinking about her center, _focusing_ on her centre.

"Robin, if you didn't want to take off your mask.... you shouldn't have."

He smiled.

"As impossible as it sounds, I'm okay without it. It could be the fact that it's really dark in here."

Raven couldn't look into his eyes without losing _some_ kind of control. They separated and she stared over his shoulder. "If I knew I'd been stepping out of bounds, I wouldn't have tried." Robin caught on to how she avoided his eyes.

"Okay, what's going on?"

"... I just feel bad."

He said, slightly annoyed, "It's _fine_ , Raven. I'm not mad anymore." His hand didn't stray for his pocket. She was torn, half of her begged him to listen, the other half glad and had all intentions on ripping the stupid thing and obliterating it into Hell. "Do you remember the first time we ever came here?" he asked a bit more relaxed.

"The age limit in the bar was eighteen. We were underaged, and Beast Boy almost got us kicked out for trying the alcohol," Raven vaguely recalled.

"No, that was at a different club. I meant here when we were seventeen."

How could she _forget_? It was the place of many firsts. The first time she willingly danced in public, the first time she wore absurd clothing, and her first kiss with the last person she expected would have feelings for her.

"What about this place?" Raven asked this question as they took a seat near the bar. The bartender slid them two beverages, bubbling patiently.

"I don't think I'll ever forget," Robin said almost serenely, taking a sip of his drink. Raven raised an eyebrow.

"Go on..."

"When I tore the walls surrounding you. Tapping into something no one else could."

"And that's something to _brag_ about? You make me sound like I was some sort of experiment. 'Oh, let's see how far I make Raven trust people. Maybe I can finally solve this mystery that I so compulsively can't get over'." She didn't realize that she said it with such _animosity_. Raven pushed her drink aside impatiently.

Robin didn't say anything for a minute.

His blue eyes hardened, surprising her. "I think on it now and I take it back."

".... Excuse me?"

"You _mock_ everything and don't feel any remorse, don't you? I must have been stupid to think you of all people could act in any way loving, that I could somehow bring out that side of you. You're just not capable of that. If you want to be cold for the rest of your life and shut yourself away in your ivory tower, Raven, that's fine - just don't expect me to understand and don't expect me to live with that."

If Indifferent Raven had been there, she would have thought nothing of his words and made a stinging remark back in his face. But that part of Raven was _gone_ , and she didn't have that protection anymore. Amethyst eyes glittered with unshed tears.

"If anyone here is unfeeling, it's _you_."

Within the crowd, the rest of their friends pushed through, laughing and sweating profusely. Starfire was the one to spot the birds and waved frantically, " _Friends_ , we have found you-!" She stopped calling when Beast Boy's hand clamped over her shoulder.

"This can't be good," he whispered.

The couple didn't seem to aware of anyone else around them. They were caught up in their own hateful world. Robin shouted clearly over other voices, "Oh yeah, Raven, I'm the one who bitches at everyone because I didn't like how they think and doesn't give a _shit_ about their feelings in the process!"

"I feel as much as any person in this damn room! What hurts me are selfish, uncaring, bastards like _YOU!_ "

He grabbed her bare shoulders roughly and their teammates feared the worst. A glowing starbolt hit the center between his eyes and Robin fell back into several drinking people, sliding across the floor. Starfire stood unmoving, her right arm thrust out in front of her, glowing green eyes vivid with horror and grim satisfaction.

Cyborg said boomingly to the gawking onlookers, "There's nothing to see here, y'all. Go back to your dancing." They obeyed, nervously standing a few feet in the distance. Beast Boy ran past Starfire to another motionless figure, gazing blindly at the floor. The only thing that moved were the rare tears dripping down her sallow face.

"Rae. Say something."

Cyborg picked up Robin's body, his head dangling unkindly backwards.

"Rae...?"

*

 


	6. Chapter 6

*

A giggling echoed in the Tower. Someone crouched down by the Titan's unlit pine tree. Starfire's excitement must have leaked out into the other rooms of the building because Raven, Cyborg, and Beast Boy soon came shuffling into the front room a few moments after.

Beast Boy rubbed his tired eyes, complaining, "What are you doing, Star? Christmas isn't until three weeks."

"I know! I have put out the presents I have purchased under the Tree of Christmas early," Starfire said, once again giggling merrily.

"Christmas tree. It's called a Christmas tree," he repeated sleepily in his froggy boxers.

"Yes. The Christmas Tree."

Raven blinked confused. "Starfire, _what_ are you wearing?"

The Tamaranean twirled in her red, velvet halter, miniskirt, and a little Santa's hat which sat perched on top her head. All trimmed in white faux fur. "I acquired it at the Mall of Shopping. Do you not like it?" With a bemused expression, she lifted the hem of her skirt to examine the material and left a generous look of amber thigh.

Raven went over to smooth her skirt out for her as the boys drooled a little.

"Nothing is the matter with it," she said calmly. "We were worried you might try to decorate the tree without supervision… again."

Ah yes, Starfire's opportunity to plan Christmas last year. Let's just say, candy canes are forbidden from now on. The hyper alien attempted to starbolt last year's tree to pieces.

"No, we shall decorate the Christmas Tree together next week, correct?"

Cyborg nodded. "That's what we agreed... has anyone seen Spike-head? He can't be still asleep, can he?"

Raven answered but Starfire detected a note of whim to her normally monotonous voice. "Not sure," and changed the subject very quickly, "Is anyone hungry?" That brought on a riot as Cyborg and Beast Boy raced into the kitchen to begin the battle of who-was-using-the-oven-top-first.

"Get your tofu crap outta my face!"

"No way, I wanna cook my tofu! Get the hell out of my way!"

"Bacon and eggs are better!"

"Tofu is _healthier_!"

"No one here cares about being healthy! The only thing we eat is pizza and Chinese!"

Starfire didn't like hearing them repeatedly screaming at each other so she distracted herself by making her annual Christmas pudding... _let's see_... yes, all she needed was some berries of the straw...pickles...catsup...spinach...

Her head jerked up when Robin entered.

What confused her was that he wore no mask and his sharp blue eyes gazed at her with clear anxiety.

"Friend Robin? What distresses you?"

Cyborg stopped slapping Beast Boy with his spatula to glance at him. "Rob, man, you're usually up before us. What's the deal?"

"I've been awake. My eyemasks... the ones I keep in my closet are gone. I've been looking for them since this morning."

Starfire spoke up, horror-struck, "Someone has stolen them?"

"... _Dude_ , how many of those do you own?"

Robin said without a hint of joking, "Three hundred and sixty four of them. Gone missing."

Beast Boy's mouth dropped almost to his feet. "Three hundred.... sixty four?" he breathed. "You aren't kidding, are you?"

He frowned, cracking his knuckles. "Does I sound like I'm kidding? Every one of them is _missing_."

The changeling still gaped.

"What would someone do with _three hundred and sixty four_ masks?"

Cyborg proposed, "Throw a Robin-themed party?"

" _NO_! Don'ca think they'd take his costumes, too!" Beast Boy gestured to the red, yellow, and green clad man, staring at Cyborg as if he were an idiot.

"You got me there," Cyborg replied.

"She wanted him to experience one day where he wasn't hiding behind something." They all glanced at Raven who had spoken up and crossed her arms, gazing only at Robin. Her beautiful face not hard or expressionless. She looked not quite pleading. Starfire watched on as the violet-haired woman added, "You had the courage to take me out of my comfort zone, knowing what consequences could come from it. I'm doing the same to you. You'll get them back - I promise you that."

Robin drew himself up to his full height (he was pretty tall) and stood in front of her to stare her down.

Her violet eyes shone dimly into his. She seemed not afraid.

Starfire knew the kind of person Robin was: extremely serious, hardly took _No_ for an answer, hardly cracked a joke in the past. She couldn't stand it if it turned out to be another conflict. They had gotten over the outcome of the last one in November.

**_..._ **

_Flashback._

**_..._ **

_She knew that her leader was in no condition to attack her, and so, she wasn't frightened by him. Starfire crossed the threshold of the training room to see Robin sitting on the mat floor, his broad-caped back to the doorway. The morning sun playing in his black hair. He sensed her arrival._

_"Hey, Star," he murmured, throwing away the broken Grappling Hook he had been fixing._

_"I do not regret forcing you to stop."_

_Robin finally turned around, his mask meeting her eyes. She added gravely, "If you had harmed Friend Raven - which I do not think you would have - it would have been far worse."_

_He was ashamed enough to stare back at the wall._

_"Last night... was really bad. Star, I can't believe I said those things to her." His hands ran through his unkempt locks. The alien woman knew the honesty in what he said. She believed in him so much she was at times blinded by her devotion for him. Starfire sat beside him, curling her knees to her chest._

_"Then mend your relationship with Raven and say sorry for your mean words."_

_"I don't think apologizing is going to cut it."_

_She persisted, "It is worth a try."_

_He looked at her kind smile and encouraging green eyes. She allowed him to hug her when Robin's arms draped around her shoulders and returned it gladly. Time was lost on them when they lingered where they were. Robin left. She gave him a good ten minute headstart before following him into the lobby. Starfire stayed by the doors._

_Beast Boy and Raven sat in some chairs; he held her hand quietly, glaring at Robin as he talked rapidly with frenzied hand gestures. It looked like Robin was trying to persuade Raven of something. Her face only read doubt. Starfire couldn't hear the discussion._

_After Robin became silent, Raven's wry eyes flicked to a pair of green. Beast Boy nodded reluctantly and let her hand go. Robin and Raven left through the central hallway. Starfire stepped out of the way. She ran down the stairs to where the green changeling nonetheless sat. "What has happened?" she asked.  
_

_"Raven agreed to talk it out. I never have seen her so freaked before. Raven doesn't_ GET _freak out."_

_"Yes, Friend Robin is also very upset."_

_Beast Boy's face darkened._

_"He better have a_ damn _good reason for nearly losing it."_

_"I do not think Robin would have harmed one of his friends. Robin does not do such things," she insisted, firmly.  
_

_"You're too nice, Starfire," he said lowly and she averted her eyes._

_"Perhaps you should believe in him more, Beast Boy."_

_"Garfield," he corrected her, and Starfire looked surprised. "I'm sick of being called Boy. Everyone here can just call me by my real name if they really want to."_

_"_ Real name... _" Her lips traced over her words. "... on my home planet, I am known as Koriand'r."_

_"Koria. Cute name." He smirked.  
_

_"Garfield is also a worthy name." He got up from the couch, trying desperately to hide the red blossoming his neck._

_"The suspense is killing me. I have to see what's going on." Beast Boy eyed her to see if she would try and stop him but was stunned to see her already on her way out. They suspected the Tower's roof was the place and indeed found them up there. The two spying Titans hid behind the potted shrubbery Cyborg installed after the past destruction of the recreation chairs. He said it 'added life'. Starfire brushed aside a large lush green leaf and looked dismayed at the private scene unfolding in front of her eyes. The couple stood near the basketball court, under one of the hoops, talking very slowly._

_What Starfire caught- "never in my life have I been hurt like that... not by my Father's power... not by Malchior's betrayal..." Raven's violet eyes closed, her eyelids trembling._

_Starfire felt Beast Boy squeeze her hand rigidly at the mention of the wizard's name. She didn't mind it._

_"I'm so sorry, Raven." Robin shook his head. "I hate myself for doing this to you. I wasn't thinking."_

_Her monotone faded and a wavering replaced it,_ "Don't... _You were. You were thinking. It hurts me because it's true. I_ am _distant from you and the rest of our friends. Even now." Her eyes opened to reveal tears brimming. He hugged her shoulders, and she didn't push him away._

_His own tone became slightly shaky, "You'll overcome being distant. I want to help you. Relationships have their ups and downs; it's the only way we can grow."_

_"I want us to be happy, Dick. I don't want to fight with you anymore."_

_Raven brought her arms around his back and held onto him, burying her released tears from sight. He pressed his face against the top of her head. "I don't either."_

_Starfire figured their privacy had been invaded enough and pulled Beast Boy back out the door; thankfully, he didn't resist. As they went the fifth floor, Beast Boy said reassuringly, "They'll be fine. They'll probably put off saying this but they love each other. We both saw it."_

_She unfolded her arms. "Yes, you are alright."  
_

**_..._ **

_End Flashback._

**_..._ **

She didn't grimace as Beast Boy did because she saw bright blue eyes quietly alter into fondness.

"I guess it wouldn't hurt for today. It's just a mask," he said. Starfire let out a relieved breath as the empath smiled in his arms wrapping around her.

The rest of the morning went by in a wink. Breakfast had been settled with equal amounts of healthy and carb-filled foods. Robin was dared to try Beast Boy's seaweed energy drink and Starfire's half-finished Christmas pudding. The drink went down better than the pudding. He appeared to be more lively without his mask. His expressions at times remained unmoved but his eyes were enough.

The way they watered when Starfire shoveled the gray goo into his mouth, the way they laughed when he beat Beast Boy and Cyborg at GameStation, the way they smiled when he talked to her, the way every emotion shined when they peered at Raven. Starfire was particularly fascinated about the looks he shared with Raven.

He might have not looked at Starfire like that when they were dating. And she would have been envious if she had not cared about the bond Raven and Robin shared.

In the past... admittedly, she had not.

**_..._ **

_Flashback._

**_..._ **

_Nobody in Titans Tower was ignorant to what goes on._

_Since humankind was saved and Slade being out of the way during those first few months, the five members of Teen Titans spent a lot of time together. Sometimes it got on each other's nerves but that's roommate basics. Occasionally, there was the Hive and a lesser villain to take care of but they had plenty of free time._

_Although some of the Titans preferred to waste their lives meditating in a locked room or training at ungodly hours._

_Starfire, on the other hand, had an evenly balanced share of going out to town and lodging. She loved trying on new clothes and showing them off to her best friends. Starfire also found enthrallment in the subject of gossip, which spread like wildfire. For example, Robin and Starfire's breakup was publicized. The fans of the pairing were in despair, and the rest held a celebration in the streets._

_The only people who knew the cause lived in the Tower. Beast Boy and Cyborg would secretly talk about the possibility of Robin seeing the dark-haired sorceress. Those two could spot the magnetism involving the birds. Maybe Raven would stop acting so cold and grow a funny bone... a happy bone would do fine as a substitute._

_A year passed and nothing happened. Nothing in a public domain in any case. And Starfire couldn't be more pleased. She wasn't clingy, oh no. She was, however, so used to Robin paying attention to her. She wouldn't be able to stand the fact that Robin could be attracted to another woman, especially_ Raven.

_Raven was her friend but was not upbeat or tended to act like she wanted half the people she knew rotting in their graves. Who would be charmed by that attitude?_

_Starfire knew if she wanted Robin's attention... she had to make sure it would have it again, unmistakably._

_After lunch on Thursday, her teammates went into their normal rotations. Cyborg and Beast Boy played a ninja videogame. Robin disappeared into the training room. Raven... well, simply disappeared._

_The Tamaranean got up from watching television and carefully made her way into the observation room. If you punched in the right code, you would be guaranteed access to every stakeout camera inside and out the premises. Hacker proof, virus proof, it was unbeatable. But you'd get only one chance before the alarms go off._

_A cool, mechanical voice trickled from the ceiling, " **PLEASE PRESS THE CORRECT CODE NUMBER."** _

_Without a moment's hesitation, she obeyed._

_It responded immediately, " **CAMERA SURVEILLANCE ACCESS GRANTED. HAVE A NICE DAY, MR. STONE."**_

_On the seven-foot-tall screen in front of her flashed hundreds of mini screens... with the pushing of a few buttons, she was left with one._

_The training room's entrance. In full color, an image of a man kicking a punching bag and Starfire pressed with her knuckles **SOUND ON**. The sounds of her leader grunting with physical effort blared from the speakers. She leaned forward, staring intently. _

_He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand and looked to the side at something Starfire couldn't see._

_"Hey."_

_A hooded figure magically appeared in the camera's line-of-vision, white cloak swaying._

_"You shouldn't wear that hood," he said.  
_

_A deadpan poured out, "Why is that?"_

_He ran his thumb over the raven symbol on her neck and unclasped the cloak. It fell onto the padded floor to expose a long-haired, curvy woman in white. Starfire's mouth twitched a moment as Robin flashed a big smirk in Raven's direction. "It hides your best feature," he explained, matter-of-factly.  
_

_"Yes... because that's the only thing you're partial to. My face." She raised a delicate eyebrow._

_He placed a green, gloved hand around her thin waist tightly, drawing her close._

_"Alright, it's not the_ only _thing. You are very attractive, Raven."_

 _She shrugged, brushing her fingertips against his arm. "At least you're more direct. But if I knew you were going to get handsy, I would have met you somewhere more private,_ Dick _." Raven ran her palms up to his chest with a smile. This was a far more confident Raven that Starfire had ever encountered. It was one Robin was enjoying._

_"Don't call me that."_

_But an usually warm smile crossed his face and it touched Raven's lips gently._

_At first, the empath did nothing but absorb the kiss, and finally responded by slinging her arms round his neck and moaning lightly as their kisses deepened. Starfire was torn about blowing up the giant screen until Raven suddenly pulled away, gasping, "Wait... the door is wide open. What if someone catches us?" Robin pretended to look hurt._

_"Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?"_

_She pinched him unkindly and he jumped out of the embrace, laughing._

_"_ Damn! _Tell me you do that all the time..."_

_"Quit it. I'm being serious. What if Beast Boy finds us and makes some sort of brainless remark?"_

_"Beast Boy is always going to make a brainless remark. That's how he is. What is this really about?"_

_Robin gave her a deliberate glance and she sighed, "I worry... about Starfire's opinion about this. I didn't want to hurt her back then and I don't want to start now."_

_"We talk to her, remember? All three of us? She seemed alright."_

_Raven argued, "Looks deceive."_

_"We're not hurting anyone."_

_That last sentence pounded into the Tamaranean's skull. The image of an understanding Robin and an unsure Raven was overshadowed by darkness._

_She pushed **SOUND OFF**._

_On Starfire's way out, she clutched the metal siding on the doorway and ripped out a giant chunk, chucking it at the wall. It took every ounce of will power not to blow off steam. But she was prepared to have her way. Starfire found her meditating on the rooftop near sunset, the clouds making dreary overcast above their heads._

_Raven knew her approaching and opened her purple eyes, her braidswinging to the wind. "Hello."_

_"Friend Raven."_

_Starfire did not float, she only floated when she was happy, but moved towards where she sat. "Are you having a good day, Friend Raven?"_

_Raven nodded, burrowing her brows. "Starfire, are you ok?" she asked, "You seem a bit... upset."_

_"You did not answer my question, Friend Raven."_

_"I am having a good day, yes, Starfire."_

_The alien woman forced a wide grin. "Is Robin having a good day, too?"_

_Raven frowned at her._

_"Why do you have to ask me?"_

_Starfire's grin almost resembled a sneer as she commented, "You read emotions, do you not? Surely you know how Robin feels about his day or about certain people in it."_

_"I don't read emotions unless I have to, like right now you're sending big waves of anger towards me."_

_Starfire's hands began glowing. "I don't understand! Robin needs_ me _!" she yelled. "We are only on a time-out!"_

_"I thought we talked about this." Raven said, holding a hand to her forehead. "I'm sorry that the breakup hurt you, Starfire. Azar, I really am but if Dick decides he wants to see other people, you can't hold that against him." The alien woman stepped forward and Raven drew herself to her feet._

_"You were my best friend and you cannot steal Robin from me!"_

_Raven blocked the earliest and weakest starbolt sent at her and put up a blue shield against another._

_"I'm not s_ tealing _him from you. Dick isn't a thing, you can't own him!"_ _The empath said, lowering her shield, "Please.... Starfire. Reason with me."_

_Starfire took her opportunity. To punch her square in the face with her alien strength. Raven's head snapped back and she stood teetering a moment before losing equilibrium over the edge. As Raven tumbled head first in the air, an orange hand grabbed her ankle so that Raven dangled upside down from the rooftop. S_

_tarfire's eyes stopped glowing and she remained kneeling, suspending her from her death._

_After a few seconds of regaining her short-winded breathing, Starfire slowly pulled Raven back on solid ground, cradling her dizzy friend. "What the hell is going on?" The other three Titans watched astonished as Starfire wiped the sweat off her upper lip and Raven came around._

_The Tamaranean helped her to her feet, tears forming in her green eyes. "Forgive me, Raven... I..."_

_Raven rubbed her jaw. "Aaaaaahhh- I think we all need to settle this before you kill someone," she muttered.  
_

_"I do not know what came over me... but yes, you are right."_

_"I saw you down on the rocks." Robin said, angrily, "Starfire, why-?"_

_Raven interrupted him, fingering the red mark on her face, "I think Starfire somehow caught us earlier, Dick. I'm not sure how but she knows."_

_His face contorted and Starfire hated the disappointment showing._

_"Star, I thought you were okay with this."_

_"... It is hard. I understand I am feeling what they call 'jealousy'."_

_"That's normal but to act out on that feeling, you could have seriously hurt Raven."_

_Starfire bowed her head, the wash of oncoming tears piercing the back of her eyes."I am sorry. I know not what I would have done if I had damaged you." She was flabbergasted to find the normally stoic woman hugging her. Raven's lips were graced by a small smile._

_"You could have easily let me fall off the roof but you didn't... and because of that, I'm still your best friend, Starfire."_

_Starfre squealed mildly and hugged her back._

_The green changeling shouted in the background, "-Dude, I totally won! Starfire kicked Raven's butt! Now where's my ten bucks?"_

**_..._ **

_End Flashback._

**_..._ **

A wild roar of laughter brought her back to reality. Beast Boy was doing his twenty-second funny animal impressions and her friends were getting a kick out of them.

Cyborg looked over at her and grinned. "Yo, Santa's little helper, get your bee-hind over here!"

She grinned back and floated on the cushion between him and Beast Boy. He stretched out over her, turning into a green kitten, and she happily scratched his tummy. Robin asked from the other side of the couch, "Anyone up for some pizza?"

Starfire giggled, clapping her hands.

"Yes, please! I am overjoyed that I had the chance to go shopping for everyone!"

They all got from the couch to change into street clothes. Cyborg yelled over their voices in the garage, " _I'm_ driving! I don't care if he has his license! I don't trust grass-stain over there!" Kitten Beast Boy hissed angrily, and Starfire holding him in her arms, pet his furry head consolingly as he purred.

The T-Car past the central highway, speeding by an older neighborhood when Robin suddenly grabbed the dashboard, crying out, "Stop the car, Cyborg!" The tin-man slammed on the brakes and as they skidded, the latter climbed out to stare up. "No... _damn it_."

Raven followed after him.

"What is it?" she asked, quietly.

Robin took her arm and pointed down the way. About ten yards away, a burly, tattooed thug gripped a chain tied to a giant scrap metal dog who cornered a group of civilians. Nearby, Cinderblock knocked down random buildings. Cyborg hollered over the fire sirens, "Rob, man! What's the plan!"

Starfire came up behind him and heard him say lowly, " _Move out_." Robin yanked out his Bo-Staff and took off into a run.

Cyborg shouted over the rest of them, "You heard the man! Titans go!"

She soared upwards into the air as Johnny Rancid laughed.

"Aw, it's Kiddy Titans and Bird-boy. I think you all know Cinderblock, my partner in destruction. We speak the same language."

Cinderblock let out a wordless roar and Raven remarked, "Mindless bellowing, oh yeah."

Johnny threatened, pointing a finger at her, "You're gonna get _yours_ , you little witch! Just you wait for it!"

Robin stopped Cyborg from blasting him with his Sonic Cannon. Innocent lives were at stake.

"If you want to fight, leave these people out of it and deal with us," he said. "What do you want?"

Johnny dropped the chain with a vicious grin and Rex-2 went charging at the huddling mass. He tugged the robot dog back at the last second and it snarled grotesquely. Somebody fainted on the sidewalk. Robin's clear blue eyes slit at the villain. "I guess there's nothing to talk about." He attacked the villain with a hard hit across the head.

" _Titans, take Cinderblock down!_ "

Starfire hit the monster with all she had, shrieking at the top of her lungs. She dodged the sharp glass thrown in her path and fell back so Cyborg could shoot. Starfire looked back at Robin where he had Johnny on the ground, staring down on him with the fiercest glare she ever saw. Or had been allowed.

Johnny let go of the chain.

Starfire flung at starbolt at Rex-2 and it changed its mind to chasing after her instead of the civilians. The alien woman winced as flying oil sludge dripped on her face and pink clothes. With several more starbolts, she backed the creature at the rear of Cinderblock, who was propelled through the air by Raven. It crushed the robot dog and knocked the giant out cold.

The rest happened in what seemed like slow motion.

Starfire whipped around to the sound of a child crying. A battered-looking Robin pushed the child aside harshly, just as Johnny Rancid threw something towards him.

" _ **ROBIN**!"_

The screams coming from Robin's throat chilled the air surrounding her, _so thick, so pulsating_ , and Starfire fell to the ground with a _thump_ , scrambling on her feet to reach him. He was screaming like he was dying. She saw through a blur as Robin fell on his side limp. She got to him first.

Starfire tried to examine him to see what was wrong, but her hands were shaking too hard.

Beast Boy stopped beside her at once, gawking at the liquid glistening on the unconscious man's face. Jade widened. Pupils darkening. The changeling let out a loud howl and transformed into a panther, tackling a running Johnny. Something _crack_ ed in the remote stillness that was Park Street.

She let out a shivering breath, touching his forehead.

"Robin? Robin, please awaken...?" Starfire gasped when the liquid on his face grazed her skin. It was _burning_ hot.

He wasn't replying.

Cyborg's voice entered her hearing, "-The police has this covered. We have to get him to a hospital."

Her lips numb. " _Hospital?_ "

He stopped talking to a paled Beast Boy and said gently to her as if she were a child who didn't understand, "We don't have time to analyze this stuff. Whatever this punk used, it could hurt Robin. We have to get him out of here now." This couldn't be real... Robin doesn't get hurt... he doesn't go to _hospitals_.

Cyborg grasped her by the shoulders.

"Can you bring Raven back to the T-Car? Can you do that, Star?"

Starfire stared at him dumbfounded. A minute passed before her legs got feeling and went over to where Raven could be found.

The Tamaranean swallowed, her throat dry.

"Raven... we must go..."

The empath had her face buried in her hands and Star pried them away to make her stand. The look in her violet eyes was enough to make Starfire want to start sobbing on the spot, but Cyborg had given her a job. When Robin couldn't take control, he was second-in-command.

Tenderly, Starfire led her to the passenger's seat. Raven didn't move to buckle her seatbelt so she did it for her.

The next few hours were lost on her. She didn't remember Beast Boy becoming hysterical, Cyborg slapping him, Robin's bruised form being wheeled into the emergency room, Raven being absolutely still and the same air of grief imprinted over her face. Her thoughts drifted in and out until Starfire discovered that she was sitting in the waiting room.

The window across from her full of inky black night and speckled with stars. Cyborg on her right, his hands entwined together in a gesture that she remembered Raven mentioning as 'prayer'.

On the far left wall, Beast Boy glanced at Starfire with glazed eyes. A sleeping Raven leaned on his shoulder, his arm enveloping her.

Cyborg stopped 'prayer' and raised his eyes to Beast Boy's, then rested his gaze on Raven's face. Beast Boy gazed down at her sadly, licking his chapped lips absently.

They were all hoping for the same thing.

_Answers._

*


	7. Chapter 7

*

_Not a dream... a horrific recollection. Of when Cinderblock fell in the street on top of that slobbering metal deathtrap. Black slime poured out upon the street like pressurized jets of water. Her hands lowered to her sides and Raven looked back at everyone else. Cyborg herded the crowd of useless gawkers away from the scene. Starfire and Beast Boy were only a yard or two away._

_A touch. A premonition hummed around her head._

_No images, no tingling going up and down her spine, no loss of breath. Just a feeling... that... something had gone terribly, terribly wrong._

_A name issued through her lips, her voice rising to a scream even though she had no idea what was going on. Then she saw Robin's arms arch back as he fell onto the gravel-sewn street._

_He was out._

_Down._

_She felt a sinking in her chest... perhaps her heart was failing...  
_

_Starfire was by his side in an instant. She would have sacrificed herself if it meant to save Robin's life, Raven knew this. She knelt there beside him. Her face the picture of astonishment. Beast Boy joined her and let out the coldest, inhumane sound from his throat, going after Johnny Rancid. In a fit of uncontrollable rage, he snapped Johnny's legs in his jaws._

_Blood mixed with oil. . . was Robin bleeding?. . . . . we're suppose to be the good guys. . . . good defeats all evil. . . . . . . we're suppose to protect our people at all costs. . . . . . . . even with our lives. . . . . . . he has to be alive, Azar, keep my leader alive- no, my lover- I love him, I can't lose him, we're suppose to fight crime until we're too old and die in each other's arms. . . . . not like this. . . . not with all these people watching. . . . not when he's alone. . ._

*

Her mouth moved to perfectly form the last word. Her closed eyes began to sting.

A friendly voice floated into her hearing, "... Rae, are you awake?"

Beast Boy's green eyes peered into her half opened lids. He crouched in front of her with two cups in his hands.

With aching limbs, she wordlessly plucked one from his fingers and took a swallow of the hot liquid. Dark and bitter. Coffee. It wasn't tea, but Raven didn't mind because she didn't want to be _calm_. She wanted to forget yesterday, go back and erase it from existence.

Beast Boy, in a ripped shirt and pants, sat down in the waiting room chair beside her.

Raven looked around.

Tacky red and green paper decorations hung taped over the huge windows and the ceiling of the room. A fake Christmas tree stuffed in the corner, gleaming with glittery popcorn stringing and extra ornaments made by the patients from the Children's Ward. All of it, that cheeriness, it _mocked_ her.

No one on their team had ever been sent to this hospital before. She'd never been inside one until yesterday.

Not when Robin fractured his arm, not when she left her body for a month, not when Starfire got her face slashed...

_Suppressed memories. No good returning to what happened._

The Tamaranean emerged from the girl's washroom, a blank expression plastered over her generally bright face. It intimidated Raven to see a lack of emotion. Starfire hunkered two seats down, staring ahead paralyzed. Her eyes weren't wet; she wasn't about to cry. _Good_. Raven's emotions already felt like they were going to burst.

There was no sign of Cyborg anywhere.

Raven scooted a seat next to her and reached out to take Starfire's hand. She pulled away, but Raven would have none of that. The empath took the orange hand into both of her own, asking placidly, "What's the news? Has anyone said anything?"

"We don't know." That's all Starfire said before she continued to stare ahead vacantly. It wasn't much of an answer, but Raven didn't push for more. The staircase door nearby swung open. A nurse, a female in her late thirties, said loudly, "Is there a Raven here? Raven?"

She unwrapped her hands and set Starfire's limp hand back into her lap, getting up.

The dark-eyed nurse took her arm and began walking with her upstairs. Raven didn't look back. Through a busy hallway, Nurse ' _Camila_ ' as it read on her nametag, attempted to make conversation. "He is quite the gentlemen." She told Raven mildly, smiling, "I can see why a young lady like yourself would fall for him- _Oh_ , beg pardon. I know that face. He's a sweet boy, and polite, too. Hardly ever complains when we go through procedures. Are you his fiancée?"

Raven said nothing to her and Camila prattled on cheerfully, "He has requested that you should see him immediately." She stopped them in front of _Room 364_. "Here we are. I'll leave you two to it." The nurse vanished to attend to an older woman with a walker in the hallway.

Pallid, slender fingers clasped the doorknob and Raven took in a mouthful of air, not bothering to open the door at that instant.

When she did, she saw that the inside was a private one-person room, a food tray placed aside, and the walls were a dusty yellow color. The individual she was looking for laid in a thin, hospital bed, sheets half pulled up, and one of his eye masks tied around his face.

Raven moved quietly to where Robin slept, her violet eyes tracing over to his bandaged right hand, to the stitches on his neck, and back to his mask.

' _How the hell did he get one of those? Is there a stockpile in the hospital, too?'_

After watching him silently for a few minutes, she realized that he was not asleep and he had been aware of her arrival from the beginning. Robin sat up, a familiar smile tugging the corners of his mouth. Raven couldn't help but throw herself at him, slipping her arms around his warm body, and burying her face into his muscular chest.

" _Azar..._ thank Azar you are still alive..."

Her relief welled up in her eyes and she felt his hands stroke her back, briefly.

He lifted her face, much to her discomfort, his undamaged hand trailed over her ruby chakra on her forehead. He fingered it lovingly and kept on smiling.

"Hey, babe." Oh, who cared if it was a sexist phrase! She was just glad he was even talking. Raven managed a small noise. Robin pushed her when she tried to hug him again. "Rav, I've got to tell you something," he said, lowly. "And I don't know how you're going to take it."

' _He's never called me that before. Something... something is very wrong with this picture.'_

"Are you okay?" she asked.

He rubbed his bandage, shamefully. "I've been better. I called _you_ here because I wanted you to be the first to see, and hopefully the only... This changes nothing. Do you understand me?" She nodded, her throat constricting. Confusion and terror clogging her airway from breathing properly.

Robin asked again, his tone pitching down to severe, "Rav, is that a yes or no?"

" _Yes._ What is it? You're starting to scare me."

A hoarse breath escaped him. Robin kissed her for a short and tender moment, almost considering backing down on his word. _No_. Robin wasn't a coward. He grudgingly raised his hands, sliding his mask over his head. He rubbed his close eyelids slowly and then finally opened them. Staring back at her was two misted, solid white eyes.

"I'm blind."

*

Silence so loud that it was overpowering. It went on forever.

Robin felt her weight on the hospital cot disappear. Raven was backing away. His sensitive hearing detected the sound of a body, a very light body, collapsing into the floor tiles. He pounded the call button on the overhead board and got up. His drugged limbs wavered and Robin sat down heavily. Getting up wasn't an option.

For minutes that seemed like hours, he stayed where he was, wishing that she would snap out of it.

His assigned nurse Camila stepped through the open doorway, chirping, "What can I do for- _SON OF GOD!_ " She gasped, accidentally bumping into Raven's body. " _What on earth_ happened in here?"

"She fainted. Bring her over to the bed."

Camila pursed her lips. "Mr. Grayson..."

"I don't care." Robin tried not to sound exasperated, "Please, Camila - just do this for me." The nurse hauled the figure on the floor onto the foot of her patient's bed. He tugged Raven's motionless form close to him, surprised to find how weightless she seemed, and gently touched her hand,."C'mon, Rav... wake up." Eventually, she came to, and when she did, Raven started crying. The kind of crying that rarely people could show their loved ones.

He took her into his arms awkwardly, a little unsettled by the sudden mood swing.

"Don't cry. Hey, it's okay. You're okay."

"It's not okay," she gulped, "This is all my _fault_. I took your masks... my dream. Oh _Azar..._ if I hadn't interfered, you'd be home right now. Not stuck here... not..."

Robin cradled her head to his chest, ignoring the moisture dampening the front of his hospital clothes. He asked the nurse, "If there's any herbal tea out there, can you get a cup for her? And bring my friends in... their names are Cyborg, Starfire, and Beast Boy."

Camila made another strained expression, making her way out. "Right away, sugar... but for my job's sake, don't do anything I can get fired for…"

If the situation wasn't so serious, Robin might have felt inclined to argue. Right now, he wished all of this wasn't happening. He held Raven's tear-stained face in his hands and said as kindly as he could, "Please, calm down. Don't blame yourself for this happening."

"But... my dream..."

"What would it have changed? Rav, we're suppose to put our necks on the line. I know the consequences of what I do. I would have done the same thing over again with or without a mask. I found an extra one in my pocket when we left. I chose not to put it on." Robin wiped away the remainder of her tears with the pads of his thumbs. "Later we'll talk about your dream and can have a good cry, but now you have to get a grip on yourself. I don't want everyone else to see you like this."

Heavy footsteps were coming up the hallway. Raven reached for the Kleenex box nearby and blew her nose, dabbing her red-tinged eyes. Robin ran a hand through her messy sleep-tousled hair. "You're always beautiful," he said patiently, massaging her back as a group of three stared at the pair from outside. Robin gazed at him maskless.

Their faces, all of them had equal expressions of fear etched on them. Not for themselves, but for their leader.

Starfire gasped out, "No... no no _no!_ "

Instinctively, he reached his hand out and she came forward to take it, squeezing his fingers painfully. Several drops of tears splashed onto his arm.

" _Robin..._ "

He held up his bandaged hand.

"Team, before you ask questions, I have to explain the situation I am in. I sustained a few abrasions and an incision on my neck." Robin pointed to his eyes somewhat bitterly. "What Johnny Rancid threw in my eyes was a chemical that burns corneas and erases the irises. He has rendered me blind."

"Permanently...?" Cyborg murmured.

"Permanently. The damage is irreversible by any-" Robin's head snapped to the left, in Beast Boy's direction. "Beast Boy. You're fidgeting. You want to ask something?"

The green changeling gaped, holding up a finger.

" _Dude_ , how did you do that?"

"Cutting off my vision heightened the rest of my senses. It reminds me of the time I searched for the True Master. I battled the Snake and he taught me to fight in darkness and not to rely on my senses. I can't really explain it but I can feel things, not in a mystical sense like Raven, but at random. The chemical might have something to do with it."

Raven questioned, dully, "Radioactive?"

"No, the lab would have identified it if it was radioactive. But, Cyborg, I figured you might want to test it out yourself." Robin pulled out a vial tube out from under his mattress and tossed it in the air. Cyborg moved a little to the right to catch it. Beast Boy shook his head, made a comment about keeping dangerous chemicals under the mattress. He received several smacks on the head.

Raven lowered her eyes. She couldn't bear to look at their faces anymore.

Something inside of her threatened to burst.

Robin went on, "I'm staying here to train and take some more tests. I wouldn't do it if I didn't have to. Cyborg, you're in charge for now."

The other man nodded, grimly.

"How did we do against Cinderblock? Did Johnny Rancid get away?"

Cyborg's glance switched over to an uncomfortable green changeling.

"No. Beast Boy took care of him."

"Civilians safe?"

"Yes."

"That's good news - we should make sure-"

Suddenly, the food tray on Robin's right side went flying on the floor as a hand swiped it away.

Starfire held her fists, eyes glowing, and stopped when she saw Raven stand up, her hands in her hair. She said with a raised voice, objects in the room turning dark blue, "How can you stand it? How can you stay calm when you know your life can never go back to how it was? How can you not feel anything? You are _blind,_ Dick! _Why_ are you calm?"

Only Robin kept facing forward, his voice restrained, "Because I have to, Raven. Because I _don't_ have a choice. If I have on chance of regaining a trace of what my life was like, I can't let being blind keep me back from living. You know what I'm talking about. We've danced this dance before." Robin touched the bedside. "Sit down."

" _Shut the hell up."_

Gasps reverberated the room.

"I've lost my last piece of sanity over the past three months. I lost my appetite, weight, sleep; I haven't been able to meditate because of the godforsaken images popping up again and again like a never-ending nightmare. Every time I close my eyes, there it is. It is the _last_ thing I want to do."

Robin finally turned his expressionless face to her. "Then what do you want?" he asked.

Quiet. The objects stopped glowing.

"Help." She pressed the heel of her palm against her hairline. "And I don't think I can get it."

Beast Boy blurted out, "I know someone." He dug into his pockets, gum wrappers and dirty napkins falling out. He pulled out a small card. "I saw this woman after my parents abandoned me. She knows all about dreams and junk like that." Beast Boy placed it in her palm and closed her fingers around it.

Her violet eyes flickered over the name _Gloria Esteban_ and she said weakly, "Thank you."

"How do you feel?"

Raven sat back down, tucked in the crook of Robin's arm, answering him, "Like a weight has been lifted, like I can breathe somewhat... so much for staying calm."

"We've seen worse," Cyborg quipped, trying to cheer her up.

"No... that was pretty bad." Another smack across Beast Boy's head from the tin man.

"We're going to get something to eat, you guys want anything?"

Robin mouthed _no_ and Cyborg took Starfire's arm leading her out with Beast Boy. Raven focused her attention back to Robin. "I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted. I'm sorry that I'm not more patient with you."

Raven looked out the window, the late morning sunshine begging to be let in through the gray curtains.

"I wonder sometimes..."

Pallid and tannish fingers laced.

"... how two very different people like us could ever have fell in love," she murmured. A cocky grin pasted over his face.

"I blame fate most of the time."

*

Maybe love didn't have to be explained…maybe they didn't have to understand.

*

 


	8. Chapter 8

*

"We're going to miss you." Nurse Camila said, sadly smiling. "You certainly were a ray of sunshine here."

The twenty-one-year-old superhero pulled on his sneakers and bit back a laugh. "Ray of sunshine? You liked listening to my complaining and walking me to a cramped toilet?"

She protested, "You never complained! Compared to the grizzly old men and screaming rugrats, yes, you were a ray of sunshine."

This time Robin did laugh and she added with a compassionate tone, "I hope you don't plan on coming back here anytime soon."

"No, I don't think so. I will miss you serving me on Jello night though."

She was compelled to give this young man who resembled her teenage son a big bear hug when _Room 364's_ door jarred open. A hint of fragrance wafted into their nostrils. To Robin, it was darker than Starfire's strawberry perfume and the sandalwood the routine nurses wore. He reached out to slip an arm around a slim waist, climbing to his feet.

"Someone dressed fancy today," he pointed out.

"It's a special occasion," Raven answered with a calm tone. The nurse had observed that the violet-haired woman had donned herself in a long, swishy skirt and wine-colored, button up sweater. Some form of pale lipstick on her mouth, ballet-style shoes (bought by Starfire some weeks by), and a pea coat dusted with snowflakes. He touched the material.

"It's snowing?"

She replied, "I was surprised, too."

Camila eyed them in the corner of the room and Raven let him go so Robin could hug the nurse. "Thank you for everything," he said.

She ruffled his hair with her chubby, red fingernails. "No problem, sugar."

"Really," the empath insisted. "I wouldn't have not trusted anyone else to take care of him."

"I must go help the other patients..." Nurse Camila left flushing from the praise and the couple stepped into the closest hospital elevator. Raven picked up the conversation as a tiny _ding_ sounded at every floor as they went downward slowly, "Thought this day would never come?"

"I missed the Tower. I'm glad to be coming home on Christmas."

Mostly Robin missed her. Nights were hell without the soft press of her snug body against his torso and the rhythmic hum of her shallow breathing tickling his ear, the melody putting him to sleep. Their destination approached and Raven gripped his hand, walking out to the main floor. Standing in the lobby was a small group of people, watching them.

" _Look_ , there he is!" - "Is that really him?" - "Yes, you can tell by his hair!" - "See, see, Raven from the Teen Titans is with him, it has to be him!"

An auburn-haired woman and a little boy surged forward from the pack; when he and Raven stopped a few feet away, the woman took a step back with a shocked cry. Robin knew something was amiss. "Raven, I left my mask in my bag," he murmured, touching his face briefly. She dropped his bag on the ground and quickly rummaged through the pockets, finding the desired object. Raven secured it over his face as Robin shortly explained to the woman what happened. She was sympathetic.

"My name is Gabriella Bendson. I was one of the people you saved from that dreadful man. If it wasn't for you, my baby wouldn't be here right now." Her freckled hand clutched the hand of her also freckled child who was bouncing hyper.

"Momma, that's _Robin_! He's the coolest superhero ever!"

Ms. Bendson said with a quiet laugh when Robin turned his head downwards towards the source, "My son Gabriel is quite fond of his idol."

He knelt down and tapped fists with the little boy.

"Nice to meet you, Gabriel."

The little boy stared at his knuckles amazed and started running around the lobby, shouting with an excited pitch, "Robin knows my name! He saved my life- **boomboomboom** _Aii-yah!_ and now he knows my name!" Raven felt a strong surge of fondness towards the naïve child and squeezed Robin's shoulder. He nodded and Gabriella smiled broadly.

"I did not mean to keep you, some of us just wanted to share our thanks." The group waved. "God blessed this town when you and your friends came here."

He smiled in her direction. "It's our duty to protect citizens like you and your son, m'am. We appreciate your gratitude."

Raven shook her hand when it was offered. "It was a pleasure meeting you," she told the auburn-haired woman.

Ms. Bendson grabbed her son's arm, stopping him in a mid-jump.

"Have a wonderful Christmas, bless you both." The two Titans were very much touched by the gentle chorus of _"Merry Christmas's"_ and _"Thank you_ ' _s_ " echoing around them. Raven glanced at the glass front doors of the hospital to see cameras and reporters swarming, greedily prying in on the event.

"Robin, the media is everywhere," Raven said. "We have to go out the back."

He grinned, whispering out the corner of his mouth, _"Lead the way then."_

"We'll keep your secret, Mr. Robin. Right everyone?" They cheered loudly as Mrs. Bendson motioned to them.

Gabriel yelled as Raven located their exit route, "Bye, Robin! Bye, Mrs. Robin!" She led them out into the alley, a little flustered by the small boy's comment and Cyborg beeped the horn down the way, shouting for the " _Love Birds_!" Raven had to glower at that nickname before they boarded the T-Car, accelerating on home.

Home.

Robin let his senses fill with the scent of sea air and the fever of the daylight on his starving skin. Raven's hand gave him all the guidance he needed to get up the Tower. His lungs were suddenly crushed when a pair of rock-strong arms wound around him. " _Robin!_ You are back from the hospital of badness! Are you once again well in being? Did you miss me?"

He coughed feebly, unable to draw a breath, "Yes, yes, yes, and of course, Star. Let me br-breathe." Robin straightened up when she obeyed modestly. He loosened the white collar of his shirt. Beast Boy greeted him too but was a little distracted by the blaring television set.

"Uh, dudes?"

The green changeling turned up the volume and a smooth female voice perked into Robin's hearing, " _You are watching the ten am news. In Jump City, California... the leader of the Teen Titans, known as the Boy Wonder, was released by Nation Infirmary today. He received a vicious attack from a criminal going by the name of Johnny Rancid. Several weeks ago, sources have recently came in that the Boy Wonder was more than severely injured. We go to Bobby for more coverage. Bobby?"_

A graying man appeared with a microphone, standing in front of the hospital's glass doors.

" _Macy, I am standing in front of Nation Infirmary where I just glimpsed of two members of the Teen Titans, one Robin and Raven. They seem to be talking to a mass of people... oh, the survivors of the previous attack."_ An image of Robin and Raven smiling popped up on frame, violet eyes and white-and-black mask zoomed in on.

" _One of the photographers here, Larry Sid got a… well, a particularly gruesome picture of what might be the Boy Wonder's condition."_

Another image came into view, this time of Robin's slightly dismayed face and sightless eyes.

" _Bobby, that is not a pretty picture. I'm afraid to say it, but he looks blind. Do you -?"_

Beast Boy purposely changed the channel, the serious newscaster's face replaced by a goofy morning cartoon show.

An eerie hush befell the operations center.

Blue-colored flames raged around Raven uncontrollably, but her eyes remained closed to the world as she chanted something under her breath. It felt like an eternity before she reopened them and the flames disappeared. Robin returned to stand beside her, clenching his fists furiously.

In a normal situation that pissed him off, nothing would show except the narrowing of his eye mask and possibly his mouth. To her bizarre relief, his lifeless face showed real anger, the crease in his forehead tightening between his eyebrows. But they had all dealt with the media before... no use getting upset...

Raven said curtly and abruptly, "I have to go." She took the T-Car's chip out of Cyborg's hands and vanished into the staircase. He wasn't sure where.

Robin spent the rest of the day training with Cyborg, but it was more like talking with Cyborg. While the other man did the martial arts simulator with him, Robin addressed amid grunts, "That's - _augh_ \- why - _ugh_ \- I - _oof_ \- hate - _thump_ \- hospitals." He paused to wipe his forehead. "They ask too many questions. Next time I get my ass beat, just send me to the medical sector."

Cyborg gestured to his healed arm. "It looks like you got along fine moreover," he pointed out.

Robin rubbed his shoulder absently.

"Yeah... without Raven it took longer..." He grew a little quieter and asked as Cyborg frowned at him, "How is she?"

"Back to normal. She shuts herself in her room for hours, hardly talks to anyone, and when she does, it is usually an insult to Beast Boy."

"How is that normal?"

"It's what she used to do, remember?" That wasn't what Robin wanted to hear. Cyborg tried to sound more positive, though failing, "I mean... Raven does talk. She's nicer to Starfire and she isn't doing anything other than meditating in her room... at least we're sure. I had B turn into a spider last week to spy on her." He lightly punched his side. "Man, she's fine! I think she's getting better."

' _Hope so anyway.'_

Cyborg hit a silver button on his arm. "Comin' at ya." He executed a perfect right hook at Robin's face and his leader's expression never changed as he blocked it expertly and found an opening to knock Cyborg down. "I _still_ don't get how you do that!" The metal man said in awe, sitting up from the floor.

"Even though I'm technically blind?" Robin questioned, smirking. "It doesn't matter, 'cause in a way I can still see you."

**_..._ **

_Flashback._

**_..._ **

_Agony took hold of his body so swiftly. Heat crawled over his eyes and he had no choice but to shut them._

_The pain pulsing on his face faded to a dull twinge. When Robin sat up, he thought his eyes were closed. Everything around him was all black; there was nothing to distinguish from the darkness. After a moment of feeling around his eyelids, he began to realize that his eyes were open and it was not evening... he was staring at it... the sunshine from the late afternoon from a window._

_And he couldn't see it._

_Panic and stupefaction seized him without compassion, shaking his reality. Robin's breathing picked up. During the erratic_ beep-beep-beeping _of his heart monitor, his hands came in contact with a cold, metal railing. A new jolt of pain bolted through him. It came from his useless right arm. Damn thing was bandaged. He stumbled off the cot he laid in, and due to his loss of nerve, fell on his face clumsily._

_Robin remained a heap on the ice cold floor and eventually pushed himself up, stretching out for something... anything._

_His fingertips brushed against a solid object and he twirled his hands around a curtain, settling his back on a hard wall. His heart racing madly in his ears, near bursting point._

_Where was his team? Why weren't they with them?  
_

_This was the Tower, wasn't it?_

_What happened to him?_

_Without warning, a flash of images danced before his unseeing eyes._

_Cinderblock. Johnny Rancid. A crying boy. Raven. Starfire._

'Robin... please awaken...'

_He put his hands to his head and screamed the names of his friends raggedly, his voice barely coming out above a whisper. A door burst open nearby, alarming him so that he skidded away from the noise; a wounded animal. His shoulders knocked a cart._

_"Whoa! Sugar, you shouldn't be out of bed."_

_Robin clutched the curtain tighter in his fist. A woman, but who is she? The rustle of a dress. The smell of medicine. Pattering of high heels. He was in a hospital._

_Of places to be... it HAD to be a hospital._

_"What happened to me?" He sounded like a lost and scared child. Robin hated it. This whole situation made him feel as if he was eight again._

_A soft lotioned hand touched his balled up fist. Her voice. "It's okay. You're in the Nation Infirmary. I'm your nurse. You're going to be taken good care of."_

_"What happened to me?" he repeated. When silence followed, Robin got another image. Of brown hair. Of darkly lined eyes. Shy smile. Older than him._

_"I'm not sure I should be the one to explain everything to you."_

_"Miss... please."_

_She was shaking her head. He was sure of it. "If you get back to bed, then I'll talk." He unwillingly let go of the curtain and she took his hand, leading him to his hospital bed, and pulling the covers over him like a mother tucking in her child. The nurse said, quietly, "There was an accident and you were hurt. There's a few stitches in your neck and a sprained arm."_

_"My friends?"  
_

_"They are downstairs. We can't allow them to see you until tomorrow. I'm sorry, sugar. Not until the doctors run some more tests. I imagine that you are afraid now... but you are a very brave man as well, preparing to sacrifice your life for that little boy... Your eyes have been damaged. I don't know the details, but can you see anything? Anything at all?"_

_Robin tried blinking, half thinking this was a bad dream. No dream could make him feel this way._

_Useless._

_"... No. There's nothing. I can't see anything."_

_A pen moved in the air; she was writing down what he said. Then something sharp stuck into his left arm, and he automatically jerked back, his other senses becoming drowsy._

_"Don't worry, it will help you get to sleep. The doctors will explain everything when you wake up."_

_Drifting away._

_A name popped into his head..._ Camila _... her name… he was drifting away….._

**_..._ **

_End Flashback._

**_..._ **

"I had no idea."

The punching bag swayed precariously on its hinges.

Robin steadied it with his hand, replying to Cyborg's statement, "She was very kind to me. When I woke up that night, they asked questions and told me. I decided no matter what was going on, I had to live. I thought about you, Beast Boy, Starfire, and Raven... I needed the support. You have no idea how scared I was to tell her. After a while, I discovered the odd way I could pick up things. Most of it was in my head and I got used to it happening. I couldn't believe how fast I adjusted... and that's the extent I know of this."

His friend could only reply with a _wow_.

"So did you test out the chemical?" Robin asked.

"Everything that was in the records showed up. There's nothing new. No weird aftereffects."

Robin snorted. "I figured. Are you going to keep trying?"

"Yeah, man. I'm not giving up yet."

"I'll tell you one thing though..."

Cyborg raised his eyebrow at his leader who didn't bother to conceal a smile upon leaving.

"What Johnny Rancid did to me hasn't weaken me, it made stronger."

"Rob?... what happened when you were eight?"

Shoulders halfway out dropped.

"Rob?" Cyborg asked again and the other man replied with no emotion, "Work on your right hook."

His fingers grazed the hallway wall as Robin ambled across the Tower. His room would be a nice place to get back into the loop... and forget. He could hear heavy footsteps behind him and stated as his bedroom door slide open, "Why are you following me?"

The musty smell of his room greeted him and Cyborg said from the doorway, "Raven got you some Braille books to check out... if you were learning."

"A little in the hospital." When Robin fingered the newspaper clippings taped on his walls, pictures of Slade and other articles pierced his mind. His temples started to ache.

Cyborg asked when he rubbed his head, "You alright?"

"Headache... probably tired."

Beast Boy exclaimed out of nowhere, "No way, dude! You're staying up all night!" His green hand took Robin's arm and he dragged him downstairs. Robin didn't try to pull away because the teenager was no threat. Starfire, dressed back in her Christmas suit, greeted him overjoyed when they entered the main room, "Merry Christmas, Friend Robin!"

"What's going on?" He asked, curiously suspicious.

"We didn't open presents yet, we were waiting for you!" Beast Boy grinned. "The party can't stop without the Rob-ster!"

The Tamaranean thrust a present into his hands. "Reveal what is inside!" Robin carefully yanked the satin ribbon and inside the box were several CD cases. Starfire squeaked, "I have bought you the CDs of your favorite musical assembly! You are the fan of metal which is heavy, yes?"

He smiled, "Yeah. Thanks, Star." Robin received a few other presents from her; basketball shoes and laundry detergent from Beast Boy, claiming that he was sick of him stealing his; a high tech laptop from Cyborg to keep his messy desk of files in order.

As Cyborg, Beast Boy, and Starfire created their own circle to open presents from each other, Raven appeared, joining him standing apart from the others.

"We didn't get a chance to talk either."

He admitted to her, "Only for a second. Where did you go?"

" _DUDE! The Android Lizard-Man Monkey Dragster Racetrack Of Perish 9! How'd you know!?"_ Beast Boy shrilled in the distance.

No more than a breathy monotone came from her.

"The woman Beast Boy recommended... I've been seeing her since you've been gone."

Robin remained quiet but she knew he wanted details.

"I didn't say much the first time. When I finally did, my powers lashed out and destroyed everything in her office. I must have kept a lot of stress in me because after mediating a second time, the grandfather clock in the room shattered. She was kind about it. I told her about my dream. She thinks it doesn't mean anything. And I shouldn't be blaming myself. Like you said before, if I had told you, I couldn't have changed any of the events leading up to it." Violet strands fell in her face as she bowed her head. "Gloria says I should tell you at least get some closure on the subject. She could be right."

"Maybe later," he said, tucking her hair behind her ears. "The team seems to be doing fine without me."

"We made due, it wasn't easy." Raven turned into him, her soft arms touching his cheek. Sincerity afire in her eyes. "I missed you."

"I missed you too." Robin tangled his hand in her hair as their lips met. Rough, passionate kisses exchanged every millisecond. The ever growing sexual tension between them close to erupting. There wasn't a moment their mouths weren't attached. They slowed down to a lingering point and he was the one to stop, albeit painfully, whispering against the nape of her neck, "I got you something."

Robin pulled away and called out to the giggling corner, "Beast Boy, do you see a red box under the tree?"

"Yeah! What about it?"

He held up a hand, "Toss it here." Beast Boy shrugged when everyone gave him a look. It sailed right into his open palm.

Robin chuckled, "Good throw," and presented it to the empath. Raven cleared her throat.

"Um. I thought we weren't giving gifts this year."

He said smugly, "I don't see why not. I got a hold of this in April... _don't_ , I'm not taking it back." Robin pressed it away when she tried.

With slight disinclination (and a little curiosity), Raven pulled up a black chair from the wall and unwrapped her present. She dipped her hand into the package and out emerged a couple round brooches. Robin explained quickly, "I got them to replace your raven symbol. I thought it was getting old.... and well, change can be good sometimes-" As he ranted on, she observed the design. The bigger brooch was made of black polished stone, painted authentically was a dark blue raven, spreading its wings for flight. A bird ready to break free.

"-If you don't like it, I can always"

"It's remarkable, I like your taste." Raven pecked his lips and pinned the new symbol on her cloak, replacing the arm brooches as well. He was about to come in for another kiss but she sidestepped it and tugged his gloved hand, "Come with me." They climbed upstairs, leaving the rest of the Titans to clean up wrapping paper.

Robin found himself stepping inside Raven's room for the thirteenth time in his life. Back then, no one could get in to save their lives, but she let him inside; she trusted him completely in her private space. Hell, they slept in her bed every so often (only sleeping, maybe some cuddling), occasionally going into his bedroom. He knew it was hers from the smell of dusty books and intoxicating perfume. She left his side for a moment, then returned to drop something cold into his hands. "I guess as long as we're doing this."

Metal. Dangling rock. Very long chain.

He asked what it was, though already identifying the object by the feel of it.

"It's a way for you to get to Azarath," she explained.

His masked eyes widened. He wasn't expecting that. "The ruby is similar to the chakra on my forehead. Humans can't get into Azarath without some sort of strong magic working... if I'm with you and you're wearing this, we can pass safely." Robin rubbed the necklace in his palms.

"I don't know what to say."

"Say... one day you'll to come with me." Raven wrapped her fingers around his, smiling. "I haven't been home since my last visit three years ago. You could meet my mother if you were up to it. I want you two to meet. You'll get along. She is in some ways a lot like me."

" _Sexy and violent?_ "

He ruined the moment so he was clocked in the head by her stuffed raven on the bookcase.

Robin snickered.

"My point exactly."

She stuck out her tongue and he teased, backing her up, "Do it again. I might bite it off."

"Touch my tongue and die, Bird Boy."

His hand caressed the back of her neck as Robin covered her mouth. She groaned when his tongue found its way into her mouth and licked the tip of her pink one. Violet glazed over with unspoken desire as Robin murmured to her skin, "Heaven tasted like chocolate, did you know that?"

*

 


	9. Chapter 9

*

It was dangerous to try and enter the cave under 7th street.

Rumors in town said that under eight hundred feet below the surface, a battle was fought… and someone died. Practical people read the newspapers to get their information. Not so practical people attempted to unearth the cave's entrance.

Luckily, to keep those people out, the entryway was mysteriously concealed by a huge boulder. So heavy that no one could hope to move it out of the way.

When Raven located the small tunnel on the edge of Jump City's sister town, dropping hundreds of feet without a scratch, she discovered that indeed the boulder had been moved the tiniest bit. Someone who was strong enough to mess with her deed. Her fingers could squeeze through the opening... it was enough for say... a green mouse.

Beast Boy had walked alone miles to this exact spot, crawling over and under stones that were sharp enough to bleed tough skin. He hadn't bothered to tell anyone where he went, as he usually did when he visited this place, and Raven tracked him down. He was acting rash lately and it sort of... worried her.

It was a new experience to actually _worry_ about Beast Boy, but if anyone could understand strange behavior, it was her. The peeks of midday sunlight filtered in through the ceiling. He stood in front of a statue perched on a craggy cliff. And hidden in the shadows, she watched him, trying to find the right moment to make herself known.

The green changeling knelt down, brushing a hand lovingly over a bouquet of rotting black roses lying before the statue's feet.

" _Terra."_

Beast Boy covered his crumpling face with his free hand, his body shaking with grief. His soft heartbroken sobs bounced off surrounding foundation, intensifying and echoing around them. He remained bent under the statue's forever terror-filled gaze, even as the empath hovered gloomily behind him.

His voice came out wobbly, "After all this time, you couldn't find anything to bring her back."

Somewhere in there was _blame..._ built up over time... directed towards her, she thought. Raven glanced at Terra's stone face, languidly.

"I tried. There was nothing in my books. Truth be told, the only way it could have been reversed was if she wanted it."

Her words sank in.

Beast Boy tensed his shoulders and shot a furious stare on her. "What do you mean _if she wanted it_? Terra never wanted any of this, and she never wanted to be frozen either."

"I'm only telling you what I know and what you need to listen to now. Your judgment is being marred by your emotions. Terra didn't come back because she's gone. You can feel it; you know it. You haven't been the only one visiting this cave all this time. I could feel her spirit lingering inside the stone those many years ago. There's nothing here now."

Beast Boy screamed angrily, half-blinded by tears, " _THAT'S A LIE! YOU'RE A LIAR_!"

His aura gave her hell in its own form; but deep inside, he knew she was right and he feared that thought. Beast Boy had really loved that geomancer. But that didn't give him the right to call Raven a liar. Her anger got the best of her, her fingertips sparked, and she said, darkly, "You irrational child - use your head. Don't you think if she could she would have came back? Terra knew what she was getting into. There was never a way to get her out of her grave."

" _YOU ALWAYS HATED TERRA! YOU DON'T CARE! YOU NEVER CARED ABOUT HER! YOU WERE GLAD TO SEE HER LIKE THIS_!"

Raven wasn't unnerved by his glare.

"Terra made a big mistake joining Slade."

" _SO SHE DESERVED THIS? IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME_!" Beast Boy advanced, ignoring the tears falling generously down his cheeks. His teeth slightly bore at her, fang revealed.

She murmured, "I wouldn't wish this on anyone, not even her."

His anger shrank back and sorrow rematerialized. He turned away from her, mopping his face, "... She really isn't coming back, is she?"

Raven thought for a second that she was seeing a younger Beast Boy, the fourteen-year-old who hid in his room and changed into a whining dog periodically to mourn the betrayal of the person who stole his heart. He hated Terra for what she had done, yet he loved her everything. Now he had to let go, and sometimes that was the hardest part.

He sniffed, the gloominess around him matching his emotions perfectly, "I heard her. I thought she was talking to me, you know? I'd tell her what was bugging me and what went right that day. I believed she understood me. She can't just leave me."

When Raven stayed silent, Beast Boy went back to the statue and touched the cold, unmoving hand. His fingers gripping the curled gray. With a small _snap_ , three stone fingers cracked off into his palm. He stared down at them, lost to reality, while the Terra statue collapsed to pieces at his feet. Raven didn't care about the statue; the fact that the cliff was shaking perilously where he stood _did_. Her cloak flew madly behind her as she rushed to grab him around the chest in time, saving him from a long drop into nothingness.

They floated several feet above the ground. She let gravity lower them into a wash of light; breathing hard, the sorceress clutched the changeling, closely.

He shook her off him, opening his palm he had been squeezing tight. Dust of the stone fingers sank through the slips between his fingers. Beast Boy wiped his hand quietly, glancing at the empty space over the cliff side. The ground beneath them shook again. Raven spoke up, "This place has less than forty seconds; we should get out of here."

Beast Boy didn't answer back.

She gently set a hand on his shoulder.

"… _Garfield_."

His eyes blinked at the mention of his real name, returning from their stupor. Bits of ceiling powder alight in his green hair.

Raven tossed her cloak over his head and shrouded them both in her soul-self without a moment's thought. They emerged into the bright, sunshine world. Beast Boy pursed his lips, turning away as the resting place of Terra Markov left a miniature crater in its ruin.

Citizens from down the street befuddled. Raven murmured so that only he could hear her, "We'll send someone to fill up the space." Beast Boy refused to look at anything for too long. He nodded, balling up his fists. She offered, "If you need some time off, I'll explain to Dick-"

"It's okay, Rae," The green changeling met her eyes, lifelessly. "I'll be okay."

He spoke _lies_ and she knew it.

It was the last thing she heard Beast Boy say all day. The Titans spent the warm spring day outdoors swimming. She didn't join in but decided not to seclude herself from their presence. Robin asked what Beast Boy was up to and she expertly found a way to steer the subject elsewhere. Later that evening, Raven went up to his room to see if he wanted dinner. It wasn't like him to miss dinner _ever_. Beast Boy loved to eat. Even when he locked himself in his room, he still found a way to sneak out tofu dogs and soy milk from the fridge. The tray was untouched since morning.

She knocked on the door engraved _Beast Boy_. It didn't slide open automatically for her. Raven passed through the solid metal to find the always chaotic bedroom scraped bare clean, with the exception of the bunk bed and its mattresses. On the bottom sat a folded note. Without reading, it was obvious.

' _He's gone.'_

*

Her spiritual reflection was disrupted by somebody's pain, _physical pain,_ pulling her back. Raven brushed the broken glass from her light bulb off her shoulder (another accident) and got off her bed, mentally opening her steel doorway. The hallway was vacant.

" _Fuck."_ A low undertone cursed several more times and she narrowed her eyes, poking her hooded head out. Violet eyes trailed over to Robin rubbing his shin, coming from around the corner and heading for the fifth level staircase. And he wasn't reaching for the doorknob... Raven put two and two together.

"Dick-"

Unfortunately, Robin didn't hear in time to process the warning and smacked face first into the door, before she could further warn him. He clutched his face, swearing again. Raven winced sympathetically. "Are you okay?" She knew it was a stupid question to ask given that he had just made an idiot of himself in front of her.

"I just hit the goddamn wall, Raven... I feel like doing the fox-trot."

"It was a door-" He touched his nose tentatively and let out another string of curses. "-And no need to get testy."

Raven said, as he sat down in the hallway, moving his leg with some difficulty, "What happened?"

"I hit my leg somewhere in the process of getting out of my room. Do you know what time it is?" Robin hissed through gritted teeth when she rolled up his pant leg, " _God..._ what the hell was I thinking hitting into the door like a blind, old man?" She inspected the ugly bruise, noting the crust of blood and answered his previous question, stretching her fingers.

"6:00 pm and hold still." Raven placed her hand over his injury, concentrating on the healing process in her mind.

When she opened her eyes, her hands weren't glowing and the bruise was still there.

She frowned. "Hmmm."

"I don't like this _hmmm_. What's _hmmm_?"

"My healing powers aren't working."

Her thoughts raced around her head as Robin sighed. aggravated.

"Great. Any ideas?"

"It could be only one of two reasons," she said in a decorous sort of voice. "First, it may possibly be my energy is getting stored, waiting to be transferred into another magical being created inside of me, which isn't logical because you and I haven't had sex-"

Robin broke her off, a blush forming on his neck, "I got it, Raven."

"Or... releasing my pending emotions all at once must have triggered a temporary malfunction in my healing abilities. My concern is that it should have passed by now..."

Suddenly, Raven lifted an iridescent, sparkling hand, not a glowing blue. " _Huh_. That's new." She quickly healed him and as they stood up, her hand pressing his nose. "Better?"

He wiped the drying blood under his nostrils.

"Yeah. Thanks, Rav."

She smirked. He used the nickname sparingly, almost like it was precious.

Her left hand reflexively came up to graze her new raven symbol on her cloak. Robin said mildly, "It's quiet without him."

"I'm sorry?"

"Beast Boy. It's been a week since he deserted the team."

Raven cleared her throat, now displeased, "If you had read the letter he left behind _thoroughly_ , you would have understood that he said he would come back. Just because he didn't leave an exact date number doesn't mean he _deserted_ the team, Dick. He thought he needed to get away because he was hurt." She tried not to sound more upset than she already was. "He's seventeen, hardly adult. He wanted to go home for a while. We have no right to tell him how or how not to feel."

"Okay, so he's sad. We've been through similar situations like this and we've never left," he argued. "What makes this so special?"

"Will you stop being insensitive for a moment? It doesn't matter if he's not as adaptable as some of us. Garfield needed this. I understand that," Raven said, crossing her arms.

" _Garfield?_ " He looked confused. Raven couldn't believe at first then realized... he really didn't know.

"That's Beast Boy's real name. Dick, you own all our reports. How could you not know his name?"

He said, defensively, "I thought it was Logan."

"That's his _last_ name."

"I'm not a mind-reader like you, Raven. So I don't know in an instant! Beast Boy legally changed his name in several states. There's hardly a record on him because he was in a new foster home every week. I'm surprised I got anything on him at all."

"Nice to know you are such stalker."

He complained, knitting his eyebrows, "I am not a _stalker_." She shook her hair, hanging her head so that her hood fell back to reveal strands of purple. "You don't know where he is, do you?"

"No," Raven said, rubbing her temples lightly.

"Do you really think Beast Boy will come back?"

"With any luck," Raven said. "Starfire misses him. She stared at his neon green GameStation controller for three hours yesterday." Robin raised an eyebrow at this.

"Do you think they...?"

"Probably not. I don't know for certain though."

He chuckled. "I just can't see these two together."

"Actually, it's not unrealistic. But I think a certain cyborg of ours might be pining over her heart."

Robin smiled at the thought of Starfire having another boyfriend.

"I think another person be good for her. Star could use someone to lean on besides me."

"And me," Raven said, staring up at him with bright violet eyes hidden under dark long lashes, giving her an uncharacteristically shy look. She wasn't known to be the shy type. She leaned on the wall, her hip and elbow jutting out to keep balance. She had to move away when Robin drew an arm about her neck, repeating to her, "And you."

He positioned his chin on top of her head. Another loved fact regarding Raven, she molded to fit against him. "This is what I look forward to in the day."

She said monotonously, "Gossiping about Starfire's love life?"

Robin sighed, kneading the flesh of her shoulder with one hand. "Why do you always have to spoil it?"

She smiled broadly. "It's what I'm best at." He adjusted his head so that he was looking down at her face however seeing nothing, and she whispered, "Walk me to the roof?"

"Gladly."

He took her hand and they matched each other's steps to the beat as the night air surrounded them. The sun would be going down soon. Robin got some images. Stars. Raven's features compared to the colors of the sky after rain. The purple-blue mixed. Her eyes seemed to have shone brighter than ever, her heart-shaped face content; her indigo cloak blew furiously around her shapely body. He devoured those images.

The black spandex barely holding back the delicious weight and curve of her large breasts, her arms, her small waist, and hips. The only part of her uncovered were her unblemished, sallow legs, the thighs he longed to feel against his own, the tiny ankles swallowed by boots.

Raven knew the feelings emitting from him. Desire. _Love_. Sexual frustration.

Twin patches of pink burnt on her cheeks. She looked away to stare out at the ocean, mentally chanting her mantra.

' _Azarath Metr-'_

A strong arm enclosed her waist, pulling her to a warm body. She let out a low gasp.

He murmured huskily in her ear, "You want to talk about something?"

' _And he complains about me being a damn mindreader-_ **who cares, you want him, he clearly wants you, so stop talking, phase him into your room, light some candles, and show him how much pleasure you can give his sexy** _\- SHUT UP, Lust. How did you get in my head anyway?'_

Robin said in her hearing, "I picked it up."

"I do have something to tell you."

Raven began retelling her mystifying dream, not missing a detail of what she knew. He responded after it was over, the young woman completely drained, "No wonder you've been acting so strange... Rav, don't get upset." Robin tried to comfort her when she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

"I don't mean to, it scares me. I'm just glad you know now."

"I can't stress enough how much you mean to me." He smiled while running fingers through her hair. "Remember you can always come to me. No more secrets." Raven nodded decisively. "I'm going to let you meditate before dinner, if you need me, call," Robin said, going for the dinner.

Without warning, it hit her.

"... I just thought of something."

Robin whirled around right away. "What?"

She frowned. "Iisn't it convenient for Johnny Rancid to have a concentrated chemical on him that blinds people? Especially people who have a rare eye astigmatism? Johnny's not that smart. He's a physical fighter with no interest in chemical warfare."

It was Robin's turn to frown. "How did you know about my condition?" he said.

"I read your hospital records. Only 1 out 800 people have it, right? How do we know it wasn't all set up? How do we know it has nothing to do with my dream? Or the warning on my mirror?"

"We _don't_ ," Robin said. "I don't want to argue with you. What would you have me do?"

Raven grabbed his arm. "Interrogate him," she said. "See if he knows something. If I'm wrong, then I'm wrong. But we have to try." He smiled after a moment.

"You aren't going to give in."

"You rub off on me. Don't change the subject, Boy Wonder," she countered, seriously.

"Johnny Rancid is secure in Jump City's local prison. I'll contact the authorities to get a query time set up. But if we don't get anything-"

Raven inserted deadpan, "Then I'll hand wash your uniforms and clean up the mess Silkie left in your room."

"All in Starfire's French maid costume she bought for Halloween." Robin smiled suddenly. Oh _Gotham_ , he'd be sleeping well with that image in his head. On the other hand, Raven was shuddering at the thought of that itchy, high-thigh, black and white ruffle dress, white fishhooks, tacky black gloves, and ridiculous beret. Where the hell did Starfire find these clothes?

"If I'm wrong," Raven murmured.

*

The director of the prison led them to what the officials called the 'questioning room'.

Simple clean white room with a long table in the middle, one bolted chair on each end.

When Raven pushed the bronze sign door, a dirty and scraggly Johnny Rancid watched them come in. Hatred blazing deep within murderous eyes. As soon as the director left fretfully, the criminal exposed his newly filed-to-the-point teeth. "Well, if it isn't Birdy and his little girlfriend. How's being blind? I hear it hurts first getting into your eyes, that true?"

Robin's mask narrowed but he didn't say anything.

"Not talking? You always have a baby pun to throw at me." The punk leered at him and Raven came forward, hood covering her face.

"I'll be asking the questions, Johnny. I know you didn't bring that blinding chemical on accident. You know something and you are going to tell us."

Johnny Rancid sneered slightly. "Who do you think _you_ are?"

"The one who will be haunting you while you sleep."

He laughed. "I'm not telling you anything and you can't make me, witch-bitch." Johnny kicked up his healed legs and laced his hands behind his neck, looking very at ease.

Silence passed between them. Raven said to Robin, slowly, "Please step out of the room."

"... what?"

Before he knew it, he had been shoved out of the 'questioning room' by an unseen force, unable to open the door. It was sealed shut. Robin furiously struggled with the handle and then heard a bloodcurdling shriek coming from the other side of the door. When the door permitted him entrance, Raven stood above a cowering Johnny Rancid, her hood down and eyes glowing menacingly.

Johnny looked as if he was ready to faint at the mere sight of her and said rigidly in his corner, "Alright! Alright! I'll _tell you_! I got it from a guy with a red x on him. He paid me good money! He's working for the guy too, but I didn't ask who it was! I didn't ask! Please, just get her away from me!" He threw an arm over his head, rocking back and forth several times with his knees squeezed to his chest. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I don't wanna die... _I don't wanna die_..."

"I think we're done here."

Raven's eyes returned to purple and she walked out. Robin closed the door behind him. He asked as they stepped out into the sunset, "What did you do to make him talk?"

She said dismissively, "He talked, that's all that matters. So someone is behind this."

"Behind Johnny Rancid, yes. Everything else, it's a possibility. What I don't get is why Red X is in on this. He's just a thief."

Raven raised an eyebrow.

"Like I claimed Johnny was just a lowly thug. Something _bigger_ is happening here. I think its better we solve this now other than later."

He pulled out his Bo-Staff, "Finally. I've been dreaming for the chance to go out."

"Are you sure you should? Yesterday, you-"

Robin interrupted her, but didn't raise his voice, "Raven, I said I wouldn't let being blind hold me back from living my life as a hero to this town. I'm holding to that promise. I've been training, and I've waited long enough."

' _You're just eager to fight,'_ she thought bitterly to herself.

Their Titans communicators went off and Robin flipped his open. "Report." Cyborg's grim face filled the round screen.

" _We got a lock on a robbery downtown. It's X."_

Robin said coolly, "Raven and I got it covered," and flipped it closed.

"... Bingo."

*

On top of Nancy's Gems, Red X had finished looting and was on his way out through the rooftop when two figures landed nimbly in his path. He chuckled.

"Hey, kids, isn't it past your bedtime?"

Robin readied his weapons. "I thought you stole to get by," he asked.

"Of course, but I need _money_ , wise guy. On the black market, I can get as much as I want for these babies."

Raven snorted disgusted at his remark.

Red X looked her up and down.

"Hanging with creepy chicks, Hero? You've got _nice_ taste, I'll give you that. By the way, how is Cutie last time I saw her? Single now?"

Raven sent a wave of dark blue in his direction and Red X jumped it expectantly, disappearing with a push of a button. He reappeared behind her, pinning her arms. As she violently tried to throw him off her, Red X enjoyed the feeling of her against his. "I never got your name. Maybe you should ditch Chuckles. You and I could have a lot of fun."

Before Raven could blow him to smithereens, Robin came flying out of nowhere, knocking X flat with a cut of the skull.

He growled, "Don't. Touch. Her. _Again_."

The two rivals faced off and Raven's energy made a claw, lunging for the black-suited thief. Red X allowed himself to be captured and when she brought him closer, he popped a vial out of his utility belt, letting it drop on the ground. Smoke rose around them, almost solid in density. Raven lost concentration, screaming once.

Robin picked himself off the ground to find Red X sprinting for the fire escape and Raven knelt down, holding her face.

 _Choices_.

Girlfriend or Fiend.

His happiness or his duty.

Raven or Red X.

Her safety or his escape.

 _Dick or Robin_.

His Grappling Hook shot out and wrapped itself around X, stopping him in his tracks. Robin went to check on Raven at that same instant, knowing X had nowhere to go for at least fifty seconds tops. He cupped her face, the burning liquid touching his hands. The _son of a bitch_ used it on her.

"I'm fine. It didn't get in my eyes," she reassured to him patiently, as Robin used the end of his cape to blot the last of the liquid on her cheeks. Red X reached with his pinky finger for the switch to get him untied, but Raven got in his face first, holding a glowing fist in front of his mask. "Don't even think about it."

"You don't scare me. I've seen more intimidating things than whatever you could do." She had a cryptic thought. He might be smiling behind that mask.

"I guess I'll have to be scarier then." Raven engulfed him in her energy and dangled him upside down twenty four feet above from a cold, hard street. "Do you like heights, X? Would you like to know what it feels like to smash your face against jagged gravel, splitting it open on impact from temple to lip?"

He fought as expected and she dropped him long enough to know to prove he _was_ afraid. Red X blurted out, "If I rat, it'd be worse on me."

"They can't reach you when you're in a high security jail. Are you talking or am I scraping your remains off West Street?"

"Let me go and you have a deal."

"Fair," she said.

He was lowered back onto the roof, Robin coming back into view from wherever he went.

Raven narrowed her eyes at the still-constrained villain. "Today would be _great_."

"The guy that hired me said it would be worth my while and gave me good money to pay Rancid to blind Hero over there. He got the chemical from me. I knew it would come in handy one day."

Raven said with a low monotone, "Who hired you?"

Red X began laughing.

"He called himself Terminator… don't ask why. He sounded like a nutso from the start."

"You never saw what he looked like?"

" _Nope_. He usually found a way to contact me on a phone connection. He also hired me to plant the messages in your Tower. _That_ was the challenge."

Robin said aloud, "You cut the cameras and got around with cloaking technology."

Quick nod.

"It wasn't easy to get that alien in the vents either." Red X held out his almost free hands. "Come on, kids, let's keep the deal going." Raven cut the cord with a swipe of her energy. He rubbed his stomach and jumped up alarmed when red and blue sirens flashed in his face.

She said, coldly, "We're keeping the deal. I let you go... to the police."

Uniformed men and women pointed their guns at the thief, blaring over to him, _"You have the right to remain silent! Keep your hands in the air, SCUM_ _!"_

Red X sighed, "Goddamn it," and obeyed, angrily.

It was around evening when the couple got the police reports done and went home. Raven groaned on the third level. "This had to be one of the most irritating nights of my life."

He kept an arm around her shoulders. "Agreed. I got frustrated myself."

"It looks like I was right. I won't be wearing that costume after all."

Robin swore under his breath.

Her violet eyes glanced at him and she smiled, sweetly. "But if... you're a good boy, I might reconsider."

His tongue flashed over his lips as he gulped. "Really?"

She replied, no longer sweet but blunt, "Are you _kidding_? No way."

Robin let out a huffy breath, smirking and used his lightning-fast reflexes to pin her the same style Red X had, her chest thrust out, back slightly arched, and head tilted back.

It had pissed him off to see Red X trying to flirt with her; even knowing Raven could crack his skull, Robin was surprised that he hadn't gotten out his Bird-A-Rang and slit the copycat's throat. Now that she was safe with him, he wanted to make her his own.

With only one arm to pin her, Robin peeled the cloth hiding her neck down and buried his face in the crook of her neck, moving the stubborn part of her cloak aside. _God_ , she smelled good. He nibbled on her silky skin, biting down firmly. The taste of metallic blood hit his lips. He kissed the bite mark and continued the process downward. The soft gasps escaped from her mouth, her hips pushing unconsciously back launched pleasured shocks down his spine.

Robin thought he was going to lose it when she moaned his name. Her hand went up through his spiky hair, her mouth opening to accept his kiss when a very trill shriek penetrated the barrier of Titans Tower. Initially, they didn't hear it immediately in their own little world their minds were stuck in.

The second shriek brought them to reality.

Robin shouted the Tamaranean's name as Cyborg barreled behind them, doggedly. Starfire stood outside her bedroom, extremely pale and crying into her hands. When her moist green eyes looked up to see Robin, she fell into his arms and cried harder. His hand cradled the back of her red head and gestured to the other Titans who cautiously peeked inside the bedroom.

Raven was the one to sense the problem. "No..."

"Dark Girl, what'd ya find?"

She opened Starfire's closet door, revealing a tall mirror with a large block letter message. Cyborg read out loud, " _Don't worry, it will be over soon enough_."

Raven gazed at Robin who attempted desperately to calm the frightened Starfire. The alien woman wept. "-I-I was merely going to count my collection of not-living stuffed creatures."

"It's another message. X must have worked on this one before the robbery."

"Is that why my systems are jammed?" asked Cyborg.

"Team meeting right now," Robin ordered, "Operations center." Cyborg carried a still crying Starfire bridal-style down the hallway. Robin stopped Raven. "I need you to investigate Star's room. Find anything that's out of place." She didn't bother to complain about invading personal space or why she was excluded from the meeting.

Raven shut the door behind her and glared at the white-colored scrawl.

What did this man Terminator want with them? To drive them all to lunacy?

The empath passed strange Tamaranean relics, the cutesy stuffed animal collection, Starfire's pink decorated bed and matching clothes indifferently. No broken glass. No signs of a break in of any sort. As Raven pulled things out from under Starfire's dusty-rose bed, she shuffled through some _Teen Bubblegum_ magazines. In the process of dumping them aside, something far more appealing caught her eye. She pulled out a big leather book. Taped on the front was _The Book of Scraps_. Ah, scrapbook.

Raven remembered when Starfire always brought a camera with her the first year she joined the team.

The camera was cheap and broke during a battle with Cinderblock. On her second Christmas, Raven gave her a digital camera, paying for it with a job she took outside the superhero gig. After that, Starfire must have seen something resembling a heart underneath that heavy cloak and ever persistently attempted to bond with her new 'friend which is a girl'.

She was too curious not to look.

Raven seated herself several feet above the carpet and stared at the first pages.

They were all full of landscapes on Earth, buildings in Jump, and confused strangers. The next were her first photos of the Titans. Beast Boy making a weird rocker signs with his hands while goofily crossing his eyes. Cyborg posing, pretending to flex muscles. Raven's back meditating to a sunrise. Robin doing his hair first thing in the morning.

Starfire kept these?

Raven was having major flashbacks. Oh, to be fifteen again.

Another page full of memories; their battles, a lot of them out of focus. Black ravens swooping down, green dinosaurs roaring, blue sonic cannons gleaming. Lots of Robin…smiling, laughing, frowning, or deep in thought. Raven found a certain section dedicated to Terra. The bouncy, blonde girl with the big smile- ending with the statue frozen in time.

She could feel the vibes of Starfire's sadness as the alien girl had pasted those pictures in her book.

Few more additional pages were scribbled: _Forever as Friends_. They were group moments, eating pizza, GameStation, Stankball, practice, and visiting Jump City. Starfire's first date with Robin. The thing that got to Raven was that she wasn't any of these pictures, Star had made her appearance but she hadn't.

A little disappointed, she flipped the page to see the backside labeled: _Best Friend Raven._

They were all of a sullen-face Raven, gloomy, angry, uninterested, or blocking the camera with her hand. It was almost enough to make her start hating herself. Had she really been that bad back then?

_'Yeah. But I loved them anyway. That I couldn't prevent no matter how hard I tried.'_

Violet eyes trailed over a portion that slowly progressed to a more recent Raven, smiling or trying to smile. The book was running out of pages. Raven looked through miscellaneous photos of Robin and herself together, hugging, talking, touching hands, or annoying each other. Beneath them Starfire had written: _May their hearts be filled with blaeukpt._

So, she was okay with them saying each other…?

_'Robin isn't the stalker of the Teen Titans. Starfire is.'_

She grinned widely, glimpsing at photos of Starfire and Beast Boy. Several of Beast Boy without a shirt, little red hearts drawn around him-

The steel door in Starfire's bedroom opened.

"Raven? What are you doing?"

The empath dropped to the ground with the scrapbook, eyes wide.

"Starfire," she said. "I was just... um _,_ checking if you had that mirror I borrowed from you."

The orange-skinned woman burrowed her tiny brows. "You wish to use it again?"

"Yes. I didn't want to bother you so... um-"

Starfire pointed to her desk.

"You may keep it if you desire, Raven. Did my book of scraps catch your attention?"

" _No..._ I wouldn't go through your things..."

"It's perfectly acceptable. I have nothing displeasing in my book," Starfire said, yawning. "I am wondering if you will be finished soon for I am most tired."

Raven got up, flustered to have been found out.

"I'm sorry. I'll just... _yeah_."

She ran out, colliding into Robin. He kept her balance by gripping her upper arms. "Easy there," he said, frowning. "What did you find?"

"Red X made a clean job of it, I couldn't find anything." Raven stepped out of his grip, dusting off her spandex.

"Well, I've got some good and bad news for you." She groaned. He flashed a smile and elbowed her shoulder. "Hey! I haven't even told you what it was yet."

"You don't have to. I already know it's something I'm not going to like."

"Do you want the good or the bad first?"

Raven pinched the bridge of her nose. "Dick... please..."

"You and I are going on a short vacation."

"Is that the bad news?"

"No. We're going to Gotham, Bruce invited us."

Robin waited for her reaction.

It took a whole two seconds before she said, horrified, " _Excuse me_? There's no way I'm going through with this."

*

 


	10. Chapter 10

*

"I can't believe I'm going through with this." Raven felt a pout coming on and suppressed it sternly. She was no child. Robin, garbed in a red hoodie and jeans, heaved the second suitcase off his bed.

"We'll have fun."

She mocked giggling hysterically, "Oh yes! Loads of fun with the _fun-fun_ billionaire!" Raven twirled a finger cynically and went back to staring at the patch on his ceiling from her sitting place.

He stopped dragging his suitcase, rolling eyes behind his mask. "Will you knock it off?"

She shrugged dully, "I don't see why I have to go."

"Raven, I'm not going to listen to you complain during the entire trip. You know what, if you really don't want to go... then don't. No one is making you go." Robin threw down his extra Bo-Staff's to prove his point that he was fed up. Frankly, Raven wasn't intimidated by his behavior. But she _did_ want to go. Her reasons were her own.

"I'll go." Raven went for the door. "And I'll stop talking about it so we can enjoy what we can of Gotham." He nodded distantly, crouching down to pick up what he threw.

"That sounds good to me."

She drifted to her bedroom, levitating her only bag out and pressed her locking code to her room. Better safe than sorry. Cyborg and Starfire stood near the elevator doors, too caught up in what they were talking about to care if they were leaving that very second. At last, Starfire looked up perkily. "Friends, you are ready to vacate?"

"Don't look so sad about it, Starfire," Raven scolded gently from behind their leader. Robin hid a smile.

"I left everything in place for you in the control room. A few reminders: sweep the town regularly for escapees, report to the police-"

"Lather, rinse, and repeat. We got it, Robin," Cyborg said, touching Starfire's shoulder. "It's only for a few days, so you two Lovebirds have fun."

Starfire beamed as Raven shot death glares at Tin-man. "Yes, we shall sorely miss you." Raven let herself be hugged. Robin and Cyborg did one of their weird handshake. The departing Titans climbed up to the rooftop with their bags. Amethyst eyes widened at the sight of an overly-sized luxury helicopter. She gaped, making a confused noise.

"Bruce is a billionaire, remember?"

"I know that, Boy Wonder... but why a helicopter?"

Robin shrugged wordlessly, towing his things behind him. She followed him after a minute. The flight to Gotham wasn't exciting. Raven felt seventeen again, on her way to Robin's eighteenth birthday party, slightly bored and the beginning signs of a migraine setting in. At last they arrived in a sleek black vehicle, driving through the gates of a tall manor; it was decorated with a taste of Gothic architecture. Raven silently approved. She asked quietly, staring out the tinted window, "What house is that?"

"Wayne Manor. The other one we went to was his seafront manor."

She frowned. "How many houses does one man need?"

Robin pretended to ignore that and exited the passenger car door. They walked up a dusty pathway; before Robin could reach for the large door handle, a graying butler showed stiffly in the doorway. His wrinkled face broke into the smallest of smiles.

"Master Richard, you have reached your destination late as usual."

Robin grinned broadly, dropping his things at the doorstep and opening an arm to embrace the butler. "Alfie! How have you been, old man?" To see him suddenly so happy surprised her a little. He motioned to Raven, speaking up, "Rav, this is Alfred. Alfie, this-"

"Mistress Roth. I've already had the pleasure of meeting you at Master Richard's party," Alfred greeted, candidly.

Her jaw dropped for the second time that day.

' _How... how did he...?'_

The butler went for the bags.

"Your rooms are on the third floor, Master Richard... if you would show your young friend hers." As Alfred walked out, Raven's hands began to shake.

"... How did he know my last name? I never told anyone…"

"Calm down." He took them soothingly into his own. "Bruce probably looked it up and Alfred knows everything Bruce does, so no one is going to give your secret away." Robin rubbed the back of her left hand with his thumb. "I was kind of hoping you'd tell me this stuff one day."

"I was kind of hoping you'd not ask me," she whispered.

Robin smiled. "I didn't have a record on your life before Earth... Raven Roth, huh? It sounds so... _you_."

She laughed lightly. " _Master_ Richard?"

"He use to call me Master Grayson, but I wore him down."

Raven glanced up briefly at the dreary paintings, at sober walls, at low lights. He inserted as an afterthought, "It seems it's just you, me, and Alfred. Bruce might be at a meeting at Wayne Enterprises. Did I ever tell you that I planned on taking over the business?"

She answered faintly, "You never told me anything about your past either." There was a invisible hint of hurt in her voice.

"Yeah, well." His expression dropped. "Now I have time. When I turned twenty-one, I would have inherited a bit of Wayne Enterprises because I was made the only legal heir to Bruce. I have a bit of stock, mostly that's how I got the money to pay for everything at the Tower."

Ah _ha_. She figured it had something to do with underage economics.

"Do you think that's why you're here?"

Robin responded confidently, "No. We would have discussed it way earlier than just on the spot." Raven gave him an apathetic look.

"He doesn't know I'm here, does he?"

He scratched the back of his head, awkwardly.

"... I'd be lying if I said he did."

She made a face. " _Magnificent_."

Robin seized her around the waist when she stepped to the side and dipped her back, raising his eyebrows twice suggestively, " _Wellll..._ he's not here right now..." Raven said, sarcastically.

"You sure know how to charm a girl."

He gave a throaty growl that made her shiver with delight, his lips capturing hers in an earnest kiss. She wound her arms around him, still backwards and careful not to drag him down if he lost his balance. Something like a berry flavor was on his tongue. The hand clutching the small of her back pulled her closer still. Someone in the background cleared their throat loudly.

Very loudly.

Their heads jerked to the right of a giant open hallway. A middle aged, dark haired man in a business suit surveyed them composedly.

Robin helped her straighten up.

"Bruce....uh, I thought you'd be coming back later."

"I ended the board meeting early to meet with you. I didn't know you brought a lady friend with you." Clear sharp eyes cut into Raven's normal black attire, indigo cloak, and slightly ruffled violet hair. "I would have liked it if you would have taken this somewhere more... private."

' _Lady-friend? And what exactly is that suppose to imply... OH, that bastard.'_

Robin flushed, uneasily. "This is Raven, one of my teammates. She came to my party, with all my friends?" Bruce coolly glanced back at her.

"You that destroyed the tables and windows."

She retaliated, gritting her teeth, "I have a name and I believe Dick just used it."

"Raven Roth. I'm not sure why Dick asked you to come, but I hope you enjoy your stay here at Wayne Manor," Bruce said cordially.

She returned the tone almost painfully, "Thank you….. Mister Wayne."

His dark eyes switched to Robin.

"I'll see you at dinner. I'll be helping Alfred if you need me."

His back disappeared into the kitchen. She turned to Robin solemnly, "He's going to poison my food." It must have been the way she said to so abruptly because he started cracking up. Raven blinked once. "Why are you laughing? I'm serious."

He let out a chuckle-sigh. "Let's go upstairs."

Up two fleets of a drably furnished staircase, they came to a stop of an ebony banister. Robin pointed to the right side of the floor. "Yours should be the guestroom on the far end, I'll see you there in a minute." She emerged into the space, fancy gold-trimmed curtains, light blue painted walls, white puffy blankets and pillows, and a closet as small as hers back home. Already on the bed was her bag. Raven was about to explore the bedroom a little more when a finger tapped her shoulder blade. She whipped around to the worn-faced butler.

He uttered, "Mistress Roth-"

" _Raven_. Please call me Raven."

"Mistress Roth, Master Bruce wonders if you will be attending dinner this evening."

"I planned on it." She inquired skeptically, "Why?"

"He wonders if you have an article of clothing to wear that is perhaps less _sordid_."

Raven clutched her fists, fingertips glowing, asking with a low mutter, "Were those his _exact_ words?"

Alfred rummaged through the closet to extract a gown on a hanger. "My niece is about your age, you might be her same size." Raven held it out in front of her when the dress was handed over. Thin, spaghetti strapped, and ultramarine blue. Good enough. She murmured her thanks, folding the gown on the bed.

He was gone within seconds. Besides being a bit too quiet, maybe he wasn't such a bad guy...

Robin knocked on the cherrywood door.

"Everything okay?"

"Other then being called _sordid..._ ask me later."

He knit his brows. "Who called you that?" She eyed him.

"Guess."

Robin prevented her from moving by locking her in his arms. "Come on, I thought this would be a good opportunity for you two to... stop... hating each other for whatever reason you do."

Raven argued, "I don't hate Bruce Wayne. Our auras don't compliment each other."

He didn't seem angry as he told her, "Bullshit."

"I've seen him act like we're inferior to his authority. I've seen it directed to you, and it makes me angry to see you take that from him."

Her beautiful face tightened with frustration. He protested mildly, "Bruce would never do that."

"He still thinks you're a child who needs to be taken care of and bossed around, like you're going through this adolescent stage. I bet that's the reason why he called you here, because you were seriously hurt and he thinks if he offers you to stay, you'd willingly go back to being Robin the sidekick, Robin the little bird under the watchful eye of a bigger icon." Raven shook her head, her hair falling over her pained eyes. "I can't watch you end up like that, even if he cares for you. Where does that place me in your life?"

Robin felt something tense in his chest. He stretched out for her hand. "Raven..." She backed away.

"You'd take it..." she started, frowning. "Wouldn't you?"

"Rav..."

She didn't bother to fly. His ungloved hands held her upper arms before she could make it out of the bedroom.

"Raven, please, listen to me...!"

" _Get away from me_!"

Her eyes flashed a sinister blue and he asked her softly, "Do you really want me to do that?"

She stopped fighting his grasp, squeezing all-over blue to reveal defeated eyes. Robin said honestly, "What kind of person would I be if I threw away everything we have? I might have taken that offer if I was younger but I wouldn't now. Not when I have you." He kissed her face tenderly, taking her fear away with every word spilling from his lips, "I won't leave you. I'm never going to leave you, Raven. I'm never going to leave you."

'... _Azar... let him be right...'_

"Master Dick, Mistress Raven, dinner is served." Alfred's voice trickled from under the bottom crack of the door.

The empath stepped away, unenthusiastically. "I have to dress."

"It's the second kitchen door, not the first," he reminded her, taking his sweet time before shutting the bedroom door.

She dressed fast, greatly annoyed to find her chest yet again uncomfortably straining against lank material.

' _Everyone else in the world has to have smaller breasts than me.'_

She brushed it off. Raven kept her boots and found a brush, running it through her hair with a few clean sweeps. She found a pin lying around and stuck it up in her hair. This was her chance to prove to Master Pompous downstairs that she could be more respectable, if she couldn't do it for Robin... she had to do it for herself. After all, she was trained in the behavior.

' _Alright, Raven...no time to meditate. Just keep your cool. Azarath... Metrion...'_

She breathed, landing on the last step on the staircase, "... Zinthos."

Raven pushed the door Robin instructed her to enter. A dining room scene filled her vision: a lace-covered table, Bruce Wayne sat on the right end, Robin two seats to the left, and Alfred served him a crystal salad bowl. All three pairs of eyes fell on her.

She could feel her boyfriend's attention stray exactly on the area where she hoped he'd avoid that night, however not _hating_ the attention.

Bruce said over his plate, "Take a seat, Miss Roth."

Raven headed for the seat across from Robin, observing the butler was he pulled out her chair for her. She tucked a foot behind the other and curtsied gracefully to him, bowing her head before sliding into her chair. She overlooked Robin's confusion and lifted her chin. "Would you please pass the rolls, Mister Wayne?"

They held each other's dead gazes and he minded her.

Robin tried to start up conversation, "So, Bruce, how's business?"

"No competition has tried to take us down in two years so that's good news," Bruce asked, calmly. "How is... _Teen Titans_ been going?"

Robin put down his fork, swallowing hard.

"Really good. We took down Brother Blood and his followers a while back."

His mentor countered, crossing his legs, "I heard. I also saw the news, not a very flattering picture."

Robin muttered, bleakly, "Things happen."

"Unfortunately."

Just for a moment or two, Raven saw real suffering in Bruce's eyes, looking over at his ex-partner. It vanished when he looked at Raven. "You've gotten along all right I see."

She spoke up, evenly, "It took some time, but circumstances weren't going to change."

The discussions grew uptight and hushed. The plates of steak, greens, and chopped fruits were quickly finished and stacked up. Bruce set down his napkin, "It's been a long evening. I'm sure you two have something more... _productive_ to do with your time." He snorted... there was something in the way he said it...

"Pardon me?"

Bruce raised an eyebrow at her, subtly.

" _Is_ something the matter?"

Raven got to her feet, pressing her palms into the table with all her weight, "Yeah, it is. It's 6 foot 6 and smells like putrid cologne." She stormed out of the dining room. Robin caught up with her in the hallway, grabbing one of her arms.

"Raven, what the hell was that?"

She growled in rage, "Did you _hear_ him?"

"What? What did he say?"

"You two have something more _productive_ to do...?" Robin didn't seem to understand and she jerked her pin out, furiously. "You really don't know! He was _doing it_! Again! I can't stand him! I can't be respectful to a person who won't give me a chance!" Raven shook out her hair. "He will always be biased against me, even if I'm your girlfriend. Were you even there three years ago at that party? I've never done _anything_ to him and I continually get treated like garbage! Bruce Wayne can rot in Hell for all I care!"

His mask narrowed, darkness giving way to reason.

"Now you've gone too far. You have no right to judge that man, Raven. A man who I look up to. You don't know half the things he's been through. He sacrifices his life to save other innocent lives from Hell. He's my _Father_ and I won't hear you badmouthing him anymore."

Raven was left with no regard, her body trembling with animosity under the artificial light of the chandeliers.

*

That wasn't one of the worst fights to happen. Two days passed and before they knew it, they were under the oak tree on the Manor's grounds, smiling in the shade. On the third day, Robin came downstairs in the morning to see Raven sitting alone in the dining room with the newspaper, herbal tea, and looking extremely out of place in huge teddy bear pajamas.

He snickered audibly and she sputtered, "They-"

"Starfire?"

" _Starfire_ ," Raven echoed, blushing. She gazed momentarily at his bright red tee and cargo shorts.

He plopped down beside her, stealing her cup of tea, "What's in the news today?" She handed him page three.

"Escaped criminal and a circus."

Robin choked when she said the last word, " _Ack!_ -A what?"

"In Gotham tonight is a circus performance. It says they've performed here before years back. They've been in Europe," she paused when he paled considerably, "Dick, what's the matter?"

Robin knocked over his chair upon standing up.

"I need to go."

"Dick!"

Raven chased after him, accidentally taking the long way to the parking garage. When she finally found it, Raven coughed on exhaust fumes as Robin rode out into the distance on a motorcycle. She screamed his name several times before noticing Alfred was staring at her funny. She tugged at her pajamas, groaning.

_'Great... Dick just ditched me... the butler saw me in Starfire's clothes. Can this day get-?'_

Thunder roared. The first rain of spring beat over her head.

She threw out her arms aggravated and shouted to the sky, "I get it! _Azar_ save us all!" Raven dragged her soaking wet pant-tails behind her as she went inside to change. Most of her day she spent alone, curled up near the library's fireplace, reading dark poetry. Alfred poked his head in around five.

"Mistress Raven, I can't seem to locate Master Richard. Do you know where he might be?"

"No. He took an old motorcycle and left this morning. I haven't an inkling of where he could be," she replied flatly.

"Would you like some milk and cookies for your reading activity, Mistress Raven?"

Raven glanced up, speaking, "Actually I'd like it if you left me alone - no offense, Mister Alfred." His bushy gray eyebrows rose to his hairline at the _Mister_ comment and his head popped back into the foyer. She closed the textbook in her lap and phased outside, flapping the wings of her soul-self through sprinkles of lessened rain.

The part of Gotham she disembarked was less slummish from downtown, particularly around the area with lots of fences surrounding small apartments. Raven kept her hood over her face and kept her cloak close as traffic bustled.

An expensive Sedan sped past her near the curb. The rush of wind flapped her cloak, exposing her black uniform and sallow skin. A catcall ran in her hearing. A crud looking salesman held up two mangoes from his stand only two feet away, juggled them in his palms and winked at her.

Her eyes formed blue slits and she picked up the rolling stand, asking drearily, "You want to run that by me again?"

His own bloodshot eyes bugged out of their sockets.

He took off in a fast sprint, checking over her shoulder to make sure she wasn't going to go after him. Raven dropped the stand five feet from the air and walked over the squashed fruit listlessly. Her journey became short.

On the picket-fenced sidewalk she strode on, colorful posters were littered everywhere. On a poorly stapled one, bright stars outlined magicians, clowns, fire-eaters, and other varieties of performers.

In big, bold red letters screamed: **Come one! Come all! To the entertainment of a lifetime! See death-defying tricks! Be amazed! Be astounded!**

' _Be conned,'_ she added, silently.

Another poster with a yellow and red theme gleamed relatively new.

In the same bold letters: **EXCLUSIVE tickets only! Witness the ULTIMATE and FINAL performance of the Last Flying Grayson! Tonight at 7:00!**

'... _Grayson...?'_

Raven ripped the second poster off the fence and soared back to the Manor. She burst in on the formally-clothed Bruce Wayne working on loan papers. Before the billionaire could open his mouth, Raven demanded, "Will someone please tell me what this is about?" She jabbed the torn paper with a finger and Bruce's eyes skimmed over it with a second's hesitation.

He murmured under her breath, "... No."

"Grayson... as in _Dick_ Grayson?"

He said testily, "This is none of your concern-" only to be interrupted by the empath. She floated into his personal space, scowling.

"I'll _make_ it my concern. That's Dick, isn't it? Why won't you admit it?"

"He never told you."

"Told me _what_? I don't understand what's going on. Why is Dick joining the circus?" Raven shouted, angrily. She was just about to rip this stupid man's head off if he didn't start talking.

Bruce spoke gruffly, "You read minds, don't you? You've never had the opportunity to see his?"

"Once. I don't pick through another person's head without absolute urgency. I saw our operations center, Slade's things, your Batcave, and two people falling under moving spotlights."

"His parents," he confirmed, gravely.

Raven frowned.

" _His..._ They died as circus performers?"

"Acrobats, trapeze artists, performers, whatever you call them, yes. He was eight when it happened. Dick and his family traveled with Haley's Circus all throughout his life. They performed in Gotham the night a criminal tampered with the finale. Dick watched them fall from an eighty foot drop into the center ring." Bruce ran his fingers through his hair wearily, a streak of white hidden in black. Raven knew that Robin's parents died a long time ago but not that he had to _watch_. Was that why he freaked out when she mentioned the word 'circus'?

"Why didn't you stop it from happening?" The question flew out of her mouth before she could stop it.

His sharp eyes softened.

"I couldn't. It was too late," he explained. "I had to watch them, too."

A foreign ache formed in her heart for those poor souls.

"But you could have done something. You're _Batman..._ wasn't that your job to stop things like that from happening?"

He dimly smiled, with no humor. "Dick asked me the same question after I told him who I was. He held quite a grudge against me when he became my partner."

Her past migraine roared its fully-formed monstrous head. She rubbed her temples. "So what... do we wait for him to come home?"

"No. Boss Zucco's main colleague escaped from the convict earlier this week. He probably got the news that Dick is still here. The mobster blamed him for bring Batman's wrath on them. He needs to be stopped now." Bruce crumpled up the paper in his fist.

Raven blurted out, "We need those tickets."

"I've already taken care of it." He patted his pockets. "It would be best if you stayed here-"

Raven said firmly, "If Dick's in danger, I refuse to stand by and watch."

"You're stubborn," Bruce cursed as he drove them in his black Jaguar. Her lips twitched.

"I acquired the habit recently."

*

Night fell relentlessly over Gotham City. Lone lights shining clearest that evening beamed from the grand big top. The crowds of people waiting in line gossiped excitedly about the special guests arriving at tonight's event. Raven ignored the ticket taker's baffled expression as she passed the line up and hovered by the empty first row seats.

She glanced back to see Bruce who was suddenly crowded by reporters and dizzyingly radiant women whom he smiled pretty for. Even though she was certain he want to get away from them, Raven nonetheless rolled her eyes at his idiocy.

The overhead illuminations lowered and the ringmaster crowed at full volume, " _Ladies and gentlemen! Children of all ages! Our esteemed guests! Welcome to the spectacle of a century_!"

Cheers escalated gaily and Raven withdrew backstage.

A fat security guard caught sight of the end of her cloak and she purposely ducked behind a barrel. The ringmaster's voice boomed, " _Now, prepare your eyes for the fantastic, the handsome, the amazing Last Flying Greyson_!" The guard walked past her, missing her hunching shadow.

Clad in a yellow and red skin-tight jumpsuit and oddly winged mask, she saw him scale up a thick rope not too far from where she hid. Raven's cries were drowned in a sea of zealous screams. She ran straight into someone dressed in a gray suit, a broken nose, long-haired man who shoved her aside with a dirty look, "Circus scum."

As Raven fell to her knees, thousand of scenes went off in her head. She lowered her head to receive two of the sharpest. Black and white striped prison clothes and a yellow, high-wire cord half severed. Raven murmured in her dazed state, " _No…"_

Meanwhile, the applause had deafened all other noises in Robin's ears.

He grinned boldly to the mass from his perch, waving his hand, telling himself to give them a good time. His rotation started out simple enough, a few flips, later in the show combined with mid air jumps accompanied by a young bizarrely-clad actress to catch him. She was rather decent actually. His adrenaline pumped up every time the crowd hollered with approval. He missed that sound. He missed this.

It had almost been thirty minutes since the show began.

"The youngest Flying Grayson-"

Robin clutched the bar on the platform instinctively.

' _I wish you guys were here to see this.'_

"-will now attempt his final act!"

The clapping stopped when a tortured shriek washed over the audience like an icy wave. Robin ran to the other side of the platform. Chaos everywhere. People moving. A glittering woman screaming. The Mayor's wife. The sounds of guns dropping. The police couldn't shoot when a civilian was in harm's way.

Gray suited man holding the curved knife over her neck. Screaming over the woman, voicing his demands.

_"I want him dead!"_

Him.

Robin hoisted himself onto his swinging bar and veered across the center ring, about the grab the next bar on that side of the stage.

That's when he felt it happen.

In all the years of training and performing for hundreds, saving his Mother when her faulty cord weakened... earning him the title of 'Little Robin'... he _never_ missed.

With an alarmed bellow, Robin began his slow tumble.

Screams. Heart in his ears. Running footsteps. Batman hit the mobster. Fear.

_Completely breathless. His eyes felt tired. He felt so sleepy, but that drowsiness came to an immediate halt. His Mother's blonde curls smelled like lavender as he buried his face into them. He'd protect her. He could hear the low murmurs of the other circus performers just outside their tent. His Father's hasty tone._

-Fingers closed around his ankle. The world stopped moving.

His female assistant hung upside down, yanking on his other ankle. Robin grunted, his head clearing. He swung himself up to grip her bar. In the same rhythmic plunge, they landed safely on the end platform.

He heaved for air, supporting himself on his back with his elbows. "Thank you... thank you so much. You save my life."

"It wouldn't be the first time."

The young woman removed her grotesque, theatrical face-mask to reveal stunningly usual-colored orbs.

Robin gawked, " _Raven_?"

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, stating, "It's too late to say I couldn't risk making a fuss," and obscured them in her energy. Outside, the public was frantic, cops were everywhere, and workers at the big top were being questioned. Batman found them standing in the midst of bedlam, ordering callously, "You two get in the car."

Raven glared at him on their way back to Wayne Manor. Robin was taken to Alfred to be checked over. She hassled Bruce in the foyer, "You took care of the convict?"

"Yes," he snapped, taking off his mask to reveal a giant bruise. "Leave me in peace. You've caused enough trouble for me." Raven wouldn't let down.

"Why do you treat people like this? Why do you _hate_ me?"

Bruce disagreed, "I don't hate you, Miss Roth. I should be thanking you for saving Dick's life tonight."

"You still won't respect me as a hero or a person even if I had perfect timing. I don't get what your problem is, but you know what... it doesn't matter anymore. Because Dick is suffering. He's being torn into two directions: one Robin for the Teen Titans and one Dick Grayson in Gotham City. He can't settle for being two people."

The billionaire said slowly, sitting in a drawing room chair, "You only care about Dick's welfare and not your own?"

Raven lowered her eyes, but not ashamed.

"I came here... I _agreed_ coming to Gotham because I wanted to prove myself to you. Not that I was some kind of incredible superhero, but that I was capable of loving your son. Even if it meant sacrificing my own principles. He is the most cherished person to my heart. He's everything to me. I'd surrender my soul to the most evil of forces for every hour of the day if it meant to bring him happiness. You bled him and I feel the blood flow. You take his sight and all I can see is darkness."

Her eyes cast out a flickering keenness. "I don't think you'll ever know how much he'd jeopardize to make you happy. But if it means wasting away his precious life, then by Azar, I'll do everything in my power to bring you down."

"Is that a threat?" Bruce inquired, barely able to hold back the shock enveloping into his system.

Raven whispered, "A plea... I just may love him more than you."

That phrase battered into his brain as Bruce found Robin in the Batcave, sulky. He snapped out of it, "Don't tell me you and Raven were going at it again."

"On the contrary... we did have a fascinating discussion. That young woman, your teammate as you call her, has without doubt strong feelings for you."

Robin smiled, hazily, "Does she now?"

"Dick, I never asked you how it felt to be in my shadow. I know that's why you left to make the Teen Titans." He suggested, "What if I could lend a hand in making you a new image? Help you grow out of the Robin stage?"

Robin's masked eyes widened, "S-Seriously?"

Bruce nodded. "I got Alfred to make you something." He lightly snapped a switch on the wall closest to him. The wall swung around, attached to the other side a statue wearing a two-piece spandex suit in black, a dark blue icon printed on the chest. He pointed to the matching utility belts. "I've already thought up of a potential name." Robin dropped his jaw, running his hands over the solid black Bo-Staff's.

"If could work out perfectly, you and I would work together in Gotham when it suits you. You could stay here to work-"

"Whoa, _whoa_!" Robin held up his hands, "I can't believe it."

Bruce asked, worried, "What is it?"

"Raven was right. You are _trying_ to make me stay!"

"Dick, no."

Robin glowered, sidestepping Alfred on his way out, "Thanks, but no thanks Bruce. I'll get along fine."

"That didn't work out as planned, Sir."

The billionaire called up the many steps of the Batcave, "Dick! Dick, come back!" Robin ignored him as he made it to the fifteenth step, Bruce did the unthinkable. " _Richard Grayson_ , I am talking to you! Get back here _now_!"

Robin's back to him stiffened and he turned around, ripping the eye-mask off his face, shocking the other man.

"I am _not_ an eight-year-old anymore, you can't use that tone on me! I make my own mistakes without you. I'm blind, not helpless, and I don't need to come crawling back to you when something bad happens. I did what I had to do to save a life. I thought at least you'd be _proud_ of me!"

The logical part of Bruce's brain started kicking in. He went up to his son. "I know it was a good opportunity for you when you left the first time, but it never stopped hurting. When you came to visit, I always thought you'd get sick of being the leader and stay for good. I judged you wrongly and I'm sorry if I offended you by offering."

"You should apologize to Raven, too; you didn't exactly welcome her with open arms."

Alfred said from below, "Bravo, Master Richard."

Bruce looked away a moment, his dark eyes sympathetic. "I can do that," he said.

"Why did you ask me here anyway?"

"When I saw what happened, I wanted to know you were okay," the billionaire admitted. Robin let out a shaky breath, forcing a smile.

"I am okay. I've had closer calls then this..."

A dark knowing silence filled the gap between them. As if knowing what he was talking about, Bruce Wayne almost gave his composure from the lump in his throat when Robin choked, " _Dad..._ " He hugged him comfortingly, stroking his hair reassuringly.

"It's alright, son; it's going to be alright."

There couldn't be a more wonderful sight in her eyes. The giant, dark blue raven faded into the ceiling and traveled swiftly back into the sanctuary of the guest room, merging into her body. It smiled.

Maybe there was a scrap of hope in the shadows of the world.

*

Raven ventured the gardens in the Manor's backyard, the white moon luminous over her head, bathing the flower petals, making them glisten.

It was the perfect place to be in the evening. The walking stones led her to a quarter ensnared by willow trees. There she sat on an ornamental, marble bench, the air pushing her short hair away from her face. She smiled down at the orchids hiding themselves from nighttime and caressed with her fingertips the lonely flower bravely poking its head out to catch the moon's youthful countenance.

"I didn't know you were a nature person."

A tall shadow came from the same path she tread on, shoving his hands into his baggy, jean pockets.

Raven answered bluntly, "Dusk is magical."

Robin patted the bench and seated himself... in her lap. He smiled pleased, "Oops. Didn't see you there, literally."

She said dryly, "Right. Like your intentions are so pure."

Her violet eyes watched as Robin found the opposite end of the bench, "Did you have a nice talk with Bruce Wayne?" He sighed.

"I think he understands now. You were right by the way. He was trying to get me to stay in Gotham."

' _Not like I'm proud of being right...'_

Easy stillness was disrupted when Raven touched the side of his face, her nails brushing the eye-mask's edges.

"You have nothing to hide from me anymore... why do you wear that mask?" she asked

"Old habits die hard," he whispered, covering his hand over hers, guiding her to untie the knot on the back of his head. His milky eyes stared unperceiving at her face, his eyelids blinking at a normal pace. Raven wasn't afraid, dream or no dream; she wasn't guilty and his eyes didn't cause her heart cry out in agony.

"I remember when you use to look at me with your blue eyes and I would feel exposed. I was naked to the world and I couldn't keep anything from you."

Robin clasped her hand tighter. "Do you still feel that way?"

She peered at him closer, moonlight detailing every feature. Framed eyebrows, smooth lashes, rounded out cheekbones, softly defined lips, the faint scar on his chin she never noticed before. The moonlight reflected in his eyes. Palest, palest traces of blue outlined where his pupils had once been. It might have been the light tricking her, but it gave him an unearthly look she desired.

"In a better way, yes. And you still have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen," Raven murmured, holding up his chin.

"What do you know... it _still_ works on me…"

Nothing but love came from him as Robin pulled her close, kissing her mouth. This man just lived to make her squirm... perhaps she should give it a try...

Raven settled herself into his lap, never stopping the kisses, and twirled her hands in his hair. She rolled her hips, using the friction against his to create a low groan from his throat. His cock pressed insistently beneath her. Robin's face flushed. She smirked, draping them in blue, passing into her bedroom. They sat on the floor, Robin's mask forgotten outside.

She grabbed him by the shoulders.

"I want to remember this night forever as nothing else but you and me. Just us together, giving you everything." Her lips brushed his ear burning, " _Show me how much you love me_."

Robin touched his lips to her forehead in agreement, deliberately grazing her red, chakra gem. His hands unhooked her gold belt and slid them up to her cloak, running his palms over her curves and undoing her new brooch.

Raven slipped his shirt over his head, gazing hungrily at the muscles on his chest. After all the times she saw him shirtless, this moment made her more appreciative. With the remaining clothing tossed aside on the floor, Robin was having a difficult time keeping his attention off her stripped, petite body. Flashes kept coming in like crazy. The only word he could think of was flawless. The woman he was going to be with his first time was everything he expected and so much more.

Raven's self-confidence wavered a moment, "Am I...?" She crossed her arms over herself.

"More than beautiful," he replied, already knowing why she hesitated. Robin lifted her into his arms, off the floor and gently set her down on the bed, throwing the blankets away. There was no need for them. Raven laughed, uneasy. "I'm sorry...I'm just..."

Robin lay beside her, their hands dancing over each other's. "You want to wait?"

"No," came her direct response.

She let him overtake her, completely content with it. They exchanged smothering, wet kisses and tongues. Her lips become bruised and numb quick, her back arched to bring stomach against stomach. Time seemed to hinder off the first time they climaxed and all she could do was breathe in his essence and scent underneath his sweaty torso.

As Robin finished the last, heavy kiss, he lowered himself to trace her bare flesh below her neck. He ran his thumbs over nipples and planted tiny bites on the crease below her breast. Raven moaned, burying her face into his soft, spiky hair, gasping at every sensation of warmth on her sallow skin.

Electricity raced through her veins.

Robin cupped her breast and kissed it before continuing the same across her neckline. The night wasn't over.

Raven lay back on pillows, her lungs shuddering and her colorless lips parted to reveal a pink tongue hidden behind her lower, white teeth. He cradled her waist, whispering small, loving words under his trembling breath. She didn't react but after a minute or two, Raven abruptly tugged him down on the mattress, her forehead butting his. She breathed roughly above her leader, " _Fuck me or I will fuck you until your brain melts_."

Robin never backed down on a challenge, and never failed to come out on top.

*

 


	11. Chapter 11

*

Cool sunrise.

Her nose itched. Raven lifted her hand to scratch the irritation. She let out a sleepy groan when it subsided; her muddled eyes greeting the sight of a weakly-lit bedroom. Blue walls. To the right of where she laid, appearing to have been looking out to morning from the small bedroom window, stood her spiky-haired lover in black and red boxers.

The muscles in his arms rippled when he stretched out his body absently. White sunrays dipping into the crevices of his chest... where her lips bathed velvety flesh in kisses.

_Lover._

The word earned her unnameable shivers down her limbs. He was her lover... she was his, wasn't she?

With that bugging her subconscious, Raven sat up quietly, realizing how sore she actually was. She swung her legs around, sheets seized up to her neck, and picked up her indigo-colored cloak dangling on the end of the bedstead. Raven fastened the button on, hiding her exceedingly naked body to her approval.

His head turned in her direction as she tiptoed, her bare feet making a soft padding on the smooth, uncarpeted ground. A black and white mask returned her composed, outer expression.

On the inside, she felt like screaming.

' _He'll never take it off again, will he?'_

Raven bowed her head forward.

His voice perked up, "Morning, sleepyhead."

"Why are you whispering?"

Indeed, nothing more than a mumble escaped him. Robin replied, even softer, "I don't know... it feels wrong to talk loud right now." She moved in at the wrong time when a loving arm opened to embrace her to him. His strong forearm crossed over her chest, the heat of his skin seeping through the durable fabric. He didn't recoil from her.

"Robin..."

Her face warmed and he took his cue to let go, taken back to hear her calling him _that_ name of all things. Raven broke the bittersweet tension between them as always, "Do you regret-?"

Robin answered without recognizing he had interrupted her, "I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't loved you."

Her heart rate picked up. Raven blinked.

"Why are you acting so surprised?" He said, gently pushing back her soft, violet hair, tugging and rubbing the ends, launching shock after shock into her skull.

Raven stared right back at him before her emotionless face lost its hard exterior. She put a hand behind his head and drew his face down to hers heatedly, urgently. He responded without delay, battling his mouth against her cool lips with aggressive kisses. Robin ran his tongue across her closed lips, but she pulled away, backing a foot or so away from where he stood. Robin waited confused as her quick fingers slipped the indigo cloak off her shoulders, the foreign material fell to her ankles.

Her eyes didn't stray from their target. She stayed motionless and unprotected.

Robin reached for the hand at her side, saying quietly, "You're beautiful." Her other hand disappeared behind her in a modest fashion.

"Do..."

Raven bit her lip.

"... you want me li-?"

"I don't want you at all."

Her cheeks burned shamefully. Raven bent down to take her cloak and pinned it on, trying desperately to hurry to the door before she lost control of her emotions. He sounded so honest.

' _What the hell was I thinking... what am I...?'_

She was so flustered she couldn't finish her thought.

Robin touched her wrist. She met face-to-face with his eye mask. "Let me explain. I love you, and not because of your body," Robin gathered her wrists together and brought her closer, going on, "I respect you more than that to _ever_ take advantage of you. I would never hurt you. I haven't exactly earned that trust from you, but I will. I swear."

He spoke so passionately, with such devotion she was apt to believe him and there was no trouble in believing.

"There's something I've been mulling over for the past few days, and I've given a lot of thought to it before it as well. If I learned anything in being alive, it is that life is too short to wait for things to happen, and if you have something you cherish with all your heart, you can't let it get away. Risks are too high sometimes." Robin smiled kindly, touching their foreheads. "I don't want to lose you. I want to know every night you are there beside me dreaming, that every morning you'll know when you wake up, you'll be safe with me. I want to have a future with you. I want you to be in mine. I want to be in yours."

She merely nodded as Robin spoke, not saying a word throughout this entire span of time. Her heart was skipping beats in a tempo now.

He was confessing a feeling so deep and so sacred, in a way he couldn't express his emotions unlike the nervous laughter and jerky hand movements in his younger years that she had known him. It was hard to imagine it was _Robin_ who was talking to her.

' _So why aren't I strong enough to...'_

He whispered affectionately, playing with her fingers, "One day... _ha_... depends on what you think; but one day, I want to create a life with you and love the life we created."

"You can't be talking about what I think you're talking about..." Raven shrank back, swallowing the persistent lump in her throat with difficulty. After sucking in a few breaths, she managed, "We're not capable of being parents... with the lives we lead. There's no time. The danger to their lives if criminals knew... if... they weren't strong enough..."

Robin asked without a trace of hurt in his voice, "You never dreamed of having a baby, Rav?"

"Dreaming was empty," she replied truthfully, "Please don't look at me like that, I'm not talking about my emotions."

Raven sank onto the mattress, her hands clasping her covered knees.

"I wasn't planning on telling you anytime soon. I kept putting off," she went on. "The people of Azarath have a... _condition_. Reproductive systems are fragile. It happens naturally. If something goes wrong... it could be your survival. My energy sources come from my mental state and chakra." Raven pointed to her ruby. "But the rest depends on this area." Her hand hovered over her lower belly. She balled up a fist and rested her brow on her knuckles. "My people are infertile. My mother was lucky..."

All of a sudden, Raven let out a sour laugh that gave Robin a haunting sensation.

" _Okay_... that's stretching the truth a little bit, but her fertility was supposedly there. Living in Azarath for so long didn't affect her as it should have been. I never looked toward a future, I always thought I was gonna die as my Father's tool, anyway," she finished off with an eerily knowing sneer.

Robin said stubbornly in the background, "I don't care. I'll love you whatever turns out."

Her fingers dug into the flesh of her kneecaps and he freed them, lugging her back onto her feet. Robin didn't let go of her left hand as he plucked a square object off the nearby mantle. "What kind of game are you playing?"

Robin knelt down on one knee, chuckling at her shocked expression.

"Just open it."

Taking the small, blue velvet box, Raven popped open the lid to discover round diamonds embedded in an onyx-stone band. It caught the light in the room and flashed colorfully. She lost the battle against the prickling of her tear ducts. "Robin... you _didn't_." Clear and cool they rolled down her face. Before she could lift a finger, he came up to softly kiss them away.

"Your love and beauty is the only thing this blind man can see. It shines brighter than anything. _You_ shine. You deserve any bit of happiness in this world, Raven. Are you willing to let me give you this?"

Overpowering silence.

He smiled, uncertainly. "Maybe being straightforward is the best approach here. Raven Roth, will you marry me?"

There were too many thoughts going round her head, many were the purest intuitions of love for him; others told her to run, meditate, tell him no. She could never refuse him even if the cause would benefit the world. Raven murmured, her eyes blurry with tears, "... _Yes_. I'll marry you."

Robin slipped the ring onto her finger and kissed her deeply, tasting salty moisture. "Don't cry," he murmured against her mouth. "It's okay. There's no rush."

' _Yes... take it a step at a time... What am I talking about? I'm going to marry him. Robin, my leader, the only person who understands me... this is a good thing so... stop crying, you silly girl.'_

He struggled from pulling away from deliriously kissing her throat. "I'm going to pack for the Tower... god, I love you... we'll leave in a few hours-"

 **Knock-Knock**.

"Mistress Raven?"

" _Shit_ ," Robin said, diving onto the floor and Raven wrapped her cloak tighter around herself, wiping her eyes and calling out.

"Uh. Come in?"

Alfred opened the door, looking unresponsive as usual. "Are you coming downstairs for breakfast or shall I bring up something for you?"

She said hastily, "I'll come downstairs."

Without moving from his spot, he said louder, "Your hard-broiled eggs and cheese quesadillas are waiting, Master Richard."

Robin's interested voice drifted from under the bed, " _Really_? Cheese quesa-"

Raven smacked her face and Alfred said tediously, although a ghost of a smirk passed over his wrinkles, "No one will know about this, rest assure, Mistress Raven. Are you both coming downstairs then?" They agreed in unision and Robin came out from hiding as the old butler left.

"Sorry."

"At least Alfred is a decent guy."

"So... you feel like telling Bruce?"

Raven crossed her arms automatically underneath her cloak. "After everyone else knows," she said. Robin grinned at this.

"I figured you'd say something like that. I will be telling Alfie."

"Fine by me."

He goofily smiled against her lips. "Is it wrong to feel giddy?"

Raven half-smiled in exchange. "Feel free to be giddy, Bird Boy." He leaned in for another kiss. She pushed his chest, chastising, "Go before you decide to never leave."

Robin said smugly, coming ever closer to snaking his hands into her cloak and she batted them away, laughing, "It's _hard_. You're still naked under that thing... I just wanna…" Raven used her powers to brutally seize him and push him out of the bedroom, slamming the door shut.

He said on the other side, defeated "Got it."

A big smile fixed over her face as she glanced at the ring on her left hand. It made her slender hand so tiny and the black contrasted to make her finger paler. But it was beautiful she had to admit. Raven cradled her hand to her chest, the cool metal stinging the heat of her exposed breast. She changed into a freshly washed uniform, courtesy of Alfred's special detergent, and threw her things into her suitcase.

Raven would have made it safely into the dining room without an interruption but fate was cruel at times. A rather large hand planted itself on her shoulder and a deep voice asked, "Do you have a moment?" Dark, sharp eyes peered down on her.

' _To put it adequately... crud.'_

"Actually, I'm hungry, and I'd rather use my appetite before I lose it."

Bruce Wayne steered her from the kitchen doors, hand still stiff on her shoulder. "It will only take a second, I promise." He and Raven walked out into the foyer, the exact area they argued a night ago, and he let her go. "I realize that I haven't been the kindest host to you-"

"Robin put you up to this, didn't he?" she said perceptively.

"That's beside the point. I have treated you wrongly, not only here but in the past as well."

"I accept your apology, and for your upcoming one you will be saying, because of how you treated not only me but your son."

"I'm sorry to you both," he agreed.

"Okay, _now_ you have to go in there and tell him that yourself..."

He chuckled, "You are manipulative, aren't you?" She shrugged, struggling to contain her own itch to laugh.

"Unsurpassed. Can I eat now?"

"You didn't lose your appetite?" the billionaire taunted her but not without an open smile.

Raven said, coolly, "I enjoyed my time here, Mister Wayne. Thank you for not kicking me out on sight." Hurried into the dining room. The bonding they were having made her think twice. She couldn't trust people just in an instant. In time, she guessed.

Raven got her stomach full as she wanted and said goodbye to Alfred, favoring him a quick smile. Bruce said goodbye with less aloofness. She just wanted to go home. The newly engaged couple landed securely on the roof of Titans Tower at approximately one-thirty in the afternoon.

Starfire burst in on them once they exited the main elevator, her amber cheeks glowing with rapture.

"Friends, you have returned! I was very lonesome without your desired company!"

She squeezed Robin until he was out of breath and then advanced on Raven who held up her hands in surrender. Bright green eyes caught the flash of the ring on her finger and she halted, mouth agape.

Raven caught on and for the first time felt excited, _really_ excited about something.

"Starfire, what do you think?"

" _AHHHHH_!" shrieked the horrified Tamaranean woman, running as fast as she could in the opposite direction.

"... Alright." Raven rubbed her hands together in mock enthusiasm. "Now that _that's_ settled."

Robin sighed, jerking his head, "Come on," and they went to locate her screaming behind Cyborg on the next level.

Starfire took one look at Raven and pointed an accusing finger. "SHE HAS CONTRACTED THE BLA'CRAFDUR! X'HAL REDSYUL WEEL!"

"What _?"_ Robin frowned.

"Yes, what?" Raven asked, also frowning.

"THE BLA'CRAFDUR! THE DREADED CARNIVOROUS DISEASE! _FLESH-EATER_!"

"What are you talking about, Star?" Cyborg demanded.

She gulped, making a sign on her forehead with three of her fingers, and her voice lowering to a squeak, "On my home planet... rings are worn on the fourth finger to symbolize caution to those who have not yet been taken by the disease."

"Raven doesn't have a disease. That's not what it means, Star," Robin explained. She tilted her head, confused.

"Then... what does it mean?"

The empath said, already exasperated by her, "It means I'm getting married." Cyborg's human eye bulged and Starfire gasped in understanding.

"Oh! To whom have you chosen as your mate?"

Raven's cheeks faintly blushed.

" _Azar..._ you make me sound like some kind of animal."

Cyborg moved past the Tamaranean to sweep both birds into a bone crushing hug. "Well alright! I knew you two would end up together eventually!"

Starfire clapped her hands furiously.

"Robin and Raven are to be wedded? This is most glorious news!" She used her own inhumanly strength to yank Cyborg away from the panting Titans and gave them her own version of a death-grip.

Raven wheezed, her face becoming oatmeal gray, " _I'd really like not to die young..._ "

They were soon released and Raven scrambled to clutch at Robin's cape, trying to regain a normal blood pressure as Starfire beamed, red hair bouncing. "I shall begin the making of the Pudding of Matrimony. I shall need several weeks before the cheese of blue can curdle properly..." She floated out of the hallway, talking to herself about the usage of rotting ingredients.

Raven straightened up, pressing a hand to the small of her back. "I don't know how but that reminds me, I should go."

Robin's mask narrowed. "Go? Go where, we just got back."

"My Mother. in Azarath. should know."

"And I'm not coming _because.._.?"

Cyborg snickered fearfully, "I should help Star-now-" and whizzed out of sight before anything could be thrown at him.

Raven stopped glaring. "You should be announced properly..." She shook a hand. "It's complicated, I should go alone."

He trusted her judgment, even when a part of him didn't.

"Do you know when you'll be back?"

She paused before answering, "Dinnertime, if everything goes right."

"What could go wrong?"

Raven flinched at the phrase, an impression of dé jà vu smacked her across the face. He touched her arm. "Raven?"

She shut her eyes, shaking her head to try and block her mental vulnerability.

"Like I said... I should go alone."

"Be careful," he advised.

She got away, his fingers slipping over her flesh, leaving the fading awareness of human contact. Her room waited for her expectantly, forever ready to embrace her back to the darkness welling, darkness she grew to love. Raven twisted her ring offhandedly as her eyes scanned for _The Book of Azar_. She plucked it off her dresser and flipped to the thirteenth bookmarked page. Without thinking, she routinely cleansed her breathing with incense, filling her lungs, and magically set the items she needed in place.

Raven sat cross-legged on her carpet and tensed her mouth.

" _Azarath Metrion Zinthos_ ," she chanted monotonously, " _Carazon Rakashas Endere. . . . . .Vaserix Endrien Azarath Azarath AZARATH_!"

The portal over her head swallowed her into her world; her quiet, softly-colored world.

Raven touched down on her feet, cloak billowing silently around her shins.

The metal antique buildings. Copper. Bronze. Shadows cast over them. Orange. Yellow. Gold. Purple windows. Bare of any life.

As she traveled down stony streets, low vibrating hums came from the temples in the distance. Achingly familiar. Yes, the people of Azarath must have been meditating at this time. Raven flew up a lofty-sized building with an emblem of a golden bird. On the balcony, a numerous amount of doves fed off the feed sprinkled on the ground.

"Hello?"

As she rested on firm ground, the white-feathered creatures scattered in all directions gracefully. The rose, metal doors gone. Filmy, sheer curtains in the open fluttered their tails beckoningly. The unceremonious walls of a nameless color and simple furniture brought back forgotten memories of a short lived childhood in her realm.

"Arella?"

The room smelled of old lilacs, mildewed and dying yet strongly fragrant. She found a black monk robe on a table, folded neatly aside. Heavy thick cloth, not found on Earth, just like her indigo cloak. Raven gripped it in her hands, mumbling almost feebly under her breath, "... Mother?"

"I wasn't expecting you for one more week, Raven."

A soft, calming tone drifted from the other end of the sitting room. She looked around to see a tall woman with similar features. Violet hair, somber eyes, still faces, and blood red chakra gems. Her daughter rushed into her route, hugging her around the middle.

Arella gazed down at her, smiling thinly. "You show more affection than the last time I saw you."

Raven smiled, widely. "I bring you good news."

The older woman sent back the smile sadly, eyes flickering to a slender, left hand. "You have?"

"Robin... I have told you about Robin, yes?"

Her mother said, patiently, "You spoke him of fondly, this leader of yours. Almost too fondly..."

Raven became somewhat awkward under her gaze. "Arella, Robin is not just my leader. He and I have been in a relationship and he has asked me to marry him."

Arella asked watchfully, her white robed arms tucked together, "You have agreed to this matrimony he requested?"

"One day, yes."

"I see," Arella whispered, turning her head out to the doors.

Raven whispered after a moment, "You don't approve?"

"I cannot pass judgement on a man I do not know personally." Her slim face met Raven's grave one. "I have taught you that lesson when you were a child."

Raven burrowed her delicate brows.

"I have ceaselessly followed your rule and advice." Her chin lowered respectfully and Arella's fingers enfolded around it gently, helping her raise her eyes.

"Do not humble yourself to me. You are my equal at this point." Raven narrowed her eyes at an added, "... You were not born in that situation."

Her mother started reminiscing, mildly toying with her daughter's tresses.

"You have grown, Raven, from a defiant child to a heroic, young woman. When you were little, you would asked me why every time you dropped a book from the edge of your chest it fell to the floor. I answered it was gravity. Gravity made objects heavy and pulled them down. You looked at me and frowned the same way you do now, your upper lip thin and the crinkle around your outer eyes deepening. You asked me why I could defy gravity by flying and not falling as your book could do."

Raven recalled slowly, "I remember. You... said it was magic."

"Correct, and you were frustrated with my answer, not understanding why I could fly when you could not. Your inheritance at fourteen had not been reached, mind you were only five years of age. You wanted so terribly to see how gravity worked, to see if your body could defy limitations-"

"That I jumped off the West Temple and broke my neck," Raven concluded, eyes wide with memories.

"You were healed, of course... you would have died if it were not done, but since then you never took anything lying down, especially if they were against your morals," Arella spoke selflessly to her, "In my eyes, at this moment, I see that your determination has faded. I do not know where you obtained this passive nature, but it is not you."

"I... you can't..."

Raven couldn't find the right words to defend herself. She couldn't have lost resolve. Her mother said, "That is not my worry now. My heart is weighted by a different burden."

Her daughter stepped back.

" _No_."

"I do not understand... what are you refusing?"

"Whatever bad news you plan on telling me." Raven receded herself back into the folds of her cloak. "I can't take it. Don't spoil the happiness I hold in myself now. I have a chance to be eternally content with the man who loves me. _Loves_ the dark and light of my soul... why do you have to take that from me?"

Arella said, seriously, "You don't have a choice. Your people need you."

"They aren't my people. I _never_ ruled them. I never did anything except _live_ here for five years I can't even remember accurately!" Raven spat, "I don't know if the thing you called my _Father_ was a full blooded Azarathian! What's more, you yourself are of human blood!"

"My descendants were the desert people of a dwelling we now call Azarath. Outsiders maybe, but Azarath-born through and through. Raven... you know better than to fill your head with fanciful ideas."

 _(-flames -deep reverberating- searing fire in her bones- monstrous laughter- she could hear it in her_ head-)

Raven pressed her hands on the side of her temples.

"No... shut up..." she mumbled.

Arella tugged her forward, shaking her forcefully to get her attention, violet eyes afire.

"Azarath needs a leader. A king has agreed an alliance for future protection. I understand as the former Queen that Azarath cannot stand alone against evil and you know this as well. You are pure of royal blood and not infertile. You can bear the children of Azarath. You _can_ save us all."

"Is that all I am to these people? The gateway to Hell? Salvation? Prophecy? A _whore_?"

Raven lurched out of her grasp, dashing out into the balcony and jumped off, hitting her shin on the hard ground below. Ignoring the pain, she sprinted. Flying was convenient but running carried her thoughts away entirely. Under the purple-orange, shapeless clouds, she would have preferred to run beneath the threatening shadows of downtown Gotham. Out of oxygen, she concentrated on nothing but her strength draining from her breath released.

Too tired to cry, too tired to scream out her physical and mental anguish, Raven didn't get far before she collapsed.

Her forehead rested on the stone street. Her frame shook with hoarse coughs. Arella materialized from a pure white light, somehow not surprising her daughter with her magic ability. She held out her hand in condolence. "Raven... I did not wish to bring you any kind of impairment to your happiness."

"You can't make me go through with this."

Arella shut her eyes, forlornly. "There are others who can."

Raven begged weakly, her hair rustling in the breeze near her Mother's sandal. " _Please_..."

"This is out of my hands."

*

The night run through Jump City had more satisfaction.

Icy cold rain battering her head and body, making it more of an effort to keep up with the howling wind. It sheltered her away from the certain.

Neon lights from buildings gave her false comfort. Get away, got to _get away_. Somehow she found herself standing on the staircase in the Tower's operation center. Her friends looked up from whatever they were doing to stare troubled at her dripping wet appearance.

Raven shot out a hand to steady herself and missed the wall, heading for the floor. Starfire, the closest to her, caught her. She brushed her stringy purple hair out of her face.

"Friend Raven?" she asked.

The response was a series of violent coughs.

Cyborg said, sternly, "Alright, Rae, I don't know what you've been doing but we'd better get you to the medical sector." Starfire touched her moist forehead with a gentle hand.

"She is cold."

Raven protested dimly over their voices, eyelids fluttering together, " _Robin..._ "

"She might be delirious as well," Cyborg added.

By means of his heightened senses or pure coincidence, their leader found his way onto the scene. Raven used a surge of her materialized power to get herself to her feet and drew herself into her leader's arms, her sodden body sticking to his costume. Robin let her head sink to his chest, whispering in her ear, "Are you going to knock me several centuries out of my way if I ask what's wrong?"

"You don't... want to know."

He cupped her cheek, lifting her face up. "Fess up. What did your mom say?" She shook her head, her nose grazing his shoulder.

"What? She hates me? You're grounded? ...am I getting close?"

She murmured, angrily, "Don't mock me. Above all this, do not mock me."

"I can't help you like this," he countered. "Talk to me, please."

Raven stared off into space, mutely sealing her lips to a thin line. He got to his knees, pushing her cloak aside. "You're bleeding all over the place." An irregularly-shaped cut with a fresh coat of blood gleamed on her left calf. A crimson trail slipped down her skin, and disappearing into the crease of her boot. "What did you do?" he asked.

"Jumped a balcony," she said with a slight smile.

"Ever heard of flying?"

"Somewhere on the Sci-Fi channel."

Robin said, sarcastically, "Ha, ha... I happen to know you don't watch TV at all." He persisted, getting his feet. "So tell me what happened."

" _Why_? _Why_ do you want to know so badly?" she asked, dully.

"Because it's obviously hurting you. I'm going to be your husband one day so you have to open up to me at some point."

Raven said, intentionally, "I'm not marrying you."

His mouth dropped open.

"That's a little harsh... even coming from you..."

"I'm engaged to someone else. " Raven felt her heart tear out of her chest. "Azarath needs me and I'm the only one who can rule it." She purposely left out the whoring part. This news was completely new to Robin, obviously.

"You're _royalty.._. like Starfire royalty?"

"Except on her planet, she can freely choose who she can marry. Azarath has always had its traditions and magical background. They've kept to themselves for generations and built an advanced civilization on a giant, floating asteroid." Raven's forehead wrinkled between her eyebrows. "I'm going to fight this but-"

Robin stopped her from speaking their dread, confirming listlessly, "Life isn't fair."

She had to disagree with him.

"No. Because there is no such thing as fairness."

*

 


	12. Chapter 12

*

Lost and quiet night hovering over the bay. By this time, late eleven, the majority of Titans headquarters were fast asleep. A circle of candles surrounded an outline in deep meditation, the only light in the sleeping building. Aromatic silence was agitated by a wild rapping on her steel door.

Purple eyes half opened.

"State your business."

Brilliant green peeked through the slip in the door. "Friend Raven? Are you present?" The empath waved her in, the rest of the door inching open.

"Come in, Starfire. What did you need?"

The alien woman nervously stepped into the gloom of her friend's bedroom, intimidated greatly by the enigmatic decorations.

"... I am not preoccupying your time?"

"Spit it out, Starfire."

"You are certain I should do the 'spitting out'?"

"Very."

Starfire hacked through the back of her throat, puffing out her cheeks. Raven clamped a hand over her perfect, bow mouth.

"Not... literally."

Amber cheeks reddened. " _Oh_. Forgive me. Friend Raven, I require your assistance." She twiddled her thumbs. "I thought you were more experienced in this field of practice, so I did not ask the assistance of our other friends-"

"Star," Raven said, impatiently. "Quit rambling."

Her bow mouth began to quiver. Starfire flung her arms around the other woman, wailing, "Oh dearest friend! I am most distressed by a nightmare of vast proportions. It has resided inside my nocturnal slumber for several days! I cannot stand another night of no sleep!" Raven slipped out of her tight grip, taking in the sight of bags under Starfire's eyes, her unkempt red hair, and frown lines in her normally smooth forehead.

She took pity on her, of course.

"I'm not sure how I can help... I could go into your head, possibly."

Starfire whimpered. "You will assist me then, yes?"

"Sure. You should fall asleep naturally." Raven came down from floating over her bed. "Here's the deal. While you sleep, I'll meditate and go into your mind when you start dreaming. I'll observe what goes on; if the occasion calls for it, I'll interfere. If you want to stay here, be my guest." Starfire climbed onto the bed, glancing up at the V-angled headstand. She tugged the sheets.

"Yes, there must... are these mine?"

Raven cleared her throat. " _Uh..._ do you need anything to help you get to sleep?" The alien woman looked around timidly, her muscular shoulders scrunching.

"It is very dark."

Raven silently pushed aside black drapes on the wall to reveal where she blocked out a massive window. Moonlight poured in sheets over the drab carpet.

"Do you not have an animal which is stuffed of cotton?" Starfire asked again, timidly. Raven plucked the raven stuffy off her bookcase and tossed it at her.

"Anything else?"

Green eyes trailed over the two faced statue, the menacing grin acrid and cruel. Starfire pointed to it, too afraid to speak.

The empath unhooked her cloak she was wearing, throwing the dark material over the statue. "Fixed the problem. Tired yet?"

The alien woman blurted out, "On my planet, when a Tamaranean child cannot sleep, their k'norfka sings them Tamaranean nursery rhymes."

"I don't sing."

"Need not, Friend Raven. I remember all 300,730 verses clearly."

A sequence of horrible screeches and strangling noises came from Starfire's mouth, issuing a throb of pain into Raven's skull. After almost an hour and a half of inharmonic gibberish, Starfire was sound asleep in Raven's bed, clutching the raven doll in her curled-up arms. Raven floated close by, eye twitching.

"Finally, the madness has ended." She rested her arms on her knees and chanted, feeling her body tremble as her mantra vibrated between her lips, "Azarath Metrion Zinthos….Azarath Metrion….Zinthos…." Her soul-self began to rise from her body.

" _Azarath…_ "

Her stomach jarred suddenly. Bile rose in her esophagus.

" _Metrion…._ "

Spinning.

" _Zinthos…"_

 

 

_The feeling of nausea passed quickly as the setting enveloped her._

_Raven unthinkingly tried to touch her cloak but soon became conscious to the fact that it had been left behind. Wherever she was, it was -cold-. The empath glanced around at the solid white walls encasing her._ 'Okay... situation check... I'm in a mental asylum. Starfire dreams about mental asylums. It is a wonder she wasn't a wreck sooner.'

_When Raven looked across the room, she was startled to see a hunched-up shape in the corner. Someone who had her cloak in white. This person didn't notice her dark contour in the bright room and stayed motionless as the only door in the room swung open._ _Starfire, a younger Starfire, poked her head inside and asked shyly, "Hello? Who is here?"_

_As her brilliant green eyes overlooked over her side, Raven realized this was the description of what Starfire saw when she time-traveled. This was the 'supposed future'._

_With cryptic interest, Raven watched as Dream-Starfire called out softly to Dream-Raven, shyly moving to grip her shoulder._

_Instead of making a glowing black shield to keep her out, she allowed the motion and turned around to face her. Starfire recoiled as Dream-Raven threw her head back so that her hood fell away from her face. I_ _n place of the matching white leotard underneath the cloak, it was a gruesome red color._

_Dream-Raven stretched out gray arms to Starfire in a loving gesture, sticky red liquid dripping from her fingertips. Dripping, staining the spotless floor._

_The alien girl stared horror-struck at the blood on the floor and the mad woman smiling, the same red blemished the enamel of her teeth._

_"It's Nightwing's. His life force is the blood that runs through his veins. Try some Koriand'r. Try some, my sweet, kind Koriand'r."_

_Starfire shook her head, tears streaming down her cheeks as she backed against the closed door. Dream-Raven drew an arm around her shaking shoulders, pressing her bloody fingers into a soft, orange cheek. Starfire let out a tiny cry and turned her face to the wall, weeping steadily. "I imagine your skin will be more tender then his was," Dream-Raven said, lifting an orange arm to examine. Ashen lips gently skimmed over her arm. Starfire wept hard this time in revulsion._

_Raven couldn't take it anymore. She shouted, "Starfire, move! It's just a dream! She's not real; she can't hurt you!"_

_In a flash, Dream-Raven had the other Raven in her clutches. Pure black eyes glittered._ _She growled heatedly, "If I'm not real, then how can you feel this?"_

_A fist slammed into Raven's face. Or so it would have if she hadn't ducked down, missing it by centimeters._

_"STARFIRE! WAKE UP! YOU HAVE TO WAKE UP WAK-!_ "

The dream was gone.

Starfire sat up in the sheets, breathing hard, and sweat glistening on her forehead. Raven's soul-self smashed into her floating body and she went sprawling harshly onto her back.

Unmoving. Violet eyes glassy. Chest slack.

After a few seconds, her shoulders jerked once, twice, and gasps shuddered her upper torso. Raven jolted up into a sitting position, twinges of pain going up and down her arms.

" _Raven_ , you are hurt!" Starfire gasped, concerned.

Her black sleeves were ripped. Deep, half-moon cuts carved into the flesh of her shoulders. Raven ran a finger over them to have her blood smear on her fingertips. She stared at them, a wash of warmth tickling the rear of her head. Her limbs lightened. Raven stood up before she could pass out, replying "I can cover it up," and pinned her cloak on. She didn't want her to know how truly shaken up she was.

Starfire pushed the sheets aside, getting to her feet.

"I believe what you would say is none of these events that have occurred can be spoken of to another living being and I wish to pretend it has not taken place."

"... Close enough to the saying. I'm sorry I can't help you further."

She didn't move to comfort the alien woman, but cast an honest gaze. "I won't hurt you like that in reality... believe me, Kor."

Starfire smiled unmistakeably at her name. "I am also sorry for the situation you have been put into." Raven watched her eyes shine mindfully. "To see the relationship you and Robin have be taken away is a greater tragedy. I too understand the duty a Princess must hold for her planet. To save your people, sacrifices must be made."

"Lucky Robin caught on to what Blackfire was really up to that time."

Starfire shook her head, clasping her arms over her chest insecurely. "I do not speak of my former engagement."

A strong, unfamiliar emotion came out of Starfire's soul-window eyes.

"At the age you would refer to as 'fourteen', an enemy threatened to destroy my home. To slaughter innocents by the galaxy, if not a royal Tamaran woman was handed over to him. I sacrificed myself for my Mother, for my sister, and for my people. The Tamaraneans rebelled against his forces soon after and our planet was once again whole."

Amber eyelids closed, pale eyelashes quivering softly with the effort to keep them shut.

"... I was not."

"You were defiled." No emotion came from Raven's statement.

Starfire reopened her eyes dimly, the catch in her voice no longer there, "Yes."

"I escaped as our enemy met his demise by the hands of my parents, their lives for mine. I came to Earth much later, looking for something new, a different existence, a reason why I survived. I love Tamaran as I always will, but hurtful recollection ensues when I visit. It is..." Raven summoned the raven plushie from her bed and into Starfire's lonely arms. She squeezed it forcefully, the seams threatening to burst.

"I wish for you not to speak of any of this."

"My lips are sealed."

Both women stood by the doorway and Starfire held out the ruined plushie. Raven replied, "You can keep it if you want." Starfire nodded and disappeared into the darkness of the hallway, her footsteps fading. The empath couldn't sleep now. Raven wanted to pack for the soon-to-be-journey to Azarath, but Starfire's memory had struck her off-guard. If she could think of the things Starfire would be hiding... that subject would have never crossed her mind.

They were all keeping secrets from each other. Was that the way a team was suppose to be? What other things were buried away?

Violet eyes flickered down.

Hers would have to wait for the moment.

A curious beeping echoed in the Tower. Raven discovered the cause as she turned on the monitors and checked the island. Someone was closing in on the entrance. She prepared for whatever it was to make its arrival known down by the mammoth-sized doors.

With her hands glowing, Raven thrust the entrance to the Tower wide open, coming nose-to-nose with a pair of jade orbs.

"Hey, Shorty. You got anything to eat in this dump?"

Blank silence followed after that announcement. She threw her arms around the boy in the foyer, embracing him with an unusual amount of affection.

"Garfield."

Beast Boy yawned a little, raising his eyebrows at her display of emotion. "Yeah…" He patted her shoulders. "Good to see you. I'd go crazy with the hugs... but I'm seriously starving."

*

Inside the kitchen, Beast Boy heated up a few tofu dogs (hidden behind Starfire's Pudding of Matrimony) and warmed the soy milk. He patted his stomach. "Mmmm... nothing like a full stomach at two in the morning." He looked to his right to see Raven sitting nearby on a stool and still staring at him. "What?" He asked, "I got a soy mustache?"

"You dyed your hair."

Beast Boy perked up, running his hands through short locks of gold-blond styled in small mohawk.

"It was a last minute decision in hiding. But hey, I still got the green skin... so, I guess you don't hate me for leaving?"

She answered, "No. Robin had a difficult time understanding. He was upset."

"Upset like... missed me upset or the angry one?"

"The latter."

He pulled on a confused face and Raven smirked, not really believing it but she had missed that look.

"Angry one. He got over it. He'll be happier to see you back."

"I know the dude's gonna kill me but I had to go," Beast Boy argued. "You got the letter, right? You understand, don't you, Rae?"

She nodded calmly. He leaned back, relieved. "So, uh, what's been going on since I left?"

It took a total of three hours to explain everything to the last detail. Beast Boy's responses include and were not limited to: amazement; his catch phrases of _dude_ and _sweet_ ; a colorful number of cusses; some more amazement; and disappointment for two reasons.

When she mentioned Starfire and Cyborg becoming friendly, a strange thing happened. His ears drooped and the shine in his eyes seemed to all together disappear with a trace.

Then came the shouting.

"What the _hell_? They can't make you marry a stranger!"

"They can and they are."

"They're all the way over _there_. They can't make you do anything." Beast Boy frowned. "What does Robin have to say about this? Don't tell me he's all for it because I'll call a bluff."

"He knows as well as I do." Raven's eyes narrowed gloomily. "... he hasn't said anything."

"No. You _do_ have a choice, and you want to be unhappy for the rest of your life? Raven, you're smarter than that." Her bare, left hand fell over her lips and Raven dropped her eyes. Tears welling in her amethyst eyes. Beast Boy said, this time more warily, "... Why are you crying?"

Water-stains blossomed onto her spandex.

" _I might be pregnant."_

He wasn't sure he heard her correctly. Beast Boy dug a finger into his ear canal and wiggled. No wax.

Her arms crossed over her slim belly. "I have a suspicion that.. I might be pregnant with Robin's... i-if I am..." She stifled a weak sob into her hand and the green changeling gently enfolded her into his arms, carefully around her neck.

"I shoulda been here for this... Raven, please don't cry."

Her wet, scrunched face turned away. "I can't help it," she muttered. Not put off, he stepped away.

"Are you gonna tell him?"

Raven wiped her nose, hiding the remainder of her tears within the tucks of her hood. "Why tell him when I'll never be with him again?" she said. "Why give him that pain?"

"Do you have an idea how selfish you sound? Robin would want to know. It's his kid too!"

Her eyes turned blue around the edges. "I said I _might_ be. Keep your mouth shut about things you cannot possibly comprehend."

"I'm not going to rat on you, but show you have a heart under that stupid cloak by telling him."

Raven thought about raising a glowing arm but the stinging in her shoulder made her put it back down. "Where did you go to get your new silver tongue?"

Beast Boy lowered the higher pitch in his voice. "I didn't want to start a fight with you when I came back," he said, gripping her shoulders. "Believe me, it's the last thing I want. I don't know how you feel. I'm not pretending to. I just want to help." His green hand covered her limp, gray hand.

Her monotone cracked, the ill morning falling over their heads from the windows, " _You always wanted to..._ you can help me by pretending this night never happened."

*

Three weeks. Arella told her she just had three weeks before returning to Azarath became mandatory. Raven should have just told her to stuff it and destroyed the spell to ever enter that dimension again. At least, that's what she was telling herself the first week. In reality, she knew what couldn't be avoided.

On the last day, Raven decided to leave everything in her room. She'd be coming back, even with no hope, she'd come back.

The Teen Titans stood outside her bedroom door, waiting to say goodbye. No Robin. Her soul-self had already searched the entire island. He wasn't known to like farewells.

Somehow, she wasn't too upset by his disappearance. Call it a feeling.

Cyborg messed with her purple hair as he did when she was a kid.

"You be good, Dark Girl. We'll miss you." Raven favored him with one of her realest smiles.

Starfire cautiously hugged her with less force.

"Take care, Friend. I shall never find another Raven."

Cyborg agreed, "Yeah. You're one of a kind."

Beast Boy nudged her from behind.

"I'll miss my little sis." Raven didn't smack him, instead let him get his goodbye hug in. He gave her a big squeeze and whispered in her ear, " _Tell him_."

She said so everyone could hear her, "I'll be back, expect it." Raven looked to his eyes for a long time, then touched her lips wryly on his cheek. " _I'm not your little sis, little brother_." She didn't wait for a reaction and vanished into the confides of her room. A watchful figure stood in the middle of her circle she made.

"Did you really think I would let you get away before having my say?" Robin half smiled in the candlelight.

"You can't-"

He interrupted her, his hands cradling her face."You know wherever you go, I'll be following."

"Robin-"

"Accept it."

"I can accept that, but the matter is-"

He pressed a finger to her lips, the motion giving her comically aggravated look, and added, "Isn't there something I can say to your mom? Maybe..."

" _Bird Boy_ , you are stubborn." Raven sighed, pondering a moment. " _Maybe_... there is something you can do. You could come with me, and help me convince Arella... I don't know..."

Robin said. quickly, "I'll do it."

At any rate, she had to give him credit for being enthusiastic. Raven drew him back into the circle, taking the ruby necklace off her bureau and slipped it over his head. She checked to be sure if it was hooked securely, her chin settling on his shoulder. His hands found their way to her back and massaged the flesh tenderly. She let out a soft sigh.

_'That feels so good...'_

Her neck arched as Raven pulled away, closing her eyes against the sensation of her skin being peppered with tiny kisses, shivering. Robin cradled the back of her head with his hand and kissed her mouth, breathing against it, "Here goes everything, I guess." Raven sat down on the carpet and he did the same, gripping her hands as she slowly floated up.

Dark blue light shrouded them both hovering three feet off the floor.

" _-Azarath AZARATH!"_

The ride was a blur but they came across their way safely, flying onto the stone and dust street. Raven spread out on Robin, his torso lodged between her legs. He smirked up at her, mischievously.

"I had a vague idea you liked it on top."

"Ever the gentlemen," she retorted, rolling off.

Robin helped her to her feet and brushed himself off.

"Kinda empty, huh? I don't hear a lot going on."

Raven glanced down one of the streets. Only two black robed people conversed unaware of the new guests. "After Trigon, not a lot of people survived."

' _That's why they need me... to pop out the babies.'_

She shuddered without thinking.

"What's everyone wear here?" Robin asked.

"Black. The monks have robes with hoods, everyone else has collars. My mother wears white to show nobility and my colors... are just there."

A soft voice coming from behind them. "Your Father's influence determined that." Robin was enchanted by this sudden melody. Arella stood nearby in her white robe, almost as tall as he was. He extended a hand in the direction of this new voice.

"I'm Robin, your Majesty. It's nice to meet you." Robin wasn't shy. She placed her palm over his.

"You have a very willful aura, Robin."

He faltered for a moment, her smiling lightening. "Um... is that good?"

"You are courageous and honorable... I'd imagine that would be a good thing." A small smile curled her lips. "It is a pleasure to meet you as well."

Arella switched to Raven. "There are guests here that desire to meet you. Robin will be taken care of." Before she could protest, Arella draped her in bright white power and carried them over to one of the smaller copper structures. Her mother summoned open the door after landing and gently elbowed her inside.

The simple furnished room was decorated in the softest pastel colors.

Inside the room was a man and a girl.

The man standing by a high bookcase wore a pleated, maroon robe, looked no older than his late thirties, and wore thin, round spectacles over black eyes. Very intelligent eyes. They seemed to take everything carefully. The girl had the same black eyes except they were cloudier, the maroon robe, and long brown hair that brushed their shoulders. The major difference between them was the wicked emotion lurking behind a sneer pasted on her pink lips. Raven did not even know this girl. She didn't believe in quick judgment, but already... she wasn't trusting of her.

Arella announced the background, "The King of Feignez and his sister. I am proud to inform you that my daughter has agreed to an alliance."

Raven stiffened her back as she bowed to them, wishing with all her might that she was back with Robin.

 _Leaving_ with Robin.

The King smiled amiably, speaking up, "The famous Raven of Azarath. It is a privilege to meet you at last." He bowed back to her, drawing her hand to his lips. She took it with resigned grace. The girl yawned bored from the couch she laid in.

He eyed her, black eyes shining with humor and some other emotion Raven could not place. "Mary, dear, are you not feeling well?"

"I am perfectly fine where I am," she answered, primly.

' _Brat.'_

Arella offered, "You must be tired from your journey. We shall continue introductions this evening for dinner. Raven, your room is in the Main Temple."

She muttered, "I remember," and grudgingly bowed again to them before leaving the room. The empath shook off her agitation, dreading the next time she had to parade around for this charade. The king himself didn't appear to be a bad person; it was the sister who was clearly disrespectful.

She was leaving with Robin. She couldn't do this. Raven hurried her strides, and then stopped. What about her home? What about the alliance? She couldn't abandon it.

But, Robin…

' _Argh... Beast Boy is wrong. I don't have a choice.'_

Raven levitated up to the gold emblem tower, phasing through the sealed, rose-colored steel doors into the plain living space. Her fiancé knew her coming as soon as it happened, as did the old woman by him who hacked with decaying breath. "Well, well," the old woman with an over-sized cloak and leaky eyes muttered, "if it isn't our little _Corvus_."

"Claudia," Raven greeted, dully.

"To think I thought you were going to grow into an ugly ogre. You are actually becoming the image of your Mother, although your hips are fatter."

" _Insults..._ you did miss me."

Claudia coughed, again. "The boy over there is blind. Did you know that?"

Raven faked being shocked, mouth slack, a hand over her chest.

"Good Azar, _no._ I thought he bumped into walls to impress me."

Robin laughed at this, hanging an arm around her shoulder.

Claudia glared at him.

"You'd better watch your hands, young man. That's the future Queen you're touching."

He smiled, cockily. "I'm well aware."

"You got a mouth on you, too. Lovely." The old woman grunted. "I'll be attending to little miss _Corvus_ and yourself, so don't bother me unless you're dying." She limped out the door, spitting mucus as she went. Robin frowned in Raven's direction.

"For the record, I don't bump into walls anymore."

"I know."

" _Corvus..._ " he murmured. "I heard that word before. Latin?"

"It's her nickname for me, roughly it translates as 'raven'. She's as kind as ever." Raven glanced at the empty doorway. "Did she say anything to you?"

"Made some assumptions about my appearance. Because I was dressed in bright colors and tight clothes, it must mean I'm a clown."

Raven smirked.

"Now _that's_ funny."

Robin flicked her arm playfully. "You would think that. Who was that woman?" he asked.

"My nurse," she said, blandly. His mask eyes turned to circles.

"Wait… are you telling me that _she_ took care of you as a kid?"

"Believe me, she was better at it when she was younger. A lot of people used to think I got my cynical temperament from her."

He said, honestly, "She seems terrible."

"That's my Claudia."

*

Robin wasn't worried when Raven went missing. She frequently disappeared back home, and he wasn't about to leave the floor they were staying on. Other than the old woman spying on him, he wasn't all too sure how to get downstairs without going through a window. The staircase he found earlier melted from existence.

She finally turned up in the second room of the apartment-area.

Spilled out in her lap was black velvet and a spool of black thread. With nimble fingers, she slipped a tiny needle betwixt the material, pulling and pushing the almost invisible string. It was hypnotic how fast and smoothly she did this project, how her face scrunched with concentration. Her lips in a pout; despite what he knew was to come, he wanted to feel those lips urging back for his. "What are you doing?"

Safest route: be inquisitive.

Her eyes visibly brightened at the sight of him. She cared, those little trivial details never stop reassuring him.

"Sewing."

Robin sat down on the round bed where she was curled up. "What for?" he asked.

Raven stopped working. "You're full of questions today." She explained with a faint look, "On the first dinner, when it's a special occasion... the guests wear something that represents past pain. Afterward, we get rid of those things to symbolize moving on by casting them into a holy fire... it's strange."

He smiled back.

"So, why are you doing it?"

Raven didn't make a comeback and ran a hand over the silver gems lacing the sleeves. He fingered the fabric.

"Hey, isn't this the dress you wore in Gotham?"

"My mother's dress, yes. It got ripped and needed some alterations."

"You said something about it one time."

Raven chewed on her lip.

"This dress was what she wore when she sacrificed her body to the demon Trigon. He took form of a human male to... you know..." An uncomfortable silence filled the bedroom. She drew herself to her feet. "I think I'm done." Robin thumped his head against the bedpost in aggravation.

' _Good going, get her more upset than she already is...'_

"I don't really care what _they_ think, but tell me what you do."

Raven came from the master bathroom in record time, adorned in black velvet from head to toe. Black velvet boots. The dress was actually two separate pieces. The top had one, long scoop-sleeve on the right. And on the left was a lone strap, her bellybutton visible. The bottom was a skirt about calf high but on her right leg it slit to mid-thigh, exposing much more skin than intended. A miscalculation on her behalf.

The velvet clung to her like it had before, in the perfect places, and the bloodstains had been cut away.

An unexpected blush ran up her cheekbones when Robin leaned forward, speaking huskily, "Raven, come closer." She blushed again when his hands drifted over her arms, over the material. "You really want to wear this?"

"Why not?"

Raven wasn't certain what he meant by that. He took her shoulders, face tilting down and closed his mouth over hers, gratifying breathing entwined. Her purple eyes stared and blinked when the kiss ended and she murmured, "Possessive."

Robin apologized, quietly, "Sorry."

"I'm not."

Not wasting another second, Raven hoisted herself into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist, battling aggressive kisses. He groaned when her hands stroked his hair, her mere touch sending sparks down his spine. One of his arms pressed her back, the other held her bottom, his fingers squeezing a buttock gently.

She moaned, "I have to go downstairs... _before..._ "

He didn't want her to leave his arms. He didn't want her warmth to leave him cold and detached. Robin bit down softly on her bottom lip, the empath gasping. It turned a lovely, rose color, the only color to her gray skin save the flush in her cheeks traveling up to her forehead. Robin set her down on her feet and bumped his lips against hers. "I'll be here when you get back."

Raven nodded, unable to reply, and went for the door. At the last second, she went back to pinch him, rendering him speechless.

"That's for being nosy earlier." She winked. Laughter teemed her ears as Raven entered the hallway.

It was just as ornate as the living area. Off-white carpet, blank walls, tall doors. The only color to be seen was the dark blue characters trimming the edges of the walls. She could read them effortlessly; simple Azarathian language. Raven entered the lower level of the building where the esteemed guests waited patiently.

The room they'd be eating in was grand with rarely-crafted bookcases wall-to-wall; a theme of red with cherrywood tables, cherrywood chairs, and red draperies.

Red. Red. _Red_.

Raven winced from the vibrancy, looking at the king and princess in the same room. They wore typical silk robes decorated with feathers, the same maroon hue. Around the King's neck was a garnet cross; on the Princess was a lacy garter. Before Raven could move in any general direction (perhaps to find an escape path), the Queen of Azarath appeared alongside her.

Identical violet eyes met. The outfit Arella wore she had worn on the day Raven was forced out of Azarath. The day she forgot her Mother still lived. The vivid memory of a plum and ebony, V-necked hood that she now bore over her long, flat hair. Raven stared deliberately at her Mother all through dinner.

The King of Feignez smiled. "The food you have is delicious. Isn't that right, sister dearest?"

Again, his black eyes shone eerily at her as she leered.

"Quite. Speaking of things that are appetizing, I saw the most gorgeous boy this morning from a window. I believe you've been keeping this human in your realm?"

_Crack-clink._

Raven's wine glass broke in two. She smiled a phony smile at everyone, wiping her hands of the drink. The king handed her a napkin. "Here you are."

"Thank you."

The princess sighed dreamily, twirling her brown hair with her pinky. "He is marvelous-looking. If only I had him as my concubine... _mmm..._ I'd whip him until he was red and make him beg..."

A tiny, savage growl erupted from Raven's throat, her fists turning an ominous blue under the table.

"Was that you or your stomach, darling? I daresay you're looking scrawny as well as unsightly," Princess Mary said, beginning to laugh , her pink lips stretching misshapen over her now visible teeth. The rest of that moment was a blur, a livid blue one at that, ending with Arella yanking her into the darkening evening.

"Stop it, stop it _now._ " Her mother scorned her resistance lightly.

Apparently the only damage Raven had done was shattered the plates and glasses, flipping the table over to get her revenge with blue hands instead of using magic.

"I hate her," Raven stated tonelessly, rage going down. "She's an atrocious girl that needs a foot up her ass." Arella raised an eyebrow.

"Your tongue doesn't exactly convince me. She is horribly tempered, yes, but she will be our relative unless something tragic happens to her..."

" _That_ could be arranged."

Arella lowered her daughter's glowing hands.

"You aren't going to help me," Raven snapped. "You'd patiently watch me suffer to see that Azarath is saved. I love my homeland as much as you do. I go along with this travesty because of it, but I have a greater love that runs deeper than the ancestry in your precious books."

"You want so badly to free from this, don't you?"

Raven whispered darkly, her beautiful face twisting, "I'd rather die."

She flew immediately out into the sky and the Queen sighed, talking out loud, "I apologize. My daughter is quite very headstrong for her age."

The middle-aged king joined her side with a nod.

"Headstrong but ideal for the throne."

The rims of his glasses flashed kindly at her. Arella's face warmed as he stooped down to kiss her hand, holding it longer than he had with Raven. "Madam, you and I haven't an opportunity to properly greet each other," he said, with a mock-pained tone.

She responded, thoughtfully, "You are very bold, Adonis. Be wary of your actions towards me."

"Of course, milady. Would you do me the honor of accompany me in a stroll of your divine realm?"

She suppressed the urge to grin, hardly remembering the last time a man asked for her company.

"If I must."

Red and black forsook the night.

*

 


	13. Chapter 13

*

Low monotonous singing drifting deep from the shards of ancient ruins. A jumble of men and woman and hymns. Within the murky damp chamber of the West Temple, the future ruler of this evasive kingdom knelt in the darkness, listening to them. Single light, a candle held her slim fingers.

How she longed to lose herself in the heat of this flame, to be burned, taken away from this nightmare she couldn't wake from.

_**-wish the sun would rise-to lead me away-to destroy me with its searing and unforgiving heat-** _

Her mouth clamped down hard, forcing back a scream begging to be let loose.

_**-I weep in blood and sin-** _

Oh, what a delicious sound it would make, rising over the rafters. The world would know her pain, she would make them know.

_**-others live on gaily-I swallow the obscurity and drown-** _

Instead of screaming, she gasped to herself, careful not to blow out the candle and began praying in her native language.

_"Azar, protect me; Azar, show me that life is worth living, show me good, show me light in this dark room... I don't want this... I don't want this punishment for all I have done wrong... Azar, give me back my life..."_

"Raven."

For a moment, her heart stopped.

Her hope swiftly severed itself as a monk called her name again from outside the chamber.

The woman in the V-hood, monk robe slowly rose off the floor and walked out of her prayer, noiselessly following the monk sent for her. Through a telepathic message, he informed her of the meeting with the prophetic monk. A short stroll into the East Temple led her to where the rest of the monks lingered in the backdrop like disregarded phantoms. The prophetic monk greeted her mentally and she returned her greeting dully in English.

"You were brought here to predict your bearing capability and future prophecies."

Raven said nothing and emptied her mind as he touched her ruby chakra. The other monks rustled in their cloaks, uneasily. Some still feared the daughter of Trigon.

Her violet eyes met those of a wise monk who said, intently, "There will be darker robes instead of white." Her face twitched, flushing an awful pink color at this truthful statement. He asked just as sharply, "Are you-?"

"No," Raven interrupted. _Why_ she had to be subjected to this humiliation escaped her completely.

"The Immortal is deadly," the monk warned her. "Destruction beyond knowledge shall pass. You will be the carrier of this evil."

Her chin trembled and she grabbed at her mouth, wiping her lips.

She was going to be sick.

The prophetic monk advised, gravely, "Destruction of the Immortal is imperative. Be ready to make a decision."

' _Go to hell, you fanatical soul eater...'_

Breathing heavily, Raven glared at him.

"You are aware of the Ultimate Release?"

Of course, who of her people did not know? It was legendary.

By definition is referred to as the freeing of emotion constraint, meaning that the manifestations of emotions in your mind disappeared all together. It was a total physical and psychological change. But it was called legendary for a reason... no still living magical being ever experienced it.

There's no factual record of anyone undergoing such a process although tales still circulated.

The wise monk said to her in Azarathian, his tone softer for her sake, " _I would not give up chance so easily, my dear. Prophecies or no prophecies."_

His eyes gleamed.

" _What do you say, Raven, daughter of Arella?"_

__

 

 

_**"What do you take me for, Raven?" He lost his happy smirk, replacing it with a scowl. "I just want you to enjoy being out here with your friends."** _

_**I mirrored that scowl. He simply didn't understand. He didn't understand** ME **.**_

_**"I don't need you telling me when I should be enjoying myself. I don't enjoy anything because I don't feel."** _

_**In the middle of the dancing bodies, he moved closer. In the hypnotic pulsing of music and blinking strobes, Robin gave me my first piece of intimacy. Straight on the lips. Glasses shattered in the background. I could hardly hear them with the roaring in my ears brought on by the kiss. He stared at me, expecting something to happen whether his immediate death was to follow or the entire dance club would explode in a great flash of my black power.** _

_**Neither happened.** _

_**"Nope. Not a thing."** _

**_His lips were warmer the second time._ **

__

 

 

Mentally, Raven answered the monk's inquiry.

He turned to the others coolly. "The daughter of Trigon shall form the alliance."

She screwed up her eyes tightly as an eruption of cheers claimed her other senses, as thoughts and memories were swept away by praise.

*

"Robin?"

Raven called out his name, his hero name, gazing around at the apartment cautiously.

Her morning with King Adonis had been hospitable at best. He had been polite, but also seemed tired. He nearly fell asleep in his milky porridge. Adonis shared an interest with her on the subject of ancient texts, specifically Latin-based; it was the only thing they talked about for two hours. Well, sort of.

The conversation turned around to what they wore the first dinner and what they represented. Adonis wore a garnet cross because it was the thing he wore when a friend died tragically. The king was so mild-mannered that she held back the temptation to make a complaint about his sister. When her name was brought up, those black eyes again flashed with a strange air. Obviously there was something _troubling_ him about his sibling.

"Robin, are you up?"

"He is and he won't be coming back to this room."

Claudia appeared beside the bathroom door, dragging her right foot behind her and coughing up a storm. Raven narrowed her eyes menacingly at her.

"What did you do to him?"

"I simply relocated the boy to another building - a building _you_ under any circumstances aren't allowed to enter. I caught you two acting in an uncivilized manner. I feel that it would be in everyone's best interest if the boy was sent home sooner than later. I'm confident your Mother will approve."

Raven's mouth twitched.

"You've been spying on us..."

The old woman coughed up phlegm, making a face. "I thought _you_ of all people would know better, furthermore acting indecently with a boy who is not your betrothed..."

"So you're _forcing_ Robin against his will into a more luxurious version of imprisonment and kicking him out because you feel like it?"

Claudia looked very pleased with herself, her tiny eyes glittering like the edges of knives.

" _Precisely_."

Raven's lips thinned. She said furiously, "I hope he fought you with all he had."

"That he did, tooth and nail." The old woman glowered. "Five of the guards will be unconscious until morning."

She got a hint of satisfaction knowing this. Boy Wonder never did go down without a fight. A smile threatened to peak her visage.

Claudia commented, sourly, "Don't look so cheery, your Mother expects a word with you about wedding plans."

"Oh _joy_ ," she said, bitterly.

"Don't you use that tone with me, little miss _Corvus_. I should have beaten you as child. You wouldn't have the mouth you've attained now," Claudia said hoarsely.

Raven adjusted her indigo cloak and cracked her neck, loosing the tension in her shoulders. Casually, she began circling around her like a hawk to its prey.

The old woman spat, "What the devil are you doing, girl?"

Raven held up her fingers, speaking in a low monotone, "There's... two things I've been dying to say to you ever since I was little, Nanny-Claudia."

She stopped, emitting the darkest look she ever gave a soul.

" _Bite me_."

The door slammed behind her, cutting the obscenities being thrown at her back as Raven left the room. This was the last straw. She was going to her Mother and telling her off. None of this could end in happiness and she wasn't about to let it be so. Her hood went over her head and she collided shoulder-to-shoulder with the Princess of Feignez.

The younger girl screeched loudly, "How dare you, you little _bastard_! Such vulgarity should be punishable by hanging!"

Raven's all-over blue eyes met cold black.

"Step back or I'll be forced to hurt you."

" _Damn you and your_ -!" The brat then shrieked wordlessly when dark blue tentacles lunged at her, wringing the life out of her.

Raven said dangerously calm, gradually tightening the grip of the tentacles, "You have been warned. Next time I hear your whiny, insignificant voice, I won't give you one." She added as an afterthought, "Also put that human out of your mind. You're not good enough for him."

The Princess nodded her chubby, purpling face and the tentacles dissolved away. She ran out of there as fast as her stout legs could take her.

Indigo swept around.

*

The queen watched her daughter entered the study and said placidly behind her desk, "I can see that you are angry."

"Anger doesn't even begin to explain it." Raven leaned over the woodwork, eyes blazing with intimidation.

"Hear me _now_ , Arella. A friend told me I had a choice in this situation. I didn't believe him because I was helpless and weak-minded, you yourself saw those qualities in me. I'm changing that right now. You've got Robin locked away like he's some kind of criminal. There's no justice in this system. When I become Queen, _Azar help me_ , I will see to it that this cycle will be broken. No one will be married against their wishes and nothing, _nothing_ on Heaven or Hell can make me bend to another will."

She straightened. Cracks in the sun-filled windows outlined themselves in blue.

Arella remained unmoved for a full minute then closed the spell book in front of her.

"There was a purpose for calling here today, a day of immense importance. I have listened to what you had to say. Will you listen to me?"

A part of Raven screamed _why the hell should she_ but the other part hushed the screaming.

She turned down her shoulders in submission.

Arella rose to her feet, her white hood falling at the catch of a breeze. "You came to Azarath with enchantment in your center and I devastated it when I told you what was to come..." She cupped Raven's face, smoothing out the frown in her brow.

"No mother wants to see their child unhappy. Always know this, Raven, if anything I teach you should stay in your memory forever... is that I love you more than our people, _more_ than Azarath. To see you suffer takes the life out of me slowly. I made a mistake by worshipping a monster, giving into temptation but from that mistake came a gift _pure_ of heart. You are my little angel, innocent as the day you were born, as you always will be. They told me you would destroy - I never believed it. And I still don't. I cannot bear to have you hurting."

Raven's hair swept around her face, the high winds teasing, as she murmured, "I don't understand."

The queen brushed the short strands out of the way.

"I wish I had not troubled you with all this when it is very clear that it could have been avoided. It _is_ a flawed system, Raven, not absolute. If you wish not to rule Azarath then it was never to be. I have spoken to the monks. The king and I have agreed to a new condition... my dear Raven, you can marry whomever you chose. You are no longer bound to custom."

" _This..._ this is what you had to tell me?"

Arella murmured, smiling, "The truth. The ceremony is scheduled to go as planned this evening at sunset. Our people await the binding marriage of Angela Roth and Adonis of Feignez."

"You don't have to do this..." Raven murmured.

"It is _my_ choice. The price for your greater love is banishment. It is the only way I can save you now."

Her daughter paled.

_'...banished...'_

"Now, my daughter, Robin is in the South Temple. I expect that you'll be informing him of the good news. I would like it if you attended, but under the circumstances... you must leave tomorrow." Raven stared agape at her Mother, her wonderful and brilliant Mother, and Arella nudged her. "Close your mouth, it is not becoming. Go find your leader."

Raven did she was told, hurrying for the temple.

It took less than a few moment to locate it. Lucky for her the guards were nowhere to be seen. She floated down the tall, colorless stone halls, searching for a train of thought or any banging sounds. White, double doors were her find. Beneath them, a tossed yellow utility belt.

" _Robin_!"

His voice shouted, "Raven! Raven, the door won't budge!"

"Hold on," she called out, reaching for the knobs, but an invisible barrier hit her knuckles. Raven tried her magic: phasing, soul-self, whatever she could but her power wouldn't allow her to penetrate the blockade. She yelled back to him, "I can't get through! I'm barred out!"

A telepathic message crawled inside her head: _Use the spell I taught you._

 _It's not powerful enough,_ she replied.

The voice insisted: _Go on, you'll see._

Raven chanted under her breath, propelling her arms outward - a sizzle - a blare - and the barrier vanished.

' _Thank you, Mother.'_

She threw the white doors wide open, preparing to pounce on Robin when she saw him. He stood on the opposite side of the doorway, hair wild and arms gripping the entryway forcefully. But they didn't move their stances, just continued staring blindly at each other, some more than others. A brief moment passed where Robin bent down to retrieve his belt, and she swallowed her dry throat, her tongue feeling like a wooden block in her mouth.

What was she suppose to tell him?

It turns out after coming all this way, putting up with her menace of a nurse and several formidable guards, knowing she was arranged to sleep with different man who was probably her age times two, getting _banished_ from Azarath on top of it... how could she say it was hoax because everyone was too spineless to tell her the truth?

With one look from his concerned face, Raven knew that it wouldn't matter to him.

"I'm free."

That's all she needed to convince him. A grin cracked his insecurity.

Raven explained in a rushed breath, "We have to-"

A green, leather finger tapped her lips, halting her stumbling words.

Robin declared, " _Stay_."

She tentatively touched the lip of his glove, rolling it up to slip his fingers free from their confinement. They were slightly moist from the heat trapped. Raven pressed her mouth against them, resting the side of her cheek in his palm, working her kiss into deep creases and faded calluses. His hands. Steel, rock, hurtful, and dangerous weapons. But also soft, loving, and skilled. She let his warm hand go as his fingers traced her collarbone, going down further. Raven shut her violet eyes. Robin got them to reopen when he hoisted her into his arms.

She locked her arms around his neck instinctively and raised questioning eyes.

He carried her out of the temple, into the streets past the congregating Azarathians traveling to the West Temple, and stood under the balcony of the gold emblem tower. His Grappling Hook shot up and launched itself securely. He gripped her waist with one hand, soaring up into cool, setting sky.

Once they hit upon solid ground, Robin pulled her hand patiently, and without saying anything, walked inside alone. The flimsy gossamer floor-length curtains playing with his face and two-toned cape.

Raven flung her cloak aside. It settled resolutely on the banister outside. She pushed the curtains to one side and fell into his embrace, clinging to the need clawing at her reason. Explanations could wait. She had _Robin_ , she had this moment, and wasn't about to taint it.

For hours they laid in a small, round bed in the second room, the huge window-doors spilling chilly wind. The silence comforting. All they wanted was each other's presence. The cries of festivity distant. Robin had her wrapped up in his arms, her head pressing up against his chest. She savored the eternal beating of his strong heart.

"I really thought I lost you," he confessed dimly.

Raven whispered, "You don't have to worry about that. I'm not going anywhere." The wind picked up a moment, the drapes in the room swaying precariously, and then all was silence once more.

He slid a hand over her clothed shoulder, shifting his head on the pillow so that his lips easily came down to kiss her chakra. "I love you," he said simply. Her amethyst orbs peeked up through dark lashes; a sly smile. Robin badgered her, light-heartedly, "Come on, you know you wanna say it."

"You're an idiot?"

" _Rav_ …"

She chuckled at his annoyance, getting a handful of his silky hair, and put the top of her head underneath his chin.

"I can wait for an answer, for an eternity if I have to," he said.

Raven frowned.

"It's difficult..."

"I know," Robin said, gently taking up her left hand, rubbing the naked ring finger with his thumb and index. "Believe me I know."

Raven reassured him, "I left it but, when we get home, it comes back on."

He smiled absently to amuse her.

Suddenly an urge raced through her, tightening her jaw... so intense... so...

A lazy yawn overwhelmed her, making her eyes water in the corners.

Robin teased, "Aww. Is little miss _Corvus_ getting sleepy?"

She punched his arm, weakly.

"Shut up, Bird-Brain."

"Is it just me or is it really cold in here?"

He began to sit up but Raven pulled him back down, snuggling closer to her warm source. " _Mmm_ , goodnight," she said.

"We're not going to close the window?"

"Nope."

Robin used his commander tone, "Raven, as your team leader, I order you to let me -" She kissed his mouth sensually and shoved him back. He said dazed, "Let... let, what was I saying?"

" Goodnight, Raven?"

" _Oh_. Okay. Goodnight, Raven."

*

Waking up with Robin had to be the best time of the entire day. No, that morning had to be the best morning in her entire life. Raven sauntered out of the shower in her usual leotard, finishing the process of drying her hair with a fluffy towel. Peeping into the bedroom, she saw Boy Wonder dozing back into an easy sleep.

A smidgen of mischievousness seized her. Enough to drive her into action. Raven crept over to his side of the bed and yanked the blankets off him gingerly. Robin protested mildly in a burble and she twisted the towel in her hands.

" _OW!_ Hey! Raven, knock it off!"

Robin drowsily rubbed his stinging hind. " _What the hell..._ couldn't you have waited until I was dressed?" he asked.

"It's funnier when you have nothing on."

He crossed his arms over his fit, tan chest. "You are a sadistic woman."

Raven gave him a smile, a smug one at that.

"Yes... but I'm the sadistic woman you are engaged to."

Robin did the old 'come hither' finger gesture. "Good point," he said. "Is that what you wanted, another round?"

"Ugh." She threw the wet towel in his face. "Get dressed. We have to say goodbye to my mother and apparently my new father."

In the sunlight, her hair glowed healthily in clumpy strands, her legs bare of a concealing cloak, her eyes and face bright with exhilaration.

_'I swear, sometimes she's too attractive to be real...'_

He moved too quickly. Robin tugged her down so that her head lay on his chest. Pinning her upper arms down to the sheets, he smirked down on her. "Not up for the challenge?"

"As tempting as it sounds to have intercourse with you first thing in the morning, I think I'll pass." She pushed herself up, but he wasn't permitting her freedom from his grasp.

Robin laughed.

"You weren't complaining an hour ago."

A flash of red scorched her cheeks.

"Let me go or face the consequences," she mumbled.

"What kind of consequences?" he asked impishly.

"Painful ones. Care to risk it?"

Robin mentally debated that, suffering or no suffering. Easy guess. He didn't feel like being castrated that morning. His hands removed themselves from her arms. She unconsciously patted them. He said, worried, "I didn't hurt you, did I?" Raven tossed him his costume from the floor, back to him.

"I'm okay, don't worry about it."

"Are you sure?" He thrust his arms through green sleeves. She glared over her shoulder.

"Stop treating me like I'm glass. Frankly, I'm sick of it."

"You don't have to get defensive."

Her head lashed, twisting her body round. A sinister hiss issued from her rounded lips, " _Go to hell, Hero_." Raven pressed her hands over her mouth, horrified by her words. Masked eyes widened. She started to get off the cozy mattress.

Her world spun wildly.

A throb surfaced behind her cranium and she started, squeezing one eye shut. She struggled for a sense of equilibrium, beyond comprehension when Robin caught her from a tumble onto the floor. His cool, gloved hand brushed over her cheek.

" _Whoa_... whoa, what's wrong? Do you need to lie down?" She granted him permission to move her. As he adjusted her to a comfortable position, a thought occurred to her namelessly.

_'Hold on...'_

Raven balled up a fist and concentrated, waiting for a glow of either blue or iridescent. Nothing but sallow skin.

Extreme mood swings? Dizzy? Faint? No powers?

She gasped quietly in realization, a hand grazing her abdomen.

Robin asked her, puzzled, "Raven, is everything alright?"

A small, bemused smile graced her mouth. Bright violet eyes flicked over to him. She felt... warm. And he was so _perfect_. Raven tackled-hugged him, kissing his mouth loving and forceful. He untangled himself eventually, still very unsettled. "Rav... sometimes your mood swings scare me..."

She ignored him, climbing to her feet this time slowly.

"The sooner we talk to my mother, the sooner we can leave."

Robin shook his head.

They finished getting ready and stepped out into the delicately-colored realm, multitudes of white-feathered doves scattered around them. Several cooing creatures landed on Raven's shoulders, gazing undisturbed at their surroundings. She whispered out of the corner of her mouth, frozen in place, " _They've never done that before._ "

Robin shrugged, trying hard not to laugh at her irritation.

Arella and King Adonis made it to the parting. Thankfully, Brat Princess and Claudia decided not to show up. Not that Raven expected them to. She could see them pushing each other to get a chance to spy from the building's utmost top windows.

The evermore Queen of Azarath observed them serenely as the Titans bowed and she seized her daughter into her arms, peculiarly tender in this gesture.

"I bestow upon you my sincerest wishes for a long and happy devotion."

Raven repeated, "And I you."

They pulled away. Robin smiled broadly.

"I was glad to meet you, your Majesty. Thank you for letting me have the opportunity."

Arella returned the smile, less broad but more honest. "There's no need for stiff goodbyes, Robin. You may refer to me as 'Mother' if you wish it."

Hollowness radiated from his aura.

"... _Sure_. Thank you."

Adonis cleared his throat. "Well... Raven, one day you and I must continue that discussion on Latin origin. I'm afraid I wasn't at my best last time."

Despite everything, Raven gave him a momentary hug. "I hope so, too... Father."

Adonis patted her head awkwardly. He seemed so uncomfortable around her... not that she could blame him. The two males exchanged a quick, firm handshake. Raven fingered the necklace on Robin's chest that grazed his insignia. Arella mouthed the spell. They were swept up within the cerulean hole in the sky.

Banging came from the hallway outside Raven's door when the portal spat them out.

"- Let Silkie go, Star!"

"No! My beloved bumgorf will not be fed that trash!"

"Star, unless you want him puking on the newly waxed floor... you'll let us have the sick, little mutated maggot….."

**Zoom!**

Raven's door disappeared.

Down the corridor, Beast Boy fought for control with a distressed Starfire who clutched a screaming Silkie. Cyborg watched them play tug-of-war, sweat dropping. The trio didn't even notice their company. The green-skinned changeling at last took Silkie away from the desperate Tamaranean, only to have their pet barf up purple goo into his blond hair.

" _Duuddde!_ "

"Apparently things haven't changed a bit."

The three Titans hollered in a chorus, "RAVEN!"

Six arms wrapped around her neck and she was dragged down powerlessly into a huge group hug. Raven panted, "As much as I... appreciate... the warm welcome but... you have to let me... before I... suffocate."

Star squealed when she released her, twirling midair. "You are home for certain now?"

"Yes, of course."

The alien woman squealed again. "This is solely called for the Pudding of Delight! I must fetch it! Friend Robin, help me find it!" Starfire zipped out of sight, towing the objecting bird in hand, his heels skidding across the floor.

Cyborg muttered, "Tell me when she stops handing it out but until then, I wasn't here."

"Ditto," Beast Boy agreed, beginning to walk away, but Raven snatched him by the collar, jerking him into her room. He stammere,. "W-We're hiding in here?"

"I was going to ask you how things were in the city since Robin and I were gone."

"Uhhh, you want to have a conversation with me that doesn't include insults or me getting hurt?" Beast Boy scratched his head.

"I'm in a good mood."

"I figured." His jade eyes traveled over her stomach area and he made a bold move by gently poking her smooth belly. "So how is baby Raven or Robin in there?"

"There's isn't."

Beast Boy's eyebrows burrowed. "Ugh?"

"Well, there wasn't a baby, but now there is." She smiled widely.

He chuckled.

"It sounds like you and the Rob-ster were getting busy lately..."

Her right eye then twitched; when her right eye twitched, that meant she was pissed. Beast Boy knew that twitch very well. He winced, shielding himself from flying items. All she could do was give him a really dirty look. He grimaced. "You can't do anything? Not even hit me?"

"With my energy, no. I can't do anything, levitate or fight, but this will have to do for now."

Raven smacked him upside the head.

He whined, "Ouch... you told Robin, right?" She didn't say anything. Beast Boy said seriously, rubbing his skull, "You were supposed to say something."

"At this point, I will." Raven glared. "Don't pester me."

"Somebody's gotta do it, Squirt." The changeling grinned, using his height to tower over her.

She said in a monotone, her expression a familiar blank, "I hate bonding with you."

Beast Boy kept grinning, slinging an arm around her shoulders as they went to find the others.

*

_The siren. It stopped abruptly._

_The explosion and glowing halted._

_She raised her eyes to see Dick in Slade's armor, ready to fire the thermal blaster into her right eye. He lowered it ever closer._

_With a cry, she arched her body, kicking her foot upwards. The steel-toed boot knocked the weapon clean out of his hands. She grabbed his Slade-masked face and head-slammed him backwards. He staggered back in daze._

_Given an opening, she twisted around on the polished tiles, jumping upright onto her feet. She sprinted across the ash-sewn ballroom floor, bringing herself to a standstill at the giant mirror only a few inches away, blocking her. Clouds of former guests swirled around her green, spandexed legs. She tore at the edges of the Robin mask glued to her face, ripping it off, and breaking the magic spell it had on her. Her own terrified face shone back at her in the mirror's reflection. She rubbed her cheeks._

_Her reflection wavered in front of her eyes, soon replaced by a green, red, and yellow clad Starfire gawking back at her just as terrified._

_Raven touched the mirror. Her fingertips passed through the glass like water, grabbing onto orange fingers. Starfire came through the other side, deeply shaken._

_"Star?"_

_"Raven?"_

_Bright green eyes looked over Raven's caped shoulder and the alien let out an ear-piercing shriek. Ten feet away from where they stood, two identical Dicks behind Slade masks coldly faced the girls. They merged together to form one. Starfire shrieked again, hanging onto Raven frantically, "Make it stop! Raven, he is coming_ _closer_ _!"_

_"Starfire, release me!"_

_The Tamaranean screamed louder as he took small, heavy steps in their direction._

_Eerie whispers enclosed them, undetectable verbal cages to keep them afraid._

_"Ravie... forget about fighting, it won't save you... Kori... don't worry, it will be over soon enough... "_

_Starfire kept screaming in Raven's ear and the empath threw her off, taking immediate action. Raven summoned a blue jet of her power, sending it at Dick's neck, separating the head and body. Instead of blood gushing from the stump, sparks fizzled from the ugly, painted gape._

_"That's not Robin, it's one of Slade's robots."_

_To prove her point, Raven reached down and pulled the Slade mask off. The thin strip of 'skin' to unveil mechanical inners._

_"He's messing with us."_

_Raven kicked the head aside, shouting herself sore, "Where are you, you coward? Show yourself AZAR DAMN YOU!"_

_Starfire hiccupped, trying to get a grip on herself, her poor pulse going so fast._

_"N-No. No. Slade is not alive. You destroyed him."_

_Raven stomped on the arm of the metal corpse, crushing it flat._

_"How do you explain this then? Some other psychopath with a gold and black mask?" Starfire sobbed at this. Stillness filled the vacuum with just the frenzied sounds of weeping to break it. Violet eyes gleamed unsympathetically, and then... little by little... black crawled over the irises._

_"Starfire?"_

_"Yes, Friend Raven? You have a plan?"_

_She whimpered._

_Gray hands glowed the same color. With a single blast, Starfire's distraught head rolled by steel-toed feet._

_Red. Red._

_RED._

_"Yeah, but you aren't a part of it."_

*

Night.

Two shrill screeches filled up the air on the island in the bay.

Raven couldn't stop.

Her lungs gave a final convulse, running out of oxygen and she fell back from sitting on her pillows, sweat beading her skin. Cascading out of her pores, unpleasantly cold and harsh, the droplets chilling the fever thriving inside her. Her door being broken into... an icy, metal hand stroking her flushed forehead.. somewhere in the dark...

"Raven! _Raven_ , snap out of it!"

She moaned weakly, turning away from the voice. Big arms lifted her wilted body out of her bed. Cyborg was talking to her, consoling her, "Just hang on, Rae. Don't try to get up."

Her sight was blurry. One blink, it got worse. Another blink, it was clear. Her head dangled back. She looked sluggishly ahead in the darkened hallway. For a moment she might have blacked out, wasn't too sure. Cyborg was carrying her somewhere, that, she knew.

In pitch black, the robotic man punched in a code and bright white overhead lamps flipped on, blinding her.

Cyborg lowered the intensity.

"Sorry, Rae."

A ruckus came from the hallway outside the lobby. Beast Boy stepped inside, carrying Starfire in the same fashion Cyborg had Raven. Robin followed the pair.

" _-And keep your voice down!_ "

"Dude, you're the one yelling!"

"Both of y'all, shut up!" Cyborg boomed, diverting their complete attention. Raven, still in mechanical arms, groaned at the noise and Robin stopped glowering. He took a step forward and Cyborg shook his head at him, "Leave her a minute, Rob. She's still not conscious enough."

" _What_ 's going on?" asked the now disgruntled leader.

Beast Boy looked up from placing an fainted Starfire down in a leather chair. "I woke up when I heard screaming. Koria was moving around in her sleep and I tried to calm her down, and then Robin came in shouting, too-"

"I wasn't shouting," their leader argued, glaring. "I wanted to know why she was screaming at the top of her lungs."

"You were freaking her out!"

Cyborg made a furious noise with the back of his throat, quieting them. Starfire's unclear eyes began to focus and she feebly scooted away, pointing a finger at Raven who rested in a different chair close by, "Get her away from me." She said this in a very unStarfire-like way, in a low grunt clenched between her teeth.

"Starfire, what's the matter with you?"

She whispered quietly, drawing her knees to her chest, "It has returned."

"What has?" Robin asked.

Beast Boy frowned. "Another one?"

Cyborg sighed.

"I thought we figured that out," he said.

"Why do I have a feeling that I'm talking to inanimate objects?" Robin exclaimed, gesturing to them, "What the _hell_ are you all talking about?"

The alien woman shivered, crossing her forearms over her knees.

"I have experienced a recurring dream. In the first, Friend Robin tried to attack me. I fell to the ground-"

"And he split the robe you were wearing in half. You found yourself in a Robin costume, staring at gloves on your hands and boots on your feet," Raven finished softly.

Starfire nodded, slightly cautious now.

"Yes... that is exactly what happened."

"So you guys had the same dream at the same time? Like, you both were in the same one?" Beast Boy said in wonder.

"Not just once, twice I think. We must have shared both."

"Is that even possible?"

The empath glanced at their leader, saying, "It's not impossible." Robin purposely turned away, hiding his flushing neck behind a hand. Raven spoke up with certainty this time, "Slade's behind this. I know he is." Robin left his blushing unnoticed when he heard a familiar name, his body twisted back around.

"What?"

"He did something, he's behind it. I'm sure of that."

Robin rubbed his face exasperated, muttering, _"Not this again..."_

Cyborg watched them from the corner of the room with the rest of them and elbowed the changeling. "Hey, is it just me or are those two acting more like each other every day?"

"Slade's gone, Raven," Robin said dully. "He's been for a long time. I've accepted it... so why..."

With everyone's eyes on her, Raven rose to her feet albeit weakly and strolled right out of the conversation.

They weren't going to believe her. She had no concrete evidence. Starfire wouldn't be able to talk about this for months, and Raven only had intuition if even that.

Why did Slade come to mind? Why was it Slade's mask Robin wore?

If Slade _was_ alive and behind it all... how did he create these images in her head?

Suddenly, Raven began to doubt herself.

She closed her broken door manually, leaving a crack and paced her room briskly. The dreams, the warnings, the consequences. Could they all have been random? Were they planned from the beginning? Was there a pattern? Why did humans search for logic, search for patterns?

_'Congratulations... you have just became the most paranoid member of Teen Titans... next to Robin.'_

She crumpled onto her bed, aggravated groans bubbling up her chest.

_'You have to meditate…you have to…Azarat- **GRINNING-BLOOD-**_

"NO!"

With a yell, Raven snapped out of her trance and slammed her hand on her bureau, angrily. The drawer built into it popped open.

Something flashing with the gap caught her eye.

"Raven...?" Round and sparkling. Raven cupped it in her hands, savoring its cool solid exterior. "Raven, I know you're in there," repeated the voice.

"I'm trying to meditate," she answered, coolly.

"Come on, don't do this. You can't keep shutting yourself away."

Raven quoted bleakly, " _Old habits die hard._ "

"That cryptic act is getting old, too. I know you better than that."

"Do you think you know me at all? You really think you do?" Raven went back to her steel door, shoving the crack until the door was gone.

Robin was alone and looking quite defiant. This man did not know the meaning of _go away_.

He responded, sincerely, "I know I do. I know... you're secretly a fan of adult alternative and British rock... you have an enormous magical potential in basically anything and you hate showing that to strangers... you think Beast Boy is a great kid, even when you have an urge to strangle him. You are a _beautiful_ woman who loves her friends... you would sacrifice yourself to know that this city and the world would be safe... you are a nature lover at heart... and you have a fetish for the darker edges of people."

Robin looked so serious when saying the word _fetish_. A smile crept up on her lips.

"That's it?"

"Oh no, there's more," he said faintly, his fingers spraying over the side of her face. "... I know you love me. You just have a difficult time saying it."

Raven did not deny nor confirm it. She opened the fist she had clasped to her breast. Sitting patiently and brilliantly in her palm was the engagement ring. Robin dropped his eyebrows in bewilderment as he traced his fingertips over the tiny object. "I can't meditate. I can't sleep, every time I close my eyes it comes back."

He plucked up the ring between his long fingers and cradled her left hand, slipping the black band precisely over her ring finger. Raven didn't resist against it.

"Did you want to stay with me tonight?"

"Yes."

Robin brought her hand to his lips. "We could... drink some of your tea, dress up in your clothes... I mean you've already tried on mine... I could learn to float."

_'I won't be doing that for a while...'_

She laughed silently to herself, automatically touching her stomach, and then his shoulder with the same hand. "Another day, Boy Wonder."

*

 


	14. Chapter 14

*

"Do y'all think Raven could be right?"

The figure in the hallway stopped tersely in mid-step to listen to the conversation the men in Titans Tower were having, pressing an ear near the wall intently.

"Dude, we saw Slade's dead body two days after it happened. He was flatter than a pancake! He can't just become unflattened and undead, right?"

"As far as I know."

She pulled her ear away.

' _It's been a week... don't they have something better to talk about?'_

True, the crime business was a little slow lately and there wasn't much to do, but honestly, it was infuriating they were talking about her behind her back where she could clearly hear them.

Discretion was clearly out this year.

Raven wasn't going to wait for them to leave the room to make her escape. She marched out of the hallway, briskly striding for the entrance doors, not paying mind to their apprehensive greetings towards her. Robin came into view instantly. "Where are you going in a hurry?"

"Out, Mom. I promise to be back by curfew. I won't talk to strangers or try their drugs."

Raven rolled her eyes.

Beast Boy laughed immaturely, amused by her dry remark, and Cyborg glared a red eye at him.

"No, _seriously_ ," Robin said.

She decided to be more tolerable for his sake. Her good moods were coming down from the looming threats of morning sickness soon to be kicking in. It wasn't his fault... okay, half of the fault was. "I'm going for a walk, alright? Latest, midnight." He caught her arm when she took a step aside.

"Got your communicator?"

She lied, expertly, "Obviously." He caught her other arm again. "Now _what_?"

She was about to push him onto his ass when he suddenly asked, mischievously, "No goodbye kiss?"

Beast Boy gagged in the background.

" _Augh..._ I hate watching this. C'mon, let's play GameStation." Cyborg got up to follow him into the stairwell.

"You said it, grass stain."

Only two Titans were left in the main entrance. Raven murmured numbly, her eyes staring deep into a domino mask. "Would you kiss me... if it meant to betray all good things in this world?"

Robin was thrown off-guard by this kind of question. "What do you mean? You are a good person, Raven."

"I'm beginning to doubt that."

His eyebrows knit together. "Is this about the dream you and Star had?"

"What I believe is happening evidently doesn't matter to anyone, not even to the person who matters most." Raven's violet eyes softened and she batted away the hand that tried to console her.

"Do you want to know what I believe?"

"I'm sure it's something predictable," she said monotonously.

"Say whatever you want, but it won't change the fact that I see good and compassion in you."

"I'm not a good person."

"Because you're not faultless? Being a good person doesn't mean acting like a _saint_. Saints don't shoot Sonic Cannons, have alien strength, shape shift, fly on yellow cords, or wear raven insignias. Besides," Robin inclined his head to plant a assured kiss upon her colorless mouth, his own curving into a brash smile, "What's the point of being human if not playing cards with the Devil a few times?"

Raven questioned, quietly, "Did you ever win?" His fingertips grazed her temple as he brushed her short, violet hair out of her eyes.

"I think I have already."

"You only win because you're arrogant... maybe that's the reason the Devil never can win."

She took her leave and headed out into the cooling summer evening when his expression became taken aback. Her way out of the island was the yellow and black speedboat with a giant **T** printed on the seat. She rode into the horizon, finding the ideal parking space by the pier, tying the vehicle up.

Pale fingers brushed against her lips.

Jump City's streets were packed with excited chattering citizens, sleeping hobos in alleyways, and farther down, children who disregarded the calls of their parents to come inside. Raven wandered aimless, shoving her hands into her cobalt blue hoodie pockets, the hood secured over her face. Beige slacks over her long legs. Combat boots.

Any proceeding thoughts were pushed out of her mind. The only ones allowed were focused on walking.

She let out a sigh, passing one of the quieter sidewalks. A tattooed boy strode out of a shop, sneering at her as his burning eyes found her. Raven didn't make eye contact as she passed him but after a second or two there was an unanticipated sensation of a hand slapping her from behind.

Anger coursed through her veins. She whirled around, raising her hands, ready to hurl something especially heavy at this very foolish boy's skull. Then Raven remembered her current condition. The punk got away, looking very self-satisfied doing so.

She didn't feel like getting arrested anyway.

One of the bigger park playgrounds was still open. Raven crossed the street to go through chipped blue and green painted gates, the poorly lit region bare of any kids. She seated herself on a creaky yellow plastic swing, leaning her head on the chain.

' _Let's try this again...'_

She closed her purple eyes, her chest rising and falling rhythmically.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos... Azarath Metrion Zinthos... Azarath Metrion Zinthos….."

Her limbs slowly began to loosen and she smiled impulsively.

' _At last.'_

But it wouldn't.

Her senses sharpened, hostile. Tiny echoing of sneakers. Someone humming

_after that everything went blank_

it felt like a blackout. It couldn't have been, she was sitting upright. But something wasn't right.

She was on the ground and her right hand was closed around a thick, wet and fleshy object. The pricks of the brush flanking around her poked her sides. Something long lay in her lap. At least she thought it was a thing. Heavy, cold, and unnaturally soft to the touch.

Darkness met her. She tried to adjust it, looking for the pale glow of the streetlamp a few feet away. Raven crawled out from under the shadowed undergrowth, glancing back at what she had been holding but decided to leave behind.

Helpless moans choked her system.

Raven climbed to her feet unsteadily, restraining her nausea. She was about to place a hand over her mouth, however, recoiled instead. Her slender hand, both of them, were coated in lukewarm, dark red. Under her nails were chunks of rosy pink skin. Raven held them away from her, shaking.

"No... _no_ , Oh Azar no no no, _please no no_..."

She turned around to bolt and smacked into a rock-hard figure. Steel hands enclosed over her wrists. Copper glinted from the streetlight.

"Hello, Raven. Did you miss me?"

*

High pitched screaming drained out all other noises. Except that of a confused Tamaranean.

"I do not understand, why is she so frightened?" she asked/

Cyborg gestured to the giant television screen.

"She's not. She just doesn't want to be captured by the guards for stealing."

Starfire inquired, pushing out her lower lip thoughtfully, "Should she not be captured? Stealing is illegal."

"She's a main character, Star. She's not allowed to be in a major conflict until at least halfway through the movie." Robin said, kicking up his feet, "Can you two shut up so I can hear what's going on?" All eyes went back to the movie. There was immense concentration for a full forty seconds before Beast Boy flew out of the kitchen with a big grin.

"Okay, dudes! I got the tofu popcorn popped!"

Cyborg twisted in his seat, scowling.

"Man, I said I wanted _butter_ \- not that nasty tofu junk!"

"Make it yourself, crabby!" The green changeling stuck out his tongue and plopped down between Robin and Starfire, offering the bowl to the woman amiably. "Want some, Koria?"

She blushed at the nickname. "No, thank you... Garfield."

Cyborg snickered, " _Hehhehheh..._ Garfield."

Red crept up Beast Boy's face and he chewed on his snack, strangely quiet. Robin shushed Cyborg impatiently.

"You can't even see the screen, how are you even-?"

Starfire joined in with Robin as they put a finger to their lips and blew air through their teeth.

The movie continued for another half an hour. In the middle, the Titans stretched in their sitting positions awkwardly. Cyborg commented, "Hey, wasn't Raven supposed to watch the movie with us?"

Robin said with a detached tone, "She went out for a while, I forgot to mention it."

"You... forgetting something? That never happens."

Beast Boy piped up, "Unless the world's coming to an end. Speaking of forgetting things..." He handed the tofu corn to Starfire, who chowed down greedily, and got up from his seat to one-arm hug a bewildered Robin. Beast Boy clapped him on the back. "I totally forgot to congratulate you."

Cyborg warned from the other side of the couch, "BB, I told you to lay off the sugar!"

"This isn't about _sugar_. It's about Robin and Raven."

"Uh... thanks, but I thought you already knew about the engagement."

"Dude, I'm not talking about that either." Beast Boy's smile deflated. "What's wrong with you guys? I'm usually the one who jokes around."

Cyborg paused the movie, now attracting Starfire's undivided concern.

"No, what are _you_ talking about?"

Beast Boy laughed weakly.

"Come on guys, you know... the baby.. Robin being a daddy now..."

"I do not understand." Starfire's tiny eyebrows dropped.

"Say wha?" Cyborg's eyebrows shot up to the top of his forehead.

" _What..._ "

Their leader stared sightlessly at the teenager who stared back, Beast Boy's eyes filling with understanding.

"She didn't tell you, did she?"

Robin shook his head twice, digging a finger into his ear canal.

"-I-I-I'm sorry, you're going to have to run that by me again... because I swear I heard something entirely different."

Beast Boy repeated, "Raven's pregnant. She said it was yours. I thought she told you already."

"She has not said anything to us," Starfire said puzzled, gazing at everyone else. "Friend Raven is with-child?"

"Sounds like it. Got any idea why she wouldn't tell us?"

Beast Boy shrugged off the question directed at him. "She thought she was before, but it was a flook... _damn it!_ " He let out a loud frustrated bark. "I told her to say something!"

Robin was entrenched in his own thoughts. Emotions, hundreds of them battled for domination. Anxiety, resentment, happiness, embarrassment, wonder, but mostly shock. Starfire saw the troubled exterior of his facial features and touched his arm. apprehensively. "Are you sad?" she asked.

"For the idea, no. For Raven keeping it a secret, yeah." He headed for the opposite end of the operations center where his Titans communicator was located on the coffee table, "I think I should call-"

Beast Boy asked, seriously, "And what are you going to say to her?"

Green, gloved hands clutched the device tightly. Robin hesitated, for the first time, unaware of what to do in a situation. As he internally struggled for a grasp, Cyborg came over to heavily pat his shoulder. "Tomorrow."

His head fell forward defeated.

Robin let his communicator slip from his fingers, murmuring the same word behind numbed lips.

*

 


	15. Chapter 15

*

There wasn't a clear cut answer to how she got to this penitentiary warehouse. Without means of outside communication. And in the clutches of the Devil himself. The dangerous and unmistakably living maniac stood off in a corner, quietly observing her as Raven fought against the links bounding her to a crashed electric chair.

" _Arrghhh… Arrrrgghhhhh!_ "

"No escape plan? You disappoint me. I was expecting more." Slade added after a short pause, "The ropes are more of a precaution. I can't have you running off before hearing my proposal."

"You don't know how to die," she snarled.

"Neither do you, my dear. But insults are past me at this point."

"How did you do it?"

"I am Immortal," he explained calmly. "I always was. You can _never_ stop me. Why stop me when you can join me and fight?" Slade's shadow hung over her now, foreboding a doom to rain upon her head.

She said disgusted, "Is this a _joke_? You don't actually expect me to listen to you, right? You can take your offers of apprenticeship, and shove it up your-"

Slade propped his leg up on a conveyor belt behind, the _ding_ of metal meeting metal drowning out the last word.

"It is not an offer. It is the truth of which you have been denied."

"The only thing you talk about are lies."

"Not true. I am perhaps the honest person you will ever meet." He was smirking behind his ghoulish mask.

' _Why are the villains always smirking?'_

Raven's thoughts continued to stray to that evening. She gave a huge shiver, tipping her head so that violet strands fell over her face. "You sick bastard. You _killer_."

Slade replied, "The blood is on your hands, Raven. Don't you remember?"

Flashes, visions bombarded her, making her flinch back from the mental impact -

_\- flesh ripping - the sickening sweet sound of slurping - black eyes glowing - ruthless howling -_

" ...What did you do to me?"

He chuckled, enjoying her grief.

"You are doing this to yourself."

The images began to dim and Raven ignored the moist film of sweat forming on her upper lip. She needed to get the hell _out_ but also needed answers. "No one believed me. I knew you were behind everything. It had your name written all over it: Red X, Johnny Rancid, the dreams…"

"Simple facts for a smart girl. Not only were you the cleverest of the Titans, but you are the most powerful. The prophecy will be great. The world will witness the evil you bred, an evil so diabolical."

"Wow. I thought you were a lunatic before, Slade, but this has to be the ultimate. I'm not _evil_ , the prophecy failed," she mumbled.

"Trigon was merely an issue to be rid of. The prophecy I speak of has not happened thus far. You do not realize your own potential. Pure evil lurks beneath your surface that I wish to set free."

She fought fiercely against the bindings, gnashing her teeth. "You aren't getting anywhere _near_ -"

Suddenly, Raven stopped.

And blinked.

"… You weren't talking about my Father's prophecy that night. The entire time… it was something else."

_\- the past - Starfire unconscious in the darkness - alien blood leaking over orange skin - Slade's steel hands tore at her exposed skin-  gunfire in the moonlit streets of Gotham - bleeding on the rocks - Robin rocked her - she cried in front of him for the first time in her life-  
_

"It will be glorious, Raven. It starts with a death of purity and ends with your resistance and friends."

With an astonishingly violent jerk, Raven managed to rock her chair forward, sneering.

"I don't care what you say. Prophecies can be changed, _Terminator_."

He laughed lowly, raising her chin up with his thumb.

"Prophecies might, but your destiny is a different matter entirely," he said. "You do remind me fondly of Robin as my apprentice. He enjoyed the thrill of destruction and chance. The one thing he lacked was the courage to take a human life. I can teach you that, my dear, along with the extraordinary feeling that comes with it. The way to make your humanity disappear. _Why_ do you need guilt when good and evil do not exist? It is a weak-minded frivolous idea of a constant." Slade mutters," You and I know there is no such thing as conviction for the wicked or justice for the innocents. Why must you tell yourself that these useless beliefs exist?"

"Because you're _wrong_ , they do exist. Because goodness does exist, because goodness always defeats whatever form evil takes. Because there's _hope_. One day, you'll be taken down. I only hope to Azar I can watch it," Raven said grimly, narrowing her eyes darkly and jerking her chin out of his reach.

Slade remained frozen a moment over her. Then he backhanded her across the face.

Her head snapped hard to the right and he unhinged her chains, allowing her to crawl out of her chair.

"I know you can't use your powers, Raven."

She backed away, his one eye glancing at her red stained hands, the ring glittering undamaged by the blood. He hit her again in the head, too fast to catch, but Raven caught him the third time only to have the other fist thump into her face. Her vision spinning, Raven fell to her knees dazed.

A deadly blow to her gut.

Time abruptly stalled as her body rocked forward. Her arms crossed over herself, shielding what she could from another kick.

Slade jammed his foot under her chin.

With a cry, she went sliding on the floor. Raven booted him in the mask when he advanced on her fallen, sustaining an excellent strike which made him reel. Raven rolled on the floor to hug her abdomen, the feeling in her legs completely gone. Pain branched out from her pelvis to the tight knot in her chest where her heart should have been.

She spat, tears swimming in her eyes, " _Bastard!"_

An iron grip closed around her throat, lifting her off her feet. Slade opened a door to another area, tossing her in harshly.

"I'll let you think on it a while."

Raven banged and yanked on the lone door as it locked itself. Futile attempts to break free from the bare, cold, and gray room. For a whole hour, she screamed and pounded the walls that would not yield to her, smearing dry blood.

' _This is getting you nowhere... you have to calm down...'_

Going into a corner, Raven tucked her blood-soaked legs underneath her. Despite the fact her body was in immense pain, she meditated, the ability to focus finally working.

Her escape route took her to Nevermore. Tension and inactivity was heavily concentrated in the murky space.

In the gathering quarter, her Emotions lingered. All heads turned to Raven as the path of asteroids disintegrated behind her. "What's going on?" she asked, so used to returning to this place that the question would seem inadequate. She gazed at every unreadable face.

Intelligence took off her glasses, clearing her throat.

"We are... at a disagreement."

"No shit," Anger called out curtly. "Some of us got to thinking about what Slade said. Even though he was the one talking about it, he was _right_. You can stop this this time."

Happiness blurted out, sounding extremely upset, "Slade is evil! You _cannot_ believe anything he says!"

The red-cloaked Emotion yelled in the pink's face, pointing an accusing finger at the original Raven, "What are you _stupid_? She said herself that there isn't just in this world so he was _right_! Evil or not, he was being honest!" Happiness clapped her hands over her ears to block out the terrible screeching of her voice.

Sadness pulled her out of the wrath of Anger, touching her shoulder soothingly.

"He hurt our friends. He wants Raven to kill them. We cannot allow this."

"Says you, Crybaby," Courage said, folding her arms stubbornly.

Intelligence looked hard at her, her stance becoming ridged. "You want to _kill_ Robin? You want him dead? Is that your intentions, you want dead her only family she knew? Can you do that - do you have the nerve, Courage? Can you back up the talk you give?"

Green-cloaked shoulders stiffened. Courage amazingly didn't lash out, merely whispered, " _If it's Fate, it can't be stopped_. Your wisdom can't find a way around it."

Fear nodded behind her, blurting out, "Yeah!"

Happiness barked, her eyes flashing dangerously, " _Oh - s_ o now you grow a backbone, you little parasite!" When she was testy, it wouldn't be long before chaos would ensue the rest. Raven interrupted before a fight could break out.

"... What's the verdict?"

Intelligence, Happiness, and Sadness glanced at each other and nodded, stepping forward.

"It's wrong to believe Slade's lies and far more foolish to trust him. If you love Robin and your friends as much as we think you do, you'll protect them."

Anger, Courage, and Fear did the same, but in a manner most steadfast and ominous.

"Stop fighting what you can't control. You'll have to embrace it."

Vulgarity shrugged, saying, "Frankly I don't care," then burped loudly, scratching her ear.

Anger's red eyes glowed menacingly at the undecided Emotion. Someone in the background warned, "Don't even think about it." A new Raven with a robin's egg blue cloak and uniform streaked with silver weaved herself through the other Emotions, staring coolly at red, "Try to restrain yourself."

" _Just because she got some new colors and a new name doesn't mean she can boss me around…_ " Anger scorned sulkily like a child.

The multi-hued Emotion overlooked the juvenile mocking to approach Raven.

"It's good to see you again, Raven."

"Who... are you?"

She smiled kindly, "You knew me as Lust at my younger stage. Romantic Love is what I'm called now. Your inexperienced heart matured to create me."

"Gee, that's _great_ and all - but what we need to know is what you think Raven should do," Courage interrupted.

"I think," Love said, maintaining firm eye contact with the empath. "You shouldn't have to rely on us to make your decisions. We're controlled by _you_ now. You shouldn't have to come here." She leaned forward, lowering her voice so only Raven could hear her, "At least do this. Are you listening?"

Raven nodded.

" _Listen_ to what your heart tells you to do. It is your greatest source of judgment. Your Emotions aren't always right. Now go. Slade left you in the bay. He thinks you passed out."

Intelligence ran towards them, shouting, "No! You must tell her-!"

Love jerked Raven's face back and quickly kissed her ruby chakra, sending her back into her body in a whirl of confused shadows.

*

Warm air stroked her gray skin, undertones that beacon her awake with affectionate invisible gestures.

Raven opened her stinging eyes to find the open midnight sky above.

She lay on her back by the entrance doors outside of Titans Tower. Her hand rested upon her brow. The last thing she could remember was one of her Emotion screaming about... something.

Important? She didn't know.

Raven started to sit up when a huge wrench of agony overcame her senses. Her hands went across her stomach and she leaned forward, her chin brushing the ground. After a couple minutes of deep breathing and total immobility, Raven tried again, climbing onto wobbly feet.

' _Azar damn that monster.'_

Another throb of pain. Raven put in the code number to get inside, the security system accepted, and she slowly walked in, taking the core elevator to Level Four.

She washed off the blood on her face and hands, threw off her ruined clothes in the gloom of her concealed living space. Swapping them for a black shirt that fit nicely, a fresh pair of jeans that seemed too baggy, and a 3/4th length black jacket that made her feel like a mouse in a glove.

It took her a moment to realize that the pants and jacket were Robin's. That didn't stop her from wearing them anyway.

As Raven took another elevator to go a level down, she leaned against the closed doors, burying her face into the suede collar of the over-sized coat. It smelt of him, the sweet tingle of perspiration and garlic from tomato sauce. He liked a lot of garlic on his food; it was a good thing Raven found the love mutual.

She needed to go to him. Damn seclusion - she wanted to know he was here and understood. That he could at any second take her into his arms and vanquish the unwelcome darkness bearing down on her soul. A _ding_ signaled her descent. She left the elevator and Raven glanced over her shoulder cryptically.

Something... something wasn't right.

She stood about two feet away from the open doors. Before they could close, there was a loud _snap_ and the shaft disappeared out of sight, plunging into the depths below. The single elevator crashed in the basement and Raven jumped back from watching horrified when hot air pushed up in the direction of her face from the explosion.

"Wh-?"

The lights in the corridor flicked off and on, finally dimming down.

Raven looked up at them, murmuring to herself, " _Shit_." They left her in utter obscurity. The beginnings of a panic attack. Anyone, possibly an intruder, could attack her at any time. And she would be defenseless in her already damaged state.

' _You are not a coward, Raven. No one is going to hurt you. The dark can't hurt you; you aren't helpless.  
_

Her violet eyes closed away her surroundings and she waited, one palm on the wall, the other limply at her side. It felt like years before footsteps padded along the hallway.

Raven croaked, "Hello...?"

"It's okay. I'm right here." Fingers wrapped around her hand on the wall. Raven knew that serious voice from anywhere. She groped for Robin's other hand, entwining her fingers through his and pressed her face into the crook of his neck.

" _Thank Azar_."

His body language was anything but warm, but he did answer mildly, "He is the greatest, isn't he? Let's get the hell out of here."

"How did you know where to look?"

"The crash started upstairs. Did you see what happened?"

"The pulleys snapped," she explained. "I was out of there before I knew what was going on. It seemed funny when I stepped out, but I thought it was just a feeling."

Robin untangled his hands from hers. "I'm starting to think you're right about this conspiracy thing. Someone is definitely trying to kill us." He took her elbow and moved forward, dragging her slightly, "Come on, we're going this way."

"Where's everyone else?"

"Safe, hopefully. Just as long as Beast Boy doesn't run into any sharp objects."

An ear splitting shriek shook the island.

"You spoke too soon..."

It might have been out of habit when she said it, but it earned her a good firm pulling through the Tower.

Cyborg's light greeted Raven's relieved eyes. She stopped in the middle of the lobby where she found her other teammates. Beast Boy was off to the side, rubbing his blond head aggravated. Starfire floated beside him, not only were her hands glowing a bright green, but her face as well.

"What happened? Who screamed?" demanded Robin, going straight to business.

Cyborg said suspiciously, "I kinda bumped into BB. Sorry, man." He smacked the changeling on the back and Beast Boy yelped hurt. Starfire reacted hurriedly, taking one of his hands. Only Raven caught the motion. Beast Boy placed a hand atop hers thoughtlessly and Starfire's eyes went back to normal.

"I don't think the storm did this."

Cyborg protested, "How can there be a storm when there are no clouds outside?"

Starfire, all of a sudden, turned towards the North hallway. "There is something there!" She said, pointing a trembling, orange finger.

The Titans formed a tight circle automatically in fight stance, backs to each other. Robin gave a command, holding out an arm, "Cyborg, don't fire until we can get-!"

A _whirring_ came above their heads and the electricity went back on, light bathing over every nook and cranny of the lobby. The giant television screen fizzed with static before an image of an anxious newscaster popped into view.

" _\- is special news update. Over in Jump City, local police have discovered the sight of what looks to be a horrific incident within the city limits. Law enforcement have prevented us from getting a clear picture of what damage there might be, but the citizens that have seen the site have let us quote that it was truly a terrible sight to stumble upon-"_

The red alarms from the alert systems screamed blaringly and their own blinking alerts, on arms and belts, simultaneously went off frantically.

Robin flipped open his communicator.

"It's coming from White Oak Park. Titans, move out!" He added hastily as they surged for the doors, "Oh, and take the staircase."

Beast Boy frowned. "Why?"

"Just... trust me."

The changeling glanced at his other friends, shrugging confused. As their leader stayed behind, Raven held one hand to her head, the other on her hip, her eyes glazed with a strange emotion. This vision persistently flashing in Robin's mind made him get that stupid nagging twinge. He determinedly pushed it out his mind.

"You don't look so good."

Her paling gray face forced a very unconvincing smile. "I'm fine," she murmured.

"The fact one of my teammates looks sick when we're about to go out on an assignment isn't. You'd better stay put and keep the lines open."

"Be reasonable, Robin... I can't just-"

He cut her off mid-sentence, his voice low, "Stay here, that's an _order_!"

His teeth clamped together in a ferocious bare. She stared after him as he left, eyes round and incredulous. He rarely talked to her like that... at least, a long time ago he would periodically lose his patience with her stubbornness.

Her legs carried her to the fifth level as Raven contemplated her own mixed feelings.

' _What could you be complaining about? You are only a liability out there. You can't even levitate. This gives you a chance to think up of a way to tell him about this baby and Slade comin…'_

"... SLADE!"

An object whizzed in the corner of her eye, hitting her full force in the shoulder blade. She went flying against the opposite wall and ducked when a Bo-Staff brandished another blow. "Didn't I tell you Robin would turn on you?" he mocked.

Raven gasped, stars still spinning in front of her. "You'll never go away, will you?"

"I'll always be here. I'll _always_ be watching."

She blocked another whack aimed at her head. Raven couldn't fight him forever. She had to call the Titans before Slade could do worse.

Taking his moment as she was distracted, Slade's hands closed around her throat and her windpipe. Raven lifted up her lower body and pushed her feet down on his shoulders, swinging her body, forcing her neck from his grasp.

With purple fingerprints on her sallow skin, Raven scrambled for the nearest staircase door and slammed it shut on the enraged maniac, holding the knob firmly against efforts to break it down. It stopped shortly, giving her a disquieted sense of chance. Mercifully, oxygen pumped through her lungs. Using that as her cue, she ran as fast as she could out of the stairwell, jumping down to ram into walls that rumbled from the momentum.

' _Shutupshutup!'_

Her heart eradicated in her chest, sounding ever so loudly, as the empath raced into the empty main entrance, her eyes darting around for any suspicious shadows around her. Her purposely forgotten communicator sat consolingly on the cushion of the second loveseat.

Raven thought she had been home free.

Four steps from the hallway, Slade triumphantly appeared at the top of the stairs on the other side of the room.

She made a break of it, grabbing the device and her leg bent oddly when she spun too fast around. Raven collapsed onto her arm, the gadget falling onto the floor beside her, ringing.

" _Robin-!_ "

A huge steel-toed boot crushed it harshly. She quickly rolled out of the way, flinching when it swung at her.

Her head flopped onto the carpet near to his feet.

"Kiss them."

She peered through purple strands, muttering with a bleeding lip, " _Screw you_."

Slade snatched her jacket collar and yanked her face-to-face with him, her head leaning back slightly. "It's your choice. Life or death, Raven... what do you chose?"

Absolute silence.

Then Raven met his gaze, scorching blue eyes glowing.

"I think the question is irrelevant - I'm not the one in trouble."

Nuts and bolts fell around them like rain droplets. Slade grunted baffled as the light fixture on the ceiling swayed unsteadily.

" _Azarath Metrion ZINTHOS!"_

She disappeared into her soul self, dissolving into the floorboards as the heavy fixture crashed upon Slade's flailing body. Raven reappeared somewhere on the second level, squeezing her eyes shut painfully. In one explosive whip, agony ripped throughout her body. Fastening down her jaw, she clutched her belly, bringing her right arm up support on the wall.

Only one more corridor to the medical sector... to the emergency phone...

Footsteps behind her.

Raven moaned, partially in agony and partially in apprehension, pressing the number pad.

 **6**... **00101**... **23**...

The doors locked behind her. No one banged on them or tried to get in.

It didn't matter to her... she was sure she was dying. She couldn't think when... _this_... pain was unbearable.

There was blood under her feet... but... where was it coming from…? Her hands found the edge of a sterilized cot and heat seared straight up into her pelvis. Raven threw her head back and screamed. She screamed until the walls of her throat bled. No end to it... to the agony... not even that... so much worse... Robin's jeans were red... Why were they red?... _arghh_ , something was happening to her... unnaturally... _not here..._ _not now_... something tearing from her...

*

Busy streets were blocked off, cars jammed in major traffic, heads poked out of windows as drivers passed by slow to watch White Oak Park's entrance.

Police officers mobbed the passengers and filed within the blue and green fence. Cyborg and Starfire conversed with the grim-faced authorities as the other two male members of the Teen Titans made their way onto the crime scene. The blond-haired teen asked, "Where's Raven? Wasn't she supposed to come with, too?"

Robin simply replied after nodding to the police chief, "She's not feeling well."

"What did she say...?"

His eye-mask slit to a thin line. "Nothing as usual."

Beast Boy grabbed his arm, exclaiming, "Did you yell at her?"

Robin responded, dully, "I lost my patience." The teenager gave him a shocked look and the latter sighed, taking his arm back. "I'm talking to her later, Beast Boy. This doesn't concern you." Robin would have felt more anger towards him if they weren't right in the middle of a mission. Behind him, Beast Boy shook his head frustrated.

They stopped by the blood-soaked, grassy area. Beast Boy abruptly wrinkled his nose, the strong copperish smell rising from the ground made his stomach cringe.

"This is _awful_."

"Isn't it always?" Robin said, pulling out a mini flashlight from his utility belt and handed it to his teammate, "Look at the bushes. What's on them?"

Beast Boy inspected the greenery.

"... I don't see anything. What I am supposed to be finding?" Robin pushed away the prickles with his hands. His body froze.

"Get the others. And call Raven."

"Okay." Beast Boy stepped forward routinely but then turned back, his eyebrows lowering. "Um... dude? Why?"

His entire face darkened.

"There's someone here."

*

 


	16. Chapter 16

*

Garfield Logan had seen many disturbing things in his life. The cruel experiments his parents did on animals as researchers. They had claimed to do _good_ when their baby boy had a better understanding about their research than they did. Forced to study, forced to regard their blind curiosity. Unearthly squealing kept him up at night; his little body shook with fear and repulsion in his bamboo cot, the recollections of Africa haunted him until now.

Perhaps that's why he became a vegetarian.

Vegetables don't scream.

Violence, direct or indirect, always had fascinated him. Not in the warped sense but in people's opinion on what was crossing the line between destructive and beneficial enthralled him. To himy, cruelty was usually cruelty. What was bad was bad, to different people, and there were little lines between.

But this... _This was wrong._

The former Boy Wonder's face faded out of view as he turned his head into the shadows. He held the brush back so Garfield could get a better look. The green changeling flipped on the flashlight, what he saw induced a vision spin.

A body.

Not a junkie, not a hobo, not even adult. It was a child, struck down barely at the prime of life. Auburn hair caked with dark red jelly, eyes missing, the scratches around the the sockets indicated them being gorged out. Long deep gashes in the chest area, evident through the ragged green tee shirt.

Garfield wanted to say something, anything to break the weighted silence between the dead body and him. The words got lost in his mouth.

He returned to his first and only premonition.

_-I t was like looking through water. Flashing red and blue lights in his face, burning his eyes. Darkness enveloping him. Fire. Maroon-colored skies. Out of control feelings of helplessness twisting his colon. Then it was like looking through someone elses' eyes. Pale hands plunging into liquid. His hands felt the warm sensation. A menacing eye glaring at his face. Howling. Black deviate purple-_

"Beast Boy!"

Robin gestured to him from the other end of the park. A white-haired officer that had been trying to talk to Garfield as he spaced, now threatened him with a hand on his gun holster, "Kid, I have to ask you to leave the area right now, or I'll have no choice but to use force."

"Whatever."

The green changeling stared deliberately at him, rejoining the rest of the Titans. Robin was shaking his head when he walked up. "I don't like this. This is the kid I saved from Rancid. Gabriel Bendson."

Starfire gasped, a hand fluttering over her breasts, imitating the speed of her heartbeat.

"That little boy?"

"Raven knew him, too. There's a possibility that something might be coming after her-"

Garfield volunteered out loud, "I'll go check up on her; you know, see if she's alright."

"Good idea, we can handle everything from here."

As the teen prepared himself for flight, Beast Boy heard the alien woman say quietly to herself, rubbing her shoulders feverishly, "I do not wish to see the body."

He turned a reassuring smile at her.

"You don't have to. Want to come with me?"

Her bright green eyes traced back to Cyborg and Robin in an absorbed conversation. "I'm not sure Friend Robin would allow it."

"He's not the boss of you," Garfield argued. "If you don't want to, you shouldn't have to be dragged into it."

Starfire sighed.

"I must, for the sake of my duty for this city."

The nighttime wind blew her straight, red hair to cover the side of her smooth, amber face. Garfield touched a soft tress, unaware that he had moved his body closer to her. He brought his hands around her neck to gather the rest and pushed them out of her eyes. Both emerald hands drew back, cradling her face.

He said somberly, meeting her wonder-filled gaze, "I know this is the wrong place and the wrong time to ask, considering what's going on, but if after we figure out this... would you like to do something later?"

"I do not understand. What do you wish to do... there are many things to do such as doing the hanging out and- "

His jade eyes twinkled as he good-naturedly interrupted her, "You tell me."

Starfire opened her mouth to speak when Cyborg shouted her name over the roar of oncoming sirens. Garfield didn't let go of her face, at least, not until he got an answer. She glanced at him anxiously, then removed his hands herself.

"I wish to come with you, but I cannot."

His pointy eyes drooped slightly.

"But if you wish to spent time with me afterward, then I shall comply with your wishes."

Starfire ditched the typical naive, girlish expression for something more confident. She whispered between a simple, breathless kiss, " _...I f you understand my meaning_."

Her name was called again, this time in unison by the two irritated Titans. Starfire called out perkily, "Coming, Friends!" The Tamaranean stepped out of Garfield's grasp, not bothering to fuss with her hair as it whipped around her.

He watched her blissfully float away.

Garfield snapped out of his happy trance, shouting and dancing victoriously, " _YES_! I got a date with Koria! Go Beast Boy! Go Beast Boy!" A couple standing off to the side seemed confused to why a young man with green skin would be grinning in the middle of a murder investigation.

*

He went back to Titans Tower in higher spirits, humming a merry tune and bellowed up the first floor staircase, "Oooooohhhhh _Raaaaaavvieeeeeeeee_! Guess who's the man?"

As expected, there was no answer to his obnoxious yell.

' _Probably preening in her magic mirror... stupid, booby-trap mirror.'_

Garfield marched up to the second floor where his bedroom was. Something gleaming on the floor grabbed his concentration. He crouched down befuddled to scooped up two objects outside his door.

A pair of shattered blue, see-through goggles. A tiny, curved butterfly comb.

" _Do you trust me?" Terra exclaimed, smiling brightly._

He answered the ghost in his memory, "... More than anyone I've ever met."

Garfield bowed his head for a moment for that lost soul, tucking the objects in his belt. An old wound slowly opening. He muttered, "What kind of sick joke is this?" The hairs on the back of his neck bristled. The hallway was not empty.

His eyes peered upwards to the only source of light, the blinking, overhead light above him showed a dark outline of a man leaning against the wall. He didn't make the slightest movement.

His heart hammered in his eardrums.

Maybe the guy didn't see him... maybe if he was really quiet... he could sneak away without getting caught...

Garfield crawled backwards on his hands and feet. He could have been safe if his hand hadn't noisily smacked on the staircase door. The stranger would have heard him now.

The green changeling yelled out of fear, as he sprinted down into the operations center, dodging whatever he thought could be at his back.

He stumbled into the center.

Sitting on a stool nearby, appearing to be calmly staring into her hands, was Raven.

He panted, waving his arms madly about. "R-Raven! _Raven_! There's some dude in the Tower, we gotta g-!" He ceased mid-wave.

She remained hunched down with her back facing him, her shoulders naked of Robin's jacket, exposed with her form-fitting shirt, long sleeves ripped out of its seams. On her legs was a black skirt that he had never seen before in his life. Her violet hair snarled.

Raven shifted around on the stool.

He could finally make out her face and silently cursed himself for looking. Through the fluorescent lighting of the kitchen, tears shone on her cheeks. Dry trails were on her sallow skin. Her eyes held no moisture, but the clear pain radiating from them was enough to break his heart. Even a total mess, she had an unstoppable beauty. For a second, he felt the pressure of a childhood crush.

Raven stood up and took a step forward, but her stature was no longer hunched nor despairing.

The color in her eyes disappeared along with all life.

 _Black_ shimmered.

His primal instincts were going off, but he tried to console her. He would have crossed lava fields to make sure she was okay.

"Rae? What's wrong?" Her face indifferent, she summoned black flames with one hand.

Imperceptible power burst around her, flapping her skirt hem about her thin calves. Thrusting her palm out swiftly, Raven engulfed him in flames.

*

Robin was worried.

Doubtless, he hated to admit when he was paranoid. At that moment when Gabriella Bendson fell into his arms, hysterically sobbing on the account of the carnage that was once her son, her little Gaby, his mind separated from his body. His thoughts were elsewhere. Something in him told him to go home.

Go to the Tower.

Something not right. Too much time had already been wasted.

Beginnings of something dire, the very scent of it clinging to precious oxygen, filling his lungs with imaginary poison.

The lamenting mother found no relief in the embrace of the aloof, young hero and was carried off heavily sedated by paramedics. As the crowd became even more packed with prying and interested eyes of their citizens, his out-of-body experience threatened to progress further if not amber-skinned arms had shaken him.

"Friend Robin? Speak please."

His limbs became heavier as reality set in. He discovered her standing directly in front of him and grasping the soft flesh of her lower arms, releasing from the contact. The gravity in bright green burnt a hole in his head and startled him slightly. The only time he could ever remember seeing Starfire's attitude so somber was when she convinced him to leave the training room to work things out on a flawed trust.

A trust he'd broken.

A trust _she'd_ broken.

If there were deficiencies in trust, he thought love could overcome them.

... Had he been wrong?

Starfire's uncertain hands touched the fold of his green sleeves. She had been waiting for him to say something.

"What is it, Star?" Robin said, quietly.

She bit her lower lip.

"I think we should go home. I have a strange feeling that we are needed."

"You too?"

Starfire released him as he did the same. A long trembling breath escaped her. "I fear for our friends and I am not sure why." Robin gestured for her to follow, backing out of the mass gathering around the murder scene and to where Cyborg stood by the T-Car.

"We're leaving," he told Starfire. "Try calling Beast Boy."

She pulled out her Titans communicator and it rang unanswered for the entire trip. Starfire snapped the lid, murmuring restlessly, "It's getting worse." Above the sharp rocks in the bay, they approached their unlit building. Cyborg examined the entrance's mammoth double doors.

"You might have a good reason, Star. Who left the doors wide open?"

"Has another intruder broken in?" she asked, nervously.

"Weren't you suppose to change the code?" said Robin with an accusing tone.

"Man, I did! I'm just as clueless to what's going on as you are!"

Robin cracked his knuckles, unaware that he was doing it out of habit.

"It's too obvious. X has his ways. As long as Raven and Beast Boy are alright."

"They can handle themselves."

Cyborg sounded so confident, so believable.

' _Pretty words,'_ mumbled a newly acquired cynical part of Robin.

They split up. After inspecting the closest room, the observation room, Robin found the place undamaged and untouched. The sun wasn't due to rise until a few more hours, so it was somewhat difficult for everyone to walk around. The robotic man disappeared to fix the circuit breaker and came back into the room within seconds, electricity dimming on and off.

"Red X messed with my systems pretty good."

"Find anyone?"

Cyborg replied, shaking his head, "I wonder if they got him and took off."

"Not likely." Robin switched to a different subject as the tin-man checked the security cameras. "You and Star talked to the police?"

"They don't know a damn thing." Cyborg said, pressing a button on the switchboard annoyed, "There's no evidence."

"What do you mean there's no evidence? What about DNA testing from the clawing?"

Cyborg repeated, looking firmly at his tall leader, "Like I said, there's nothing. No traces of someone else's fingerprints or nails. It's like the kid was ripped apart by something invisible... by magic or-"

" _AHHHHHHHHHHH!"_

Both Titans went into action, readying their weapons and skating down the corridor to the North side where the screaming still echoed deafeningly. Into the operations center where visual quality was quite decent. Robin sprinted across the lounging chairs to the alien woman who glanced at her environment with tiny eyebrows rising on her high forehead. He panted, clutching at the knot in his side, "What's going on? Starfire, are you alright?" She kept glancing left, very confused.

"I am fine, Robin."

"Then why did you scream?"

Her red eyebrows scrunched together further.

"I was not the one who did the screaming," she said.

Cyborg cut in, protesting, "But we heard it come from here."

Starfire shrugged, wide eyes staring to the side.

"It was not me."

*

 


	17. Chapter 17

*

"Starfire, this is not a good time to be joking around."

She blinked slowly. "I am not doing the joking. I did not scream. I heard it coming from a different source."

Robin rubbed the bridge of his nose, mumbling incoherently, "Now we're all hearing things..."

"Y'all?" Cyborg suddenly lifted his head and sniffed the air. "Smell that?"

Starfire followed, green eyes widening in recognition.

"The burning of synthetic leather fabric and titanium."

"Where's it coming from?"

"Here," Robin said, bending down in the corner of the room. Cyborg and Starfire stared dismayed at giant blackened scorch marks covering the kitchen's countertop. Ten inches from where their leader crouched was a small boot print of red cluing entrance into another hallway.

"The misery will never end," Starfire murmured, making the Tamaranean symbol of healing over her breasts.

"Cyborg, get a sample."

Robin stepped aside to let the other man by. As Cyborg's portable DNA scanner went to work, the Titans followed the thin path, watching the red grow darker. The dimness of the hallway was not the one affecting the color. Outside the medical sector, Robin asked for the scanner's results. The human robot said unsteadily, " _Man..._ you don't want to know."

A white and black mask gazed in his exact direction, concealing an utmost serious facial cast.

"You don't want to tell me, so I already know."

Starfire squealed frantically, her entire body shaking with the struggle of keeping her fear back, " _Where are our friends_? I wish to speak to them! I wish to know they are okay now!"

"Calm down, Star," Cyborg said gently. "Just... we'll find them."

"Or we'll find something else," Robin finished darkly, punching the unlocking code on the sector's number pad.

As they cautiously glanced around, he knelt beside the nearest cot, his fingertips grazing the ends of the sterile sheets. A glob of dried blood stained an end. After a few minutes of listening to restless shuffling coming from the other side of the sector, Cyborg called for him. The robotic man held Starfire by the shoulders, blocking her view from the bathroom doorway he stood in.

"No, _Star!_ I can't let you go in. I'm doing this for your own sake."

The skin on Cyborg's face shone ashy with stress.

Robin said, calmly, "Cyborg, let her go. We don't hide things from each other."

He obeyed his orders grudgingly and thick eyebrows cringed, his dark eye shutting when the Tamaranean's distraught shrieking reverberated in empty walls. She ran straight out of the medical sector, never stopping to pick up the fallen tray of various medicines she crashed into on her way out. Steel toed boots crushed broken vials on the tiled floor. Cyborg spat bitterly at him as he allowed his leader access to the cramped lavatory, "She could have lived without seeing that you know."

"Take it up with me when we're not trying to save lives," Robin remarked, his hand on the wall.

Next to it was a bloody hand print, slightly smaller than his own hand. He was about to tell his teammate to take a sample off the imprint when something else distracted him. A putrid smell.

"... What is that?"

Cyborg's voice became low and thick with emotion, "Rob... I'm gonna ask you right now if you wanna get the hell out of here and go find Star. Listen to me... you _don't_ need to see this."

Robin's pride got the best of him. He snapped, cape fluttering as he whirled around the lavatory, "You can be the protective big brother to Starfire, but I won't be treated like a little-" A heart took a stuttering beat. His legs went out from under him and Cyborg caught him under the armpits.

" _Whoa..._! Robin- man-?"

He was completely thrown off by his leader's sudden loss of self-control.

The Teen Titan's leader regained his sense of footing and hurried out of the medical sector just as fast as Starfire had moments ago. There was no control in Dick Grayson. He was neither Dick nor Robin at that point, just a stricken mind and a paralyzed body. A body that wouldn't stop running.

The cool, dawn air rushed into his lungs as he banged the rooftop door wide open and staggered onto the volleyball court as if seriously wounded. His hands slid up his face and he ripped away his only physical manifestation of armor, his eyes squeezed tightly and leaking. His anger... his pain... his doubt surfaced in one gut-wrenching scream into his wet hands.

_RED-  so much of it - dark shape - covered in Raven's blood -_

Through mouthfuls of air, he vomited.

His yellow and black cape swept behind his sweat-bathed back and tossed itself over his head, screening him from the heat of day begging to stroke him. What seemed like hours took only several minutes. He drew himself up on his feet, steady as ever, gripping the pole of the volleyball net.

Robin wiped his chin with an moan of effort and kicked his mask away as the wind carried it off the edge of the Tower, sinking out of sight... as if it had no use to him anymore.

In the stairwell, a grave-looking Starfire met with him. Starfire held up a piece of paper and shoved it into his hand.

He asked quietly what it was.

"Instructions. Friend Raven and Garfield have been taken."

His face deadpan, he continued downstairs with measured steps, hanging onto the banister if support was needed. Starfire gazed at his unmasked face as they left the darkened stairwell, commenting, "You are pale." Robin wiped his hot, moist forehead with cold palms.

"I'll be fine. Where's Cyborg?"

Soft mumbling.

"Starfire?"

"... _cleaning_."

He massaged his throat when it clenched, the muscles in his jaw tightening.

"Tell him we need to leave. Now."

*

_A sickening pop._

_Utter agony crawled up his already busted arm._

_"You might want to get that checked out."_

_A joke..._

*

How many places looked identical to this? How many times did he visit these places in his nightmares?

The cold black, the splintered concrete foundation, the badly lit atmosphere, the vast emptiness of a warehouse by the docks. Aching in his lesions.

Alone.

Her presence was gone. Same thoughts. Why did she attack him? Why dark flames to swallow him whole? Why did he hear Red X's motorized voice? Why drag him here? Why wasn't he dead yet? If this was truly happening, and he had a solid feeling it _was,_ then what was Raven waiting for?

The torture inflicted on him was the worst physically.

Mentally, emotionally, he was already dead to her. There was nothing else to break that was not already broken. There was nothing to tear at. A part of him, the deepest most intimately untouchable was hopeful - even stuck in _this_ , he was hopeful... the secret thought _that_ -

She was back.

Black eyes glowing, the empath walked in with a knowing stride. Hauntingly familiar. She was obviously pleased.

"Everything's going to plan." Her foot planted under him and flipped him onto his back. Raven crouched down over him to carelessly turn the unwrinkled side of his face towards her. "We should celebrate." Her sweet breath mingled with his breathing. She licked the dribble of blood pinched from his swollen right eye, openly relishing the sensation. Garfield flinched inwardly, hating her wicked tongue. Her black eyes.

"You..."

Raven ran a thumb over his cheek where it would scar the most over time. She waited him to finish his sentence with unnatural patience.

"... _You aren't Raven_."

A haughty laugh came deep within her chest cavity.

"And what makes you say that, Beast Boy?"

His chest violently heaved as Garfield whispered on the icy floor, his good eye shining intentionally, "Because Raven doesn't call me that anymore."

She pulled on a more solemn expression, amusement washing away.

"I'll call you whatever I want, whenever I want. I'm glad to hear you are speaking to me, for the moment I thought you were truly lost to me."

"... I'll bet. I don't know what you've done to her but I _swear_..."

Raven rose to her feet and placed a boot against his temple, gradually applying pressure.

"I don't approve of swearing." He grimaced blood-smeared teeth. "I am Raven whether you want to believe it or not. Frankly, I don't care because I'm going to kill you anyway."

"I know... who you are."

"Pray tell," she said inquisitively fascinated, her nails brushing the end of her chin. "Do you now?"

The green-skinned changeling bared his fang.

"Raven knew and we didn't listen to her."

She grinned, baring her own teeth.

"So you _do_ have a brain in that fractured skull of yours? Hmm. The Titans are coming. Don't get your hopes up, boy. By the time they find you, you'll be a mere hollow of what was once living. A mass. Just like Robin's precious treasure." Garfield's good eye widened impossibly big.

"What... did you do to her?"

When there wasn't an answer, he growled ruthlessly, throwing himself at her face with the strength he had been collecting. Strength through unbridled rage. "... _What did you do_?"

The grin on her gray face became furthermore twisted.

"Nothing I didn't let happen," she explained. "Why do you care, Beast Boy...? It wasn't _your_ love child."

Craze sweltered and spread in his veins.

" _I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"_ Garfield screamed, transforming into a ferocious mountain lion. He dug his paws into the ground and roared blood-curdlingly.

She just looked on with that twisted grin.

X called out in the distance, "We've got company!"

Raven replied loudly, holding out her hands, "Handle it. I've got business to conclude."

The green lion sprang into the air for her ankle and she landed heavily on her feet, blocking and ducking his animal assaults too well for an inexperienced martial artist. She sent him up against a metal bench with a wave of black energy, and then his human form slammed into a wall. Raven closed her slender hands around his windpipe, little by little, cutting off his life.

"You're hardly an opponent, little _boy_. You should have practiced more. Too bad you'll never get a second chance."

"You... are... not... Rae."

Suddenly, she lifted her face up to stare at nothing in particular, her pupils reappearing and dilated.

A soft murmur issued between her colorless lips, " _Get your hands off him…_ " Raven looked back at his blanching face with black eyes, though not speaking to him. "It's on your hands. It's always been on your hands." Garfield watched blankly, his pulse slowing, as she jerked her neck in a sluggish circle, muttering gibberish. Raven hissed, dropping him onto the floor in a heap and began clawing at her shirt, "... Damn you, silly girl..."

Shoved out of her chest, a silvery cloud and a blue soul-self fought above the floating woman. The fog retreated into the shadows to find a host and the raven emerged into a lowered, shuddering body next to the boy. Violet eyes opened weakly.

" _Gar..._ "

Steam hissing. Distant cries. Raven sat up off the hard concrete to hold Garfield's battered skull in her hands, shaking her purple strands.

" _Please_... I.. I didn't mean for..."

No aura. No light. No beat.

A jade eye glittered like a glass marble.

"I..."

' _You killed him.'_

*

The Oil Warehouse. Figures.

In fighting stance, he hid in the deepest crevices of shadows behind huge piping coming from the ground to the top of the ceiling. The other two stood in their respectable places. Robin offhandedly tapped the duct with his unsheathed Bo-Staff twice. They had tripped the alert earlier. He had counted approximately thirty visible and lank figures advancing. Whether they were human or robot he couldn't tell. Far better for him if it was the latter, he wouldn't have to hold back.

"Cyborg, Starfire, take them down!"

They went into action. The human robot shouted over the blasts of the Sonic Cannon, " _What are you going to do_?"

Something exploded with a red flare a foot away. A tattered, black cape swept around a lean frame. A phantom in a skull mask motioned to him.

"I've got back-up security covered." Robin kept himself shaded away, twirling his Staff. "That right, X. Your employer here?"

Red X picked up a heavy, brass cylinder, imitating his twirling. "Can't leave the plans ignored. Glad to see me?"

"I'll be glad when I get my friends back."

"I wouldn't worry about them right now, Kid." X thrust Robin backwards, pinning his neck to the wall with his weapon. "I'd worry about getting my ass kicked."

"Not gonna happen."

Robin knocked him off and they fought hidden into the gloom of the building; the occasional flash of blue, of yellow, and streak of green lit up their surroundings. X bashed him across the face hard and Robin slide underneath the conveyor belt. The thief reached for the fallen Bo-Staff when it suddenly vanished on the spot. X looked up alarmed as Robin materialized in front of him. "Nice try."

"You stole my technology."

"It was _mine_ and I'm stealing it back," Robin replied. A swinging light above their heads cast shadows on their features. Shadowless was Robin's unusable white eyes.

X became greatly unnerved by the sight.

"How did when you... you're bl..."

"You don't watch a lot of news, do you?"

With a neat shot to the abdomen, Robin rendered Red X an crumpled ball on the concrete. "Goodnight - don't expect me to tell you a bedtime story, _Kid_." With that being said, Robin unbuckled X's utility belt and tucked it away. Following complete intuition, he leapt up a single case of rickety steps closest to him to find a higher level of vacant-ness.

Almost vacant.

A woman in black took a body into her arms, pressing her face into gold blond, whispering muffled words into the hair.

A woman with violet hair.

"R-" He stumbled over a solid object, a jutting foot of a man just inches from him.

Was he... sleeping? He wasn't moving.

His Bo-Staff retracted.

Robin took another step forward, purposely missing the sleeping man, trying to ignore this terrible feeling he was getting. Like poison in the air - like at the park. Raven never saw as she glanced at her side at something approaching her on her other side and screamed at the top of her lungs.

A cloud of silvery air enveloped her.

" _Raven!_ "

She attempted to repeal it by getting to her feet and batting it away with her fingertips unsuccessfully. He had no idea what was happening but it wasn't right - this _thing_ was trying to hurt her. Before he could hope to stop a horrific process, the silver cloud took shape of a spiral, winding around her, and with a final spin, withdrew into her.

Fright replaced by cool superiority.

The glare she sent at Robin so suddenly produced the strangest ripple of queasiness in his stomach.

He held up his hands. "Raven-"

An awful coldness seized him as she lifted his body telepathically and discovered a few creative ways to injure him against a ceiling. With his head ringing, Robin dropped ten feet onto the floor, thankfully not on any body parts. He picked himself up with his elbows and muttered breathlessly, "... _Sorry_ , babe."

Twenty or so Smoke Pellets and his new Stunner Bombs went off around her writhing silhouette.

Robin dodged flying fragments of sharp metal she threw haphazardly in all directions, crawling on his hands and knees beside the body laying neatly folded. He stopped in the middle of sitting down, stretching his bleeding neck with a groan, and lightly prodded the form.

Robin felt soft locks, disfigured flesh, lashes wide open, but somehow he couldn't identify the person. There was nothing to read.

She appeared over them, laughing viciously.

"Cry for him. Cry those white eyes. I want to see you shriveling and vulnerable with grief."

He replied, keeping one hand on his utility belt, "I don't know who he is."

"Think on it, Robin... who could possibly be trapped here, endlessly being tortured for my enjoyment until his little heart gave out from the stress? Well?"

Robin let go of the dead teenager, swearing under his breath.

"He died clever, if it's any consolation to you. Clever than the rest of you. Raven knew the truth when it revealed itself clearly to her face."

 _Ding_ went the bulb above the hero's head. By then, it was too late to reverse the damage. Raven lost her hard exterior. "... Of course, I was always evil, I had a bigger destin-" Robin rammed her back against the nearest pipe, his hands squeezing her shoulders back.

He demanded, angrily, " _Slade_ , get out of her!"

Black eyes narrowed.

"You'll have to fight me for her, my old apprentice."

Robin stooped in his fighting stance, elbows out and teeth gritting, not unsure at the least to battle him. Raven flew upwards then backed away, shrilly shrieking. The high whining made his ears sting. He grabbed his ears to plug them up from the god-awful noise and the empath dropped midair to land on her feet, chest rising and falling in a rapid near-hyperventilation spewing from her white-lipped mouth.

She clenched her fists, unblinking eyes switching rapidly to blue.

Black. Blue. Black. _Blue_.

Her own toneless voice poured out, laced with fear, "Kill me... if you love me... do it..."

One of Raven's hands unclenched and tore at the V-neck of her shirt, leaving gapes of sallow skin on her neckline visible.

She snapped frontward, soundlessly crying out. The only thing escaping her open mouth was the silvery cloud. It hovered motionless inches above her head. She drew herself up still and statuesque. In between that time, Robin was already sprinting across the floor.

Raven was _glowing_.

Glowing the dark blue of her powers. Her eyes, her hair, her skin, her clothes were blue.

Her arms moved out, her balance wavered.

At the last second, he caught her soft, yielding figure, the top of her head fell to touch his lips and chin. When Raven gazed up surprised to find herself in the arms of her lover, Robin wanted to say so many things to her. To say his relief that none of it was her fault. To acknowledge that she had been _right_.

But only hate and love emitted from his unseeing eyes.

Robin cradled the back of her neck in the crook of his arm, mutely.

The dark boot of the sleeping man disappeared.

Slade watched them from the staircase, leaning on the railing, one foot crossed over the other.

She lifted her head up to stare at their enemy, her stare unreadable. Weakly, Raven pushing her leader away when he tried to assist her. His gloved hand enclosed around hers, very startled to find it as cold as the blue indicated. "Raven, what are you doing?"

She replied slowly and coolly, "Find the others. Get out. Stop any Slade bots you can outside. Let me go."

Her glowing fingers slipped out of his grasp. A yellow cape disappeared to find another exit. Raven stood up and said monotonously to the orange and black masked man, losing her serene expression to something much more hostile, "What an ability... snatching bodies...? There's nothing I like better than having a filthy parasite invade my flesh."

"You damnable creature."

"No, Slade, _you_ are damned," Raven tilted her blue head as they began circling each other. "You like games, don't you, _Terminator_? Let's play the game of 'Guess how much restraint Raven has before she sends you to the darkest flaming corner of Hell in pieces'. _That_ sound good to you?"

"Little girl, you do not frighten me."

She smirked. "I beg to differ, your heart rate and perspiration count increases tenfold every time I take a step closer to you."

Slade ducked a blow of energy, his mechanical voice declining on the superiority, "Remember your destiny. You need me-"

"What _I_ need -" Raven kicked him across the face with a grunt. "- is for you to suffer the Bubonic Plague, tuberculosis, and a total system failure, but even that won't cover it. You ruined everything, Slade. And you will pay," she finished matter-of-factly. He spat blood drizzling through the slits of his face mask.

"... _destiny_ …"

"Get over it. My destiny wasn't meant for the destruction of good or my friends. It was you. The _Immortal_. The evil that won't rest. If someone has to make you then it's the least I can do..." Raven engulfed him in pulsing power and crushed him, his body digging into the bricks and the Oil Warehouse roared briefly.

"for Gabriel Bendson..."

She blasted surge after surge of energy to suffocate him.

"for Terra Markov..."

Wind blowing her skirt and hair.

"for Garfield Logan..."

Slade screamed endlessly.

"for Dick Grayson, every drop of blood you spilled, every bruise on his body, every nightmare you were responsible for!"

Eyes gently narrow. Torment.

"... _this is for my unborn child..."_

The criminal went flying into the warehouse's control room, the switchboards sparked with an array of colors.

She stood looking down at his crumpled form.

"You took everything from me... my life... my love... my sanity..."

Raven pulled him up by the blood-soaked collar with a blue hand, dangerously close for his weakening heart.

"I want nothing more than to kill you. I'd be _more_ than willing to spend an eternity in purgatory for your demise. To make you suffer like I had. But I'll leave it up to you."

Seeping gas somewhere. Minutes tops.

Quickly, he took off his mask. His only eye dark brown and glittering. The other mere scar tissue. His features threatening and chiseled. Hair of an almost recognizable jet black. Sour breath flooded her face as he pressed his man lips to her numbed ones. Impassively, Raven watched his head dangle back with a satisfied sigh.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos."

To the kidneys. One shot knocked him out with unadulterated pain. With a thick accent, she cursed him in her native language.

" _Enjoy Hell, you son of a bitch."_

With every ounce of will power left in her, she ascended up the tall building, passing through many levels without trying and hovering high above it as it exploded into a giant red fireball. A major fire... a gas leak. A mushroom of black smoke and cinders extinguished the early morning clouds.

Firefighters scrambled on the street below, police men and women yelled out orders to the gathering mob of onlookers.

Some strangers horrified, others smiling seldom at the spectacle. A mile back from the inferno, Raven sank onto the street. Passing fire trucks slowed to gawk at the violet-colored, young woman. She went up to the nearest sooty officer and held out the Slade mask, pushing it into already full arms. "Merry Christmas."

The officer shouted after her as the soot-covered empath walked at a leisurely pace through the ignorant crowd of running human-beings.

*

Absently, Raven rubbed her skin.

Why was it still blue?

As hours dulled, it eventually faded all over but a new tingling seized control of her every ten minutes, getting annoying fast.

She had been sent to the medical sector immediately upon return to Titans Tower for the loss of blood. Her friends got out fine apparently. Cyborg told her that he didn't have an answer for her condition. No one breathed a word about Beast Boy. Until that afternoon, Raven refused to do anything before then. She swallowed her required medication. She didn't meditate (Azar knew she needed more than anything else). She didn't eat. She didn't get out of her room. It may have been the biggest mistake to have later.

The capability to cry left her long ago.

Her thoughts were disconnected and mixed with Slade, Beast Boy, the smiles on strange faces, and Robin.

Raven buried her face into a hand, closing her eyes. The craving to see him again, his tri-colored costume, his wild hair, his powerful aura that only she could see. It was becoming unbearable to avoid him after what just happened.

Damn what he said. She _was_ able to love him. He had to know.

' _I can't take it...'_

Raven dashed out of her room, materializing through walls as if they were made of water, entering the main room to shout his name over and over. Cyborg and Starfire, sitting in some chairs, jumped up alarmed at her frantic arrival. "Where is he? I know you know where he is... where is he?" she insisted.

"Rae, _Rae_ , it's okay. We're going to help you," Cyborg reassured softly, hiding a syringe. She spun around to Starfire near tears.

"No! I'm not crazy, where is he?"

The alien woman held the other woman in a comforting embrace, giving an scowl to the half robot.

"Friend Cyborg will not hurt you. We care for you, Raven."

"It's not gonna hurt her, Star. It's a sedative."

Starfire protectively turned Raven away.

"No! You will not do this sedation ritual when it scares her!" In the process of heatedly arguing with Cyborg, she did not notice that Raven's attention drifted elsewhere.

The empath yanked herself away and plopped into an office rolling seat near the communications computer. She withdrew from sitting quietly and reading the computer screen after a few minutes, gasping once rigidly.

The Titans picked up the discard of the rolling chair flipping sideways as the blue, glowing female outline vaporized out of the room.

Cyborg scratched his head, forgetting the needle on the table.

"What... was that?"

Starfire glanced at the computer.

"Friend, there is something there."

They stooped down to ogle.

An email.

* * *

**Raven,**

**This message is meant for you, and only for you. Your teammates will get their own when I can come up with something** **.**

**I can't tell you where I am. I'm safe, that at least I can tell you. And that I'm not coming back to the Tower. We always said we'd find a different city to protect and defend when we grew up. I've found mine. It's been in my thoughts for quite a while and my decision has been made.**

**There's plenty of business. I'll be taken care of, and you can control the Teen Titans. I'm leaving you and Cyborg in charge; if you weren't capable I wouldn't have bothered. I'm not proud to be telling you this in a letter instead of in person. For my own selfish reasons I left without saying goodbye. I can't stand holding you in my arms and knowing and seeing those lies we told each other. I can't live in the Tower with the memory of what I found. I can't promise one day we'll see each other.**

**Don't try to find me. I won't be traceable. I think I truly love you. I know I did love you but we can't be together like this. How can we be together when we can't trust each other? I know you'll be better off with the team. You'll be better off without me here to hurt you. Everything you'll need is left in my room.**

**Delete this.**

**Robin**

* * *

Cyborg cracked his knuckles loudly, his outer anger clouding his utter dismay.

"That spiky-haired punk."

Starfire wiped her green eyes, lips trembling. It became too much to bear as she gave way to tears.

Somewhere in the Tower, an overwhelming _thud_ of a necklace.

*

 


	18. Chapter 18

*

Epilogue (Present) - 1/3

*

Images of the past seeped out of her memory.

Five years it took for the night terrors to vanish. Raven couldn't remember a time now where she dreamed something that would haunt her well into the day. Maybe it was a sign she was growing up. Maybe she was just lucky that way.

Garfield's death wasn't a nightmare. She couldn't meditate that away.

The echoing of car horns and the fast-paced discussions about the annual food drive at the new high school invaded her mental space. She pulled back her long bangs from her forehead, letting herself get lost in the far-away voices and got off her knees, staring blandly at the bronze engraved name and grinning yellowed illustrations scattered across the grave. A solitary teddy bear sat on its side near the marker, arms open to the world.

With a well-placed reason, Raven set the teddy bear in the bushels of flowers.

After thinking about it, she picked up the stuffed animal and hugged it in her arms, walking down the graveyard trail once more.

Down a quarter of a mile to the entrance, the empath arranged the button-nose bear on a smaller grave surrounded by sky blue balloons. A frame of an auburn-haired child in green shorts and a red shirt, posing like his favorite superhero.

It did not make any sense that she didn't feel guilt for Gabriel's death. That somehow it didn't hurt her as much. It was difficult to explain to Gloria Esteban when she had a meeting with her. Upon hearing the notion of bringing Gabriella Bendson for a trio discussion, Raven stopped taking the psychiatrist's calls. She couldn't bring herself face-to-face with the mother of the child Robin had saved in exchange for a piece of himself. And then had been slaughtered by her hands.

As she absently stared at the picture frame, a flame of pain went up her chest. After clearing her throat, a curious feeling went down her spine. Brush of silver on her neck.

"Whatever money you got - hand it over, sweetheart."

_'Gunpoint... how it brings back memories.'_

Instead of panicking like a normal person, she sighed drearily.

"Have you been following me this entire time or am I just the lucky winner today?"

The gruff voice associated with the revolver digging into her neck, darkened, "Shut the fuck up and hand-"

Her eyebrows lowered puzzled as the metal abruptly removed itself from her person.

Raven spun around to find the gun laying abandoned on the mud sewn ground and the gunman gone... within seconds. No other footprints in the mud. No sudden noises. Positively silent. She peered out of the gates of Maywood to glimpse at shadows merging into the alleyway across the street.

"Azarath... Metrion... _Zinthos_."

From behind the white marble angel statue, a giant raven raised high in the air and plunged into the upper levels of the buildings. It perched itself on a tall fence in the darkness, gazing out at the more defined shadows. One of them trembled near a couple of garbage cans and the other struck one aside. The gunman, so guessed the raven, was the one whimpering for mercy. The one blending with the shadows threw the gunman on the brick wall.

"You are the _last_ person I expected to see here, Grant. Does your boss know you are trying to steal off harmless women in a town he has no connections to?"

" _I-I_ didn't..."

"Didn't mean to? You don't mean to do a lot of things, do you?"

"He-he doesn't-"

"He doesn't control this city. He'd have your head if he knew you were here, breaking the rules." The shadow man, the raven knew because of the coarse tone, said squarely, "The police will be on you in fifteen seconds. I'd start running." The gunman let out a frightened squeak, contrasting greatly to his earlier gruff façade, and scrambled out of the alley to smack into several cans, gripping the wall for aid and disappearing through the early morning streetlights.

By then, Raven had returned to her body and was on her way over to the mysterious do-gooder.

With menacing and strong hands, she physically grabbed the man around the throat as he stepped out into the street, slamming him beneath the nearest streetlamp, and making a large indent with his body. She demanded at full volume, "Who the _hell_ do you think you are, you idiot?"

He twisted in her grasp but her powers outmatched his strength. His muscles in his biceps loosened. He asked grumpily, "If you could have taken him back there... then why were you standing around acting like you were helpless?"

"I wasn't acting like _anything_. Now answer my question."

"Miss, I don't want to hurt you."

"Believe me, it won't be as easy as you make it out to be."

He struggled to free himself by yanking her arms (damn, he _was_ strong) but Raven was even more-so and constricted his windpipe a little more. Her acts spoke for her personality. "Don't even _think_ about pulling anything. I don't know who you are... I don't care even if you did save me from a bullet... but this is _my_ city. And I want your wannabe superhero ass out of here."

She eyed him up and down, half regretting her remark. The guy had nice calves in black spandex, and she was digging those steel-toed boots.

"Like what you see?" The man raised an eyebrow under his black, V-shaped mask - an ugly mask really. Her cheeks flushed without warning and she lessened her brutal force against him. He crossed his arms and said to her as if she was stupid, still pinned, "No offense to you, Miss, but this city belongs to the Teen Titans."

"Four years ago maybe, but they don't exist anymore."

Shock, unchecked and innocent, poured from his aura.

"You're... serious."

"Of course I am. I'm the one who protects Jump City now."

"And do you have a name...?"

She blinked. "What, have you been living in a hole? The situation going on on this side of California have been broadcast nationwide."

He said, apathetically, "I don't watch a lot of TV these days. Listen, I'm on my way to Titans Tower to visit my-"

"Are you deaf? I just said that the Teen Titans are gone. Cyborg and Starfire don't live there anymore."

He murmured, a hidden dread vibrating somewhere underneath his rough voice, "... What about Raven? What happened to her?"

Slowly, the empath let go off his uniform and held out her hands.

"You're looking at her, buddy."

Complete astonished silence.

"...You can't be."

Raven pushed back her annoying bangs. "I'm the one and only here. Since I've answered your question, it's only fair you answer mine. _Who_ are you?"

He straightened his back and unfolded his arms, taking his time to reveal the blue insignia printed on his broad chest.

"Nightwing."

Raven stared at the bird on his costume, partially entranced. "Why do I know I've seen that before...?"

An uncertain smirk touched his softly defined lips.

"It wouldn't surprise me... you always had a knack for getting into other people's business."

She stared at him instead.

"Who are you _really_ because you're starting to freak me out." Raven backed up a step, her shoulders brushed the brick wall when he took one forward.

"I had a different alias... some people knew my real name, my one in Gotham... but most people just called me Robin."

 _'... Azar, how, how could I have_ _missed the boots?'_

One of his fingers accidentally grazed her windbreaker.

"If you are Raven, then where is your ruby gem? I mean... it's not removable is it?"

"First off, it's called a _chakra_. Second, if you're Robin, then why... are you _here_?" She refused to look at him, at this imposter. Robin would never willingly come back to this place. She knew this at the bottom of her heart. Or what was left of it.

Nightwing said, sternly, "Don't call me Robin, I'm Nightwing. I'd appreciate it if you'd get my name right."

_\- we've danced this dance before -_

"I don't know anyone by the name of Nightwing. I only knew a Robin and I especially know the last thing he would want is to be here. Where I am." Raven tangled her fingers into her unkempt black-brown waves and shook her head. " _Just..._ Nightwing, Robin, whoever you are, leave me alone. I don't need this."

A cool, gloved hand held her elbow, causing her to recoil from the human contact.

"What would I have to say to make you believe I was Robin?"

"Something pretty damn convincing."

He seemed to be thinking hard. His hand released her after a full minute.

"Well, I can't think of what to say." Nightwing drew a hand to the back of his head. "I guess I'll just have to show you."

She was about to leave this nutjob to his games until an ebony-colored mask gently closed into her hands, his large fingers slipping over hers. Raven glanced up. A faint scar creased his left eyebrow. Milky white eyes shone blankly from an exceedingly handsome face. Invisible blue rings encircled nonexistent pupils. Raven impulsively touched his stubbled cheek. The roundness of jaw slimmed out and hardened but his darkly tanned skin was so soft.

" _Azar's ghost..._ "

He chuckled, his breath smelling like home. The sweetness of Chinese food, delicious sauce of the pizza they used to order almost every night and not gain a pound on.

"I haven't heard that one before, Rav."

How long had it been since she heard that nickname pass his lips? At that moment, she didn't know what to do.

" _Robin..._ "

Nightwing didn't bother to correct her as she wrapped her long arms around his waist and pressed her nose against his. Her heavy, sweet breathing tickled his neck. He protested with a jumbled sentence. Raven touched the backs of her fingers tenderly on his mouth.

His sightless eyes shut. " _I haven't..._ " he began.

" _Don't worry about it_..." Raven caressed his almost waist-length, silky hair, lowering her blushing lips lightly to his ear. " _No more talking_."

He unzipped her windbreaker clumsily, careful not to move her, and encased his arm around her back and gave her a kiss that melted the cold, unmerciful cages trapping their souls.

(-I can't lie to you loyal readers, sorry-)

What actually happened was Nightwing was only inches from kissing her. They were so caught up in what they'll later call 'the _illusion_ of love' - that an outside stimulus brought them out of their trance with a jolt.

They got back their arms and Nightwing went for his black, utility belt, pulling out what looked like a Titans Communicator except it had a blue symbol.

He flipped it open. "Report."

Raven rolled her eyes, zipping back up her windbreaker.

' _Business, business, I... oh dear Azar, did I almost_ kiss _him?'_

She was disgusted with herself and shivered, although not able to place the type. Nightwing suddenly grabbed her by the jacket, tugging her down the sidewalk.

"Let's go."

Raven shoved him away, frowning deeply.

"Keep your hands off me," she snapped. "Now, where were you dragging me off to?"

"Trouble downtown."

Fury switched to wariness.

"Where are you getting your information?" she questioned.

He coughed, preoccupying his time with tying on his mask. " _Nowhere special_ \- You got any transportation?"

"Legs. Works out great."

Raven gestured to herself.

When her hands hovered over the shape of her hips, Nightwing allowed himself a second to focus his attention on that certain area and then stopped himself. "Yeah... until you need to get across the intersection. We'll take mine," Nightwing said, starting to walk and replied when she didn't follow, "Plan on standing there all day?"

She folded her arms and went with him into a dead-end street. Raven saw it and protested, shaking her head insistently.

"No. _No_."

He said exasperated, sitting down on his newly painted motorcycle, "I'm not going to argue with you. You gonna fly or ride?"

She snorted.

"With the experiences I've had on that contraption, I'd be more than willing to _crawl_."

He shrugged, buckling his helmet chinstrap, his voice muffled behind his visor, "Suit yourself."

The engine revved up faintly, then became increasingly thunderous. Her temple throbbed.

"I'm gonna regret it," she told him as the empath climbed onto the back, ignoring the fact that she had him between her legs. Ah, no bad thoughts - there was nothing provocative about crime fighting; that's _all_ they were doing. Saving lives.

Nightwing suggested, smirking into his visor, "Helmet?"

"Just go, Bird-Brain. The sooner the - **AAAAAAAIIIIIEEEE**!"

They sped down the highway at a speed Raven didn't think existed. He drove at a reckless swiftness with scared her senseless. They maneuvered in and out of SUVs, convertibles, and an enormous cement truck. Her arms flailed out in alarm and grabbed whatever was solid and steady in front of her. They went across Nightwing's chest and squeezed him securely. His laughter caught her roaring ears, "Still want that helmet?"

He reached for a compartment and Raven screamed in an unfamiliar high-pitch when a semi turned into their lane. Nightwing crossed out of the lane at the last second and calmly handed her the extra blue helmet.

She shouted angrily, as it went over her head, "You did that on purpose, you dick!"

"You're only halfway right."

She muttered, holding onto him tighter, "Either way it makes me feel so much- _ooofff_!" They veered around a curve and kept a rapid acceleration on an empty road. Raven spoke up over the rushing wind, after collecting her wits, "Who is Grant?"

"Your everyday drug dealer and thief. The police have him though. They know their business wouldn't last in Jump City."

"Why is that?"

She was interested in his honest reply. A quick peek of a darkened face shield.

"There's too many incorruptible people here more than able to stop them." Nightwing added quietly, "By the way, the whole thing... earlier..." Raven remained silent and raised a curious eyebrow. "The... thing... I don't want to talk about right now. Pretend it never happened, alright?"

"That's usually my line," she said, deliberately.

His tone shifted to irritation. "I'm being serious, Raven."

"Wasn't I?"

Nightwing switched gears, topping eighty out of frustration. "Why are you always doing this!" He mumbled, " _And you accuse me of acting like a child…_ "

Raven set her chin on his shoulder.

"I'm not all too sure what I'm doing wrong!" she shouts.

"You don't take anything _seriously_ anymore! What happened to the Raven who didn't joke about a crucial situation? Who kept a level head no matter what?" He huffed, jerking the motorcycle into another exit in the highway, "You changed!"

She lifted her head and untangled her legs from his back, stating almost crossly.

"You use to say you liked that about me!" They hit a bump that flung her backwards; with nothing to grab onto, she began falling towards the sharp gravel. Nightwing reached around, taking his attention off the road to catch her outstretched hand.

"Take my advice.... and stay in the vehicle at all times!"

Raven returned to hugging him fiercely and awkwardly, sighing with relief. The rest of the ride strangely hushed.

Down the way, Hive members swarmed around downtown's Central banking tower. Nightwing screeched to a stop past the bank's parking lot and got off unruffled, placing his helmet beside Raven's.

As he was scrutinizing the crime scene in the distance, a startling series of gasps perked his supersonic hearing.

The half demoness behind him bowed forward, still seated in his cycle, her knuckles turning white from gripping the seat in front of her so hard. Only her skin wasn't her natural white, her face was a well-known sallow gray and beading with sweat. The noises were coming from her half-opened mouth.

His stomach took a severe drop at her color.

"What is it? Raven?" he asked.

Her piercing, turquoise-colored eyes came back to focus.

"Are you having a vision?"

She sat up, massaging her shaking arms.

"No... no, I'm fine."

His hideous mask narrowed. "Can you fight? I don't want you to passing out in the middle of a battle." Raven leisurely swung her leg over, her face returning to color.

"I'll _try_ not to get in the way."

Never forgetting his gentlemen etiquette, he promptly hooked his arm around her back to pick her up and settled her onto her feet effortlessly.

"Easy there, Knight in Shining Armor," she said with a slight bite in her tone, sounding in his opinion more like herself. Raven never noticed him survey her as her hands dusted the front of her windbreaker indiscreetly. The fluid movement of her limbs seemed more graceful somehow in her human appearance.

The beauty she possessed apparently sustained a lasting effect on his senses.

He silently willed any emotions from surfacing when he commanded, "Move out."

"No battle cry?"

She was _making fun_ of him.

"Just shut up and follow me."

Raven mocked saluting, saying, "Ay, ay, Lieutenant Pole-In-His-Butt."

An explosion of pink whizzed past them. Nightwing thrust her back against the black Sedan shielding them from sight, covering her mouth and stooping into a crouching position. She protested loudly into his hand and he hissed, " _Be quiet! We're going to get caught!_ "

A angry, feminine voice rose, "Hear anything?"

"Nope," came a male voice.

The female's voice said, cautiously, "Well then don't stand around, dip _shit_. Hey, Seemore, watch the other entrance. We don't want any surprise visitors." Once the voices were out of hearing distance, Raven sent a disgruntled telepathic message to her companion.

' _Could you be so kind as to remove your hand from my breast?'_

Perplexed, he looked down, and then fell back, making a surprised grunt. She rubbed her neck, hiding her own flush.

' _Accidents happen.'_

More than happy to redirect the subject, Nightwing touched a finger to his lips and silently pointed to the direction he wanted to sneak into.

She asked telepathically as they crouched behind a Hummer, ' _What's the plan? Sneak attack?'_

He shrugged. The shrug that meant he planned on making it up as he went. That wasn't going to work for her.

Raven sat down on the asphalt, pressing her back into a tire and closed her eyes serenely. As Nightwing wondered what she was thinking relaxing at a time like this, her soul-self retreated out of her slackened form. Not acknowledging him, the giant blue raven dove out of view.

He joined her on the ground, palms flat. She looked lifeless... without her soul. The possibility gave him eerie shivers.

What really freaked him out, when he actually met her after five years, was the absence of her ruby gem.

It was a source of her energy, so she claimed.

How would it burn off? Why?

Seven minutes passed, he counted, and there was no sign of her coming back to life. He had waited long enough. His gloved fingers apprehended her bare wrist; at the moment their skin came on contact, an amazing thing happened. He could see. At least, through someone else.

Nameless faces. Cotton candy-colored pigtails. Mammoth. Ray gun. Gold-filled bags gushing from a flipped truck. Then embracing darkness consumed him.

Raven forced her eyes open after her soul was sucked back into her body and her eyes glowed ominously. She immediately became hell bent on issuing some pain on the dumbass that broke one of the biggest Azarathian taboos.

 _Azarathian Taboo #2_ : It is forbidden to interfere with a psychic projection 'soul-self' by touching and/or moving the psychic individual. Doing so may cause tragic results, 'soul-sharing' and/or permanent insanity to either the psychic individual or the dumbass who broke the taboo...

... Something along those lines.

Before fury could be unleashed, pink waves of curses flickered over their heads and Nightwing's motorcycle blew up into a thousand flaming pieces. The Hive Five's leader sneered. "Too bad about your bike. You might have want to get that checked out. It wasn't Jinx-proof."

"Clever," Raven retorted. "Remind me to write that in my quote book."

"Gosh... I missed this town." The pink-haired sorceress grinned, giving the humming ray gun a friendly pat. "So easy to rob."

"Easy to rob, harder to keep what you robbed."

Nightwing butted in casually, despite the fact that their escape and favorite motorcycle had been reduced to smithereens, "What's the gun do?"

Jinx gazed at him intrigued.

"A demonstration? Why I'd love to!"

She flipped a switch on the mini headboard, the humming grew insistently bigger. Jinx pointed it at them.

The other Hive members scrabbled for cover. A jet of yellow deflected off a solid globe of pulsing blue. Inside it, Nightwing had thrown his arm around Raven to shelter her from impact. After a moment or two, she peered up under the hook of his arm, asking straight-faced "Alright?"

He nodded, chest heaving with exertion, answering, "Alright." They composed themselves as the globe disintegrated into the earth.

Jinx frowned.

" _Crap_ , I forgot you could do that."

"Who the hell is letting you play with big machines?"

"I stole it myself. Like it?"

Raven said dryly, "Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer a hobby with less potentially lethal weapons."

"Your _loss_. You don't have a clue what this baby can do... neither do I... but since you won't be my guinea pigs..."

The villain aimed it at the bank, the bulb warming.

Nightwing pushed the scraggly man with one monstrous eye aside, running for Jinx. Mammoth crashed two hundred pounds of muscle into him full force, giving quite a stunner. Raven took the opportunity Nightwing couldn't. The pink-haired woman swung the ray around at the last second, the end belting across the empath's head.

Stars and robin-birds danced in her vision. Raven staggered with an outcry and lunged at Jinx.

They landed hard on the ground to wrestle each other, scratching and clawing with pink and blue hands. A blaring horn ensnared most regards. A green bank truck hopped over the highway and a whiny voice shouted, "Let's go, you scum-munching dipwads! Get the loot!"

The Hive members paid no heed to the fighting women.

Jinx kneed the other in the gut. Infuriated, Raven blasted her off.

The criminal somersaulted in the air and nimbly dismounted into the ray's chair. "See ya, sweetheart."

Jinx flipped the same switch and the glowing increased. Blinded by it, Raven raised her hand to the level of her eyes. An obscure figure swooped down to snatch her up, yellow, destructive power erupting where she once stood.

Nightwing broke the connection of his Grappling Hook to stand a top a parked city bus, letting his rescue go.

Jinx beamed, glancing at the smoking crater.

" _Excellent_."

Gizmo popped his head out from the driver's seat window, yelling, "Get a move on, ya dirtbag!" She wheeled the ray gun up the truck's ramp as Nightwing shot his Grappling Hook at her. Jinx dodged it successfully, and the green truck packed up and sped off in a cloud of dust and pelting gravel.

With a last ditch effort, a long-distance Exploding Bat-a-rang hurtled after the Hive Five.

After a few seconds, a rather large collision echoed along with a **BOOM** followed by an exclamation of " _Crrrruuddddd!"_

Nightwing leapt stealthily off the city bus and motioned with a distracted hand to the telepath.

"Come on, we have to catch up."

Distant sirens. A busted water hydrant purging.

He repeated, looking over his shoulder, "Raven? Did you hear me?"

The roof of the bus was unoccupied. A low shadow expanded out from behind the huge tires. Nightwing called out her name again, this time with less patience.

"Raven, get off your ass - we can't let them get away."

That shadow, stretched out and dark. The need to see what was near the end of the bus turned out too strong to ignore. He stepped over to the other side to get a better view.

"Raven?"

Curls of the darkest brown spilled out on asphalt like water. His companion lay eagle-spread on her back, her glassy eyes looking straight ahead and half opened. She had not made the slightest noise when her body hit the asphalt. A sequence of things happened.

Nightwing's shadow fell over her.

Her vision fuzzed.

Chest stopped rising.

Warm hands touched her face.

_"Stay with me."_

Eyelids closed.

Softest sensation against her mouth.

*

 


	19. Chapter 19

*

Epilogue (Present) - 2/3

*

Weight. Crushing her lungs.

No way to draw them in.

Cool hands.

"… _don't… …do ...this… … … ."_

Soft. Oh so soft and hot meeting her mouth. Warm bursts of air passing into her throat, filling her chest. Swelling, ballooning.

*

_Ethereal. Ghosts touching her face. Sleepy whereabouts._

_"It's all a dream, isn't it?"_

_Emerald green fingers brushed over her indigo wristband. A sight for sore eyes, that color of a rare stone, that color of jade admiration as they glowed their affection. "Shorty, what are you talking about?"_

_Sand between her toes. Coating her hands as her fingernails dug into the Earth._

_"I hate it when you call me that."_

_He laughed at the wryness of her tone, firmly clasping her shoulder to keep himself upright. The sun setting in the distance. Outside. They sat on an isolated beach, the lukewarm waves lapping at their bare feet._

_"Tell me why I'm here."_

_He could have made hundreds of humorous remarks to her question but instead chose to shrug at her statement, his once lank boy shoulders tensing. He faced the ocean, doing so with an impression of meaning, watching devotedly as the water breathed._

Breathe _._

_"Why couldn't you sleep?"_

_Garfield peered over at her bleak shadow on the white sand and asked tentatively, the blood red sun rays brightened the side of his face, a face never touched by hair. "What'd you mean?"_

_"You said earlier you couldn't sleep. You broke my teacup and a plate."_

_He smiled broadly, his mouth opening in recognition. "Ahhh. Rae-Rae can't resist snooping into other people's business, am I right or am I right?" His joking more or less present._

_"I'm that nosy to you?"_

_He shook her shoulder playfully, his loose, blond locks falling over his eyes. "Naw. I'm just funnin' with ya. It was just some bad dreams, nothing to talk about."_

_"They were painful... haunt-your-day painful."_

_A weak smile replaced the broader. "You'd know all about that, wouldn't you? I must have hid it well if you're asking me this now. I'm not a confess-your-deepest-darkest secret kinda guy." The sky overhead darkened, storm clouds gathering. The winds picked up, blowing their hair and clothes furiously._

_"That bad?"_

_Garfield sighed, blinking the airborne sea water out of his eyes. "... yeah."_

_"Why won't you tell me?"_

_An upset stare he yielded as he let go of her shoulder to squeeze her lifeless hand draped over his leg. "Because they're not yours to know. Raven, sometimes you have to accept the stuff that happens. Everyone's got things that scare them. It doesn't mean those fears have to control you, let them go." He shook his head sadly. "Just let it go."_

_"Let what go?"_

_A real frown tugged the corners of his lips. "Don't... you know what I mean."_

_"Why couldn't I save you? Why did I screw up?"_

_His jade eyes sparkled. "I don't want to talk about this right now," he said._

_The clouds lowered themselves over their heads, lightning crackled._

_"I killed my own child. Robin's baby. I aborted it. I'm a monster. I killed you."_

_Garfield bit his lip quietly. With a fierce jerk, he took hold of her white arms and shook her unkindly, as if to get his point across with a good startle. He growled, "Stop it! Just stop or I swear I'll-!"_

_Marbles for jade. It was getting darker. He was fading. Impossible to distinguish the shadows from existence. The ghost protested, "You didn't kill anyone, Rae... ... Slade did."_

_Blood._

_"But it was on my hands."_

_He was gone. Surrounded by the comfort of dark. Matching her past belief that she hadn't a soul. Or a care._

_Alone._

_"But it wasn't your fault."_

_A light in total darkness. Shining in an array of reds, yellows, and greens._

_Robin, not the melancholy Nightwing, but the young Teen Titans walked up to her in the vacuum of space she had been left in, floating on invisible ground. Solid, not ghastly. His face the image of calm knowing, of subtle arrogance, of understanding love. His eyes unmasked. Soul blue flaring._

_His hands reached out to her, like an offering, ungloved. Crimson dripping, pooling from the center of his palms._

_"It was meant to be."_

*

Mess of colors mixed together. White. Off yellow. Grays.

Itchy blankets up to her neck.

Systematic bleeps coming from a heart monitor.

Her immediate sense was the sweaty handhold on her cold, papery fingers. Not sturdy with a grip laced, it would most likely slip. But there. Human contact.

Then came a twinkling. Annoying. Repetitive.

Her limp hand came to rest of her side. A shadow trickled over her. More of her senses cleared as the medical sector's doors **click** shut. A rasp from behind the thick, wavy glass pane, attaching itself to the distorted shadow person. "She's stabilized."

Another voice, sounding more like fizzes from a dying transmission, asked, _"Good, that's good."_

Slowly, turquoise eyes opened. Her head turned to her right to see her arm hanging off the sheet in what looked like an uncomfortable position. She could hardly feel it.

 _"I'll be there in an hour tops. Traffic sucks coming out. Give her med until I get there,"_ the transmission added.

With some trouble, she sat up, barely aware of her shallow breathing and listened. Waited. Her knees curled up to her chest.

The shadow said harshly, alarming the sound barrier, "That's _if_ she wakes up."

_"Come on, don't-"_

"Look, you weren't there. After fifteen minutes, I was ready to give up. I couldn't call an ambulance. They would have never made it."

_' ...why would he even care what happens to me...'_

She folded her arms, crossing them over her knees. The shards of last time she was conscious made her wonder just how sane she was. At the least she expected some tears, rejection, something resembling unconditional hatred from either of them. But after meeting the man who left her... she nearly... did the unthinkable. The very unthinkable. But why? Why this? Something old in her told her she needed a serious reality check.

_"And if you had stopped CPR, she would have died. She's breathing now, isn't she? Dark Girl's gonna be okay. Don't bust your ass over something you didn't have any control over. I'll be there soon... ...and if she does wake up, just... go easy on her. Don't... Just be patient with her. You two keep a neutral ground."_

"You make it sound like we're just itching to kill each other."

_"Guuuhhh…...there's a tunnel coming up! Gotta go!"_

The hallway became bizarrely quiet.

**Click.**

Nightwing closed the medical sector door behind him with an elbow, concentrating on tugging his wrist-level glove over his knuckles.

For a moment she thought she glimpsed at a deep, pink scar winding from the joint between his thumb and index finger to center of his palm.

Forgetfully, he swiped his forehead with the back of his form-fitting glove. In the fluorescent ceiling lighting, his face appeared thoroughly drained. A dusting of stubble clung to his chin and jaw line. His unbelievably long hair disheveled. He walked around her cot to return to his original chair he sat in for six straight hours.

He tucked away his communicator into his utility belt, addressing her in a vague fashion, "How long have you been awake?"

"Since it rang," Raven replied, sucking in difficult breathes. "Is Cyborg... your secret source... giver?" Her lungs refused to budge, the walls of her throat tightening into a thin string. Her hands strayed across her neck. Before panic could set in, he leaned in to fix a mask device over her face.

Nightwing ordered, faintly, "Inhale." She obeyed, several times in fact. "Why would you say that?" He didn't act very interested in knowing, so she gave him a reason to linger. Not intentionally of course; it came flying out of her mouth before she could stop it.

"I've been told.... I have a knack for getting into other people's business."

His V-shaped mask leveled with her eyes. Cautiously, Nightwing removed his large hands from the back of her head to reach for a file on a metal tray. As he shuffled through it wordlessly, she fingered the oxygen mask capping her nose and wondered again why she was letting her pests of impulses steer her to continued conversations, one even had the grits to suggest mentioning her dream. And to that, she knew... No way in hell.

"I haven't wore one of these in... a long time."

She cursed herself in her mind.

' _Goddamn impulses.'_

His deep, grainy voice perked up her hearing, "Your records say that you suffered a critical respiratory infection. Cyborg wrote that your body was under too much stress to battle it and treated you with antibiotics to get rid of the infection. But today, you knew you were coming down with something and didn't bother telling anyone."

He shut the file in his hand with a _snap_ , saying almost nastily, "Gee... why does not that sound so familiar?"

"You know what." Raven nodded earnestly."I think I've got an answer to that little question of yours. Ready?" She flipped him her middle finger emotionlessly, doing a fabulous impression of her seventeen-year-old counterpart. Nightwing threw down the papers, leaving no word in his defense.

Silence. Dead and unwanted. Only to be broken with an " _Aaarghh_!"

She knocked an IV line aside wildly, too agitated to use her powers, and ripped the mask off her nose. Raven wiped her burning face angrily, burying it into her lap. After a few minutes of deep breathing, she straightened up dry-eyed to find the shot Nightwing forgot to administer still sitting on the metal tray. She stuck it in her left arm without a grimace and hunched into a ball onto her side in the hospital cot, gradually drifting into anesthetized state in her habitual fetal position.

_'Good. Maybe it will kill me.'_

*

Sixty minutes passed up. Forty past five was the estimated time. It was six ten.

The darkly clad man stared blankly at the computer screen, glove under his tan chin. The clock on the screen didn't tell him the time. He couldn't read that. His specially designed watch beeped a certain amount of times, signaling to his memory what time it was. His stomach gurgled curtly at him. His first instinct told him to head for a refrigerator but a different, more _maddening_ , instinct pestered him, demanding that he check up on his old teammate. It had been a while.

After all, Raven was _sick_. And he did _care_ , whether he wanted to believe it or not.

Dejectedly, Nightwing pushed back the rolling chair and started a slacken trudge towards the staircase.

The proximity alert went nuts. The double doors of Titans Tower threw themselves open, flooding with the late sunshine and creating a halo around the figure standing in the middle of it.

"Spikehead."

Nightwing lowered his balled up fists.

"Tin-man."

They stood in front of each other, giving their signature guy handshake. Cyborg chuckled, his age lines scrunching as he clapped the other man's back. "You got taller."

"You got older," Nightwing countered with a slight smirk. "What happened to an hour, buddy?"

Cy's human eye glittered with mischief. "I had to pick up a hitchhiker on the way in."

The half robot gestured back to the doors.

Nightwing closed his somewhat unhinged jaw. The dizzying scent of strawberries melted his unasked question from certainty. He knew that smell...from somewhere... ... ...

Blinding daylight dulled from behind the stranger in the doorway. Shortly cropped, dark red hair. Silver arm clasps. Light purple boots traveling up lean, feminine legs. The same flexible silver encased them and every other inch of her body minus her shoulders up, including the slim, heavy bodice. Bottle green eyes.

_"Star?"_

The woman approaching Cyborg's left tilted her head, straight layers trembling against her high cheekbones. "Do you know him?" Her voice was not girly or sweet but powerfully calculating. Nightwing felt as if his heart would explode out his ribcage.

He went forward, closer to her, eager to know if this was really happening, "Starfire... it's me."

Her jaw fastened. She did not speak.

"Why aren't...it's _me_ , Star."

Suddenly, purple boots took a step backwards.

The perfect, bow mouth gasped.

_"Robin?"_

She stared at him as if he was some kind of terrifying creature. But he didn't care, or didn't notice it. In his excitement, Nightwing had shouted her name and scooped her into his embrace, giving her a big, wet smack on the cheek, going on about how great it was to see her again.

He lifted her off her feet and swung her in a circle only to give her another smack. The older alien woman smiled at first politely, her smile never holding a megawatt, and stiffened in his hold at the second kiss.

"Yes. You are here, too. I'm surprised to see you, friend."

There was no compassion in the word 'friend'.

Starfire untangled his arms from around her and composed herself regally, favoring him with even lesser of a smile than before.

Something was _wrong_. Never mind the weird copycat outfit of her sister, but her speech came off differently. Her poise was strange, her language was unfriendly, her attitude all together seemed dead to him.

She...wasn't the Starfire he knew before.

Bottle green focused on something behind him, something that caught her off guard.

He looked over his shoulder to see his 'patient' out of the medical sector in her wrinkled jeans and windbreaker half zipped, watching the scene unfolding with reserved apathy.

When her clear turquoise landed on Star, her rosy lips parted in awe.

Silently, the empath extended her arm; a rope of dark blue emerged from her fingertips. It purposely missed Nightwing to wrap around Starfire's wrist. The energy floated the alien forthwith to her where the two women hugged.

Starfire's body slackened as she absently touched the tangled disarray of brunette waves, her white smile true this time, stretching to reveal unwavering tenderness towards the female friend in her arms. A connection beyond anything, forged intensely, magnified ten fold to those who felt it from the start.

Raven pulled away only to have her cheek pinched. Starfire giggled a woman's fancy.

"You look far better."

The empath slapped the orange hand away dryly to laugh along with her.

Cyborg shrugged at Nightwing. Evidently they were out of the conversation.

Starfire said dully, "It feels like it's been forever."

"It really has. You'll have to tell us what you've been up to," Raven agreed.

"At dinner perhaps-" Her sentence gave out on her lips when Raven doubled up to let out a serious of fierce, uncontrollable coughs rack her diaphragm. Starfire bent down to catch her shoulders, eyes wide with worry. "Raven, are you ill?"

Cyborg intervened, coming out of the background, "She shouldn't even be down here. C'ere, Rae. Let's get you back to bed." As he took her away, Raven sounded like she was trying to argue, but her infection and his scolding prevented it. Nightwing perceived the amber-skinned woman still staring at the hallway where the pair disappeared into.

He spoke up, lowly, "She'll be fine."

Her jaw tightened, again.

Starfire inquired, "And how would you know that?" Bow mouth a hard, cruel line. Her bright green eyes unlocked themselves and glared at him.

Unapologetic.

"Whoa, Star, what did I do?"

Her mouth dropped, incredulously. "What... did you... ...do?" she said slowly.

Anger burned deep within her core, smoldering through the glowing corners of her eyes. "What _haven't_ you done? You betrayed what stood for love! You betrayed Raven, that's what you've _done_! Do not stand here and act like you're an innocent person, because you are _NOT!_ "

The Tamaranean threw her arm out to the side and a starbolt erupted on the wall, specks of plaster and piping flying. Nightwing didn't duck. Her voice became ugly with resentment.

"You are more heartless than Slade ever was. You don't even know the extent of the damage you've caused when you left on your selfish conquest to find meaning. I am _beyond_ forgiveness and you cannot hide from what you've done behind that new mask. She needed you. More than anything she needed Robin."

Letting her words sink, he murmured, "And this hasn't got anything to do with what I've done to you?"

Nightwing knew what he said would piss her off. Maybe enough to send his battered carcass to the nearest morgue. But he wasn't going to admit defeat, not now, not when he had been right so many times.

She towered over him, seeing how Starfire was always a few inches taller than him. Her glowing green slit.

"Nothing you can say anymore can hurt me. I will not do the same to you you. Hurting you would only bring more grief and we've made plenty," she said, glowering. "I had that opportunity at Sato." Spinning at the heel in her fury, the rubber soles of light purple boots mutely padded into the distance.

In five years, Nightwing never had a reason to lose his composure to any emotion. But as the royal Tamaranean fumed down into the lobby, a bubbling of total frustration and lack of control drove him to violently smash his closed fists against the opposite wall, not once but twice.

*

Contemplation. He didn't get a lot of it these days.

Actions didn't make him contemplate, thankfully. He didn't like it disrupting the calm so he was always on the move, always focusing intently on something else. Running away from what was. He was good at dodging; if it managed to outdo him, memories returned. Ones that made him cringe. His nauseous stomach would twist into hard knots.

His bedroom, stripped clean of the engulfing magazine clippings, felt solitary with redwood desk in the center of his room and plain cot.

Contemplation won this round.

Nightwing traced with the tips of his glove the years of dust.

His desk.

Sleepless nights of criminal surveillance. Paranoia sweats. Early morning reflection. At sixteen, he almost made love to Starfire on it once.

Caught between the raging heat of need and his formidable conscience, he realized as the Tamaranean princess nibbled on his earlobe who he _really_ wanted on his desk. And initially, it freaked him out. He was already seeing an attractive girl, why would he desire something more? He soon learned he didn't an effortless attraction, he wanted complex beauty. Tempting beauty.

A beauty that promised to feed his need to solve a mystery and the unspoken future of a stable companionship.

His bed.

Even more sleepless nights, plagued with tormenting nightmares of Slade, seductive ones of a nude half-demonness beneath him. Phantoms of her rare perfume would fill his nose, the feel of her body shakily meaning to. His face cracked into an old, warm smile, allowing the alias 'Nightwing' to slip away for a few minutes, along with other distracting thoughts.

Dick could just see the nights he spent laying with Raven in his bed. They had a sacred sort of bedtime schedule.

Around eleven or so on most nights, when he was finished showering after training for long hours or stressed from a day at the crime-fighting office, there seated on mattress already making herself at home was Raven either watching him enter or reading to herself. If it was the latter, he would snatch the book right out of her hands and tease about heaving it across the room. Poe would have to find another Raven to sidetrack.

She would either get infuriated and beat him in the arm for being the jackass he was or succumb to his attention.

They wouldn't talk, not every night.

Sometimes they were so tired that Raven would simply curl against his torso and quietly listen to his heartbeat as gentle kisses were placed carefully in her hair. Sometimes she was mischievous and teased Dick's body, just to get a rouse out of him. By blowing hotly into his ear canal or raspberries on his firm, shirtless stomach or chest. Her teeth might scrape a nipple accidentally, which were surprisingly sensitive.

When lust was at its peak, when his lover was wrapped in his sturdy arms and it would have taken a slight hand movement to unzip her costume, he would never force her to anything. And she knew it... at least he thought Raven did.

Because Dick cared for her, because he had loved her. Openly, he had admitted it with no fear.

Every little fucking thing she did and was, the kissable curve of her palm, her sarcastic quirks that never ceased to amuse him, the way Raven stretched out like a lazy cat first thing in the morning. The small of her back arched in, eyes screwed up, sallow arms at her sides and clenched with tension.

There was a flawless picture in his head. He hadn't thought about her for five years... well, tried not to.

He couldn't quite get the image of her smile out of his dreams.

What the hell _happened_? How did reality get this way? That was the bigger question. What perversion of a tragic plot reeked its havoc on their happy home?

But who was he trying to kid... they never had a happy home, not all the way. There was always _something_ ; that _something_ revealed its intentions, breaking through the canopy of affections. Fate wouldn't let them have what they wanted - if it was spiteful then, it was spiteful now.

A fist slammed in silent defeat against the desktop, startling the person connected to it when the force caused a small, hidden compartment to pop open promptly. Dick was all too ready to shove it back into place but a glint within the dark crevice intrigued his focus. Something clicked that brought this moment to an unreal standing point. Small and cold, it spooned into his glove.

His titanium door vanished. Flutter of a cloak.

"I'm not as cruel as you think I am," came a faraway protest.

He let the engagement ring drop onto the desktop.

"You aren't as cruel as you think you are," Raven spoke, her dark hair free and messy, her eyes cutting into the insecure hole exposed here in this dwelling of memory, blocked his exit. _Dammit_ , he would have to jump a window to escape her.

"Any particular reason why you are here. This is contradicting what five years separated us from."

A slow awkward smirk graced her pale face. "Whose spirit are you channeling - mine?" she asked.

Nightwing responded on purpose, "Hell if I know anymore," and put his hand over the object in reassurance. Raven didn't get a chance to spot what he was hiding.

Her stupid smirk wouldn't go away. "Want to know something really amazing?"

"Do I have to?"

"A part of me believes that there's a part of Robin in you that hasn't died yet," Raven said, stepping away from the doorway, almost certain he would take the chance to leave (surprisingly he remained in place) and tapped her fingertips on the primed, grimy white wall.

"What I mean by Robin is... the one I knew before. It was the one who saved Gabriel Bendson in exchange for his sight, who was patient with me, who gave Bruce Wayne a taste of his medicine, who was willing to leave behind Earth and his duty to chase after me. Even though he might have regretted it. No one ever had done that for me. You have to understand... those people don't come along in your everyday life.

"They are rare. Robin was rare."

"He was the part of you that saved me from Jinx, that kept me alive with CPR, that sat in the section of the Tower that probably still haunted him until this day just to make sure I was still breathing."

"You're welcome, by the way," Nightwing replied dimly.

Her eyebrows rose at his comment and she began shaking her head in disbelief, saying to herself, "I don't understand it. I don't understand any of this. _What_ possessed you to come here? You couldn't have missed us all that much."

A hollow laugh.

"I missed your insults." Raven continued to shake her head agitated even as he said heatedly, "I'm not the same person I was when I was eighteen or twenty-one. You are living in impracticality if you believe that. You don't know the things I've seen or done outside this city."

"So what, you have your own little dark corner of your heart? Everyone has. I chose to share mine. _What_ about you?" She spat when he didn't make a comeback, " _Exactly_. I wasn't the only one living in impracticality. This wasn't a picture perfect relationship to begin with. And it just got worse over time."

The restraints he worked so hard to piece together over time... bit by bit... started to give out.

"All I wanted from you was _trust_ , Raven. That's all I ever asked from you was for you to trust me, and you obviously didn't." He threw his hands up, yelling, "This entire _thing_ has been built up on dishonesty, hasn't it?"

Her turquoise eyes flickered.

"You certainly asked for more than trust. I _know_ you wanted more than that from me!" She jammed a finger on his breast. "Do you want me to apologize? Fine, since I'm the only person here with the guts to say it. I'm sorry I couldn't be who you wanted - well, actually, I'm _not_ sorry for that - what I am sorry for is for you running out on our lives. Maybe you would have been better off with someone who wouldn't mind getting abandoned because I _clearly_ couldn't live up to your standards!"

Restraints shattered.

With a curt _ram_ , Nightwing pinned her arms back against the bedroom wall.

She winced from the impact, but the coldness of her glare and anger never left her.

With a whisper, Raven encouraged him darkly, "Hit me, you _coward_. Is that what you always wanted? Go ahead. Finish what you started."

She prepared for something, anything involving a broken nose. Once the first punch was thrown, she'd be ready. Reality was already fucked. They might as well waste each other too. What she was not expecting... was for something to break in him instead.

Not physically, though it certainly looked that way as his broad chest gave way to startling and noiseless heaves, as his face crumpled, as he fell to his knees as if crushed down by his shoulders. Dick hugged her around the waist and clung there like a lost child, sobbing into her black spandex.

She thought her crying at Nation Infirmary had been awful.

Much too shocked to push him away, not positive if she could get out of his unmovable grip in any case, her small, white hands touched his hair doubtfully.

_"I'm sorry..."_

No.

No... he couldn't... ... was... ...apologizing?

 _Who_ _was this man_ claiming to be Robin?

Her dry lips parted, her voice issuing automatically, "Dic... _Nightwing_ , it's okay."

He jerked his head from side to side in a form of objection, then pressed his forehead into her stomach, tears slowing. She suppressed a gasp from a warm twinge below her waistline, a good twinge. Forever must have passed before his arms withdrew and he tilted his head against the wall, regaining some sort of control. He fiercely rubbed his face into his gloves. "I never wanted you to know. I didn't let anyone know. I couldn't tell anyone."

Unsure of where this was going, Raven joined him on the carpet, cross-legged.

"I couldn't even tell Bruce. He would have kicked me out at the time. I had just gotten there. How could I make him understand when he couldn't see him? He haunted me at the Manor, he haunted me when I was awake, using that tone on me, like I was stupid, like _nothing_ happened."

He cupped his face from sight, and she waited. For him to start talking again, for further unexpected tears, for someone to walk past the open doorway to gawk at them sitting on the floor as if they were out of their minds. At that point, she wouldn't care.

Something was happening, a chain of events were looming, intending to proceed to the next. She couldn't stop it even if she just walked out of this ludicrous moment. It felt... _preordained_.

When Dick didn't make any signs of going on, she asked, "Who?"

"I was just a kid. A eight-year-old kid. What did I know about relationships?" he murmured. "I just knew they were mad at each other."

"When it happened I was in the tent. The performance for the night ended and the clowns were celebrating in the next tent. I could smell the cigarette smoke through the tent window. The news spread quick that we were headed for New York in the morning, that meant more pay, but I couldn't concentrate on anything but the hostility between my parents. I heard the words 'slept' 'man' 'whore' and then my mom's words, your words."

He stopped speaking to lift his face and unsteadily inhale.

"He did it. And my mom went blind in her left eye. When they found me hiding under the bed, they were afraid. They didn't want this little secret to get out. My mom held me, blood dripping down her cheek. I wiped it with my sleeve and she smiled and kissed me. She ignored my dad as he talked to me, trying to explain himself. I only remember staring at him."

"Did... he say something?"

Not looking at her, Dick whispered, "There was one phrase. Crystal clear in my head for 18 years. _"Don't sing Robin, don't sing_." That's all he said to me. I might have imagined it - it makes no sense, but he would say it in my nightmares. The ones with Slade are cupcakes compared to those. Both of my parents were murdered in a month. At the Manor, I was already a professional insomniac. I couldn't close my eyes for a second. I... they were good people, Raven. My dad remembered their anniversary and my mom's birthday. He knew her favorite color and flower. Purple and irises. They did their taxes, they watched out for me.... they risked their lives out of love."

"But I couldn't make the other things go away," he said. "The fear of the dark... the nightmares faded but someone made me remember."

She didn't ask.

"Me?"

"You're similar to her. She was brave, she thought bad things about herself, but she could only do good. She wore her heart on her sleeve and he tore at it. She wasn't happy with their relationship either, a thirty-something-year-old wife with a son. When you and I used to fight, I thought I saw her in your eyes, all of that misery and the doubt. Through your eyes, I saw my father and I was standing where he was standing. I _can't_ be like him. I can't do it."

"Was Robin a way to escape yourself?"

"A little," he explained. "I was given a new life with Bruce and I wasn't going to let those demons follow me for the rest of my life. When I thought of goodness, I thought of my mother, where the name originated after I saved her. Then it meant something else when my dad used it. Suddenly, it had two meanings - a dark and a light."

"It balances out," she said. Dick nodded, wiping the wet tear trails on his chin.

"And you're telling me you've never told anyone this story?"

Another mute nod.

"Not a soul?"

"Just you."

At that moment, tension around them lessened somewhat.

She began talking to him as if he were a kind stranger, freely expressing what was on her thoughts. Her head leaned back to stare up at the ceiling as well.

"We've all got our sob stories, don't we? You... me... Kori... Gar... ...hell, if Vic was willing to he might share his." Her face shifted to gaze at his up-tilted. "Feel free to call me a wet blanket, but... I still don't understand how we switched from an all-out to share your darkest bedtime story. Why are you telling me this?"

Dick simply stated, "Honesty is the cure to the disease we have. Not just in the relationship we had, but it invaded everything else."

_Had._

She let the word sink.

Her features softened, her eyebrows dropped.

Not much was spoken after that. They sat on the bedroom floor for a long time, to lose themselves in the graceless presence of each other.

*

 


	20. Chapter 20

*

 

*

Evening grew over the scenery.

She could see it through the window in the room they resided in as darkness depleted blue and oranges of the sunset. The installed hallway lights turned on by themselves. In the passing of a few minutes, she wondered - not just about what the person beside her had come clean about, but... something else.

All of her damned instincts told her _no_ , the strongest yelling at the top of their nonexistent lungs that he didn't need to know. He didn't _deserve_ to know for walking out on her.

But a new voice in her conscious, one she hadn't tapped into for the longest time, the accustomed monotone, had a better reason for telling him. Out of hope for breaking a savage cycle, Dick confessed a terrible secret. She didn't have to force it out of him. She didn't have to know about it. He did it on his own. And she was the only one who knew.

He did the exact thing he _wanted_ her to do, to tell the truth. Open up.

Since they were teenagers, Robin practically had to beg Raven to do it. Until now, she remained inconsiderate to most of his begging. Painful past or not, at least he was willing to talk. Making her decision, heart pounding at the very idea, Raven crossed her arm over herself to take his firm hand into hers, hauling them both onto their feet.

"What's going on?"

"Given that you were brave enough to tell me your secret, I'm paying my dues to you. But in order for this to happen... we'll have to do it my way." Raven started hovering off the ground, still clasping his hand, "Will you?" He was having flashbacks of his last flight with her.

Nightwing said mildly, "Even with what I remember, I guess I can cooperate."

"I promise it won't be like last time."

"Where are we going?"

"We'll be there soon enough," came her vague reply.

Quickly and stealthy, Raven folded them into dark blue energy, her soul-self carrying them into the sea-misted air. Fifteen minutes or so, they were lowered onto dewdrop grass and the soul-self disappeared into its host. Surrounding them was suburbia, a neighborhood of row-houses to the left of the wide street; on the other side was an lovely English Rose-style house swathed in shrubbery. His companion was staring longingly at a tipped-over tricycle.

"Raven?"

She didn't quite snap out of her trance and looked up with half glazed eyes.

"What?"

A couple seconds lapsed. She made a slight head jerk and cleared her throat.

"I- just… well, I'm not suppose to be here. It's a one time deal... just so you know..."

Awkwardly tugging his hand she had not let go, Raven guided him through a winding pathway along the side of the English Rose house, creeping into the backyard where they stood in some brush across from giant, decorative glass doors, lit up enough for someone to glance in from a distance without the curtain.

"I never expected to tell you about this. I didn't have a reason seeing how you weren't around," Raven half-mumbled, knowingly. "But there's an obligation I can't escape." The empath motioned with her head towards the doors. "I'm not sure if you know what's going on in there, but there is a blonde-haired woman by the fireplace. Her name is Adrienne Powell. Her husband is Timothy. He works, she stays at home. On the floor near Adrienne, there's a little girl playing with a puppy."

Sure enough, Nightwing's ears caught the ringing of a woman's throaty laughter and a tiny _yip-yip_.

He couldn't get why she was being vague about this.

"What about it?" he asked.

Raven licked her lips.

"The little girl has black hair. Very full. Almost as long as Kori's was. Her eyes are bright blue, the brightest I've ever seen in my life."

His heart began beating very fast, rocking his chest. His palms sweaty.

"I, I-don't... ... understand..."

She inhaled sharply when he said this. Her voice caught and Dick redoubled his efforts of clutching her hand, this time slipping both of hers into his own. It gave her the spark of courage Raven required.

"She was born five years ago. I knew I was pregnant a month after you left. I knew I was going to have her and I knew she deserved better." Her tone hardened but her inners were sour jelly. "I was in no shape to take care of her. The environment wasn't safe. At that time, I was too wrapped up in myself to think of caring for someone else. I would have made a horrible mother. So I let this family adopted her, this way she could have everything and anything I couldn't give her. I signed an agreement never to speak or be known to her until she's eighteen. Maybe then if she wanted to know about me I could see her."

Raven smiled humorlessly, turquoise eyes faraway. "The people working at the adoption center didn't ask about the father. They figured I was some kind of charity case or my abusive boyfriend would dump me if I kept her. I felt like I was being judged in the worst possible way there, five months along already."

Old pain threatened to rise, working as bile against the back of her throat.

She pushed it away, pulling her hands away, away from _him_ to cross them over herself quivering. "I just... that's my terrible secret." Raven pretended not to perceive how his aura, when he was shocked, went off like fireworks, and how his outward appearance stayed inactive.

"What's her name?" A quiet rasp.

Her shoulders trembled.

" _Lexy_. Alexandria."

She shivered, though not cold. A lump clogged her esophagus. "I'm s-sorry..." Raven whispered. "I had to..."

A cool glove lifted her chin, lifting her dampening eyes up.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. You did what you thought was right. I had no say in your decision."

Her face scrunched, a tear slipping out. "I feel like sometimes I _regret_ it."

**_*_ **

_There was warmth in this cold world._

_Sweet, pink, and smelled like innocent wonder. And it had been taken from her. They had taken her so soon. Her baby. Her living baby; the heiress of the Wayne estate; the only daughter of the Grayson line; the child who opened her tiny eyes and her mother saw the first and last person she ever wanted to see._

_Blue. Robin's eyes. His eyes before they lost their color. The eyes Raven couldn't get away from._

_When she looked into them, she couldn't place how she felt due to the fact Raven was half paralyzed with the aftershocks of contraction pains. She could have hated her daughter. She could have loved her even more. Raven didn't get a chance to decide as the pink blanket was whisked into chiffon-silk arms. The pimply, long-nosed nurse throwing away the sheets asked boorishly for a name. It came to her so naturally. Raven didn't know anyone named Alexandria, but it fit for her._

_It just wasn't fair._

_Completely alone in the hospital room, Raven sat propped up on fluffy, green pillows, wishing voicelessly that Slade would just come back from the dead and finish her off right there. She would cede. With a piercing squeak, the hospital door swung open._

_An amber-skinned woman, in a cheerful, pink spring dress tiptoed in, closing the door in a painstakingly slow approach, wincing at the next squeak.  
_

_Bright green widened at the sight of turquoise. "Oh. Did I wake you? I tried not to-"_

_"I want to be left alone."_

_Starfire forced a smile, presenting her with purple irises. "I have gotten you flowers from the gift shop. This room is very dreary and it might add some joy to-"_

_"I appreciate the fact you let me bruise your hands while I was in labor, but I said leave me alone and I meant it." Raven rolled onto her side and stared ruefully at the glossy floor. Weight fell on the opposite end of the bed. Amber hands coaxed her wavy hair. "Friend Raven, if you'll just let me-"_

_Raven lunged from her kind touch to shout angrily, "Damn it, why won't you LISTEN? Why do you always have to comfort people? Why don't you hate me?"_

_Starfire asked, oddly mindful, "Why would I hate you?"_

_"I'm hardly ever nice to you! A normal person would harbor some sort of grudge against that! I stole your boyfriend while you two were still dating and you pranced around like it was no big deal. When it finally got to you, you wouldn't let me drop! I slept with him, the man you adored for years 0 I just had his kid, and I was responsible for the death of the other boy who could have been YOURS! After all that, you still won't hate me! I don't understand WHY!"_

_Raven shouted herself exhausted and dug her hands into her hair, lowering her rigid face into her lap._

_The alien woman said coolly, "You want me to hate you for your past behavior concerning Robin and Garfield? Will that make you happy?"_

_"Maybe... ..."_

_Starfire scooted up the mattress to her teammate, holding her pale, agonized face between her orange hands._

_"Then I cannot make you happy. I cannot give you what you want, Raven. You are my best friend and I will not wish ill upon you for any reason, petty or not."_

_She flashed a sweet, dimpled smile that sent Raven's emotions erupting over the edge. Everything bad that happened, losing her flesh and blood, the realization that she was truly alone with her burdens, it was expressed in a tortured cry as the empath dissolved into violent, body-racking sobs._

_Starfire's warm body pressed itself closer to hers. The Tamaranean woman curled up with her in the hospital cot, holding Raven protectively in muscular, soft arms. She yielded to them without thought. Starfire laid her cheek atop a crown of dark brown. "Shhh. Shhh... I am here." Raven cried against her as the alien woman rubbed her shivering back in lazy circles. "I will sing to you."_

_"Star-"_

_Instead of horrible screeching, there came an outpour of a lovely, soprano harmony. Starfire sang the only Earth song she knew all the lyrics to._

"Twinkle twinkle little star... how I wonder what you are... ..."

_Raven felt her burning eyelids get heavier, her senses muddled. S_

_he had a beautiful voice. Like something out of a fairytale._

_Why didn't Starfire sing more songs like this instead of those horrid Tamaranean nursery rhymes?_ _As the melody went on, Raven's thoughts became lighter and lighter. Finally, her head tilted sideways onto Starfire's shoulder as she fell soundless asleep in the only arms of love she could find._

**_*_ **

Confusion became a second nature over time. To this day Raven didn't get it. And didn't care.

They could all learn a lot more from Starfire, she thought. Though the alien hardly knew Earth customs, she had a perfect grasp of the universal meaning of friendship. Of forgiveness.

While everyone else seethed and acted childishly, Star never badmouthed or back-stabbed them. She knew how to forgive for the sake of her friends and Raven felt as if she should have learned from her. This whole thing with Nightwing... she would have gone and talked to Starfire about it, but seeing how the mere mention of him brought permanent damage to the Tower, she decided best not to.

After Raven finished showing him what she thought he ought to see, a cover of warmth stirred inside her.

She began feeling _whole_ again.

It _scared_ her.

Because it wasn't right for her to be feeling a good emotion towards him. No, it wasn't possible. This couldn't be happening.

On her level in Titans headquarters, she stood in front of her sealed, titanium bedroom door. Wordlessly, Raven banged her forehead against the metal several times in purposed repetitions. On the third round, Cyborg yelled up from the floor below, " _Yo, everything okay up there?_ "

"Marvelous," she called back and carried on in the task of knocking herself silly, all the while with a determined expression.

As Raven pulled back for another round, slightly woozy now, someone suddenly gathered the hair on the back of her head to solidly keep her from moving forward, and slanted her face backwards. Turquoise glanced into an mask. At familiar, black spikes, notably an ungelled mess. As if he pulled out his own scissors to get the job done. Old, black hoodie and chain jeans.

A sound specter of what was.

The heat coming off his breath barely caressed her face, as he said seriously down to her, "Whatever it is, I'm sure brain damage isn't the answer."

She felt his still gloved fingers untangle from her hair and shook her head.

"I wasn't-"

"Doesn't matter. Hurting yourself isn't going to make the problem go away."

"Why are you assuming I have a problem?" she asked.

_'Oh wait, you're still here.'_

Even with the mask, Raven had plenty of practice knowing what looks he would give beneath it. This one, the _do-I-really-have-to-answer-that_ look. Arrogant bastard. How dare he silently lecture rose in her chest. "Shouldn't you be going back to wherever you live? You got what you wanted - we're all alive. We're fine without you, and you can sleep well knowing you and I are forever in a rut."

Dick said perceptively, "Except something is bothering you. And you can't make it disappear."

"You don't care. You _shouldn't_ care."

He shook his head at her remark. "If I didn't care... then I wouldn't be trying to figure it out."

Raven growled, "Just because you came waltzing back into the picture doesn't mean you can have control over this. You don't have that liberty anymore. So just... _drop it_." She gave a small cry when he tried to speak up. "No. _No_ , shut up. Just get out of my life. Stop... making me..."

"You what?"

She wasn't telling him something. And it was eating her up inside.

Raven yelled, pupils on fire, hands flying, "I just want you _gone_! Gone, do you hear me? After years of suffering under your memory, I can't be feeling what I feel when I look at _you_. When I look at you, I want to feel happy. I want to be _better_. I still love you, you stupid bastard!"

The last sentence hung between them, echoing not only through the walls but through their skulls.

She gasped at her own words, bug-eyed and cursed softly, " _No... ...no... Azar, what have I done..._ "

Her hands went over her mouth as if she was going to be sick.

Raven turned to retreat but Nightwing grabbed her around the lower arms, preventing her from leaving and protested, "No, you need to hear this. I _need_ to hear this. It didn't matter where I was because I couldn't make you go away. You were in every face, you were the criminals, you were the crying victims, you were my face in the mirror. Guilt made me came back. Feelings I couldn't get rid of made me come _back_. You wanna know something?"

He brought his face closer to hers, millimeters close.

"I. Am. _Sorry_. I have never been sorry for anything, except the things I've done to hurt someone, to hurt you. Leaving you was... a huge mistake." Dick paused cold in the middle of removing himself from her air space. He said astonished, "Wow, that was easier than I thought."

Her head spinning with revelation and skepticism, she questioned, "You want forgiveness?"

"If you'll give it to me," he answered, evenly.

Her eyes gently narrowed around the edges.

"No."

It was a simple statement, no existing complications exposed in her tone. But he wasn't ready to give up. "But it happened before. We forgave each other; it was difficult but it happened."

Raven's body loosened, her head bowed forward in mental fatigue.

"Those were different circumstances. We didn't know what we do now."

"Yeah, I didn't know you had our child; yeah, you didn't know I was being haunted by my parent's faults-"

 _Our_.

Slipped so smoothly from his tongue through his lips.

She went back to listening. "-who cares about circumstances? If we tried, maybe this torture would end."

"Nothing was wrong with me until you decided to show up," Raven said, frowning. "How hard is that for you to understand? I don't want to talk it out, I don't want to come back to you, and I sure as hell didn't forgive you. That was unforgivable, and-" she aimlessly seized his mask and yanked it down to his neckline, _"AZAR, I hate staring at this thing,"_ and went on blathering, "And another thing-"

This time she hesitated, shocked, as Dick laughed gut-retching and loud.

_'...okay, he's officially lost it.'_

"What the hell _is wrong with you_?"

He only laughed some more which made Raven believe she could have been in danger with this seriously mad man. Dick grabbed her by the shoulders this time when she stepped frontward, wheezing amid gasping for oxygen. "Wait... wait...I'm sorry, I'm just... _heh_ youfinally..."

"Let me go, or I will blast you into the next century," she warned.

Slowly, he obeyed her command.

"You said... you loved me." He added firmly when she opened her mouth, "And don't tell me you didn't mean it, because I heard it with my own ears... ... ... ...I-I just can't believe it."

Red lights flashed in their faces. The warble of the proximity alarms went off in their ear drums. Cyborg shouted something blurred out by the noise.

"Then don't."

Her worn tennis shoes fell over the carpet as she hurried out to the operations center with the rest of their ex-teammates. Dick feeling her presence leave him. Licking in his lips distracted, the ghost of a cocky smile plucked the corners of his mouth.

' _But you meant it, didn't you?_ '

*

Jinx picked her flat black fingernail apprehensively, snapping at the hulking figure passing by her line-of-vision.

"Move it! We don't have a lot of time. We would have had more if _someone_ -"

Clear pink dilated, angrily.

"-hadn't tripped the alarm."

Seemore chuckled nervously in the background.

A pink spark sent him flying face first into a window, not hard enough to break it, but enough to create a spider web effect.

"Lucky us."

The remaining Hive members whipped around at the strange voice, crouching into various positions of defensive poses. The grown woman with pigtails sneered. "I wondered when you'd show up."

Seemore shakily got up from lying flat on his back, careful not to make any sounds behind the empath, as he flipped a switch on his costume. Before the magic barrier bubble could be blown, something extremely sharp sunk into the back of his hand. He let out a piercing yelp.

Sticking out of his flesh... a black Bat-a-rang.

Suddenly, an assemble of oddly attired people appeared on that end of the street. One with glowing yellow-green hands and a silver metal covering, one with a blue Sonic cannon and regular street clothes, and the last dressed similarly to the previous but empty handed and the air around him looking particularly deadly. The woman standing in front of them, her windbreaker flapped in the front to an invisible wind.

Mammoth and Gizmo stared wide eyed at the assembly as Jinx swore under her breath.

"Don't just stand there, you jackasses! Get them!"

The largest of the criminals dropped the crate of millions to barrel into them head on. Raven disappeared into the earth as Nightwing and Cyborg took care of the overly sized and strong human being. Starfire battled Gizmo and Seemore on her own, doing very well for herself when one of her starbolts walloped the pack on the tiny genius's back.

That left the two supernatural females.

They circle each other,. Jinx cracked her neck muscles, eyes roaming over the other's apparel. "You still can't dress worth a shit." There was no humor in her tone.

"And you need some new material."

Jinx's left eyebrow twitched. Her deadened comment got to the young sorceress more than any snippy comeback would have. Insults would be proven useless. They were no longer playing a child's game. Jinx executed a perfect triple spin on her toes and turned at the accurate moment to slam the sharp jut of her elbow into Raven's face.

_"Arggghhh!"_

It felt as if her face exploded into flames. Raven reeled backwards from the impact, stumbling. Blood dripping from her nose and mouth.

Jinx smirked a cold, superior smirk, snarling, "How about that, _bitch_?"

A low growl, caused by intense hate, burbled out from her throat and Raven attacked with a operative volley of punches and kicks. She grabbed the back of Jinx's head and thrust her head into her raised knee, jumping midair when her upper body up righted itself and slammed her boot into her cheek, surely cracking a few face bones. The empath watched her slump onto her knees.

Raven spat out her own saliva and blood, glaring darkly as she murmured, " _Sloppy_."

Jinx looked up, blood red tingeing her left eye and darker red trickling down that side of her face, a nasty swelling bruise to wake up to in jail the next morning.

She gritted her teeth, hissing, "The only reason you're alive is because your hero boyfriend needs someone to fuck. He must be a very _desperate_ boy to consider you. Are you a good _fuck_ , Raven?" What Jinx said was meant to hurt her. Somehow it blew right over her head.

"You're a very sad person, Jinx. I'm sorry it has to be this way."

Before either of them could move, react, the pink-haired villain scrunched up her face and let out a high-pitched scream.

Another starbolt flew at her back as Jinx crumbled onto the street, unconscious. Starfire flew away thoroughly satisfied with her work, paying no attention as the bleeding telepath continued staring down at the other woman, gently prodding her foot beneath her and flipping her from her stomach to her back, floppily. Stealthily, undetectable to a person without precise hearing, Nightwing uttered, joining her in the task of staring albeit pointlessly, "The police are here."

She whispered, solemnly, "Good. Get a stretcher."

Her blood fell heavily, making him wince.

"Raven-"

A curt response came behind them, _"Don't talk back to her."_

Cyborg raised his eyebrow at the alien woman beside him fixing daggers at Nightwing, who in turn glared his own daggers with his mask right back.

"Someone just please do it." He didn't have to be told twice by an impatient Raven. Cyborg bumped Starfire out of the way to follow orders. Raven acknowledged the rest of them, touching a blood-stained finger to her head. "Just go home, both of you."

*

After settling everything at the crime scene, back at 'home', hostility surfaced at dinner. The source, on the opposite end of the kitchen table. It was suppose to be a nice, easy downtime, share some stories, joke around.

As her buzz weakened, it proved that those comfortable times were long lost to history.

Cyborg seated himself across from her. To their right, Starfire and Nightwing occasionally gave each other nasty expressions.

 _If-you-say-one-word-I'm-using-it-against-you_ kind of nasty.

Not that anyone else knew about their little spat, it was just so obvious that something had produced animosity.

Cyborg didn't want to say anything to tick them off, but truthfully, he was getting sick of their childish games. They couldn't even cooperate when Raven needed it. It was times like this he wished for Beast Boy to cheer them up. That light in the Tower was gone forever.

Instead of dwelling on those thoughts, he smiled dimly at the empath, nose healed properly in place and blood mopped away, "So, how are you feeling?"

She drew out a long, breathy chuckle, sucking air through her teeth, "I wish I knew," baring a temperate smile and took another swig of straight alcohol from her goblet. Mind you, Raven was by no means a serious alcoholic. It was only around this week of the year where she had the urge to purge her feelings. Bringing that asshole Bird-Brain back to the picture just made her want it more.

Dressed in her familiar black unitard, even if it was a little tight in some areas, and her indigo cloak, Raven brushed a curl out of her eye as her senses slipped and slid out of place. Yes this was exactly what she needed. Her thoughts might have been dazed, but they were organized enough to lead back to the battle.

Why did she tell Jinx that she felt sorry for her? Because she chose that kind of life? Because Raven knew that she couldn't win no matter what she pulled?

Because she stated something unfair?

_Are you a good fuck, Raven?_

Wiping her mouth with the back of her sleeve, Raven collected her wits to speak up noisily and a bit tipsy, hoping to get preoccupied, "So what's with the haircut? Uh... what'cha been doing on Tamaran?"

When she wasn't looking, Cyborg switched her glass with a concoction of water and fizzing pills.

Bright green softened slightly at the view of her flushed best friend. "I…I have gotten married."

Cyborg raised his glass.

"Congratulations, Star. Who's the lucky guy?"

"A childhood friend of mine on Tamaran. We reacquainted after my sister's death,. He was among the few who tried to stop the rebellion mob." No emotion in her eyes at the mention of Blackfire. "My k'norfka saw it fit for him to rule alongside me on my home planet. I chose my marriage for myself and our people are very happy with him as a ruler." Amber cheeks pinkened as her demeanor changed back to shy, "He is very sweet. He and I hope for children one day."

Cyborg beamed at her.

Raven, on the other hand, discovered a strange pang in her stomach accompanied by nausea at the mention of the word children. She didn't even look at Dick. She picked up her goblet, swirling the liquid forgetfully. "Yeah... ...probably have better luck than I did."

"Perhaps it wasn't entirely your fault," Starfire said menacingly, gazing at Dick intentionally.

He summoned a fragment of cheek, muttering something along the lines of _don't even fucking start_.

She ground her teeth silently, her fingers curling inward. "I will not be spoken to _like that_!" Starfire screeched out the last two words as she rose from her seat and Nightwing rose from his stool.

That was Raven's cue to gulp down the rest of her drink and she promptly clutched her head into her hands.

"Oh, Azar...I think I'm sobering up."

Cyborg just sighed from his stool, waiting for the cannons to sound.

"You're the one responsible for her acting like this!" Starfire pointed to the huddling figure nearby shuddering.

"Stop trying to play the guilt card on me because it's not going to work!"

" _It should!_ You should be ashamed of yourself!"

His nostrils flared, as he said angrily, Starfire looking like she was going to blow up again but instead her eyes quivered in a familiar way, "I am not going to take this, but especially _not_ from you of all people! If you wanted to help her so much, then why weren't you here?"

Cutting out of the verbal war, Raven suddenly lurched in her seat.

"And now, I'm gonna be sick."

She took off in a bustle of indigo to race into the nearest bathroom, not worrying about closing the door behind her as she threw herself over the marble sink to dry heave, her upper body shaking uncontrollably. Once the gags passed and she could get some feeling back into her legs, Raven slumped over the rim of the sink, elbows up.

The water faucet glowed dark blue before turning on. She coughed and pushed her hair back to clean the sweat off her face. Staring drowsily at the broken mirror. Four or five Cyborg's appeared behind four or five images of a white, solemn face.

His naturally booming voice greeted her eardrums, "Have you ever heard of a hairbrush, Rae?"

"Might have," Raven croaked out.

She twisted the knob of the faucet herself this time and drew herself to her feet. Cyborg came up behind her in measured steps, pressing his hands into her back for support in case she fell. She glanced over her shoulder at him in unspoken thanks. He smiled and led her to sit on the closed toilet seat, shuffling through the medicine cabinet to fish out a small round brush.

Submissively, Raven folded her hands into her lap as he gently-as-he-could tugged the knots out of her long, lush hair. Ripples of almost black hung around her face. He said, casually, "I am so sick of hearing those two you know. I thought they were bad when they were younger."

Raven frowned.

He added, catching the frown, "Don't you remember when we all got together as a team….?"

No one could forget those memorable first meetings. Certainly became memorable after Robin and Starfire got...better acquainted. Somehow the memory made her smirk emptily.

A lot of things felt empty now.

The strokes in her hair.

The echoes of rage down the hallway.

The beating of her heart.

"Are you okay?"

Cyborg stopped brushing and she replied, dully, "I don't know anymore...I don't think I can ever really be okay." Her eyes started to sting. "... I wish I could go home."

He touched the top of her head, sympathetically.

"I gave it up for him."

"He's an idiot. But I think he still loves you."

Raven said decisively, "I'm not giving him another chance."

She couldn't. No matter how much she had _misse_ d him.

Cyborg patted her shoulder; she looked away. "That's your decision, Raven."

"Thanks."

The empath waited a few moments for him to leave, absently rubbing two inch opaque scar on her slender throat. An accident... kind of.

Tapping her fingers on her thigh, she forgot the reason why she was still sitting in the bathroom and concluded that it was meaningless to think inside it. At the doorway, a strong chest collided into her and even stronger arms kept her from falling backwards, grasping her . Slightly surprised, Dick tilted his head to meet her face.

"This is awkward."

He let go cautiously.

"Uh... sorry."

He didn't really mean to storm right into her... or even find her in that case. It seemed like a lot of things lately were becoming odd coincidences.

She stated, bleakly, "You shouldn't be tempting her to blow you to pieces."

"Apparently I'm doing a lot of things I shouldn't, but I appreciate your concern, Conscience," Dick quipped, dryly.

She couldn't help it. Raven cracked a humored smile, before coming to a mental decision to leave as fast as she could. "You're still as corny as ever."

"And you still love it."

Her eyes widened taken aback at that comment and grew as bigger as he backed her into the sink. She placed her hands on the lip to steady herself, chest heaving, and she almost ended up with her bottom resting in the sink in the space where his arms closed off, where he leaned over her. Her eyes danced left to right. "I... I can't..."

Sincerity emitted from him. "But you want to."

The sadness etched in her face was unbearable to stare at.

"I want to," she confessed almost to softly to hear. "Azar, do I want to... but I don't want to get hurt either."

She kept back those damnable tears. She was not weak... _she was not weak._..

Dick reassured softly, "I'm not going to hurt you... Rav, look at me." She did, mostly out of shock and nostalgia. If only she could know how he felt other than just words. Words got in the way.

All this faltering in her eyes, whether they were a purple or a turquoise, they were her gateways to her soul she couldn't hide no matter how she acted. Raven claimed once that Dick gave away his emotions with his eyes... when she did just the same. This beautiful hypocrite.

He touched her cheek with his glove, her skin burning.

"I'm not going to hurt you anymore. That's the last thing I want. I just want you to know that I love you. If you could understand that..."

Understanding him wasn't the problem. _Trust_ was.

Suppose there was a time and a place to take risks. For the greater good. That there is that moment in time where everything can change, every circumstance, and every detail in the past marred evaporated from reality. Suppose sometimes you had to give up reason for what you wanted. For what you needed.

 _'Azar help us all..._ '

Without thinking twice, she seized her fortune, allowing the infectious heat of his body consume her in the form of an embrace. Nothing like the one earlier. No unwanted impulses. No annoying voices telling her to stop. No regrets. She felt him hug her back, tightening his hold around her shoulders, gloved fingers brushing back her bangs off her forehead.

"I'm sorry," he whispered in her ear. "I'm so sorry."

Holding back the gnawing need to cry, the soothing motion of his fingertips massaging her scalp, she whispered back, "Don't hurt me."

.

.

.

_There had to be a God out there._

_Because they gave the world this woman. If only for a little while, if only for a lifetime, he had her in his. And when he would die, he would die happy knowing that she had existed in it._

_Surreal moment in the bathroom, holding her, marveling at the softness of her skin, in awe that they could start anew. What they would do. What he would tell her. The Mayor already signed the contract to stake claim to the island; so what, the Teen Titans would split once more. It's not like they would stay together forever. What counted was that Raven could come with him now. She wouldn't have to be alone._

_Not anymore._

_She shifted in his arms, murmuring, "What now?" Her cloak got in his way when he set an arm around her waist._

_"Whatever you want," Nightwing said, grinning._

_Turquoise ignited with loveliness for the first time for him then became glassy with a foreign emotion, darker than anything. Her face dropped gradually, her eyebrows rose. She mumbled out loud, "Dick, I'm not feeling good." Thinking that she needed to empty her stomach, he started to help her lean over the marble. She would not let him go, her fingernails dug into the flesh of his biceps unyielding._

_Her eyelids fluttered over her eyes. That is when he noticed as he cupped the side of her face the dark trickle of blood coming out of her right ear._

_"Raven?"_

_She reopened her eyes, sighing, "My head..."_

_Dick - Nightwing - whoever he was - felt the surface of complete terror grab him and glanced at the bathroom door. A second glance confirmed that it pulled a hundred yards away from them. He could have sworn it was a shorter distance before. Excluding carrying her out... what if moving her hurt her... he wrapped her into a hug, pressing his face tenderly against hers. He had to get Cyborg, he couldn't leave her, he couldn't risk causing more damage. This couldn't be happening... this is not how it's suppose to end...  
_

_"Raven... you need to sit down."_

_She struggled weakly to keep herself close to him, groaning. He gave up too quickly, helplessly as the older blood started to dry on her earlobe and a drizzle slid down the angle of her neck. Raven's face softened, confusion flooding. "Dick, why can't I see you?"_

_"I'm right here." He sat her down gently. "Rav, I'm right here."_

_Dick threw off his gloves, not caring how terribly scarred they were, and wiped a couple tears dripping down her cheeks with the pads of his thumbs, his heart going at record speed. She was dying right in front of him. And he wasn't strong enough to save her._

_As if Raven knew how helpless he felt, she reached out with a tiny smile to brush the tears he did shed on his face and could not prevent, with the same loving gesture he showed her._

_"Rav, we have to get somebody... I... can't."_

_He almost broken down, breathing in stiff gasps. Her warm, slender arms enveloped him, her cool kiss caressing his burning eyelids._

_"Just hold me... until my headache goes away," she sounded so sleepy. He complied with her wishes. She tumbled onto his broad chest that rose and fell to match with hers. Raven mumbled, shutting her eyes. "Dick? Can I tell you a secret?"_

_Her warmth dimmed._

_"Yeah... anything."_

_"'Love you- **NORAVEN**_

.

.

. _ **  
**_

Never.

The word that raced across his thoughts, smacking into all possibilities.

It just wouldn't happen. In reality, how much horror can you count in each escalating octave? He was surprised that everyone within a mile radius wasn't wide awake and shivering wildly while phoning the cops to report the sounds of someone being killed in cold blood.

The dawn suspending gently over the bay and Tower was what ushered him into the land of the living.

And where he was now lodging in one of the rec chairs.

The brightest rays stroked the outer borders of the rooftop, molten gold and bronze enticed the features of the tennis courts, basketball hoops, and a curled up silhouette of a female creature. The bronze giving her white, white skin the effect of a deep tan. Dark hair streaked blew pensively to the toss of a fresh morning breeze, the hem of a lavender nightdress waved, rippled, skimming the ground.

He wasn't about to alarm her serenity with his presence and merely sat in the folding chair as the sky brightened around her.

How dare his nightmare belittle what they've come so far to receive; how dare it show how simplistic their relationship could mean...

One moment and it would have been for nothing. That they could be so powerless. There were minuscule aspects that were real; maybe that's why it was so terrifying. The thought of her... _that_ happening, was unreal. It was a _relief_ to wake alone in his old mattress piled with sheets, overcome with absolute devastation and shock.

He would never let her go without a fight. Five years alone couldn't change that. Not even Death could steal her from him.

 _Never_.

His bare left hand made a fist. Crooking his arm, he rested his face on it, touching his thumb to the line of his mouth in musing.

Incredible. That's the only word he could think of to describe her sitting near the edge of the roof, of what this moment felt like.

It was incredible that she had not ran from him... yet. Incredible that she could trust him with her secrets. And what a secret it had been. Was it hard; well, he knew it had to have been difficult to let her child go. But had she had thought of him at any time? When she was pregnant? Had she been as amazed as he was feeling to know something they had created was alive and would grow up to be someone special? His oblivious daughter was somewhere out there.

 _One_ day.

That question would be reserved for another time.

What Raven was doing on the roof he had no idea; he wasn't blessed with the empathic gift. Mostly she came up here to meditate. She was motionless, face towards the horizon, her back to him.

Silently, he rose from his sitting position to approach the woman across the way. Somewhere between pausing to think of what to say and reaching out to touch her forearm, Raven said sensibly to him, staring straight ahead, "The sunrise brings me comfort. When I'm confused or upset, it reminds me that there's another chance to not screw things up." A smirk quirked the corner of her lip and the color in her eyes seemed lively as they set themselves on his sleep-mussed form.

"I've accepted the fact that you're sorry and I guess... for the sake of forgiveness, I can forgive you. Holding grudges exhausts me. But what you want from me..." She stopped to emphasize her point but spoke softer, "What I want from you, Dick Grayson... will take time and more work."

Getting past the fact she just used his real name, he said in mock fascination, "Does that mean _the_ Raven Roth acknowledges the fact she has feelings for me?"

"I love you, yes. As mad as it sounds, I guess I've come to terms with my own madness."

It would have been the perfect opportunity for a phrase like ' _Welcome to the club_ ' but all he could hear in his head was those three little words... from before... the three words he longed to hear since... well, ever. Bending a knee, Dick knelt down beside her. "Say it again," he said.

Questions formed in her eyes, coyly ablaze with curiosity no doubt, and he repeated, inching his face nearer, into her breathing space... not that she minded it so much.

"Say it again."

"I love you," Raven said openly with just a hint of bland amusement.

"Again."

She said, thoroughly amused. "You want it in writing? Or would you prefer me to scream it across the heavens so the entire world could know five in the morning?"

"Could it be both?"

Raven raised a fine eyebrow at his honest remark and it shut him up reluctantly. She had that effect on him if Dick could blatantly remember. She kept them on a shelf, sometimes she pulled out looks that could tighten his groin. Down on his trip to memory lane, he didn't notice as Raven took hold of one of his arms to gaze down at his palm.

A flush grazed his neck. He snatched it back wordlessly.

She asked patiently, "Someone catch you off guard?"

"Something like that."

A part of him wanted to feel her hands stroking him again. The careful movements were soft and deliberate, cradling his wounds with earnest affection.

Raven nodded... or was there sadness creeping over? "Looks like it hurt."

"No more than it normally would."

She knew he was playing the evasive-boy routine and didn't care to hear the story about his hands, knowing it would pain him to retell the tale. All was quiet for a good three minutes, one of them was ticking off the seconds, until Dick inquired for her opinion, "What do you think the Mayor's gonna do with this place?" Her shoulders rose.

"I heard around that construction plans on building a summer home on the property. Probably for his darling wife."

In unison, they faced the gorgeous, glimmering ocean-horizon.

"He's got good tastes in location, I'll give him that."

"I guess since Vic's going back to college... Starfire..." His smile forsaken-unconscious hand twitch, he added, "well, she's going back to her planet. That just leaves us." Exposed white eyes gleamed. "Any plans?"

"I might head home to the city I grew up in on Earth... I..."

Raven parted her lips silently. He nudged her knee with his lightly. "What is it?"

"I'm afraid." Dick blinked dumbfound in her unashamed approach to the subject. "I'm afraid to step out into this world. I've locked myself away for so long... like a Rapunzel... I'm not as confident as I use to be," she admitted.

"That can change," he asserted, hating the uncertainty clinging to her. It did not suit her. "Besides the world will be more beautiful with you in it."

Raven closed her eyes, grumbling in a whisper, " _Flirt_."

"Tease."

"I'm not denying it."

The smirk that was supposed to be on her face instead glowing in her eyes, still she wavered. "I don't know-"

Dick murmured, "Then let me make it easy on you."

Not shocked by his forwardness but nevertheless thrilled by it, his bare hands touched her face. Though scarred, she was unresponsive to the sight and feel, not repulsively flinching away as he expected. On the contrary, she leaned into it. It was like electricity the way he touched her. Heated contact that made her equilibrium spin out of control and throat dry, waiting for him to quench her thirst.

His thumbs positioned themselves under her chin, bidding her to look up. His middle finger tracing her skin.

"Can I kiss you?"

Raven this time did looked stunned. "You're asking me?" she said. He was not the submissive nor patient type. Dive-in-head-first described it better.

"It's been a while, I want it to be perfect," he said, half smiling.

"Perfection's a state of mind, Dick."

"And you're my definition of that."

With that being said, she kissed him first even though he lowered his lips over hers. That passing time in the alley, those spontaneous forceful actions, were nonexistent compared to what they felt now. This is what they'd call their first kiss after years of being separated. There was a divine explosion, a rush of emotions that they were missing and mutually wanted deep down in the darkest corner of their hearts.

The simple meeting of skin to skin meant so much and lasted so concise. It was an undemanding and clean kiss. Dick brushed his nose to the side of her face, breathing her sweet-smelling skin. "It can never be like it was before," he said.

She finished, meeting their lips again, quietly, "But we can hope for better."

*

Whoever thought the glass of life was half empty clearly never knew Raven.

The muscles in his arms and biceps rippled as they stretched out over the top of his head. The first occupant of Raven's bedroom grunted softly and hazily yawned into his hand. The second, fast asleep, let out a tiny, breathy snore. Holding back a laugh, Dick rubbed her motionless arm. Said motionless arm became active as its owner shifted her body closer to his, slipping her arms around his waist and resting her cheek on his chest.

" _Mm..._ you're warm."

He commented, giving her a wicked smile, "Especially when beautiful women think they can take advantage of me by pretending to be asleep." Her face cracked into an identical smile.

"Don't worry, Bird-Brain. Your virginity is safe with me."

"Um..."

Raven's smile became a smidgen more fiendish.

"Cause I took it," she said, plainly.

Dick grinned, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Do you seriously have any idea how attractive you are?"

She chuckled, warm breath caressing his naked skin, and curled her lower body up towards his side, again sighing contently. She loved this. Being loved that is. Him. He, on the other hand, moved her hair aside contently when his fingers found a thin line along her throat. He could feel it underneath his fingertips where it flawed her unblemished flesh. It bothered him. His index finger stroked it.

"Where did you get this?"

She removed his hand, twining her fingers through his.

"During a fight, a robber choked me with my necklace I was wearing. It broke when it cut into my skin."

A quick flash of anger bubbled in his stomach, then dissipated when she got out of the covers, her rumpled nightdress swaying on her hips. Raven inspected her bookcase/library, tossed a book over her shoulder, and returned to plop down on the mattress. She placed her hands over his, muttering a sincere "sorry" as the weighted object fell into his palms.

The ruby stone hanging on the bottom. Cold metal. The necklace she gave him for Christmas.

"It's okay. It's not like it has much use anymore anyway."

She frowned at his attempt to make her feel better. "That doesn't make it alright. I still feel bad. It was yours-"

Raven was cut off by his mouth attaching to her lips, pressing insistently and dominantly against the seal. Muffling a cry, she was so startled by it that she toppled onto her back with him directly over her, sitting comfortably on her stomach. They parted after a drawn out moment, he said, firmly, "Just forget about it, okay?"

"If you'll do one thing for me."

He smiled warmly. "What did you have in mind?"

She rolled out from under him, securing herself in a position right between his hips, and murmured hotly in his ear, " _Stop crushing me. You are not an anorexic teenager anymore_."

"Hey! I ate!" Dick said, defensively. Raven snorted atop him.

"As much as I did, Obsessive Compulsive Insomniac."

"What was your excuse?"

"How else was I gonna fit in my spandex?"

He did not have a comeback. Instead of admitting defeat, he started up where they had stopped. Dick breathed stifled into a vigorous kiss he exchanged with her bruised lips, her mouth opening and a moan breaking from her system. A shameless hand kneaded her breast. He arched up into her to pull her down, kisses became more aggressive and tongues. Her lithe hand began to develop a mind of its own-

" _Whoa!_ What the hell are you two doing?"

Bliss interrupted by a figure right in the middle of the open bedroom doorway. Raven looked over her shoulder to snarl at the gawker, thorough annoyed at herself more than him.

"Ever heard of knocking?" she snapped.

Cyborg held a mechanical hand to his metal brow, speaking with a touch of bewilderment and disgust, "Oh lord, don't tell me you were screwing..."

"We would until-"

She covered her lover's mouth, growling, "If you value your life, you won't finish that sentence, and _you,_ " Raven scowled at Cyborg as a wave of dark blue knocked him out and the door slid close by itself deafeningly. "As much as I adore the control you have over your libido," she said - Dick groaned when her hand swatted him upside the head - "You deserved that."

"What, are you ashamed to be seen with me?"

Cocky smirk.

She crossed her arms, giving her a very calculating glare. "I'm not giving you the satisfaction. My hands are not coming anywhere near your ass."

Raven swung a leg over him, seating herself on her pillow and threw another at his face. "Sorry to disappoint you, but we only have a few hours to pack." He skimmed his fingertips over his watch, cursing. Somewhat dejectedly, he turned his head and crawled out of the sheets, stretching the small of his back on the way out. "I'll meet you downstairs."

Bare feet muffled in the carpet.

She threw herself back into the covers. With a small smile, Raven buried her face into his pillow he laid in, taking in the aroma of her shampoo he borrowed, veiled with his own scent.

 _This_ was safety.

Her empathic senses picked up a notch. Her head jerked right around to the person's aura she detected.

"Do you need help packing?"

Standing right in the hallway with folded arms, Starfire watched her with slight disdain. The empath gestured her in, smiling lightly.

"I remember when you use to phrase it: 'You require my assistance in packing the items which belong to you, yes?'"

The new Queen of Tamaran could not suppress the matching smile touching her golden lips, a soft chuckle passing them. "Your Earthly language grew on me. English is now fluently on Tamaran."

"Wonderful. Now I won't have to bother reading the book on alien-languages-I-can't-understand."

She joined her in the task of placing her things in boxes and stacking them near the door. Starfire lugged her trunk full of secrets out from the closet, pausing to set it on an angle.

"You and... _Nightwing_ seem to be getting along fine."

Raven shut her eyes, speaking with a touch of annoyance as she threw a CD into a shoebox, "Starfire, I'm _not_ going to have this argument with you."

Upon seeing her frustration in her stance, the alien woman said, "I'm sorry - I can't find it in my heart to forgive him when I feel so betrayed." The empath couldn't help but look over her shoulder in pity as Starfire whispered, crestfallen, "It was like he left me too."

"Forgiveness is something we have to do to become better people. To show just how kind we are."

The Tamaranean tilted her head, intrigued. "It appears that I still have a lot to learn. And that you know so much."

The other woman grinned, looking away.

"A lot of it I learned from you."

Raven didn't get to see her grin back.

Once her books were packed away into all the boxes, clothes tossed in as well, random items in other boxes, her lonely trunk stacked below the boxes, Raven took a good last look at her surroundings. Empty book case, single mattress and V-shaped bedstead. The fantastically dark décor, her two-faced statue (frankly she didn't want it) were the things to be left behind. A swelling of melancholy ballooned in her chest.

This was actually _it_. This place could soon cease to exist. Her haven.

Fingers shaking, Raven pressed the access code to shut the door. Heart pounding behind her tongue, eyes smarting, it locked with a soft _thud_. She traced her name engraved in the titanium fondly before slowly turning away and taking steps out into the stairwell, away from the hallway. She could breathe again.

With most of her belongings floating in front of her, and Starfire taking the trunk, they ended up near the main entrance just past the East elevators.

"Is there anything else you need?"

Raven shook her head. "You've done everything you can."

"Then I must be going."

Turquoise stood out prominently as they widened in dismay. "What?" Raven asked.

Starfire tried to explain to her gently, as not to hurt her with carefully placed words, "Cyborg is my ride. My things in the T-Car. We will be leaving shortly... he does not want to get caught in traffic..."

Eyes beginning to well, Raven stared at the floor as if it had told her the bad news.

Suddenly, a pair of bright green came into view.

Softly-curved arms enveloped her, enveloped her grief kindly, squeezing her body warmly. Starfire said with a clenched jaw, clenched to keep her own despair from showing. "I'm sorry. I didn't know how to tell you without causing you pain. Your happiness is everything to me. You have always been my best friend. You know things no one else does. We will meet again. I don't know when or how, but I feel it."

She made a sign over her breast, indicating the space where her heart was and then silently leaned in. Warm lips touched hers chastely. Starfire pulled back and gazed deeply into her eyes. Raven held back a sob that threatened to peak at the gesture, when the alien woman whispered, "I love you, Friend Raven."

The empath whispered back, screwing up her wet eyes, "I love you, too, Koria."

Starfire touched her lips to her hair, eyeing the open area where the two men finished their goodbyes. Cyborg had dropped the stiff act of doing a lamely attempted guy handshake to catch him in a brief hug to which the other man smiled sadly at.

Cyborg's human eye flickered over to where they stood, as the men entered the corridor to join them and mouthed to the empath: _C'mere_.

Raven soon found herself wrapped in a bone-crushing hug, not caring if a couple of ribs might have been bruised in the process, and still found a way to frown good-naturedly when he pinched her cheek. "You be good, Dark Girl. I'll still be calling on the communicator."

"Can't wait, Vic."

He chuckled, his face stony with the same effort of keeping his emotions from pouring out, and vanished into the elevator without another word.

Dick shifted uncomfortably as Starfire glanced at him. What didn't glistened in her eyes before did now. With a slight hand wave, she smiled hopefully. Not receiving a response from him, her hand lowered and she walked out to the second elevator.

"Goodbye."

His low voice echoed in hollow walls.

The _pings_ of each level faded.

Raven swallowed her tears and buried her face into her palms, her shoulders giving an occasional tremor. "Hey," he shushed her, walking across the hall to tuck her head underneath his chin and rocked her in his arms.

"I can't help it," she mumbled into his rumpled shirt.

"I know."

When Raven pulled away red-eyed, Dick kissed her face. "Need help putting stuff into the rental car?" She made a head motion signaling 'no' and levitated her things out of the double doors flooding sunshine. On her way out, the sunlight caught her hair.

To his surprise, the color was not dark but a wine-color.

He could find a million ways to describe her, and there would always be something coming along to surprise him about her. From every stage, the beginning when she was no more than a mystery. The element secreted from her. It tempted him to discover what made her tick, what made her smile those rare smiles, what made her _feel_.

To a friend that cared, who he cared for, who he could risk his neck for, understanding the torture Slade inflicted upon her, and began to come to his own realization that she might have meant more than a teammate and ally.

To a lover that lit all good intentions within him, even though she was dark, she made his light stand out. She loved with all her being, body and mind, giving all she could and making him desire more than any other woman could have in his life.

To an enemy in a memory, keeping some part of her heart from his grasp, clawing into his wounds when she lashed out, when she was too consumed by anger and uncertainty to comprehend her actions.

In the long run, Raven took the form of everything and developed into the one person Dick couldn't live without, his half that he needed to survive. To become complete. He never thought he could love someone so entirely and without indignity. His soul fell hopelessly in love.

"Thinking hard?"

Raven cleared her throat, throwing him a half-amused, pointed look. Dick smirked. "A little bit," He raised her arm up to eye level, tracing soft kisses on the inside skin. He held out her hand to kiss the knuckles.

"I thought about something," Raven said.

"Oh, good."

She snorted with a slight eye roll, tried to pull her hand back. He tugged it, apologizing and smiling. "I'm sorry, please continue."

"You gonna listen or make cracks all day?"

"I'll control myself. I promise."

Humor dissolved into seriousness.

"Who is going to protect this city from crime? Did we even thinking about that?"

Almost automatically, he replied, "Jump City can hold itself up. They're strong. They did it without us a long time ago." Raven opened her mouth and he butted in, "What matters is that we have to move on. Who knows what will happen after we leave? Maybe somebody will take our place."

"That's not what I was going to ask."

"Oh..." He rubbed his neck sheepishly. "Um…"

"For the record, what you said did reassure me. But, what I was going to say was... where are we going?" Raven made a face right after she finished, "And it would be wonderful if you could avoid the phrase 'Gotham City'." Dick laughed. He hoped she'd never change.

From the looks of it, he had nothing to worry about.

"Relax, I was actually thinking you and I could go out of the country for a little while before settling in one place. Go see some uncharted island, go sailing; Rav, you'd love the beaches." Her eyes glowed at the nickname.

"Where are you getting all this money, Bird-Brain?"

He shrugged nonchalantly, slipping an lean hand to her hip. "Couple jobs here and there..."

She smiled faintly as they walked into the morning light.

"I'd like to see the beach."

"It's a date then."

*

 


End file.
